no children died in this episode. had mallory = me and steven and elyse = my parents, there would have been a bloodbath when nick and i got home.
when we last left our dimwitted heroes, they had decided to elope. mallory is in the kitchen, and it's the crack of dawn. she's wearing ... you guys. ahem. so, she's wearing ...
i can't do this. i'm just going to show you, okay?
the skirt of the dress is the same -- all lace and about tea length. she looks like laurentian got in the delorean and went back to 1987, right down to the damn hairbow. all she needs is some hot pink heels and to powder her face three shades lighter than the rest of her body and we're set.
anyhoo, alex comes to the kitchen because he can't sleep because he dreamt about nick tapping on his window. nick comes in, and he's wearing a purple shirt (he's vibing for you, minm!), navy tie and has tied a purple hankerchief around his boot like some kind of jaunty gang member.
alex tries to talk them out of it, but they are determined. they leave. alex is moping on the couch, and jennifer comes down. she's all excited that they're eloping because jennifer is an idiot. it's only good to elope it you are cant_wait, and have good reasons like cant_wait, not because you don't want to go to college anymore. unless there's something you'd like to tell us, cant_wait ...
elyse and steven wake up and they again are making their giant breakfast that no one eats. why does no one in this family communicate their plans to each other? i mean, i never got a say in what we would eat, but at least i could be counted on to be present for breakfast.
additionally, can we talk about how nice of a cooktop elyse has? it's got this monster griddle, and what looks like six pro burners. we won't discuss the mountain of decorative plastic ivy (HIDEOUS) and dusty copper decorations on the fume hood but whatevs. the cooktop is sweet. dh, make a note.
elyse and steve call for the kids but no one comes down. they discuss that they both dreamt about nick and then realize he was there. jennifer finally comes for breakfast and tells them that they eloped and alex went after them.
so mallory and nick are at the jop, and there's another couple there, mike and erin. those two are total idiots because they met a week ago and are already getting married. see you on tip, morons.
mallory and nick start filling out the paperwork and mallory starts to have second thoughts. she didn't think her wedding day would be like that, and her family and friends would be there. it just feels wrong to them.
the jop asks what music they want, and nick wants "lola" by the kinks. sadly, the jop does not have it and suggests "greensleeves" instead which is way, way more inappropriate than "lola." after more discussion, they decide not to get married. btw, mallory asks nick if he would have asked her and he says no and she does not freak out. lesson for you there, rafaella.
mike and erin are about to get married when alex busts in and objects. they realize that maybe they shouldn't rush into things. mallory tells him that she and nick aren't getting married and they are all happy.
elyse and steven brace themselves to welcome nick into their lives 4eva. when everyone appears and they find out they are not married, everyone is happy and steven even gets in a little dig at nick. alex is all happy for his role in this (again with the meddling) and it turns out that he snagged a date with erin.
yay for not getting married! boo marriage!