distraught

jennruiz85

so we got engaged after three and a half years in june. and the day after thanksgiving he calls if off. thing is we already got married at city hall on what would have been our wedding date next year. he doesnt want to work it out. he says he doesnt want to be like his parents who are still married but his dad has like three girlfrineds and two kids under the age of 5. we had a fight in which he acted very out of character halloween weekend and he said he has never recovered from it. i am at a loss. he told me to move on and sell the ring he deleted my from facebook, which i know sounds stupid, but it hurt. hes been blaming me for not changing or growing up and being so mean i am in tears all of the time at random times of the day. i know maybe this isnt the place to be talking about all this but i dont know what to do...

mrsconn23

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_distraught?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:9fb68098-13cd-4161-a23b-f023d52c6114Post:d2dc6a17-af13-4943-8381-b2dab0d23fc0">Re: distraught</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>is he aware that by getting married at city hall, you're already married and the next step to "breaking up" is divorce?</strong> i don't understand what he called off exactly if you're already married. please let us know why you got married in city hall one year prior to your planned wedding.
Posted by Wifezzilla[/QUOTE]


All of this, but especially the bolded part.  You can't fight city hall. 

I have one more question, how old are y'all?

LittleMissCutiePie

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_distraught?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:9fb68098-13cd-4161-a23b-f023d52c6114Post:49590ce4-7f1f-4aac-8099-8331385c11d1">Re: distraught</a>:
[QUOTE]i am 26 and he is 33.. he called off the wedding and has asked for a divorce. this completely blindsided me. i never expected this from him. i know he has issues with his dad and the way he treats his mom but i feel like those should not hinder how our marriage will go and he says he doesn not want to work it out. he has even said me dad was more of a dad to him than his dad was so why would he just freak out and leave. he says he doesnt beleiev in marriage than why hurt me like that?
Posted by jennruiz85[/QUOTE]


Unfortunately, some people's actions just can't be explained. If you keep torturing yourself now, it'll just hurt more. Try your best to move on.

6fsn

Woah.  If there is no hope of reconciliation get a lawyer.  If you guys are willing to work it out find a counselor.  You may want to find yourself a counselor no matter what he wants.

krizzo17

I know it hurts right now, but count your blessings that he's gone - a guy like this isn't worth spending so much time on. Get your divorce papers - you're legally married whether or not you had the party you wanted to go with it. Sell the ring, buy a pretty dress, and show him what he's missed out on.

jennruiz85

i am 26 and he is 33.. he called off the wedding and has asked for a divorce. this completely blindsided me. i never expected this from him. i know he has issues with his dad and the way he treats his mom but i feel like those should not hinder how our marriage will go and he says he doesn not want to work it out. he has even said me dad was more of a dad to him than his dad was so why would he just freak out and leave. he says he doesnt beleiev in marriage than why hurt me like that?

*Barbie*

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_distraught?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:9fb68098-13cd-4161-a23b-f023d52c6114Post:49590ce4-7f1f-4aac-8099-8331385c11d1">Re: distraught</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>i am 26 and he is 33.. he called off the wedding and has asked for a divorce. </strong>this completely blindsided me. i never expected this from him. i know he has issues with his dad and the way he treats his mom but i feel like those should not hinder how our marriage will go and he says he doesn not want to work it out. he has even said me dad was more of a dad to him than his dad was so why would he just freak out and leave. he says he doesnt beleiev in marriage than why hurt me like that?
Posted by jennruiz85[/QUOTE]

if you're already married (and you are through city hall) then he called off a party. you need to get a lawyer and protect yourself.did he serve you with divorce papers yet?

MinM

1) I am sorry things are not working out as you had hoped.

2) He has made up his mind, and you have to listen to what he is saying to you. He wants a divorce. It doesn't do anybody any good to question his logic or decision. It is time to accept it and move on.

2a) It is time to get your sh1t together and prepare for divorce. You need to protect yourself. I'd start moving money around to make sure you keep as much of yours as you can. This is what you need to do.

StephBeanWed61502

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_distraught?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:9fb68098-13cd-4161-a23b-f023d52c6114Post:49590ce4-7f1f-4aac-8099-8331385c11d1">Re: distraught</a>:
[QUOTE]i am 26 and he is 33.. he called off the wedding and has asked for a divorce. this completely blindsided me. i never expected this from him. i know he has issues with his dad and the way he treats his mom but i feel like those should not hinder how our marriage will go and he says he doesn not want to work it out. he has even said me dad was more of a dad to him than his dad was so why would he just freak out and leave. <strong>he says he doesnt beleiev in marriage</strong> than why hurt me like that?
Posted by jennruiz85[/QUOTE]

Okay, so he married you... and then decided he doesn't believe in marriage?  Dude sounds like a psycho.  Move your money out of any joint accounts you might have, make copies of all of the documents you have about any assets you two may share (house, cars, etc.), and get yourself a lawyer. 

TheDuckis

Maybe I'm a heartless bitch, but if a guy did this to me I'd take him for everything.

RaptorSLH

[QUOTE]Move your money out of any joint accounts you might have, make copies of all of the documents you have about any assets you two may share (house, cars, etc.), and get yourself a lawyer. 
Posted by StephBeanWed61502[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>This.  Do it now, before he takes advantage and starts withholding records and hiding joint assets.  I'm so sorry.

</div>

kmmssg

Absolutely get a lawyer and protect yourself.  Does your family know you guys are married or was it a secret?

jennruiz85

they know now. it was a secret put my parents knew and he told his siblings bc he was so excited. he told them on his bday which was 10/22 and then we had a fight on 10/28 and that was his turning point. the more i talk to mutual friends and even his bestfriend the mor ei am scraed that he has some deeper issues. and he doesn't want to talk to me or anyone else. im worried about him. and its hard when people say hes not your problem anymore but i do love and care deeply about him. ive been trying to stay busy but the time is dragging...

MinM

Keep busy by calling a freakin' lawyer already.

If you are worried about him, talk to his parent/friends/etc about your concerns for his well-being and let them deal with it. Right now he is not. at. all. concerned about you, so you better be, because no one is going to fight this fight for you.