Long story short, my Mother's siblings (as well as their children) have gone out of their way to make things difficult for me when dealing with their family. This has been going on for years and in an attempt to avoid all the drama I just cut all ties- it wasn't a loss for anyone.
When I got engaged the first thing my Mom brought up was inviting her siblings to the wedding. I made it very clear that they weren't invited, that it was a small wedding to begin with and to have them there being judgemental and saying mean things would ruin it for me. Yes, I understand that this shouldn't bother me that much, but I know myself and it will. It has only been two months since we've gotten engaged but every time I speak with her she brings this up and then refuses to talk to me for a few weeks.
She has made it evident that she won't be understanding about this situation. My FMIL is upset about this because she knows the whole situation and doesn't get why my Mom would make a big thing out of this.
At this point, my Mom has shown that she will not let this go, and that she will hold this grudge for the rest of her life. She has withdrawn from all the wedding planning, refuses to talk about the wedding and like I said, won't speak to me most of the time. All this about her siblings that have time and time again done all in their power to exclude my family (even my Dad has to agree with me on this, but because my Mom "gave birth to me" I owe it to them to invite her family).
I know that this is a big thing for everyone in my family, and that it is not just my day. I understand that. But I'm beginning to dread my wedding because in the end I won't be able to deal with the guilt trips, and the promise of a lifelong grudge and I'll invite them. Is there anything I can do about this? I just want one day, my wedding day, to be able to celebrate with people that care about my fiance and I.
Update-
To answer some questions:
Nope, no attempts to murder me lol. Just lying about me to family members, turning eachother against me, talking about me behind my back. A lot of incessant pettiness. I spent years trying to get to know them better because we've always had problems, I just thought that since they were all so close I just had to try harder. I really wanted to be involved in my family, but that's when all the lying and backstabbing started and when I decided I was done.
Now that you ask, I'm not sure that my Mom holding a grudge about this forever would bother me that much... she's done irrational things before and I've just accepted it.