Wedding Woes
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Trainwreck in Aisle 5

Why aren't we married yet?! (1st time post!)

Although I've been reading posts for quite some time now......I've never actually posted anything.  I was kind of hoping I'd find someone experiencing the same (or similar) situation and do the posting for me....but after reading more than my fair share of posts without success; I figured I'd buck up and do it myself!

 The situation:  I'm 25 yrs. old and currently live with my 25 yr. old boyfriend and our 2 yr. old son.  We've been together for about 4 years.  We are not currently married, however, he has assured me time and time again that he plans on marrying me.  Also, we just purchased our first home together in July 2009; a move that he says proves he's intent on marrying me.  Towards the end of 2009 I expressed to him that I was beginning to feel strung along, and told him I was sick of hearing that we'd be married "soon".

I demanded to know what exactly "soon" meant, and requested he give me a time frame of when I could expect this to happen.  In turn he told me by March 13, 2010 we would infact be married.  I was thrilled to have finally been given a date range after having heard "soon" for so long. 

Well, the whole March 13th "married by" date was tossed out the window (by him) after an explosive argument we had in December, 2009; about 1 month after he claimed we'd be married by March 13th, 2010.  His reasoning behind this was that he wanted our relationship to be "more stable" before getting married.  I asked what that means and he said we needed to go a while without fighting before he'd agree to ask me to marry him. 

Now, let me explain that we are not having a real "wedding" w/ all the bells and whistles.  Rather, we'd be going to the county courthouse to exchange vows and then eventually throw a reception type party.  So, it's not like he's putting off asking me/marrying me for financial reasons.  I tried explaining to SO that his expectations were a bit far fetched when he said we needed to be "fight-free" for a while before he'd consider proposing/marrying me b/c lets face it: ALL COUPLES FIGHT! 

I even asked him recently if the March 13th date was still off the table considering how well we've been doing in the relationship and how we haven't really had any fights and his response was a quick, stern "Yes, it's not going to happen".  I feel like he's basically searching for reasons to continue to postpone the next stage in our relationship for whatever reason. 

I've asked him what I can do to better my chances of him proposing/marrying me soon and he just says "just keep doing what you're doing".  What the hell is he waiting for?  We have the house, the kid, the dog.......but no marriage?  I feel like our relationship as boyfriend and girlfriend has done all the growing it can do for BF/GF stage and I'm more than ready to move to the next step. 

I love him very much and we're best friends, but I don't want to keep feeling strung along and like he has all control over us getting married and when.  I've expressed all of this to him, SEVERAL times!  I just want to hear some feedback on what you all would do in this situation.  Am I being a naive idiot for continuing to allowing myself to feel strung along?  Or, am I being pushy and impatient? 

 Any feedback is welcome.....but try and take it relatively easy on me since I'm a newbie! 

 

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paragraphs added for your reading pleasure. 

OP: http://community.thenest.com/cs/ks/forums/thread/32045334.aspx

Re: Trainwreck in Aisle 5

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    edited December 2011
    "I've asked him what I can do to better my chances of him proposing/marrying me soon and he just says "just keep doing what you're doing". "

    WTF?
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    HeffalumpHeffalump member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011

    The only way her SO could be less subtle about his plans for their future would be to hire a skywriter to write "It's never going to happen."

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    TheDuckisTheDuckis member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Wow, adding paragraphs didn't even work. Thanks, knot format.

    He honestly sounds borderline abusive to me. "No fighting" is a ridiculous standard, and something that he can continue to blame on her. Why does she want to be married to someone who plays these games with her.
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    baconsmombaconsmom member
    5 Love Its First Answer First Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    I'm wondering how often they fight, if he wants to be "fight-free for a while". I mean, yeah, everyone fights, but I'm pretty sure not everyone fights every day, KWIM? H and I fight about once a year, and have always been like that - and it still took him three years after we bought a house and had a kid to marry me.

    What are his objections to marriage? Is it marriage to her (seems unlikely, what with the kid and the house and all), or is it marriage in general? Why isn't she asking THOSE questions? Why is she just nagging him without understanding his reluctance? 
    image
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    Butter CookieButter Cookie member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    :-O

    Leave. Leave now. Do not pack your things. Grab your son and get TF out of there.
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    ~~Busy.~~~~Busy.~~ member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    He is NOT A MAN.  I hope the house is in both thier names.
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    awesome-sauceawesome-sauce member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    How shall I say..He's just not that into you. (Well, her.)
    .
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    edited December 2011
    You do realize he doesn't want to be married to you. You can be content with living the life of being married without the actual marriage part or you can move on with your life.

    I'd move on if being married is that important to you.
    "I would be sad if sex was only about the climax, lame." Someone who is obviously doing it wrong
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    edited December 2011
    My guess is that he picked a fight with you so that he would have an excuse to cancel the March 13th wedding date. He does not want to get married.
    See a lawyer to make child support arrangements. Get legal advise on your rights and responsibilities to the home you just bought. Good luck.
                       
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    Butter CookieButter Cookie member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_trainwreck-aisle-5?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:a79fe22f-1cd2-4255-9c20-94085e3356b4Post:ef5b71d7-84ac-4b7f-a968-116694574476">Re: Trainwreck in Aisle 5</a>:
    [QUOTE]My guess is that he picked a fight with you so that he would have an excuse to cancel the March 13th wedding date. He does not want to get married. See a lawyer to make child support arrangements. Get legal advise on your rights and responsibilities to the home you just bought. Good luck.
    Posted by MairePoppy[/QUOTE]

    You do realize the OP was copying someone else's post, right?
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    edited December 2011
    Thanks BC
                       
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