Wedding Woes

Wedding drama less than one month after engagement!

Sorry in advance for such a long vent, but any advice you have would be appreciated!

Back story: My fiance and I are planning to get married on a saturday in Sept of next year, we have found the place that we want to have it but we have yet to book anything. We want to have it outdoor on Cape Cod and Sept. is the perfect weather (not to mention cheaper) and it's what I've always wanted since I was a little girl and we found the perfect venue on Sunday.

When we told my FMIL a few weeks ago thats when we wanted to get married she flipped out! FI's little brother will be playing football at a very small D3 school starting in the fall and she said "there is NO WAY he can miss a game". She wouldn't even consider asking his coach and finding out if it would be okay (FBIL is willing to skip a game for the wedding, he and FI are very close and he willl be the best man). And she is ranting and raving (to me and FI) about how horrible Sept. is her for her and her husband because they are both teachers (she is a teaching assistant) and they have to work. The wedding is on a Saturday! FFIL is the freshman football coach and feels obligated to attend every saturday varsity game so he would have to miss one of those as well (according to FMIL this is a huge inconvenience). For the record, I am not a teacher, I work all year round, but I understand Sept. is hard for them, but I don't see how June (finals etc.) would be any easier.

Last night I decided we could switch the wedding to June (our sept. date is on hold but not officially booked), because of FBIL, he is such a sweetheart and he would do anything for us so I want to do the same for him. I told my parents and then they told me that they cannot afford to give us the wedding we want in June (they are graciously paying for the majority of it- FI and I are chipping in as much as we can). They will need more time to save money and travel/accomodation costs esp. are more money in June and they will be paying for a lot of my out of town family to attend (elderly grandmother, aunt etc. who wouldnt be able to attend otherwise).

I am at a loss. I wanted a Sept. wedding but I don't want everyone on FI side to be mad at me (and believe me, they are and they hold grudges) but my parents cannot afford a June wedding. A friend said to ask my FI's family to chip in some $$ if they have their heart set on a June wedding (and they were going to give us a small amount anyway) but I don't think it's fair for them to only give us money to have a wedding in June and make my parents pay for everything in Sept? Can every problem we have going forward be settled by money? No, I don't think so. It doesn't help that my best friend also happens to FI's sister and I cannot talk to her about this because she is trying to remain "neutral" even though she is really on her mother's side (which is fine and totally understandable, but I hate not being able to tell her how hard this is for me). I just wanted the wedding planning process to be fun for everyone involved (I am usually very close with FMIL and we get along great). Thanks to anyone who actually read this super long rant and if you have any advice I would appreciate it.

Re: Wedding drama less than one month after engagement!

  • HeffalumpHeffalump member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    I have to run so I skimmed this, but basically, a) you can't please everyone, and b) pay for the wedding yourself.  Sorry I don't have time for more.
  • edited December 2011
    if you keep trying to please everyone, you're going to please no one.  including yourself.

    and, don't ask people for money.  pay for it yourself.

    and honestly, your ILs are teachers and you were thinking Sept?  really?
  • loveshine1loveshine1 member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 25 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    As Heffa said, you won't be able to please everyone.

    Pick the date that works for you, and stick with it. As your parents are generously paying for a large portion of things, they have some say in it as well.
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  • Butter CookieButter Cookie member
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_wedding-drama-less-one-month-after-engagement?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:aad02aee-1a64-4e26-a778-da0c474e4f25Post:f7bb99f2-1827-48f6-96df-2a4defe62711">Wedding drama less than one month after engagement!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Sorry in advance for such a long vent, but any advice you have would be appreciated! Back story: My fiance and I are planning to get married on a saturday in Sept of next year, we have found the place that we want to have it but we have yet to book anything. We want to have it outdoor on Cape Cod and Sept. is the perfect weather (not to mention cheaper) and it's what I've always wanted since I was a little girl and we found the perfect venue on Sunday. When we told my FMIL a few weeks ago thats when we wanted to get married she flipped out! FI's little brother will be playing football at a very small D3 school starting in the fall and she said "there is NO WAY he can miss a game". She wouldn't even consider asking his coach and finding out if it would be okay (FBIL is willing to skip a game for the wedding, he and FI are very close and he willl be the best man). And she is ranting and raving (to me and FI) about how horrible Sept. is her for her and her husband because they are both teachers (she is a teaching assistant) and they have to work. The wedding is on a Saturday! FFIL is the freshman football coach and feels obligated to attend every saturday varsity game so he would have to miss one of those as well (according to FMIL this is a huge inconvenience). For the record, I am not a teacher, I work all year round, but I understand Sept. is hard for them, but I don't see how June (finals etc.) would be any easier. Last night I decided we could switch the wedding to June (our sept. date is on hold but not officially booked), because of FBIL, he is such a sweetheart and he would do anything for us so I want to do the same for him. I told my parents and then they told me that they cannot afford to give us the wedding we want in June (they are graciously paying for the majority of it- FI and I are chipping in as much as we can). They will need more time to save money and travel/accomodation costs esp. are more money in June and they will be paying for a lot of my out of town family to attend (elderly grandmother, aunt etc. who wouldnt be able to attend otherwise). I am at a loss. I wanted a Sept. wedding but I don't want everyone on FI side to be mad at me (and believe me, they are and they hold grudges) but my parents cannot afford a June wedding. A friend said to ask my FI's family to chip in some $$ if they have their heart set on a June wedding (and they were going to give us a small amount anyway) but I don't think it's fair for them to only give us money to have a wedding in June and make my parents pay for everything in Sept? Can every problem we have going forward be settled by money? No, I don't think so. It doesn't help that my best friend also happens to FI's sister and I cannot talk to her about this because she is trying to remain "neutral" even though she is really on her mother's side (which is fine and totally understandable, but I hate not being able to tell her how hard this is for me). I just wanted the wedding planning process to be fun for everyone involved (I am usually very close with FMIL and we get along great). Thanks to anyone who actually read this super long rant and if you have any advice I would appreciate it.
    Posted by FutureMrsJGreen[/QUOTE]


    Can you move it to November/December? This would be cheaper for your family and better for your fiance's family.
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  • LnR70707LnR70707 member
    Tenth Anniversary 2500 Comments 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    It is silly to pay more money for the wedding to take place in a month you don't really even want.  I'd talk to the younger BIL and find out how much he really cares about missing a game.  Your MIL sounds like she will find something to b!tch about no matter what you do.
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  • edited December 2011
    I would go with your September Wedding as planned. It would not be fair to your parents if they are so graciously willing to pay to have them feel pressure to get the money before they feasilby feel they can. Plus, you like the season better for your day in September. If your FIL have a problem with your date (more than a year away) for whatever reason that is their problem not yours. Oct thru Dec would problaby have its own issues and then you would miss anyways that great Cape Cod weather you love. Stick to your vision and hope they become more accomodating.
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