Wedding Woes

s/o potty training - if you had to get mean

how did you do it? What specific rules were there? What penalties and rewards were in place?

I remember bmom having to lay down the law when bacon took forever, and I already FBM'd with Busy.

Des will be 3 in about a month and is 100% physically capable of controlling his bladder and bowels (even overnight on occasion). He just chooses not to. 

In the beginning, he would get 2 m&m's for pee  in the potty and 5 for poop. Then we went up to any bite-sized candy of his choice for pee and a mini donut for poop. We also did "everybody gets a donut" for poop, to add some peer pressure to the mix. 

A week or two ago, I started taking away phone and TV privileges when he used his diaper instead of the potty. No dice. Then I took away ALL the toys when he used his diaper. We also upped the positive rewards (mini donut for pee, a real Krispy Kreme at the end of the day if he stays dry.) He doesn't much care. 

I'm about to start time outs for wet or poopy diapers. He hates time out, but I still don't think it's going to be a strong motivator for him.

So, what's next after that? I already have him in pull-ups (which I SWORE I would never do), on the recommendation of the preschool teacher. So far, they mostly just cost more and absorb less.

Ideas? I know every kid is different, but Dex was potty trained by now (even at night), and I know Des is able. 


Re: s/o potty training - if you had to get mean

  • No idea, because I have no clue, but, have you seen any of the stuff I've been seeing recently about how kids who are poopin regularly are still sometimes impacted and it makes them not able to potty train?
    this isn't a great link, but is one of them:
  • tawillerstawillers member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited October 2012

    We weren't above bribery.  And it worked for us.

    It seems like the food rewards aren't that interesting to him.  What does he really love?

    DD would pee in the toilet but not poop after a few months of potty training.  It took 2 big rewards to get her to do it.

    The first time, we bought her a Minnie Mouse dress up set.  The second time was a trip to Chuck E Cheese.

    She's used the toilet ever since.

  • We didn't have this, but remember that Des is not Dex.  This is one of the few things that he has control over and he's exercising that control.  At this point I'd just put him back into diapers and tell him he's a baby and try again later. 

    Other than cost what is he hurting?

    and on the night time note- Our pedi said more than half of kids aren't capable of consistently lasting the night until over 4. 

  • He's still young yet.  With a freshly 3 year old boy, I'd likely stick to praise/encouragement vs. punishment.  I came in the picture at the end of PT-ing for the kiddo, but every friend I have who PT'd and my sister with my nephew, one thing was common...The kid has to want to do it themselves.  

    One method I've seen is, get him a toy he really wants/would love to have, show it to him and say, "When you potty like a big boy for a week/x-number of times/go x number of days w/o an accident, you can have this" and then either put the toy somewhere he'll see it as a reminder OR just put it up until he's done what you asked.

    They want to want it or it won't work.  Bribing is sometimes is an effective tool. 
  • We did everything you can think of and nothing interested her.   She was ready when she was ready, and that's all there is to it. 
  • i can ask OSIL what worked for her. Nephew was 3.5 before he was potty trained. 

    I've heard boys are sometimes harder than girls. 

    one thing our daycare does (at least in the beginning) is puts the underwear on under a pull -up. (to make the kid more "uncomfortable" when wet/dirty, but to control the mess. maybe you could start putting him in underwear with pull-ups on top or some of those plastic training pants.

    if he doesn't like being wet/dirty, this may be a motivating factor to stop going in his pants. 

    the other thing i have heard with younger boys ( maybe even moreso than girls) is that a lot of times they have accidents because they are so caught up in playing that they choose not to go to the toilet when they need to. 
  • mcda04mcda04 member
    Fifth Anniversary 1000 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited October 2012

    I got really lucky with mine. Both of them were PT’d before they were 2. I sat them on the big toilet as soon as they started walking though (both walked at 11 months). I figured since most kids fear the toilet; it’d be a good idea to get them accustomed to it. I never really had to do rewards, my kids found excitement in flushing. Lol. I actually heard of this method on Nanny911, she said you should time your kids but most kids will have a bowel movement within 30 minutes of eating. Sure enough, after my kids ate, I’d sit them on the toilet, they’d do their business, say bye to it and flush away. I know, TMI, sorry.

    My niece took a little longer; she was potty trained at 3. Her story is funny though. They came over to our house one day and my niece saw my daughters princess undies and asked her mom to buy her some. My sister responds to her and says “but those are big girl underwear, you wear baby diapers, if I buy them for you will you use them” my niece said yes and my sister added “ok, but remember that if you pee in your chonies, you’d be peeing in Cinderella’s face” my niece was mortified of the idea of peeing on her favorite princess, let alone going #2. It really worked, and it’s an awesome story we all tell, she’ll be so embarrassed when she’s a teen. Lol.

  • In all honesty, ditch the punishment.  It won't work and even though it is negative, it is teaching him how to have control of the situation.

    He is ready when he is ready.  You can't compare him to any other kid, you have to let him do this on his own time.

    He is getting tremendous payoff here when he pees or poops his pants.  Yeah, it is negative, but kids don't care.  They do something, there is payoff and payoff means they are in control of the situation.

    It is a bodily function.  If he pees or poops, just make him change himself and help clean it up.  Don't say a word.  Maybe this part is the old school mom in me, but those are some pretty big rewards for peeing!

    We had no penalties, we had no rewards, just some excited praise when the mission was accomplished.  My girls were 2 1/2, my son was just about 3.  My nephew sounds much like your son - had the ability, chose not to play along.  His older brothers got some cool shorts for summer and he wanted them too.  He was told (one time) that if he started wearing underpants and used the potty all the time he could have them too.  That was his magic moment.  Every kid's is different.
  • baconsmombaconsmom member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited October 2012
    We did time-outs, and, frankly, some shaming. 

    I know everyone says not to shame the kid, but they're not going on the toilet. That's shame-worthy. We weren't over-the-top, but there was an element of "everyone goes on the potty. Even cats go to the potty, and dogs don't go in the house. You're better than an animal, right?" That sort of "we're very disappointed in you" tone to it. 

    But that's all it took, for us. After about a month of consistent time-outs (and being done moving), she got it. 

    ETA: She was almost 4 when we rolled this out, and she had been trained at home. We gave her time to adjust to the move, and she was just being stubborn. Sometimes, kids aren't ready. I wouldn't roll out punishment unless you know he's just being a PITA. 
  • RebeccaB88RebeccaB88 Figment of Your Imagination member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    My future stepson was actually 4 years and 4 months when he finally decided he wanted to train.  Before that he just didn't care.  FI tried (his ex, boy's mom, refused to work with him).  Bribery did nothing because Grandma would buy him whatever he wanted regardless.  HIs turning point was at his preschool end-of-year swim party at a hotel pool.  The hotel wouldn't let anyone swim in the adult pool with a diaper on, and he noticed that he was the only kid there weaing a diaper.  He started cooperating within a few weeks.  So... shame.  But we didn't have to do it, it just happened.
  • My son was easy to train, and was good to go before he was three. My daughter, on the other hand, was all about controlling the issue.

    I tried everything: rewards, bribery, punishment ... nothing worked. Finally, one day I was so frustrated I sat her down (she was still wearing her dirty pull-up) and ASKED her why she was still peeing/pooing in her pull ups. She looked me full in the face and said, "because they're pull ups." - like it was obvious. I put away the pull ups and switched her to underwear that day, and she had minimal accidents.

    (Both my kids had a period of time around age 3 - 3 1/2 where they had sudden growth spurts and that meant some nighttime accidents, but other than that, she was fine)
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