fiance trouble

gymnast82

My fiance basically shuts down when I try to talk about anything wedding. One reason he doesnt want to have a wedding is because his mother is an alcoholic & doesnt want her to make a big fool of herself. I told him that we dont have to invite her but he thinks it will hurt her. My family lives in another state & I am not having a reception there or in the current state I'm in cuz that would be too much.
Basically my question is how can I get him to be excited about a wedding? I'm not asking for anything big but I want the ceremony. How can I get him to come around?

jyoung888

Can't you have a dry reception? perhaps where ever your reception is being held. If you have your reception at the church no one should say anything about a dry wedding.

Also move the time to the afternoon. Have a cake and punch reception.

Hope you find middle ground

ootmother2

A dry wedding will accomplish nothing.  Drunks drink, whatever and whenever possible.

Is your FFIL in the picture at all?  Your FI could have a bit of a man to man talk about his worries and perhaps put him on high alert day of.  If not his dad, another close family member?

I'm very sorry you are faced with this while planning your wedding.

Good Luck!

mandi921vh

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_fiance-trouble?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:b8f89a9e-874c-44d9-8fee-00faef1903a2Post:565bce56-32a2-45c2-9e33-46f13934afac">fiance trouble</a>:
[QUOTE]My fiance basically shuts down when I try to talk about anything wedding. <strong>One reason he doesnt want to have a wedding is because his mother is an alcoholic & doesnt want her to make a big fool of herself.</strong> I told him that we dont have to invite her but he thinks it will hurt her. My family lives in another state & I am not having a reception there or in the current state I'm in cuz that would be too much. Basically my question is how can I get him to be excited about a wedding? I'm not asking for anything big but I want the ceremony. How can I get him to come around?
Posted by gymnast82[/QUOTE]

<div>What are the other reasons that he doesn't want to talk about the wedding...?</div>

Butter Cookie

Can you give her picture to the bar tender and/or waiters and ask them to limit her to two drinks?

jerseydevil

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_fiance-trouble?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:b8f89a9e-874c-44d9-8fee-00faef1903a2Post:82e56c48-61fe-4044-839d-d6e34a6089ed">Re: fiance trouble</a>:
[QUOTE]Can you give her picture to the bar tender and/or waiters and ask them to limit her to two drinks?
Posted by Butter Cookie[/QUOTE]

What would that do? If they don't limit everyone to two drinks, it will single her out and exacerbate the problem.

I don't think a dry wedding will accomplish anything either, because as PP said a true alcoholic will not be effected because they will already have a way around that.

I find it odd for this to be the only reason your FI won't talk about the wedding. Are there any other issues that could be going on?

MinM

Tell him you will leave him unless he starts doing jumping jacks every time you say 'wedding,'

Butter Cookie

She'll single herself out and exacerbate the problem by being bombed, too. It's either that or don't invite her at all, assuming the OP can't just talk to her like an adult about being sober for this one occasion.

gymnast82

Thank you everybody for the great posts. A dry wedding is out of the question. I think he doesnt want to have a wedding because of the costs of everything. His dad will help us and his uncle (who he really close to), and my parents were but something happened recently that will put a halt on that for a while. In his mind he is thinking that the ceremony will cost the most but actually the reception/dance will cost the most. He also said that he doesnt want a wedding is because he is not religious by any means; I knew that from day one and I couldnt imagine myself getting married in a church now that Im getting older. He is afraid that I am going to push him into a long church ceremony. I just want a very quick ceremony that includes our family & close friends. Is that too much for a girl to ask for? Whether we did the courthouse wedding or a ceremony my dream is to always wear the white dress & I will no matter what.
Thank you again & any other input will be greatly appreciated.