::AF::

MinM

Now that I think about it, adding us to a prayer list is the perfect way to get people to ask, "What is going on with Mr. and Mrs. MinM?" Ingenious.

Now FIL will have the perfect opportunity to tell everyone. Oh well. It isn't going to change our situation. If it makes him feel better, I guess I should let it be. This is a loss for him too. It's grandchildren he will never has, just as much as it is children we will never have.

AuntFlo

It is ingenious.   Even when I was going to church, I thought prayer lists were AW-y.  

It is his loss, but it's your (and DH) loss first and foremost.   It is still very painful and personal for you and if you want it kept private, there is nothing wrong with that.   As a connoisseur of fine therapy (and an armchair psychiatrist) I would normally say that the benefit of making your pain public is that you will find that you're not alone.   However, in your situation in which all resources have been exhausted, all tests have been performed, I'm sure it will bring people who try to "help" by offering unsolicited advice - which I'm guessing is part of why you've wanted to keep it on the DL.

MinM

Yeah, BIL told H that we just needed to relax (one of the most irritating infertility etiquette faux pas). H told him to shut up. See # 1

http://www.resolve.org/support-and-services/for-family--friends/infertility-etiquette.html

FIL should see #9.

We didn't tell anyone what was going on because we figured that they would want to know what we were going to do...in our situation every doctor visit brought some new problem and took at least one option away - we didn't know what we were going to do until we only had the one option left. It would have been exhausting to update everyone on all of those changes. And to have to weigh all of the options with everyone.

I also didn't want to tell my mom because she would tell us to get another doctor. We picked the best guy in the state and if our probelms can't be solved by him, well, no one can do it. And I was right. When I told her she said we should get a second option. I said, there isn't anything opinionated about our problems, these issues are black and white.

AuntFlo

Do ILs know not to pass on the unsolicited advice that they are sure to receive?  

MinM

I know people think they are helping, which is why the ILs are getting a pass.

We have told the family, and I have told a few close friends, but the people at work will never know - as I am SURE they would be the ones with the most adivce.

AuntFlo

In the immortal words of Anthony Hopkin's character in Legends of the Fall:
"screw 'em!"

(My very favorite movie line.)

MinM

AF - I do not know. They are new to this, too. They may be equally irritated with the advice they get.

It also irritated me when my mom told me about her friend who tried for years to get pregnant, and then finally did after she had given up hope. Um...I wanted to say, "I don't know what your friends issues were, but I know what ours are and that isn't going to happen." H has a 5% chance of getting a Fertile Mertile preggo, and I am not FM. I think it would be sad and very hurtful to have any hope. If she wants to hold on to that, she can, but we're very realistic about our chances.

MinM

Even my BFF reminds me that her parents were given a 5% chance of having a baby. After adopting two kids, they had her. Again, I don't know what her parents issues were, but I know what mine are and they ain't good. SIL said it best, it is important to be realistic, hopeful, but realistic.

MinM

Well, I lashed out (a little bit, I think) at a party when we were in LA, and that isn't good. And for some reason today I am all janked up. I actually checked my (irronically named) fertility app on my phone to see if AF is going to arrive soon, because I have been bitchy/emotional and headachy all day. I am on day 16. Blerg.