Just need to let it out a little...

lemken

SO, I am just feeling like a beat dog these days, and need to let a little out. I'm getting married in a lcoaiton that's 10 hours away from my hometown, my fiance's hometown. We picked this location because the wedding would be a lot cheaper there, and either 1/2 of our wedding party would have to drive here or drive out there. Hotel rooms, food, venues, everything, is cheaper out there. This though means that my bridesmaids and family all have to drive out there for the wedding.

When I asked each of my bridesmaids, I said, now the wedding is going to be 10 hours away from here, are you okay with that? They each said yes. I asked my mom, are you okay with a wedding be out in his hometown, she said absolutely. Fast forward to the present day... bachelorette party, they all want to do something very cheap, which is fine, so we're just going out on the town, no destinations, nothing, but still are complaining to me about costs, but then have the nerve to turn around and say, hopefully we all have more money for the next person who gets married so we can all travel out to vegas. They refused to pick out their own dresses, but didn't want a dress above a certain price point, I spent 6 months searching everywhere for a dress that made them happy and that was in their price point. My mother refuses to pay for my high school sister's hotel rooms, who are bridesmaids, or let them drive out there with her?! So now I need to take care of my 2 sisters during my wedding. For the ceremony rehearsal, they don't want to come early enough to be part of it, they may not even make it to the rehearsal dinner, because they don't want to come a day early for everything.

I know that traveling sucks and it can be a lot of work, but I warned them about all of this stuff before they accepted being a bridesmaid and now it's all coming back to me.  

I have not once been upset or lost my cool with any of them, and I've tried to help them as much as possible. We're covering hotel rooms the night before the wedding (this was just to make sure that everyone came on time), and not forcing them to do hair, make up, no ridculous shoe requests, etc.

I guess I am probably days away from losing it with a few of them, but I just don't really know how to address any of this stuff anymore. I almost want to say, look, if you don't want to be a bridesmaid anymore, just let me know...

ANYWAYS, I just needed to vent... I feel better now. Thanks

Butter Cookie

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_just-need-let-out-little?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:bc69eff2-b257-4fdb-99ad-e94e3c591a1aPost:3a5fb469-663a-460a-82b9-f2b3e6bc402c">Just need to let it out a little...</a>:
[QUOTE]SO, I am just feeling like a beat dog these days, and need to let a little out. I'm getting married in a lcoaiton that's 10 hours away from my hometown, my fiance's hometown. We picked this location because the wedding would be a lot cheaper there, and either 1/2 of our wedding party would have to drive here or drive out there. Hotel rooms, food, venues, everything, is cheaper out there. This though means that my bridesmaids and family all have to drive out there for the wedding. When I asked each of my bridesmaids, I said, now the wedding is going to be 10 hours away from here, are you okay with that? They each said yes. I asked my mom, are you okay with a wedding be out in his hometown, she said absolutely. Fast forward to the present day... bachelorette party, they all want to do something very cheap, which is fine, so we're just going out on the town, no destinations, nothing, but still are complaining to me about costs, but then have the nerve to turn around and say, hopefully we all have more money for the next person who gets married so we can all travel out to vegas. They refused to pick out their own dresses, but didn't want a dress above a certain price point, I spent 6 months searching everywhere for a dress that made them happy and that was in their price point. My mother refuses to pay for my high school sister's hotel rooms, who are bridesmaids, or let them drive out there with her?! So now I need to take care of my 2 sisters during my wedding. For the ceremony rehearsal, they don't want to come early enough to be part of it, they may not even make it to the rehearsal dinner, because they don't want to come a day early for everything. I know that traveling sucks and it can be a lot of work, but I warned them about all of this stuff before they accepted being a bridesmaid and now it's all coming back to me.   I have not once been upset or lost my cool with any of them, and I've tried to help them as much as possible. We're covering hotel rooms the night before the wedding (this was just to make sure that everyone came on time), and not forcing them to do hair, make up, no ridculous shoe requests, etc. I guess I am probably days away from losing it with a few of them, but I just don't really know how to address any of this stuff anymore. I almost want to say, look, if you don't want to be a bridesmaid anymore, just let me know... ANYWAYS, I just needed to vent... I feel better now. Thanks :)
Posted by lemken[/QUOTE]

Are your sisters your mother's children? If so, I find it odd she won't let them drive out there with her. Then again I find it odd they need their own rooms. Why can't they share a room with her? 2 queen beds, the girls get one bed, Mom gets the other.

Also: your BMs need to stop complaining or step down. If you were totally upfront that they would be footing the bill for their 10 hour drive + dress + everything else and they still said yes they need to STFU about it.

Paulo's Menina Bela

What's the deal with your mom and your sisters?

Sounds like you've been reasonable about the whole thing. So, your BMs need to stop complaining about something they agreed to.

lemken

Yeah, my mother's kids. She doesn't want them staying with her... and she's looking at this as a vacation with her husband (stepdad), so she expects my dad to take care of everything, but he's literally only coming out for 1 day because of his hectic work schedule, so my sisters would not be there for any rehearsal stuff if they went with him.

Totally upfront with the BMs... not sure what their deal is. I'm the first of my close group of friends to get married, so maybe a bunch of them don't know what to expect when they accept to be a BM?

Starbuck673

I think that you probably need to lose your cool a little if only to remind them that the point of all of this is YOUR wedding. They are supposed to be making things easier for you not harder. I find it really inappropriate that your mother would be looking to your wedding as a vacation with her husband. She should drive your sisters for sure, and OK so they stay in separate rooms that you have to pay for...if you're ok with that then let that go, but driving seperately is ridiculous. I think you need to get a little tough with them and make them realize the stress their adding at a time when you really don't need that. Try giving them some really specific responsibilities and then just let go of those items. Tell you mom you really need her to make sure that your sisters get there in time and be done with it. Let her realize that the most efficient way to do that is for everyone to drive together.

I know that families have their own dynamics and perhaps you're reading this going "this person has no idea..." so take my thoughts with a grain of salt.