Ex drama?

Audraann0604

I have a son from a previous relationship and we're having a heck of a time getting my ex to agree to let my son be in my wedding. My wedding is on my ex's weekend, because the date has special significance for us. My ex wants us to move our date instead of just switching weekends this one time. Anyone have similar problems with an ex?

StephBeanWed61502

You do realize you're both being equally stubborn about this, right?  You're casting this as an "ex problem," but by refusing to change your date you're being just as uncompromising as your ex is being about switching "his" weekend.  

Audraann0604

We haven't refused, we asked our venue if we can bump the date back and we can't. We're waiting to hear about moving it up a weekend. I'm all about compromise, my ex is not. Surely you can understand my frustration about not being able to use the date that's significant to myself and my fiance? 

6fsn

Sure your ex is being an ass, but this won't be the first time you need to compromise when it comes to your son. 

mrsconn23

If it's his weekend, it's his weekend.  You knew the risk (that he'd refuse to switch weekends) when you started planning a wedding on his weekend with your son.  You also probably knew how this could go.  3

This is a 'you' problem, not really an 'ex' problem.  Either plan your wedding for the date that's special to you with the knowledge that your son may not be there because his dad won't switch or plan it for one of your weekends.  What's more special to you?  The date or your son being there. 

JaxInBlue

The date on which you choose to get married will have its own significance.  Our wedding day was just a Saturday where we and our VIP guests could all be in one spot.  It's since become a special day on our calendar.

Do what you can to change your date.  In the future, you know to check your custody agreement or calendar before you finalize a date to ensure that your son can be present.  That's the reality of co-parenting with an ex.  Yes it stinks that your ex isn't more flexible, but it may be the case that he can't switch weekends and if you have court-mandated or approved custody schedule, he is likely not obligated to switch.

GBCK

So you find a different venue or you bump it more than one weekend either direction.

*Barbie*

you shouldn't have booked your wedding on an "ex" weekend. this is not his problem to deal with, it's yours.

Audraann0604

I appreciate all the advice. My thoughts were the same about switching my date, hence my second post about already being in the process of trying yo move the date. I suppose it's unreasonable to expect strangers to understand my frustration when you don't know my story. How I raised my son solo for four years until ex got a new gf then suddenly needed to be a model father and jumped in to parenting, how we compromised great until they moved in together then he took me to court and drained my savings for absolutely nothing to change. Now he won't communicate, he has lied to me about where my son is among other things and uses my son to send messages to me, extremely innappropriate. So I will continue to be frustrated about this and I will continue to try and move my date because my son is my life but sometimes you have to vent about the bs. 

mrsconn23

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_ex-drama?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:c0ab6bc3-ac74-477d-9453-0865f004e3a5Post:fff5411b-cf57-4489-8a0d-4527b05d625b">Re: Ex drama?</a>:
[QUOTE]I appreciate all the advice. My thoughts were the same about switching my date, hence my second post about already being in the process of trying yo move the date. I suppose it's unreasonable to expect strangers to understand my frustration when you don't know my story. How I raised my son solo for four years until ex got a new gf then suddenly needed to be a model father and jumped in to parenting, how we compromised great until they moved in together then he took me to court and drained my savings for absolutely nothing to change. <strong>Now he won't communicate, he has lied to me about where my son is among other things and uses my son to send messages to me, extremely innappropriate.</strong> So I will continue to be frustrated about this and I will continue to try and move my date because my son is my life but sometimes you have to vent about the bs. 
Posted by Audraann0604[/QUOTE]

If this is the case and you have documentation, you need to take him back to court because it is inappropriate and probably violating your custody order.  However, that's completely separate from your wedding.  

If you've really had this difficult of a relationship with your ex, why in the heck did you think he'd be hunky-dory with you planning a wedding on a weekend that fell during his parenting time? 

GBCK

well, of COURSE we don't know the stuff you didn't tell us.

And, yes, it sounds like your ex is a grade a crotch.

But that doesn't really change that, in this particular instance, you're asking HIM for a favor and are kinda in the wrong.

Audraann0604

that costs a ton of money, mrs conn.

He gave me two days notice my son was in a wedding on my weekend last year and just took him barely with my permission, so yeah, i'm asking for the favor to be returned.

mrsconn23

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_ex-drama?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:c0ab6bc3-ac74-477d-9453-0865f004e3a5Post:1d28d106-1b34-455c-9c17-d61a70c818c0">Re: Ex drama?</a>:
[QUOTE]that costs a ton of money, mrs conn. He gave me two days notice my son was in a wedding on my weekend last year and just yook him barely with my permission, so yeah, i'm asking for the favor to be returned.
Posted by Audraann0604[/QUOTE]

I know how much family court costs.  However, if my child's whereabouts were being withheld from me and/or he was being used as a messenger for inappropriate messages or mindgames, then I'd sure as hell have my butt back in court getting things amended.

Two 'wrongs' don't make a right. You could have told him that you did not have apporpriate notice regarding the wedding last year and therefore you could not accommodate his request.  Unfortunately, the 'back scratching' is not going to go both ways.  So don't do it anymore.

And again, if he's not going to budge on your wedding weekend, you have two choices: get married without your son or change the date.

Audraann0604

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_ex-drama?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:c0ab6bc3-ac74-477d-9453-0865f004e3a5Post:54353c84-82d0-4256-9fe7-eb2d5ac2877a">Re: Ex drama?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Ex drama? : I know how much family court costs.  However, if my child's whereabouts were being withheld from me and/or he was being used as a messenger for inappropriate messages or mindgames, then I'd sure as hell have my butt back in court getting things amended. Two 'wrongs' don't make a right. You could have told him that you did not have apporpriate notice regarding the wedding last year and therefore you could not accommodate his request.  Unfortunately, the 'back scratching' is not going to go both ways.  So don't do it anymore. And again, if he's not going to budge on your wedding weekend, you have two choices: get married without your son or change the day
Posted by mrs.conn23[/QUOTE]<div><span style="white-space:pre;" class="Apple-tab-span"> </span></div><div>I'm very glad for you that you have thousands of dollars at your disposal. Did you know that what I have on my ex isn't enough to change a damn thing? You basically have to have physical harm to the child to lessen any previously standing custody agreements. So your argument is noble, but ineffective. Have you ever been in a custody case yourself?</div><div>
</div><div>Again, I am fully aware of my choices and for the third time would like to draw to your attention that I am in the process of trying to move my date and was in that process before posting. I did not ask for advice in OP. This post was to see if any other brides had any similar issues with exes and weddings. Surely this forum can't be all first time blushing brides with no kids, exes' or pasts</div><div>
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Rayelzwright

I am so sorry! I can relate(by BEING the child). They always were pretty equal and would just skip weeks or change weeks. It's so sad when people(your ex) can't comprise! I'm sure the first thing when planning your date was which weekend is yours or his! I hope we can comprise! Good luck!