i apologize, i cannot remember her name, so i am just going to call her elana because she kind of looked like the elana who had a crush on my college boyfriend. hey, i wonder if she will be at reunion! if so, i will have many questions. but then again, i will have questions for everyone. too bad it's only three days. and we may not be going because they want us to stay in the dorms. the unair-conditioned dorms.
enough about me.
elana is 19 and moving back in with her parents. she has broken up with her boyfriend of five years. (i know. I KNOW.)
after a few months of ... nothing, i guess (there is some talk later about falling asleep on the couch in the middle of the day), elana is having some back pain and night pain. she spends the night shifting around and trying to get comfortable.
the next morning, while her parents are both at work, elana has to go to the bathroom. she (this is graphic, you guys) wipes, and there is blood. then she feels like she has to push. she stands up and pushes.
okay, just saying -- if i felt i had to push, not sure i would stand up. yes, i would be having a toilet baby, but what if it wasn't a toilet baby? what if it was just a .. blockage?
she pushes twice, and then reaches down and feels a head. she pushes again, and the baby slides out and onto the floor. elana freaks out because 1) baby and 2) baby is still attached to her. she looks for something to cut it but can't find anything, so she basically just rips the umbilical cord in half.
y'all, i feel a little faint.
okay, then she cleans the bathroom. no, really.
elana knows she has to get to the hospital, but she doesn't want to call an ambulance so she just drives herself -- hold the baby in one arm and drives with the other.
i know there are like a million reasons babies shouldn't be having babies, but i feel like this little driving incident should be near the top of the list, or at least in the top quarter. i guess it's just part of the whole "bad decision making abilities" normally cited for people who have kids when their age still has "teen" in it.
when elana gets to the hospital, she tells a nurse "oh, i just had this baby." er nurse, because it's her job, is all "okay" and then gets her checked in. so glad i did not go into nursing -- not only for the whole bad at science thing, but the whole "wtf" aspect of it.
her parents are home and ignoring the giant pile of bloody towels in the hamper. elana calls them and they are like "wtf?" they rush over, and then i guess everyone lived happily ever after.
baby was a girl and she is now 9. umm ... no mention of the child's father, other than elana is raising the kid as a single mom.
