Wedding Woes

Grooms Best man hates me

The best man and I have known eachother for all of the 10 years my fiance and I have been dating.  He's a outgoing and charming fellow when he wants to be, but when he doesn't he's a complete baby and it's all about him.  My fiance is super caring and when his bestman starts drilling into him about something he does get really upset, but won't distance himself b/c they've known eachother for so long.  The best man (we'll call his Chris) does not like me, and is constantly asking my fiance if he's ready, if he's really sure, and so on.  Chris cheated on his own fiance so often she finally dumped him.  He still lives at home, and can't keep a job for more than a few months before he's on unemployment.  He's actually currently starting a lawsuit agains his last employer for more unemployment (an yes his mom foots the bill). He got mad at my fiance when he asked him to be his best man b/c no one asked him if the date would be good, and he just may be in court and my fiance would be out of a best man.  He also wants us to pay for his rental.  I feel like this is our once in a life time day, and I don't want someone who has nothing but bad things to say about us IN the wedding.  My fiance has another friend he's known just as long, who is going to be in our wedding.  He's close, but doesn't talk as must to him b/c he moved out of town.  We all used to hang out and went to college together.  I've asked that he be the best man instead, but my fiance doesn't like this idea.  He says he's known Chris too long.  I really think too that if he asked Chris to just be a groomsman instead he'd flip and whine and complain and manipulate up til and through the entire wedding, and my fiance doesn't want to put up with it so he just keeps things as they are.  Am I unreasonable to not want Chris in our wedding? 

Re: Grooms Best man hates me

  • mrsconn23mrsconn23 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

    Yes, you're unreasonable and whiny.
  • Butter CookieButter Cookie member
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    It's unreasonable for you to tell him who his best man is.

    Sorry.
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  • HeffalumpHeffalump member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    I guess it's okay as long as you let your FI pick your MOH.  Otherwise, MYOB.
  • edited December 2011
    wow, you have some gall to actually ask your FI to change his best man.

    how would you react if he asked you to change your MOH because he didn't like her?
  • mrsalbeemrsalbee member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I don't think you should ask him to change his best man. As much as it sucks, thats the guy your FH wants standing up there with him. I would try to keep as much distance from him as you can. Maybe, "Chris" is just jealous and is almost scared that he's losing his best friend in a sense because he is moving on in life (While, he is still at home and without a job)
    "I love you not only for what you are, but for what I am when I am with you." imageimageWedding Countdown Ticker
  • Butter CookieButter Cookie member
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Also: the nicer you are to this douche the more of an ass he's going to look like for telling FI to not get married to you. Andplustoo I doubt he hates you. He just doesn't want his buddy getting married, for a multitude of reasons, probably low on the list is Chris' feelings about you.
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  • HeffalumpHeffalump member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_grooms-man-hates?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:cf014aea-c43e-4d68-a9ae-06347a277382Post:58a1a464-1133-4dd3-8c22-b244fac20fc1">Re: Grooms Best man hates me</a>:
    [QUOTE]Also: the nicer you are to this douche the more of an ass he's going to look like for telling FI to not get married to you. Andplustoo I doubt he hates you. He just doesn't want his buddy getting married, for a multitude of reasons, probably low on the list is Chris' feelings about you.
    Posted by Butter Cookie[/QUOTE]
    Maybe Chris thinks she's whiny and demanding and oversteps her bounds?
  • Butter CookieButter Cookie member
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    That could be too, Heffa
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  • ReturnOfKuusReturnOfKuus member
    Eighth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    I'm with WifeZ.  Also, how do you know that Chris is constantly asking your FI if he's really sure and all that?  Is your FI being a gossippy, troublemaking nelly?
    image
  • kpwedkkkpwedkk member
    1000 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_grooms-man-hates?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:cf014aea-c43e-4d68-a9ae-06347a277382Post:9f4e2a91-63b7-45bb-979b-59da722a1eb9">Grooms Best man hates me</a>:
    [QUOTE]The best man and I have known eachother for all of the 10 years my fiance and I have been dating.  He's a outgoing and charming fellow when he wants to be, but when he doesn't he's a complete baby and it's all about him.  My fiance is super caring and when his bestman starts drilling into him about something he does get really upset, but won't distance himself b/c they've known eachother for so long.  The best man (we'll call his Chris) does not like me, and is constantly asking my fiance if he's ready, if he's really sure, and so on.  Chris cheated on his own fiance so often she finally dumped him.  He still lives at home, and can't keep a job for more than a few months before he's on unemployment.  He's actually currently starting a lawsuit agains his last employer for more unemployment (an yes his mom foots the bill). He got mad at my fiance when he asked him to be his best man b/c no one asked him if the date would be good, and he just may be in court and my fiance would be out of a best man.  He also wants us to pay for his rental.  I feel like this is our once in a life time day, and <strong>I don't want someone who has nothing but bad things to say about us IN the wedding.</strong>  My fiance has another friend he's known just as long, who is going to be in our wedding.  He's close, but doesn't talk as must to him b/c he moved out of town.  We all used to hang out and went to college together.  I've asked that he be the best man instead, but my fiance doesn't like this idea.  He says he's known Chris too long.  I really think too that if he asked Chris to just be a groomsman instead he'd flip and whine and complain and manipulate up til and through the entire wedding, and my fiance doesn't want to put up with it so he just keeps things as they are.  Am I unreasonable to not want Chris in our wedding? 
    Posted by Rebekah783[/QUOTE]

    Your fiance gets to pick whomever he wants to be his best ban, right arm, whatever, you get to pick your MOH, maid of honor.

    "The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched, they must be felt with the heart." ~ Miss K ~
  • brimoreybrimorey member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Wow, most of these people are jerks.
    I get what you mean, the guys is imature himself and so why would you want him representing something so important at the wedding?
    Fortunately, though, all  he really has to do is hand your FI the ring and maybe make a toast.  Otherwise, it is the best bet for all of you to let your FI pick his best man and concentrate on your love for eachother.
    This guy is probably just insecure (He IS still living at home and was just dumped.)
    Don't pay attention to name-callers, either. You were just seeking advice and there's nothing wrong with that.
    Love and God Bless :)
  • Butter CookieButter Cookie member
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_grooms-man-hates?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:cf014aea-c43e-4d68-a9ae-06347a277382Post:9ca0e895-89a1-466d-ac26-31cc3cdb904a">Re: Grooms Best man hates me</a>:
    [QUOTE]<strong>Wow, most of these people are jerks.</strong> I get what you mean, the guys is imature himself and so why would you want him representing something so important at the wedding? Fortunately, though, all  he really has to do is hand your FI the ring and maybe make a toast.  Otherwise, it is the best bet for all of you to let your FI pick his best man and concentrate on your love for eachother. This guy is probably just insecure (He IS still living at home and was just dumped.) Don't pay attention to name-callers, either. You were just seeking advice and there's nothing wrong with that. Love and God Bless :)
    Posted by brimorey[/QUOTE]

    Yea, telling someone the truth is so jerky.
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  • brimoreybrimorey member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    also, I didn't mention that my FI and I were in a similar situation.
    He was going to ask his long time childhood friend to be his best man, but the guy ended up being really negative and saying some really mean things about women in general behind my back. But this guy and his girlfriend introduced us!  I think he and his gf were resentful that we got engaged first.
    But my FI ended up not asking that guy because he didn't think it was right to have someone play that important role when they weren't supportive of both of us. Fortunately I didn't have to say anything at all.
    So my question is, is your fiance okay with all the things this guy is saying?
    I showed your thread to mine and he said that those things would have been unacceptable in a best man. But again, if he chooses him , he chooses him. This is almost more a discussion that you and your groom need to have about people disrespecting you. Remember, marriage is you two becoming one, and this "best man" needs to know that!
    Hoping for that best for you
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