Name change decisions? 7/7 wedding.. yikes

SKPM

We're getting married in 9 days (7/7/12) and I still don't know what I'm going to do with my name. Is anyone else closing in on the wedding without having decided for sure yet?

The options that I've narrowed down to are:

First Middle Maiden HisLast (2 middle names), or

First Middle Maiden (legally), and taking his name socially.

When we got our marriage license, I indicated that my name will become the first option, so that I have the option available if I want to change without doing a full legal/court name change. But I honestly don't know whether I'll do anything to actually change it (SS, DMV, passport, payroll, insurance, banks, etc etc).

I like the idea of us having a common family name, but I'm not as comfortable giving up my name and going by his legally. I'm a little nervous because I'm anticipating people asking me at the wedding. We're having our officiant and DJ just introduce us by first names.

Anyone else still on the fence??

BeabullMom

Yes.  I am still on the fence.  I am leaning towards your first option.  I don't want to drop either of my names, but I also like the idea of having a common family name.  I just can't decide.

SKPM

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_july-2012-weddings_name-change-decisions-77-wedding-yikes?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:066005ef-215f-48b1-8655-328b41e07c52Discussion:5f21fa30-b54e-433a-bb3c-be29bdbad38ePost:48cf76b6-b665-4293-81fa-7d8c963d2021">Re: Name change decisions? 7/7 wedding.. yikes</a>:
[QUOTE]Yes.  I am still on the fence.  I am leaning towards your first option.  I don't want to drop either of my names, but I also like the idea of having a common family name.  I just can't decide.
Posted by BeabullMom[/QUOTE]
I can't decide either. And I feel like it's a big effing deal (to me). I already hate making decisions, and I feel like this is an enormous one that I'll have to live with for the.rest.of.my.life.

arunkumar

I'm not on the fence, but it's a hard decision. I decided I will hyphenate my last name so that I could keep mine and have FI's as well. But I have already decided that our children will only have his last name. I don't care about my name being passed down to the next generation.

LADY324

having 2 middle names just seems silly to me.  You never even use your middle name people only know mine if they ask me.  I am taking my FI's last name so sorry I am no help.

colleenm18

I have made my decision already, I am taking FI last night.  However this is not something you need to decide right now or even by the time you are married.  In a year from now you could decide "hey I think I want to change my name".  So if you are really on the fence I would not rush into making this decision!

SKPM

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_july-2012-weddings_name-change-decisions-77-wedding-yikes?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:066005ef-215f-48b1-8655-328b41e07c52Discussion:5f21fa30-b54e-433a-bb3c-be29bdbad38ePost:35d55ab3-bc36-4a8a-914f-5f391f48ec1a">Re: Name change decisions? 7/7 wedding.. yikes</a>:
[QUOTE]I have made my decision already, I am taking FI last night.  However this is not something you need to decide right now or even by the time you are married.  In a year from now you could decide "hey I think I want to change my name".  So if you are really on the fence I would not rush into making this decision!
Posted by colleenm18[/QUOTE]
This is what I'm hoping. I don't plan to change it right away, but I like knowing that I have the option. (I think Social Security only lets you change it within 2 years of the wedding or else it's a bigger hassle.) I think that I will try taking his name socially and on some informal things (see how weird it feels to get Netflix movies delivered to my potential married name, for example), and then decide one way or the other later on.

I'm just kind of worried about people, particularly his parents, asking/assuming that I'm taking his name right away.

hmacsine

I'm on the fence about changing my name too. I think I'm going to wait a while before I make a decision. I hate my fi's last name and I'm not sure I want to be called mrs. Broadhead aka big head for the rest of my life.

Nati05

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_july-2012-weddings_name-change-decisions-77-wedding-yikes?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:066005ef-215f-48b1-8655-328b41e07c52Discussion:5f21fa30-b54e-433a-bb3c-be29bdbad38ePost:d5b56687-a4b4-49d6-b901-48de4eaa932e">Re:Name change decisions? 7/7 wedding.. yikes</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm on the fence about changing my name too. I think I'm going to wait a while before I make a decision. I hate my fi's last name and I'm not sure I want to be called mrs. Broadhead aka big head for the rest of my life.
Posted by hmacsine[/QUOTE]

Bahahaha! I hear you girl! I have a Hispanic last name but it's fairly common so if I ever say it, people usually manage without me having to spell the whole thing. FI's last name is a whole other story, it's so rare and it sounds REALLY ugly pronounced in an American accent. Ugh just thinking about the constant confusion it would be drives me nuts lol.

lvissers

I'm taking FI's last name and have never thought about it twice, it's what I have always thought I would do. So sorry I can't help!

Nati05

You know what worries me about not having the same name as my kids? It might be silly and you might judge me for it... but I'd hate people to mistakenly think that I'm an unmarried mom or that I've gotten divorced and remarried. I absolutely hate being labeled, worse incorrectly, and though you'd probably say "who cares what other people think?" I feel like I could easily get pegged as "another unmarried or divorced minority mom." I'm not saying I agree with that generalization by any means, but people are really quick to label others when they've done something different than most or they've done something they don't understand. It's never going to change and I hate it. I really really do. Part of me wishes I could raise my kids here so I'll never have the stupid name issue.

ETA: Just to clarify, I'm definitely still on the fence. I simply can't imagine having to change everything!! Changing my Social Security card??? That feels beyond weird to me! :-\

SKPM

In Response to Re:Name change decisions? 7/7 wedding.. yikes:[QUOTE]You know what worries me about not having the same name as my kids? It might be silly and you might judge me for it... but I'd hate people to mistakenly think that I'm an unmarried mom or that I've gotten divorced and remarried. I absolutely hate being labeled, worse incorrectly, and though you'd probably say "who cares what other people think?" I feel like I could easily get pegged as "another unmarried or divorced minority mom." I'm not saying I agree with that generalization by any means, but people are really quick to label others when they've done something different than most or they've done something they don't understand. It's never going to change and I hate it. I really really do. Part of me wishes I could raise my kids here so I'll never have the stupidnbsp;name issue.ETA: Just to clarify, I'm definitely still on the fence. I simply can't imagine having to change everything!! Changing my Social Security card??? That feels beyond weird to me! : Posted by Nati05[/QUOTE] I completely understand and agree with pretty much everything you've said. The only difference being that I had several friends whose moms kept their maiden names and were in happy marriages, so the thing with Mom having a different name doesn't phase me much. But I think you're right that a lot of the population uses the generalizations you mentioned. On a whole other topic, I'm not even sure I want kids. All this wedding planning has been a pain in terms of appeasing all the family members, and I don't think there's any way I could do another 9 months of the spotlight. I hate that all anyone talks about is the wedding, and once you announce you're pregnant, all they'll talk about is baby.

ILoveToRobot

I'm keeping my name and using FI's socially. I never wanted to change my name so it wasn't that hard of a decision for me. The only hard part is the judgement that has been associated with it. When some people ask about it they act repulsed and sometimes even try to make me feel bad about my decision. My only warning would be to make sure you have thick skin.

I never really got the middle name thing. Like PP said you never use your name. I would also think that it would make things more difficult than needed on paperwork and such. If I were you and truly on the fence I'd wait a year or so like you said and see how you feel then.

Nati05

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_july-2012-weddings_name-change-decisions-77-wedding-yikes?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:066005ef-215f-48b1-8655-328b41e07c52Discussion:5f21fa30-b54e-433a-bb3c-be29bdbad38ePost:130d99f1-1305-4522-b943-74be924ca515">Re: Name change decisions? 7/7 wedding.. yikes</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm keeping my name and using FI's socially. I never wanted to change my name so it wasn't that hard of a decision for me. The only hard part is the judgement that has been associated with it. When some people ask about it they act repulsed and sometimes even try to make me feel bad about my decision. <strong>My only warning would be to make sure you have thick skin.</strong> I never really got the middle name thing. Like PP said you never use your name. I would also think that it would make things more difficult than needed on paperwork and such. If I were you and truly on the fence I'd wait a year or so like you said and see how you feel then.
Posted by ILoveToRobot[/QUOTE]

Exactly. I have no doubt you have to be tough to deal with society's constant opinions and assumptions. Problem is I've never really been a thick skin kind of girl. But I really don't want to change my name! I hate being put in this position

knjorgensen

After much contemplation I decided to hyphenate. I love my maiden name and quite honestly, I'm not a huge fan of my fiance's last name, but I felt that it was a happy compromise to combine my past and my future together. 

toomanychoices17

I am on the fence too! If I could hyphenate, I would.  The problem is, my first name has 4 syllables (Elizabeth) as does FI's last name, so if we hyphenated my name would be super long. I think I'm going to wait and revisit it in a year or so, or around when I change jobs.

As for the social issue- I feel like I have 2 reasons that shut people up at least: FI"s last name is a pain to pronounce and would be hard for my students to say, and I'm not being "Mrs. J". And if I changed my last name, my name would be the same as his aunt's. I don't want to steal her name. My real reason for not wanting to change is that I can't imagine being called something other than what I've always been called, but people have so far seemed to be fine with those reasons.