Opinions Please

amorg334

Alright everyone so I want some opinions on things.  So my Fi and I obviously picked a date for November of 2013 and we already have our guest list done.  I want to know if people think it is okay for when it comes time that we send all the invitations and dont have back up guests.  I know its typical to do an A and B list.  We are wanting to do it this way because my FI familt is huge.  Like the guest list for that side of the family is almost 100 people!.  So we are doing by what we think our final numbers will be.  Is this a good idea?  Because we are just going to go with what ever guests we end up with and may throw out a few extra invites?  

I am only starting to freak out now because obviously weddings can get expensive and with a list of almost 200 people I would just like peoples opinions on what to do?  Or if we do save the dates do people sometimes respond if they wont be able to make it?

AHHHHH Just please help !!  Thanks everyone

LorLor22

Congrats on setting a date!

Don't do an A list and B list. It's rude.

Invite the amount of people you can afford to pay for. Assume that everyone you invite will show. It's not a good idea to guess ahead of time about how many people you think will RSVP yes. It's possible that you could have more people attend than you expected, and end up with not enough money in your budget to pay for them. 

If you send STDs, people may respond and say they can't make it. You should still send them an invitation, as it's possible their plans may have changed by then.

Also, if you are going to send STDs, only send them to people who you are definitely going to invite, such as family members. I made the mistake of sending STDs to people I was friends with at the time and thought I wanted to invite. By the time I had to send invitations, we had drifted apart. Still had to invite them, though. 

amorg334

Thank you that is exactly what I thought!

nancyr

We only sent STDs to out of town guests who would have to make travel reservations. Everyone who lives in the same town isn't going to have those issues and we see them all the time anyway. I think the rule of thumb is to expect 80% of your guests invited to show up if that helps you at all. A&B lists are considered impolite. As a guest invited to a weding I always RSVP asap s if the bride does want to send out an additional invite she can, not on me!

Daisy0710

You never know what your final numbers will end up as...we invited about 180 people and only have 128 coming (a number I am much happier with!) But ultimately I felt good about everyone that I did invite.  I actually did invite a couple extra people a few weeks before because we had to have 125 guests.  They were not offended at all by the late invite, but happy to be a part of the special day!

amorg334

Thanks everyone!  I thought A & B lists were rude 

gmcr78

A and B lists are definitely considered to be rude. 
I had a friend though, who didn't necessarily have an A or B list, but became much closer to a couple of newer friends as her wedding approached.  Our group of friends started hanging out with them more during the time between when invitations were sent and the wedding date (I think about 6 weeks), so by the time the wedding was close, she realized they would have been invited guests to the wedding if we had known them sooner.  She ended up inviting them verbally and they couldn't make it, but they appreciated the invitation.  Personally I think a situation like that is ok, but it's an extreme exception and it depends on your relationship. I don't think that happens too often.

nancyr

A&B lists are definitely considered rude. (This doesn't mean everyone thinks about them the same way I do, so I'm only giving my opinion). Each family is different. If you are having a lot of out of town guests you can safely figure on 80%, but we also budgeted for an extra 15 people 'just in case' someone showed up we were not expecting and we didn't want to 'get into it' with them on our wedding day. If you want to invite more people toward the time of your wedding you might let people who had asked if they could bring their kids do so (that's on you) They might appreciate the option. The guest lists are the toughest part of this whole wedding thing! That and figuring out who to sit where with divorced family members or people who aren't on speaking terms in the family.