Need Advice Dealing with In-Laws

[Deleted User]

Hello,

I've never really posted anything before, so I'm new at this.  Anyway, I guess I'll dive right into the issue.  My fiance's extended family is all very close, live in the same small town, and are in each other's business.  I've been around for 4 years, and they still don't talk to me (or even acknowledge I'm in the room).  It's really hard for me to deal with.  If they do say anything to me, it's rude and back-handed comments.  He has finally realized that this is happening and has actually asked them what I've done to create a situation like this.  Everyone either says they like me and think I'm "great" even though they never even say hi, or the say I cling to him and that's the issue.  I'll admit, I have stopped trying a lot lately because I'm just tired of not getting any response.  Also, we are in school right now and go to separate colleges and my parents moved out-of-state.  So, we don't get to see each other a lot.  So, between the family not acknowledging I'm around and hardly getting to see my fiance, the time we do have together we want to spend together.... Does this make me clingy?  I talk to the 3 people who are nice to me, and have no problem hanging out with them.... I don't know, it's just tough to deal with at times.

Any advice?

P.S. I'm sorry this is so long and everything!

Heffalump

Why is he just now realizing that this is happening?  Did he just sit there and not do anything before, or was it happening behind his back and you never mentioned it to him before?

*Candi*

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_need-advice-dealing-laws?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:d800fff3-3be3-4bfb-9b34-a2d11b1e9c5ePost:3185800c-31fd-44bb-a7e4-2daf8fe8d95a">Re: Need Advice Dealing with In-Laws</a>:
[QUOTE]. Maybe you need to stop caring about what other people think. If they are making excuses to just not try and like you, then let them. if you think your relationship is fine, then it doesn't matter what other people think.
Posted by Wifezzilla[/QUOTE]

<div>^ this</div>

Butter Cookie

Wanting to spend time with your fiance isn't clingy, but I googled some signs of clingy behavior. Be honest and ask yourself if these apply to you.


    *
      You always call him or her first -- and you call all the time.

      Sometimes before you've even gotten out of bed in the morning. And then loads of other times during the day. The love of your life can't call you first, because you always beat them to it. Not to mention, you call them so frequently that they could guess it was you calling and be right 98% of the time. Yo -- you're obsessed. Put the phone down for 5 minutes!
    *
      You have no life of your own.

      Do you spend every bit of your free time with your man? Do you spend most of your day thinking about your next date with your woman? Do you put your friends and hobbies on hold unless your man announces that he's going out with the boys? Unless you've just met this person and are riding that "new love" high, you're being clingy. And obsessed.
    *
      You're constantly worried about getting dumped.

      Insecurity is at the heart of clinginess, so if you're experiencing this one, you need to think about why. It's this fear that makes you want to constantly be around the other person, so you can reassure yourself that they are still there and haven't dumped you.
    *
      You're willing to be bored out of your mind just to spend time with them.

      If he tells you that he'll be spending the weekend reading Dr. Zhivago and won't be able to talk much, do you then ask if you can drop by to watch him read it? Or maybe you're more clever than that; maybe you just offer to clean his watch so you can watch him without seeming as obsessed as you apparently are.
    *
      You're not happy on the inside.

      Clinginess is a big mix of insecurity, obsession and other self-esteem issues. Men and women who are clingy are rarely happy for more than the initial few moments when they see the person they're obsessing over, because they immediately start to worry about how they're going to feel when the date is over.


If these fit you you may need to reevaluate a lot. Let us know if these fit.

awesome-sauce

I've been around for 4 years, and they still don't talk to me (or even acknowledge I'm in the room).

I'm surprised (or am I?) that you and your FI are just now dealing with this. It's really been like this for FOUR years, and he is just now realizing? OK.

How often or do you ever approach anyone of these people and say hello? Do they pretend you didn't say it? I'm honestly wondering, because starting a relationship with people goes more than one way.

[Deleted User]

Thanks for all of your input!... It has taken him a while to realize that it was happening, mainly because I think it's hard to imagine your family isn't what you think they are.  But he has stood up for me and he's sees it too which is what matters.  I have tried a lot to start of conversations, and if they don't just walk away they only respond with one-word answers and then walk away.  I definitely agree that relationships are a two-way street, that's why it's frustrating because I have been trying.... I will just try to not care what others think about me, because he and I are great and that is what matters.

Thank you again!  I really appreciate all of the advice.

[Deleted User]

Thanks for posting these!...None of them fit me, so it's nice to know that I'm not clingy, just perceived that way for their own excuses.

Again, thank you for helping me with this situation.