I have a really stupid and petty vent.

L_Woods

I know I need to get over myself, but if I don't get this out I'll explode and something completely stupid will turn into something incredibly stupid.

Anyway, I turn 30 next month. Man's BFF turns 33 a couple of weeks before that. For my birthday it's "oh, well that costs a lot, maybe we should just have dinner at home." For his birthday it's "I'm flying to NYC to surprise him. Plus, I'll buy him everything he wants and spend another few hundred bucks when I'm there." WTF dude. I'm the one you supposedly want to make babies with. Why on earth will you not even try to celebrate a big birthday in a big way?

I know I'm being a huge baby about it, and I won't say anything to him. I mean this guy is like his brother, I get that he wants to do something nice for him, and see the baby because she barely remembers Man at this point. BFF is a big brat about life too and Man missing his birthday is cause for the silent treatment. If my birthday is barely celebrated I might whine and complain for a hot minute, but I won't freak out on him all of a sudden.

Anyway, tell me to put on some big girl panties because I know I need them. I just really needed to b!tch here instead of at home.

katorigasuki

i think you should say something.  how will he ever know you're upset about this, or have expectations for celebrating your bday, if you don't tell him.

if you don't say something, you'll seeth and resent him for months on end, and it will come out in an ugly way. 

my vote is say something to him.  if you supposedly want to make babies with this man, you should be able to talk to him about this.

L_Woods

Makes sense, Kat. I feel like he should know since I keep coming up with ideas, but he's never been one to pick up on subtleness. I'll chat with him about it, the vent still helped, though, so I can speak to him calmly and not like a crazy person.

Paulo's Menina Bela

I don't think you're being a baby. You need to tell Man how you feel about your birthday and your expectations for celebrating. Why should you have to put off your plans because his BFF is a birthday beebee?

NOLABridesmaid

L, You need to say something.

Now, I don't know Man, and can only go by what you post. He sometimes seems kinda selfish. I'm sure it's not it's not all the time, and he probably goes out of his way with things that you havent't post. Plus, I don't know a man alive that isn't selfish about something.

However, if you continue to give him a pass nothing will change. IMO, you need to let him know that this is a big deal for you. I for one,  thinks that he should do something special for your birthday, but that's just me.

hmonkey

i used to think birthdays were not a bfd until i talked to my dr friend, who told me she always makes a big deal about her birthday after doing a rotation in oncology.

that morbid thought aside, if you want something, you should say something.  i think that is one leg of the big girl panties.

Wonderw1fe

Hmm. I feel like you've had this type of problem before. Some man treats you shabbily, you know it's shabby, but you want us to tell you it's NOT shabby because if it really is shabby, you'd have to actually do something about it.

Open your mouth and say something.

Mrs.Thistletwat

L, I regret not saying anything to H about not spending my birthday with me last year (granted, Zzilla came over and I had insisted that H go to his class but I still ended up feeling kind of bad that he didn't push to be with me on my birthday). Say something. Don't let it fester. Tell him you understand about his BFF but you're his partner and that is just as if not more important. You're not saying "don't go" you're just asking for recognition of your important birthday.

baconsmom

Ask for what you want. I'd be hella pissed if my H pulled that nonsense, but I'm a birthday bitch. Also, I told him I was a birthday bitch shortly after we met. He has no reason not to know now. 

L_Woods

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_really-stupid-petty-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:ddb0f3d8-9d83-4799-ae83-fb33a1f2e3caPost:b31f91c1-1549-4dc5-a8e8-f2c7f25adc7e">Re: I have a really stupid and petty vent.</a>:
[QUOTE]Hmm. I feel like you've had this type of problem before. Some man treats you shabbily, you know it's shabby, but you want us to tell you it's NOT shabby because if it really is shabby, you'd have to actually do something about it. Open your mouth and say something.
Posted by Wonderw1fe[/QUOTE]

I actually don't think it's shabby. I just think he doesn't know how I feel because I'm not usually a big birthday person. So, I will be saying something (thanks for the advice all) now that I can do it in a calm, rational manner.

And FWIW, I rarely talk about Man on here because 99% of the time he's awesome. There are just times I need to vent.

Butter Cookie

Definitely just tell him 30 is a big deal to you, and you'd like him to celebrate it with you.
Is he older/younger than you?

HookaPants

Open your mouth now because once it's over you won't be entitled to complain about it.

**O-Face**

30 is a big deal.  No reason to feel like a baby about it.  Better to open your mouth and air it now than regret it later.

Sloane99

On my 30th I suspected BF (now FI) was going to propose and I was super excited. So to play down my suspicions I told FI I didn't want a big deal made, it was all good to just hang out for a bit. BLAH. BIG MISTAKE, FI did exactly that and gave me the lamest gift ever and ended up with me being all irrationally angry at him.

I really should have just told him point blank "listen, 30 is kinda a big deal to me, would love it if you could take me to dinner and set up some drinks with friends and make a generally big deal about it". He totally would have done that.

Mythpen

Its not petty or stupid at all. But, is spending money the issue or spending time? My fiance finds plenty of ways to fuss over me and they dont have to be expensive or even out of the house. Honestly, our best dinner memory was probably the first time he cooke dfor me. It was mac and cheese and pre made cheeseburgers served on a tray table with a fake flickering candle in the middle of his dad's dining room at about 10pm at night. its the person you share with, not the fancy stuff that matters most I think.