My Wedding is turning into a talent show!

tigerlilly2481

                So my fiance’s mother asked us if his great Aunt could play us an Irish wedding song, on her accordion, at the wedding.  She is a really sweet lady, about 4 ft tall 70 years old and her accordion is half the size her – it is a real site!  So we thought how can we say no?  Then my mom said we should have my cousin who is 18, autistic, and a musical genius play the piano for everyone, at the wedding.  So we thought how can we say no?  THEN my mom said my grandmother wants to play the spoons, at the wedding – yes, the spoons!  So we thought how can we say no?  BUT HOW DO WE SAY NO?!? 

                 We already told his great Aunt yes.  It would be amazing to see my cousin play but I don’t think he was told yet, and in reality he may break out with some intense classical music like Bach’s Toccata and Fugue in D Minor, talk about a mood changer.  And how do we say no to my grandma, c’mon, she is my 80 year old grandma, there is no way I can say no to her! But how entertaining can it be to watch someone bang two spoons together?
                On top of it I don’t want people to feel obligated to stand around watching this after they just sat through an hour long mass/ceremony which I’m sure they would rather not have, watched us dance together and watched me dance with my Dad and him with his Mom.

                We have both come from very musical families and that is what brought us together, so it’s not that we wouldn’t appreciate or love it.  And I do have to say that there will be a ton of Irish musicians there who will hopefully bring their instruments and play.  But if they do play it would be off to the side, inconspicuously – for people to enjoy but not to stand around and watch if they don’t want.  I just feel like adding all of this to an already limited schedule, will eat up time, and it kind of gives the reception the feeling of a talent show and not a wedding reception that is celebrating our union!

                I love all of these people and don’t want to tell them no but I feel like if it keeps going like this soon I will have to print out programs to distribute!  What should we do?!?

*Barbie*

it sounds like the moms are the ones doing the asking, and not the musicians (and i don't count spoons as a musical instrument, cause if they are, my almost 7mo is the next Mozart) - why not say no to them?

try this:

Mom: "can some relative do X at wedding?"
OP: 'No"
Mom: "but everyone will like it"
OP: "no"
Mom: "Blah blah not getting the hint"
OP: "No" *click/walk away*

mrsconn23

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_wedding-turning-talent-show?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:df317958-8d50-40b7-8767-ef1b12a4def5Post:b9332170-958f-472d-a792-a8501580f0c1">Re: My Wedding is turning into a talent show!</a>:
[QUOTE]it sounds like the moms are the ones doing the asking, and not the musicians <strong>(and i don't count spoons as a musical instrument, cause if they are, my almost 7mo is the next Mozart) </strong>- why not say no to them? try this: Mom: "can some relative do X at wedding?" OP: 'No" Mom: "but everyone will like it" OP: "no" Mom: "Blah blah not getting the hint" OP: "No" *click/walk away*
Posted by *Barbie*[/QUOTE]

It's good to know that DefConn's future wife is a genius.  <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-wink.gif" border="0" alt="Wink" title="Wink" />

hmonkey

i'm not feeling well, so i apologize if this comes across as harsh but are you stupid or something?  if you don't want your wedding to become lollapalooza, then say something.

[QUOTE}And I do have to say that there will be a ton of Irish musicians there who will hopefully bring their instruments and play.  But if they do play it would be off to the side, inconspicuously – for people to enjoy but not to stand around and watch if they don’t want.[/QUOTE]

and what the what is this?  you HOPE they'll bring their instruments?  do you come from a family of wandering minstrels or something?  if you want them to play, ask them -- don't just be sitting around and hoping for schnit.  and you better  be specific in your asking -- if cousins declan and seamus come with their fiddles and expect to be center stage and you shove them off to the side, you'll be "the one who thought the family plays for free" at all the reunions.

man, white people and their "irish" heritage.  i didn't know spoons was a traditional irish instrument.  we asian folk use that for mealtimes.

tigerlilly2481

Wow - yeah a little harsh, was that completely necessary? I was just looking for a little guidance on how to work this out without hurting feelings. I never said the spoons were any sort of traditional instrument.  And don't you asian folk use chop sticks anyway?

*Barbie*

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_wedding-turning-talent-show?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:df317958-8d50-40b7-8767-ef1b12a4def5Post:97e2f21b-122d-4346-9634-3ee4e90f6469">My Wedding is turning into a talent show!</a>:
[QUOTE]                So my fiance’s mother asked us if his great Aunt could play us an Irish wedding song, on her accordion, at the wedding.   She is a really sweet lady, about 4 ft tall 70 years old and her accordion is half the size her – it is a real site!   So we thought how can we say no?   Then my mom said we should have my cousin who is 18, autistic, and a musical genius play the piano for everyone, at the wedding.   So we thought how can we say no?   THEN my mom said my grandmother wants to play the spoons, at the wedding – yes, the spoons!   So we thought how can we say no?   BUT HOW DO WE SAY NO?!?                     We already told his great Aunt yes.   It would be amazing to see my cousin play but I don’t think he was told yet, and in reality he may break out with some intense classical music like Bach’s Toccata and Fugue in D Minor, talk about a mood changer.   And how do we say no to my grandma, c’mon, she is my 80 year old grandma, there is no way I can say no to her! But how entertaining can it be to watch someone bang two spoons together?                 On top of it I don’t want people to feel obligated to stand around watching this after they just sat through an hour long mass/ceremony which I’m sure they would rather not have, watched us dance together and watched me dance with my Dad and him with his Mom.                 We have both come from very musical families and that is what brought us together, so it’s not that we wouldn’t appreciate or love it.   And I do have to say that there will be a ton of Irish musicians there who will hopefully bring their instruments and play.   But if they do play it would be off to the side, inconspicuously – for people to enjoy but not to stand around and watch if they don’t want.   I just feel like adding all of this to an already limited schedule, will eat up time, and it kind of gives the reception the feeling of a talent show and not a wedding reception that is celebrating our union!                 I love all of these people and don’t want to tell them no but I feel like if it keeps going like this soon I will have to print out programs to distribute!   What should we do?!?
Posted by tigerlilly2481[/QUOTE]

just in case...

*Barbie*

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_wedding-turning-talent-show?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:df317958-8d50-40b7-8767-ef1b12a4def5Post:7b891005-2e3b-4806-8a66-49e8f04cdcfa">Re: My Wedding is turning into a talent show!</a>:
[QUOTE]Wow - yeah a little harsh, was that completely necessary? I was just looking for a little guidance on how to work this out without hurting feelings. I never said the spoons were any sort of traditional instrument.  <strong>And don't you asian folk use chop sticks anyway?
</strong>Posted by tigerlilly2481[/QUOTE]

ZOMG... RACIST!!!

hmonkey

not all asians, genius.

just tell your mom to save it for family reunion.  and give your cousin the music you want him to play -- something like pachelbel's canon or some other one hit wonder so he doesn't break out the mahler.

hmonkey

and explain more about this "hope other people bring their instruments."  what's this about hoping some people bring instruments, but not allowing other people to bring their instruments?

tigerlilly2481

I know, I know - I had to come back with something in response to you calling me stupid and making comments about my heritage.
Seriously though, thank you for your reply and advice - I appreciate it!

hmonkey

WAIT!  explain how you want some people to play music HOPEFULLY, but the people who are asking to play  -- not so much.

tigerlilly2481

I want EVERYONE to play if they can - I am "hoping" they bring their instruments because I don't want to TELL them to, I don't want them to feel obligated to entertain everyone and not enjoy the reception themselves - I figured if they bring it on their own will, great!  And it's not that I dont want others to bring instruments I just don't want "shows" going on all night, I don't want things to be scheduled Wedding, cocktail hour, we are announced, Auntie plays accordian, first dance, grandma plays spoons, eat, cousin plays the piano (which is hard to get him to want to stop after he starts), cut cake, now cousin wants to do and dance, toss boquet, uncle wants to sing etc...  We just have very limited time and I don't want people to have to stop what they are doing so they can all stan around whoever to watch them perform thats all.  So i figure I will set grandma up with the musicians, which she will love, my cousin can play a song or two while we eat (he will not want to sit at the table for very long anyway) and we can fit the Aunt in at an appropriate time that night - maybe she can play for the cake cutting.
So that is all, I just want to be fair & I want everyone to have fun.
And what I thought would be a helpful and fun thing by posting on here has turned into something completely different and actually upsetting - so I probably won't be checking any more responses but thank you for yours!

*Barbie*

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_wedding-turning-talent-show?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:df317958-8d50-40b7-8767-ef1b12a4def5Post:44111823-c1e6-4a48-9991-8519e2c15497">Re: My Wedding is turning into a talent show!</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>I want EVERYONE to play if they can</strong> - I am "hoping" they bring their instruments because I don't want to TELL them to, I don't want them to feel obligated to entertain everyone and not enjoy the reception themselves - I figured if they bring it on their own will, great!  And it's not that I dont want others to bring instruments I just don't want "shows" going on all night, I don't want things to be scheduled Wedding, cocktail hour, we are announced, Auntie plays accordian, first dance, grandma plays spoons, eat, cousin plays the piano (which is hard to get him to want to stop after he starts), cut cake, now cousin wants to do and dance, toss boquet, uncle wants to sing etc...  We just have very limited time and I don't want people to have to stop what they are doing so they can all stan around whoever to watch them perform thats all.  So i figure I will set grandma up with the musicians, which she will love, my cousin can play a song or two while we eat (he will not want to sit at the table for very long anyway) and we can fit the Aunt in at an appropriate time that night - maybe she can play for the cake cutting. So that is all, I just want to be fair & I want everyone to have fun. And what I thought would be a helpful and fun thing by posting on here has turned into something completely different and actually upsetting - so I probably won't be checking any more responses but thank you for yours!
Posted by tigerlilly2481[/QUOTE]
 this doesn't make sense - you have done a complete 180 - "How do i say no?!" to 'I want EVERYONE to play!"

which one is it?

as a guest, i'd be annoyed as hell if i was subjected to this whole "talent show" nonsense - if you have one relative that is a professional musician and ask them to play or sing ONE song, ok. Listening to your crazy-ass grandma bang spoons together? no thanks.

tigerlilly2481

Wow! Really?!?!

tigerlilly2481

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_wedding-turning-talent-show?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:df317958-8d50-40b7-8767-ef1b12a4def5Post:3b2b7b4e-9763-42b4-904d-08091713860c">Re: My Wedding is turning into a talent show!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: My Wedding is turning into a talent show! :  this doesn't make sense - you have done a complete 180 - "How do i say no?!" to 'I want EVERYONE to play!" which one is it? as a guest, i'd be annoyed as hell if i was subjected to this whole "talent show" nonsense - if you have one relative that is a professional musician and ask them to play or sing ONE song, ok. <strong>Listening to your crazy-ass grandma bang spoons together? no thanks.
</strong>Posted by *Barbie*[/QUOTE]

chocoholic4life

Wow!  This is getting out of hand...

Tigerlily, you simply need to be specific with what you want.  Don't *hope* people will show up with their instruments.  If you want them there, ask them.  Also, tell them politely that you would like them to play while other things are going on (i.e. not center stage) so that they are prepared for that.  If you do not want people to play, you need to turn down the requests you are getting and try to get your mother and FMIL and anyone else planning this "talent show" on the same page as you. 

A word of caution though:  once you invite a few to play "on the side," you are opening things up for hurt feelings if everyone is not included in this.  If it were me, I would skip the performances altogether.  Good luck!

tesskerr

How about you hire an amazing irish band or something, so ALL of your GUESTS can have some entertainment they can enojoy, and then if any one asks if they can do sh!t at your wedding, you can say "No, sorry, we have hired this amazing very epensive band that you will love!" Then change the subject.

ahampton27

Here's an idea. Why don't you just have everyone display their talents (whatever they may be) at the rehearsal dinner? The rehearsal dinner is a more casual, laid-back atmosphere (usually) and then you don't have to worry about making your guests "feel obligated to stand around watching this after they just sat through an hour long mass/ceremony." It could take the place of so many of the toasts at the rehearsal dinner too.