Um...Why haven't the divorce papers been filed?

mrsconn23

Dear Prudence,
My husband and I have been married a little over two years, a second marriage for both of us. Soon after getting married, my husband, who works in information technology, revealed to me that for the prior year he had placed a tracker on my laptop to monitor every site I went to, every search I made. I thought something was wrong when he would ask me about things I didn't discuss with him but had searched for online. I’ve woken up to find him holding my phone, scrolling through my messages. I've told him that this bothers me, that I'm not doing anything wrong, but some respect for personal boundaries is in order. Then he accuses me of hiding things. He recently bought me a new laptop, but I'm worried history could repeat itself. It leaves me with stomach cramps knowing that even this email itself could trigger a fight because he may be tracking me. He does well financially and we do have nice things, but he doesn’t like us to spend time with other people. I try to weigh the good against the bad, and I'm not unhappy apart from this issue. Can you please tell me if I'm the crazy one here?

—Demeaned and Frustrated

baconsmom

What the what. No. 

My husband is in IT and doesn't like to spend time with people. Guess what? He doesn't care that *I* spend time with other people! Good lord, I would have left as soon as he told me about the first tracker. 

**O-Face**

I don't think this guy's job is relevant, it just makes his intrusion easier.  That is beyond controlling and sick.

Wzz

well this is a little scary. what was the response?

mrsconn23

Dear Demeaned,
I hope you sent this letter from an Internet café, otherwise he’s going to be very unhappy about your note to me, because I agree with you that he knew what you wrote the moment you sent it—he might even have been watching as you composed the words. You appear to be under tighter surveillance by your husband than members of al-Qaida are by the National Security Agency. From your description, your marriage has less chance of making it to a fifth anniversary than al-Qaida’s No. 3 does of living to become al-Qaida’s No. 2. You say you are weighing the good against the bad. The good is that he has an income. The bad is that you’re married to a controlling lunatic who has views similar to the Taliban about wifely independence. Nice things do not make up for being under house arrest. At this rate, your next gift may be a jewel-encrusted ankle-monitoring device. I can imagine one day, after he sees something he doesn’t like, you waking up to find him standing over the bed with something less benign than a cellphone in his hand. Until two years ago you managed to make your way financially through life without your husband’s paycheck. You can do it again. Start your return to independence by hiring a lawyer and getting out. And as you make your break, dump your existing phone and laptop and get new ones, unless you want to alert your husband about your plan of escape.

—Prudie

tawillers

I think I saw this on an episode of True Life.

baconsmom

Oh, I don't think the profession is necesarily relevant, either; I was just struck by the similarities - and the differences. 

MNNEBride

She needs to purchase a pay-as-you-go cell phone (ala Katie Holmes) and be contacting a lawyer.