My breasts are the enemy (BR)

thatgrrrrl

We went to DD's 4 month appt yesterday. She's 8lbs 7.5oz.  At this point it's nurse her and then give her 4oz of formula on top of it (if she'll take that much). We have another weight check in a month so that our ped can see if she's just a slow grower or if there is something organic going on. What is comes down to in my head (which is pretty messed up right now) is that, basically, my breasts hate me and the fact that I really enjoy nursing.

I know that formula isn't poison. I've never had issues with supplementing DD. I just really wish that I could pump/produce enough to get her to a weight that she is supposed to be at. At this rate, I doubt I'll be able to make it to my goal of nursing for a year.

I've rented a hospital grade pump and hopefully I'll see a difference. I'm not holding my breath since my stress level is really impacting my milk production.

Costco has a good coupon for Enfamil and I have some checks. We'll be going on Thursday to get it.

For whatever reason, it just KILLS me that nursing isn't working for us the way I had hoped it would.

6fsn

I'm sorry you are feeling this way.  I know it doesn't mean much, but there is nothing wrong with moving to formula.  You need to do what's best for everyone.

Unless you need a specific kind, generic formula is just as good.

thatgrrrrl

6, I send whatever I pump to daycare and whatever is lacking they give whatever formula they have (Carnation good start, I think). She's got no tummy problems so I'm good with whatever. We've been using Enfamil samples from the hospital and ped and since Costco has this great coupon, we'll go that route right now. I'm still semi-hoping that it'll just be supplementation and not completely transitioning.

*Barbie*

i know how much this has been upsetting you, but you're doing everything you can. I think you need to consider taking this off your plate. It's one more thing to stress over, and your stress load is high enough as it is.

you may want to consider starting to limit your nursing sessions (1 x 40 minute session/day) or setting a production goal with pumping (say 1 oz milk/bottle/day or even 1 bottle of milk per day) - know that even if it's just a small amount, you're still giving her milk, and be proud of that.

one downside of nursing is that you don't know how much she is getting or her capacity. since we were doing 1/2 nursing 1/2 pump and feed, i knew she would eat # oz at each age.

did your pedi talk to you about gradually increasing the bottle amounts?

thatgrrrrl

Yeah. It was the ped who suggested that we give her 5oz bottles at daycare (how over many of BM and however many of formula) and then the big supplementing after nursing.

Tonight I'm going to give her 2oz of formula to start then nurse her. I want to see if she'll fill up that way and come off the breast on her own. If she doesn't within 40 minutes (20min/breast) then I'll give her the last 2oz of formula. I'll pump after each nursing session to make sure I'm empty. Whatever little bit I get will go into her bottles for tomorrow.

thatgrrrrl

also what is hard is that nursing her is pretty much the only thing that keeps me sane with everything that's going on. When I nurse her I relax and can just enjoy the oxytocin rush that makes everything bad fade a little.

mrsconn23

I understand what you are feeling.  I had *plans* to EBF for at least 6 mos, hopefully a year before I had DefConn. 

Unfortunately, that didn't work out.  There were many tears cried over that fact in the first few days. 

But as long as Thistlebud is getting fed, that's what counts and any BM she gets is great.  Please try not to pile too much more stress on yourself over this.   I know it's easier said than done.  ::hugs::

AuntFlo

I don't mean to butt in to your (extremely personal) business, but are you seeking help for PPD or D.  Talking to someone and/or medication can help tremendously and can make you feel so much better.  You'll kick yourself for not doing it sooner.

As far as breastfeeding goes, I would work towards switching to formula for all feedings except for once or twice a day - - and also work towards making yourself well enough to not need to breastfeed for relaxation.

Remember, there are so many of us here that have gone through similar stuff and are here to support you.   Send me a message on FB if you want to talk.

hmonkey

[QUOTE]I don't mean to butt in to your (extremely personal) business, but are you seeking help for PPD or D.  Talking to someone and/or medication can help tremendously and can make you feel so much better.  You'll kick yourself for not doing it sooner. As far as breastfeeding goes, I would work towards switching to formula for all feedings except for once or twice a day - - and also work towards making yourself well enough to not need to breastfeed for relaxation. Remember, there are so many of us here that have gone through similar stuff and are here to support you.   Send me a message on FB if you want to talk.
Posted by AuntFlo[/QUOTE]

af speaks the truth on all counts.  as someone who also produced equal parts breastmilk and tears, i was an IDIOT for not getting the zoloft earlier, especially considering it was just a phone call away. 

if you are formula feeding, let evets do some of them.  i know he's a giant douche and he needs to sleep, but you have needs, too, and rest is one of them.

nursing can be about more than just food -- for you and for her.

forget about nursing for a year.  i was a fool about that, too.  just nurse until the end of the week, and then see if you can do it for another week.  repeat until the answer is "no."

mrsconn23

I agree with Hmo and AF, please talk to your OB.  Get yourself some PP help.  I'm worried about you TG.  You're shouldering a lot of stuff right now, BR and non-BR, and you're going to reach a breaking point.  I'd rather you get help before you reach that point. 

*Barbie*

I'm with everyone else re: getting some help whether in the form of happy pills or therapy. you need a break.

DG1

I'm sure I don't have anything new to add.  Just be glad she's gotten as much milk as she has. I was always the person snorting at the new moms who were sad about giving formula. Until *I* was the mom who had to give formula and felt like I might as well be giving them chicken nuggets for every meal.

Ditto the others on the PPD/D diagnosis. I think stress was a HUGE part of why BFing failed for me. Not the only part, but definitely a major contributor.

I did see some improvement with fenugreek and those "mother's milk" drops or whatever. 

Do the best you can do and feel confident that you have a happy, healthy child because of it, even if she does get a good chunk of formula.

Chin up.

MiddlesexFells

I had alot of success with a hospital-grade pump and taking the herbal supplement fenugreek. I pumped exclusively for the first 10 weeks because I had such awful, cracks and bleeding (tmi, sorry). The "instructions" go something like this: Pump x number of minutes on each side." Well, I pumped each side until I was empty, and of course, it's a supply-and-demand thing, so this increased my production pretty drastically after just a few days.  I honestly don't know if the fenugreek capsules did anything, but what I can tell you is that my teenytinies were producing 8-ounces each each time I pumped, by the time ds was 10 weeks old.

And yes, I realize breast size has nothing to do with supply, but man, supply sure does affect breast size!

Just to clarify: I got the pump after a couple of weeks, so supply had begun to diminish. Pumping (or over-pumping) really boosted production.

skippylouwho

My daughter (age 24) are very close. My brother felt his daughter and her mom were not and it was because she wasn't breast fed. I had to break it to him that I did not BF either.  I tried BF with my son, it didn't work so I didn't even try it with DD.

DS had perfect school attendance through about 5th grade, DD had perfect attend school attendance until late spring of 8th grade. All told, each kid may have missed 3 days from kindergarten to graduation. The reason I'm mentioning this is I read alot about how babies should be breast fed to increase their immune system/fight off illnesses etc.  I realize I'm only talking about 2 non-BF kids but it worked out fine for us.\\