Pennsylvania-Philadelphia
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envelope addressing questions

What's the protocol for a couple who's dating but not engaged/married?  Do you put both of their names on the invite or just your friend's name "and guest"?  Curious if I need to track down names and spellings of all of our guests' significant others.  Also, is it:Mr. and Mrs. John Doe ?orMr. and Mrs. John and Jane Doe ?

Re: envelope addressing questions

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    edited December 2011
    I put friend's name and guest since they were not engaged or married.
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    ButtonsPepperButtonsPepper member
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Same as val, if engaged I put Mr. Joe smith and Ms. Jane Jones. If just dating, I'd put Mr. Joe Smith and guest.
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    edited December 2011
    Definitely put both of their names.  I think it's important to find out the name if you don't know it either, unless it's just a casual thing.  I listed the closer of the two first, and then significant other second.
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    matthew24matthew24 member
    First Comment First Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    I think it depends on the situation, specifically how long/how serious the couple is. For couples that have been dating for awhile and if I knew the other person I put both of their names, but for friends that were bringing someone who they just started dating or aren't that serious yet I would put 'and guest.'
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    ButtonsPepperButtonsPepper member
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Matthew- Good point. Some of my friends have been with the other for some time now, but it wouldn't be a shocker to any of us if they broke up. I wanted them to know that even if they did, they could bring someone, they didn't have to bring who I put on the card, which was my reason for and guest. Chances are, if you are engaged, the liklihood of breaking up would be less (in most cases).
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    Lindsey620Lindsey620 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I tried to find out the guests name whenever possible - no matter the situation. If I couldn't find it, or I was giving them a guest and didn't know who they would bring, I just put "Mr. John Smith and guest" Also - I put "Mr. and Mrs. John Doe" for my envelopes (no woman's name) .. I know there is some disagreement about this, but I went with the traditional way for mine. HTH!
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    matthew24matthew24 member
    First Comment First Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    Buttons- I just remember being mentioned as 'and guest' from his family on multiple occasions though we had been dating like 8 years longer than the couple getting married/engaged/baby momma day/ whatever it was. I would get pissed about it when they knew we lived together, had a house, dated 10 years, etc. However, if we had just begun dating and no body knew me it would not have made a difference and would have cared less.
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    ButtonsPepperButtonsPepper member
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Matthew - now THAT would piss me off. If it's family you should do the name. :-(
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    edited December 2011
    Ditto Matthew24!!!!  It was one of my biggest pet peeves.  We lived together and in some cases were together longer than the couple getting married and they still wrote "and guest".  Especially when the couple had met you many a times.
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    matthew24matthew24 member
    First Comment First Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    haha Jewels did we marry into the same family? It used to bother the HELL out of me especially when baby mommas came before me on totem pole when they have been in the family 6 effing months. Clearly I am so over it and have moved on :)
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    ButtonsPepperButtonsPepper member
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Matthew- Glad to see you have moved past that :-) IN all seriousness though, that would REALLY piss me off...
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    edited December 2011
    Ah OK.  I'll find out dates' names for people who've been together a long time, and if they don't have someone serious they'll get "and guest".You use Mr. and Ms. for couples like this still right?  So:Mr. Firstname Notmarried and Ms. Firstname Alsonotmarried?And one more nitpicky thing -- is it "and" or do you use an ampersand?Sorry for all the questions!!
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    edited December 2011
    From what I have read, you should find out the guests name.  IMO, it's not polite to put "and guest".  All the weddings we have been invited to as a couple, instead of FI's name, it says "and guest".  He keeps threatening to send the cat since he wasn't important enough to be specified.We are planning on inviting those who live together, are engaged, or have been dating over a year.  Other than that, sorry, we just don't have the money to pay for everyone.  And since we are doing serious relationships only, I plan on finding and addressing everyone's name- no "and guest".In terms of addressing to a couple that is not married, I have heard that it is considered polite to put the woman's name first, and then the man's name on the second line.  Though the method of doing whomever you are close with works too :)Finally, if you are doing formal invites, where everything else is spelled out on the actual invitation (time, date, etc), then I would think "and" would be spelled out as well.  It also helps me that I cannot do an ampersand that looks decent if my life depended on it.
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    edited December 2011
    Oh, and we are addressing to only the man, so Mr. and Mrs. John Doe. The only time we are changing that is if the woman has a title of some sort. Soo our pastor's will look like this:The Reverend John Doe and the Doctor Jane DoeIf the woman has a title and the man doesn't, then it looks like this:The Doctor Jane Doe and Mr. John DoeHTH!
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    matthew24matthew24 member
    First Comment First Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    Delicate- I put whoever I was closest with first, than underneath wrote the other Mr. JohnDoeMs. JaneDoefor married peeps I wrote out the Mr. John Doe and Mrs. JaneDoe
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