How to tell your father-in-law that you've been engaged for the past 10 months =S

jess0617

So my fiance and his father do not have a very close relationship by any means. He lives in Ohio and we live in Canada. He doesn't play a huge role in our lives and my fiance hasn't talked to him in a long time. Due to the situation, we haven't have an opportunity to talk to him in person. We are meeting up with him for dinner because my SIL is pregnant and wants to tell him & we figured it would be the best time for us to tell him we are engaged, have been for 10 months and are getting married in less than a year. We aren't even sure if we are going to invite him yet. Should we say anything? Any Advice at all?...

hmonkey

my advice is to not jack your sil's thunder.

DG1

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_tell-father-law-youve-engaged-past-10-months-s?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:e8dde235-3196-4096-ae9b-dc88e08c4a40Post:411cb5b6-5f83-47cd-840e-c4badbeba067">Re: How to tell your father-in-law that you've been engaged for the past 10 months =S</a>:
[QUOTE]my advice is to not jack your sil's thunder.
Posted by hmonkey[/QUOTE]


wow. agreed.

TheDuckis

For serious. Why couldn't he have sent an email at some point in the last 10 months?

jess0617

My SIL doesn't care to tell her father either.She didn't even want to tell him she was pregnant. She was the one who gave us the idea to do it all at once. I guess it's just hard to understand the situation ebcause the family dynamic is so odd.

ReturnOfKuus

I don't see why you have to add "and we've been sitting on this info for almost a year" when you tell him you're engaged.

hmonkey

does your fi actually want to tell him?

MinM

Why does he need to know about a wedding that he is not invited to? Decide that first.

Also, it sounds like SIL decided now would be the best time for YOU to tell him you're engaged. Make your own decisions.

hmonkey

and knowing about a wedding =/= being invited to the wedding.  if the relationship is as bad/non-existent as you say, perhaps fil won't really care if he knows or if he is invited.

DG1

Why are you guys even having dinner with a man you don't want to tell about impending marriage and babies?  Doesn't sound like great mealtime company to me.

6fsn

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_tell-father-law-youve-engaged-past-10-months-s?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:e8dde235-3196-4096-ae9b-dc88e08c4a40Post:b19a298c-d432-48d8-a46c-ef53b3a89518">Re: How to tell your father-in-law that you've been engaged for the past 10 months =S</a>:
[QUOTE]Why are you guys even having dinner with a man you don't want to tell about impending marriage and babies?  Doesn't sound like great mealtime company to me.
Posted by DG1[/QUOTE]

This a hundred times over.

kpwedkk

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_tell-father-law-youve-engaged-past-10-months-s?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:e8dde235-3196-4096-ae9b-dc88e08c4a40Post:53f2f60d-eecd-4d59-aa59-1225f9e97535">How to tell your father-in-law that you've been engaged for the past 10 months =S</a>:
[QUOTE]So my fiance and his father do not have a very close relationship by any means. He lives in Ohio and we live in Canada. He doesn't play a huge role in our lives and my fiance hasn't talked to him in a long time. Due to the situation, we haven't have an opportunity to talk to him in person. We are meeting up with him for dinner because my SIL is pregnant and wants to tell him & we figured it would be the best time for us to tell him we are engaged, have been for 10 months and are getting married in less than a year. We aren't even sure if we are going to invite him yet. Should we say anything? Any Advice at all?...
Posted by jess0617[/QUOTE]

Hi Jess, welcome to the boards, and congratulations on your engagement!

I agree with the previous posters, Don't steal the thunder from your sister in law, her news to her own father is far more important.. plus you have time!!  There will be exclusive opportunities in the future to tell your future father in law - depending if you are going to invite him or not to your wedding.

Hope that helps!

kimp67

I don't think I would tell him at the same time.  Also, like pps stated, there's no need for him to know that you've been engaged for 10 months.

lashanda1

If your SIL brought up you telling  her father about engagement she may be nervous about telling him about her pregnancy and is looking for support. Secondly if you are going to tell him about engagement do so w/o mentioning the 10 month thing instead " We are recently engaged" or  you FI might say " I've asked ( insert your name) to marry me and she had agreed so we wanted to tell you togther"

There is no reason to hurt anothers feelings if you dont have to and perhaps the might be an opportunity to heal the breech between them... What ever happens i hope its for  the best

SIdeBar-----Maybe its me but some of the comments on these boards seem a bit meanspirited and tactless

jess0617

Thanks Lashanda1, your advice was great!! I agree about the other posts...it almost deters you from writing on here. I think people are too easy to judge! Have a great day!

TheDuckis

Yes, people like you are way too easy to judge.