My fiance and I have been dating for almost 3 years. We got engaged this past Fall. For my bridal shower I registered at Bed Bath and Beyond. (just for my bridal shower - we aren't registering for gifts for our actual wedding). Anyway, no one has even gotten invitations for my shower yet and the other day I get a BBB gift on my door step. When I opened it I found out it was from my Fiance's ex girlfriend from like 6 years ago. They didn't have the best breakup, and he told her to leave him alone until he was ready to be friends with her again. She hasn't been able to follow those directions and for the last 3 years I've dated my Fiance he has received numerous facebook messages/emails from this girl as well as a postcard last summer from her while she was on vacation saying she was "thinking of him'. He has not responded to any of her correspondence in hopes that she would get the hint and go away. They are not on good terms and she isn't invited to the wedding. So basically she had to randomly search for his or my name online on BBB website and find my bridal shower registry and sent us a gift from it. I need opinions as to what to do next. My fiance and I both think it might be best to return the gift so she can get her money back, and then send her a thank you....(but no thank you) card to say we appreciate her thoughts and well wishes, but since this gift is for my bridal shower and i've never met her it isn't appropriate to accept the gift - and then have us both sign the card (so we are showing a united front). What do you guys think? It totally freaked me out getting the gift and I've been rattled ever since.
Re: Crazy Ex sent wedding gift
I want to her more about only having a shower registry though. How are people supposed to know this? What do you expect for the wedding?
[QUOTE]Return the gift with no further contact. She sounds a little crazy and I would not want to encourage more contact. I want to her more about only having a shower registry though. How are people supposed to know this? What do you expect for the wedding?
Posted by 6fsn[/QUOTE]
All of this ^^^
[QUOTE]Return the gift with no further contact. She sounds a little crazy and I would not want to encourage more contact. I want to her more about only having a shower registry though. How are people supposed to know this? <strong>What do you expect for the wedding?</strong>
Posted by 6fsn[/QUOTE]
COLD HARD CASH...duh.
In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_crazy-ex-sent-wedding-gift?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:ec410a43-23e3-4ed2-bec2-e8c27d57fd4bPost:420ba1d4-ee7a-4b47-a2a5-4be9d1f51047">Re: Crazy Ex sent wedding gift</a>:
[QUOTE]Return the gift with no further contact. She sounds a little crazy and I would not want to encourage more contact. I want to her more about only having a shower registry though. How are people supposed to know this? What do you expect for the wedding?
Posted by 6fsn[/QUOTE]
[QUOTE]I'd be tempted to write "return to sender, not at this residence" on it and send it back. Definitely do not accept it. Or respond back.
Posted by dharmabunny[/QUOTE]
THIS.
although, having a registry, as far as i am used to it, is generally for shower gifts. i have never been to a wedding that the couple got anything besides a card with a money gift inside. i *was* given gifts other than money for my wedding, but the majority of people gave money.
However, you should consider that she might feel free to invite herself to your wedding (if she's able to find your ceremony and reception info), and in that case you should stick with the thanks but no thanks letter. Just curious though, what would it say?
[QUOTE]For our wedding registry my fiance and I are doing Honeyfund (for our airfare for our honeymoon). We have lived together for a while so we don't need a ton of homegoods. So I'm just registering for a few things for my shower instead (since we definitely don't have enough stuff we want to do it for the wedding (With 150 guest). In Response to Re: Crazy Ex sent wedding gift :
Posted by sarah8smack[/QUOTE]
I hope you aren't seriously going to tell people to give you more for a honeymoon on your invites. Thankfully I've never come across anyone that tacky personally, but if I did I'd get them anything but.
IF/Baby Blog
2 years, 2 surgeries, 2 clomid fails, 2 IUIs, 1 loss, IVF #1 - 10/25/10 = BFP!
TTC #2 - 6/12 surgery #3, FET #1 & 1.2 = BFN, 12/2012 FET #2 = BFP!
I can't wait for the "im getting a divorce" post in 5 years or so because your husbands were fed up with your disgusting chair asses from playing on the knot all day and getting fired 4-5 times for not doing any work. you guys are all winners!! ~ Laur929
[QUOTE]Here's a rough draft of what I'm thinking the note should say. Let me know what u guys think: Dear _____, Thank you for your kind words and thought regarding our upcoming wedding. We received your gift, however we feel it is inappropriate to accept it. <strong>The registry is for the bridal shower and since you don't have a relationship with the bride it is uncomfortable and awkward receiving a gift from a stranger.</strong> We would appreciate you giving us our privacy so that we can continue to enjoy our engagement. Sincerely, Us
Posted by sarah8smack[/QUOTE]
I'd leave out the bolded, it kind of goes without saying and sounds like you are just trying to rub it in her face that she has no part in your life (even if she deserves it).
IF/Baby Blog
2 years, 2 surgeries, 2 clomid fails, 2 IUIs, 1 loss, IVF #1 - 10/25/10 = BFP!
TTC #2 - 6/12 surgery #3, FET #1 & 1.2 = BFN, 12/2012 FET #2 = BFP!
I can't wait for the "im getting a divorce" post in 5 years or so because your husbands were fed up with your disgusting chair asses from playing on the knot all day and getting fired 4-5 times for not doing any work. you guys are all winners!! ~ Laur929
She got us an entertaining appetizer platter that I had registered for.
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Crazy Ex sent wedding gift : I'd leave out the bolded, it kind of goes without saying and sounds like you are just trying to rub it in her face that she has no part in your life (even if she deserves it).
Posted by L&R70707[/QUOTE]
I agree. Without that part the letter is polite, but also very clear.
As far as your honeyfund, I don't think it's ridiculously tacky. You just have to know your guests. Perhaps you could ask your parents, ILs and bridal party what they think as a sample of your entire guest list. If you get bad feedback, reconsider.
Make sure you do the return process through the store and don't include your return address.
taw is completely right - bring the gift back to the store and have them return it to the sender. she may or may not be crazy, but it is bizarre she'd send a gift like that unsolicited. just close that door and lock it behind you.
In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_crazy-ex-sent-wedding-gift?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:ec410a43-23e3-4ed2-bec2-e8c27d57fd4bPost:53d8bf8d-8722-420b-ac84-ab81dc9baafc">Re:Crazy Ex sent wedding gift</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Crazy Ex sent wedding gift : I agree. Without that part the letter is polite, but also very clear. As far as your honeyfund, I don't think it's ridiculously tacky. You just have to know your guests. Perhaps you could ask your parents, ILs and bridal party what they think as a sample of your entire guest list. If you get bad feedback, reconsider.
Posted by dammitkrystyn[/QUOTE]
[QUOTE]Um, first of all... you're on the knot right now too. Secondly, I have a great job and am on vacation this week so I don't believe my husband will divorce me for that. In Response to Re: Crazy Ex sent wedding gift :
Posted by sarah8smack[/QUOTE]
Ahaahahahahahaha! OMG...it took me second to figure out what the hell you were talking about! That is part of my signature....it is always under anything I post and was said to all of us years ago by some crazy who didn't like our advice.
IF/Baby Blog
2 years, 2 surgeries, 2 clomid fails, 2 IUIs, 1 loss, IVF #1 - 10/25/10 = BFP!
TTC #2 - 6/12 surgery #3, FET #1 & 1.2 = BFN, 12/2012 FET #2 = BFP!
I can't wait for the "im getting a divorce" post in 5 years or so because your husbands were fed up with your disgusting chair asses from playing on the knot all day and getting fired 4-5 times for not doing any work. you guys are all winners!! ~ Laur929
[QUOTE]Um, first of all... you're on the knot right now too. <strong><font color="#ff0000">Secondly, I have a great job and am on vacation this week so I don't believe my husband will divorce me for that</font></strong>. In Response to Re: Crazy Ex sent wedding gift :
Posted by sarah8smack[/QUOTE]
OOh nooo!! This is going to take a nasty left turn.
1. I don't think that was meant for you (don't take it personal). It's part of her signature quoted from someone else.
2. there's a little search box at the bottom - type in honeyfund- It doesn't go over well here on the knot (check the etiquette and registering and gifts boards- on the left).
3. What a super awkward situation. Decline the gift.
happy planning (sans the crazy stalker ex)!
she is crazy. return the gift without a note and don't engage again.