FMIL wants prenup bad

jsonne05

So I got engaged yesterday. It was more fantastic that I'd imagined. I'm really happy and really lucky. He calls him mom to let her know and a few minutes into the conversation he says "it's not the time, now is not the time." I asked him after he hung up what she said and she was talking about a stupid prenup! What the %^#&@ is wrong with this woman? This is the day I get engaged and she's talking about a prenup!

I would ask you to keep in mind that I am a very responsible girl with a college education and a job at a fortune 500 company. I am, and will never be after anyone's money. I knew she wanted us to have a prenup based on conversations with my fiance. He doesn't want one. Also, his family is just as well off as mine so I'm not sure what needs protecting. I think a prenup is a decision to be made between the two getting married, not their nosey parents.

Nevertheless, am I nuts for thinking bringing up a prenup is really really freaking rude on the day of your engagement?

hmonkey

no.  and she clearly doesn't like you, so good luck with that.

by the way, you are nuts to lurk for two and half years and then have your first post to be about your fmil.

jsonne05

ha ha, i joined as a bridesmaid
wasn't trying to lurk

Butter Cookie

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_fmil-wants-prenup-bad?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:f8562fc0-197c-4f15-afab-f7fc6f075ff4Post:618219f1-8e9e-42d7-91d0-7838daef84ef">FMIL wants prenup bad</a>:
[QUOTE]So I got engaged yesterday. It was more fantastic that I'd imagined. I'm really happy and really lucky. He calls him mom to let her know and a few minutes into the conversation he says "it's not the time, now is not the time." I asked him after he hung up what she said and she was talking about a stupid prenup! What the %^#&@ is wrong with this woman? This is the day I get engaged and she's talking about a prenup! I would ask you to keep in mind that I am a very responsible girl with a college education and a job at a fortune 500 company. I am, and will never be after anyone's money. I knew she wanted us to have a prenup based on conversations with my fiance. He doesn't want one. Also, his family is just as well off as mine so I'm not sure what needs protecting. I think a prenup is a decision to be made between the two getting married, not their nosey parents. Nevertheless, am I nuts for thinking bringing up a prenup is really really freaking rude on the day of your engagement?
Posted by jsonne05[/QUOTE]


:::sucking in through my teeth:::: yeaaahhh that woman is not going to be pleasant. Let your FH deal with all that.

Prenups can be ultra tricky, and not as easy as "you don't get anything that was mine before the marriage"

If you do consider it, get your own lawyer, so you know you're not getting screwed.

tawillers

I think it's rude of anyone* to bring it up anytime, IMO.  It's not really anyone's business.

But I agree that it sounds like FMIL doesn't like you.  That blows.

ETA:  * by "anyone" I mean other than you and your FI.

Butter Cookie

Taw - I just wanna say LOOK AT THOSE TEEFS! LOOK AT THOSE CHUBBY BABEH CHEEKS!

Ok, I'm good now.

tawillers

  She's got two ginormous chompers on the top that aren't showing in this pic.  And she's been trying them out on everything.

6fsn

I don't have an issue with prenups, but it's not something for your FMIL to be involved in.  Your FMIL sounds like a peach of a woman.

Sloane99

It's obviously something you knew about from very early on in the relationship. Are you not okay with doing one at all or you just don't like that she brought it up on "engagement day"? I guess the timing could have been different but really when's a good time to do so? I'm wondering if you were looking for a reason to be angry at her especially since you knew it was coming.

FTR, pre-nups protect both of you, all it basically does is state that whatever assets you're coming into the marriage with is what you're going to walk away with. Any assets that you have acquired during the marriage will generally be split according to the divorce laws of your state anyways.

If his family has money or trust accounts with your FIs name on them then they just want assurance that you will not be able to touch those in case of divorce it's not a case of who's family is more well-off, just something they feel they obviously require for protection. If you're not the type to do so anyways so then it shouldn't matter if you put that thought to paper.

Go, get a pre-nup remove the lack of romance/emotion from it and move forward with your wedding plans. If you're totally against doing one then it sounds like you're in for a rough ride.

**O-Face**

I'm very distracted by Taw's siggy, but yes your FMIL is very rude and I'm sure you aren't surprised by that.

Also, I second the PP and the suggestion to get your own lawyer if this goes any further.

Sloane99

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_fmil-wants-prenup-bad?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:f8562fc0-197c-4f15-afab-f7fc6f075ff4Post:4e5fe65a-d87f-4b07-8e64-222cd416ed84">Re: FMIL wants prenup bad</a>:
[QUOTE]If you do consider it, get your own lawyer, so you know you're not getting screwed.
Posted by Butter Cookie[/QUOTE]

Good point. Does your FI want a pre-nup as well? If so then you two have to negotiate that and definitely second the advice to getting your own lawyer to review it.

kpwedkk

Have a sitdown with your fiance.  Does he want to have a prenup? 

If he does, get advice from your own lawyer.

If he doesn't but is trying to follow the wishes of his mom, did she have a prenup before getting married?  Is she trying to keep all the bases covered?

If he just doesn't, then some explanation is needed for your fiance to tell his mom "NO."

jsonne05

I'm not a huge fan of prenups, but I'm not so traditional I wouldn't consider it. My fiance doesn't want one either though. I guess my point was this:

a. It's a rude thing to bring up on the day we get engaged.

b. A prenup should be a decision between the two people getting married, not so much a mom thing.

Also, I guess I'm a little miffed since I really did think she liked me. And, I'm sorta insulted that she thinks I'm some sort of gold digger when I'm a very established person with my own job and money.

Butter Cookie

She's wrong, but just because she likes you doesn't mean she wants you having access to her apparent meeeellions of dollars/family business/estate/great grandma's silver cutlery

I still say let your FH handle his mother (and good for him for shutting her down when she tried to talk to him about it, because seriously "PRENUP PRENUP PRENUP PRENUP is not the appropriate response to, "Mom! I just asked my girlfriend to marry me and she said yes!"

and if you and FH want a prenup get one, but both get lawyers, and leave Mom out of it.

Sloane99

Yes, it should be made between the two of you, but I do see a point to a family getting involved if they have any assets under FI's name, is this the case? I don't necessarily think she sees you as a gold digger. Does FI have any siblings that are married? Did they have to sign pre-nups as well?

Heffalump

Is there a family business?  I won't excuse her bringing it up in the context that she did, but if there is a family business, I can see why it would be at the top of her mind--especially if she doesn't like you or doesn't think the marriage will last.  A subseuqent divorce could potentially have the power to destroy or at least significantly damage something that took years or possibly generations to build.  I can see her wanting to protect against that. 

FIL and his brother both have their own businesses, and every time one of them gets divorced (one is on wife #4 and one recently divorced wife #5), they lose a big chunk of them.  You'd think they'd learn by now, but it's not my problem.

*Barbie*

TX is a community property state, isn't it? If either family has assets to protect, it may be something you guys would want to discuss. (and also something that family would have input on if there is family money - inheritance, trust funds, etc.)

It may have been bad timing, but it isn't necessarily inappropriate for his mom to bring up the topic to him. 

you and your FI need to sort out what works best for you. 

 

redheadfsu

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_fmil-wants-prenup-bad?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:f8562fc0-197c-4f15-afab-f7fc6f075ff4Post:7d50593f-3d64-4bcc-afa3-98f193de5804">Re: FMIL wants prenup bad</a>:
[QUOTE]It may have been bad timing, but it isn't necessarily inappropriate for his mom to bring up the topic to him.  you and your FI need to sort out what works best for you.   
Posted by *Barbie*[/QUOTE]

This. Bad timing, but if there are assets you really should look into getting a prenup. I'm sure she meant it as marriage advice, which you two will get lots of. It is not that she thinks you are a gold digger, prenups really help couples understand their finances & helps to protect both parties. Also, it takes some time to do it. Lots of couples don't need it, but if you both have assets you really should see if it works for you. Or in the very least, you both need to completely understand how the family law in your state works. (Every single person getting married should do this)

KatyRoseM

It doesn't necessarily mean she doesn't like you, she could just be one of those people who really believe in them. A friend of mine's mother was like that.  She liked her FSIL but just believed that prenups were important.  The timing is horrible, but just remember that it may not be you.

Also, your right, it should be a decision you and your Fi make. 

Theresa626

It's totally rude.  

Lisa8888

Although bringing it up on the day of your engagement is poor timing, you did know in advance.

Your FMIL is trying to protect her son. You can't blame her for that. Prenups are a good idea. You said you would never be after his money so what is the problem. Sign the prenup. If you mean what you say, you should have no problem signing the prenup. Actions speak louder than words.