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Help... Guest List issues including a Bridesmaid

Ok so my total wedding is about 127 people and only 8 of those people aren't family, they are close friends. Well one of them is a bridesmaid and she invited one of our high school friends, JUST BECAUSE i wasn't going to invite her due to space reasons. I had not given her a +1 yet, but even if I had, i feel like she was taking advantage of me by inviting the other girl and not using it for her Significant other (which she has). I told her how it made me feel but I am having other issues with her taking over my wedding. SHe is one of those girls that I asked too soon, before I really thought about it. 

Ok another issue is my roomate thinks she is invited, just because she is my roomate. Truth be told, i cant stand her. I invited my other roomie cuz we have been friends longer and her moms baking the cake. But Idk im getting sick of having to tell people that it is a small wedding of mostly family, because I am inviting a few friends..all my friends think they are invited.

We are having a 2nd reception the next day for gift opening and for all the friends and family who couldn't come to the wedding due to money issues. The in-laws are putting it on with graduation style snacks and stuff.

I don't know I am just having issues and needed to vent a bit... any advice? Wedding is 6/11/11

Re: Help... Guest List issues including a Bridesmaid

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    notamrsnotamrs member
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_guest-list-issues-including-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:fabae6d6-b528-4da2-b1b3-fc49c9cbc29fPost:b4550fa2-fb2c-432c-9212-d6b9212970ec">Help... Guest List issues including a Bridesmaid</a>:
    [QUOTE]Ok so my total wedding is about 127 people and only 8 of those people aren't family, they are close friends. Well one of them is a bridesmaid and she invited one of our high school friends, JUST BECAUSE i wasn't going to invite her due to space reasons. I had not given her a +1 yet, but even if I had, i feel like she was taking advantage of me by inviting the other girl and not using it for her Significant other (which she has). I told her how it made me feel but I am having other issues with her taking over my wedding. SHe is one of those girls that I asked too soon, before I really thought about it.  Ok another issue is my roomate thinks she is invited, just because she is my roomate. Truth be told, i cant stand her. I invited my other roomie cuz we have been friends longer and her moms baking the cake. But Idk im getting sick of having to tell people that it is a small wedding of mostly family, because I am inviting a few friends..all my friends think they are invited. We are having a 2nd reception the next day for gift opening and for all the friends and family who couldn't come to the wedding due to money issues. The in-laws are putting it on with graduation style snacks and stuff. I don't know I am just having issues and needed to vent a bit... any advice? Wedding is 6/11/11
    Posted by patte310[/QUOTE]

    If you give the bridesmaid a +1 you can't tell her who to invite or not invite.

    You can invite whoever you want, but realize that not inviting one of your roommates when you invite the other will have consequences on your relationship with them.  If you really can't stand one of them and you're moving out after the wedding and will never see her again, then it probaly won't matter if you don't invite her.  But if you're in the same social circle and will see each other, be prepared for awkward situations afterward.

    You may get sick of saying it, but telling people you are having a small wedding is the best way to let them know they are not invited.
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    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_guest-list-issues-including-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:fabae6d6-b528-4da2-b1b3-fc49c9cbc29fPost:b4550fa2-fb2c-432c-9212-d6b9212970ec">Help... Guest List issues including a Bridesmaid</a>:
    [QUOTE]Ok so my total wedding is about 127 people and only 8 of those people aren't family, they are close friends. Well one of them is a bridesmaid and she invited one of our high school friends, JUST BECAUSE i wasn't going to invite her due to space reasons. I had not given her a +1 yet, but even if I had, i feel like she was taking advantage of me by inviting the other girl and not using it for her Significant other (which she has). I told her how it made me feel but I am having other issues with her taking over my wedding. SHe is one of those girls that I asked too soon, before I really thought about it.  Ok another issue is my roomate thinks she is invited, just because she is my roomate. Truth be told, i cant stand her. I invited my other roomie cuz we have been friends longer and her moms baking the cake. But Idk im getting sick of having to tell people that it is a small wedding of mostly family, because I am inviting a few friends..all my friends think they are invited. <strong>We are having a 2nd reception the next day for gift opening and for all the friends and family who couldn't come to the wedding due to money issues. </strong>The in-laws are putting it on with graduation style snacks and stuff. I don't know I am just having issues and needed to vent a bit... any advice? Wedding is 6/11/11
    Posted by patte310[/QUOTE]

    <div>Do people in your area usually open the wedding gifts in front of guests?  I've never heard of that.  And just to clarify, the "2nd reception" is for people who couldn't make the wedding, not people who weren't invited, correct?</div><div>
    </div><div>Don't talk wedding stuff with the roommate you're inviting in front of the one you're not.  Even if you don't like her, it's kind of mean.  As for the +1, let her bring who she wants to bring.  It'd be one thing if you'd addressed an invite to "So-and-so and So-and-so's SO," but if you just gave her a +1, let it go.  Just say, You'll drive yourself crazy if you get too worked up over stuff like this.  I would be curious to know why she doesn't want to bring her SO, though.  </div>
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    nannewmurnannewmur member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I am only responding to the second part about the reception the day after.  Why would friends and family be able to come the day after your wedding to a reception and not to the wedding because of money issues?  You are implying they can't come because of $$ but is it because you can't afford a larger guest list?

    If it is because you can't afford a larger guest list, inviting people to a reception the day after is tacky.  You seriously think it is great fun for people to watch you and your DH open gifts?   It is like inviting people to a bridal shower and not to the wedding.  This comes across as a give me a gift but you aren't good enough to be invited to the wedding. 

    If you were my daughter, I would tell you to cut back in some other area so everyone can be invited or wait until you can afford to invite everyone to the wedding.
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    kmd0501kmd0501 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Yea...the whole "2nd Reception" part struck me as very gift grabby and a little rude as well.  So because you couldnt accomodate your budget to include more of your friends, you want to invite them for chips and dip and watch you open presents from all the fun the night before?  I would personally take that as an insult and probably never talk to you again.

    As for the BM+1...it is generally proper etiquette for everyone in the WP to be given a +1, even if they do not have a significant other.  However, you cannot dictate who they can or cannot bring to your wedding.  And if this girl she is bringing is a high school friend who couldnt make the list due to budget restrictions, sholdnt you be happy that she would want to bring her along?  No one is taking advantage of you so i dont know where your getting that idea.  I think your taking advantage of your friends by allowing you FILs to host a "bring me more presents" party.
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    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_guest-list-issues-including-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:fabae6d6-b528-4da2-b1b3-fc49c9cbc29fPost:b4550fa2-fb2c-432c-9212-d6b9212970ec">Help... Guest List issues including a Bridesmaid</a>:
    [QUOTE]Ok so my total wedding is about 127 people and only 8 of those people aren't family, they are close friends. Well one of them is a bridesmaid and she invited one of our high school friends, JUST BECAUSE i wasn't going to invite her due to space reasons. I had not given her a +1 yet, but even if I had, i feel like she was taking advantage of me by inviting the other girl and not using it for her Significant other (which she has). I told her how it made me feel but I am having other issues with her taking over my wedding. SHe is one of those girls that I asked too soon, before I really thought about it.  Ok another issue is my roomate thinks she is invited, just because she is my roomate. Truth be told, i cant stand her. I invited my other roomie cuz we have been friends longer and her moms baking the cake. But Idk im getting sick of having to tell people that it is a small wedding of mostly family, because I am inviting a few friends..all my friends think they are invited. <strong>We are having a 2nd reception the next day for gift opening and for all the friends and family who couldn't come to the wedding due to money issues.</strong> The in-laws are putting it on with graduation style snacks and stuff. I don't know I am just having issues and needed to vent a bit... any advice? Wedding is 6/11/11
    Posted by patte310[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>WTF?  Whose money issues?  Theirs or yours?

    </div>
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    MNNEBrideMNNEBride member
    First Comment 5 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    edited December 2011

    The "gift opening" the next day is a regional thing and very common here.   It is for family and friends who are still in town the day after the wedding.   HOWEVER, it is not a second reception where you invite people who were not invited to the wedding.     

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    edited December 2011
    Ok to attempt to clear some of this up. The problem with my Bridesmaid was the fact that I had not informed her that she COULD have a +1, it had not come into conversation yet, Yes I know that it is proper etiquette to give them a +1, but isn't it aslo etiquette to bring your significant other? and I had planned on it, heck, I EXPECT people to bring thier +1's but I had not told her yet, we had not talked about it all. I had told her that I was working on the guest list and that HS friend wasn't on it. Because to put it plainly, the HS friend was a friend (keyword-Was) I couldn't care less about her today. SHe is not somebody that I want at my wedding.

    Ok and the second reception... First, it was NOT my idea, it was my FI's mothers, she told me she wanted it to invite their family friends and all i have to do is to show up and she would serve food graduation style (cheap beans and pasta salads). My FI and I have lots of really good friends but could not come to the actual wedding. We wanted a day to give them the chance to come and eat and take pictures and sometime that day I would open the gifts ( I am NOT doing it for more gifts, I am doing it as an excuse to get together with the friends that I love) The day is not just for the gifts. It isn't for the gifts at all. I feel like a moron for even  implying that it was, it was badly worded  on my part. Heck, if I could add for people to bring food for the food shelter instead of gifts I would (unless that is TACKY of course, gosh I hate that word).

    Ok and people were talking to me about money and telling me to cut back. First of all I am not spending a single cent on the second reception. THat is all the FI's family's plans, I have nothing to do with that except to tell people, and show up. Second of all, my wedding budget is $5,000. Yup thats right, $5,000 for 137 people. It is TIGHT I might add. The reception hall for the day of the wedding and the caterer for the actual wedding day is over 1/2 the budget. Then you add everything, and I mean everything else to that. This is the money issues that I speak of. My parents are paying for part of it and my fiance and I are paying for the other part. I don't want a big wedding, I don't want fancy. I just want the people that I love to be there. That is family foremost and that is who is coming to the actual ceremony  and lunch after that . THen I add everybody else for the post wedding party (a.k.a second reception).
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    Butter CookieButter Cookie member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I'm confused why the bridesmaid's SO wasn't initially invited. Etiquette suggests you invite the spouse of a guest, much less a bridesmaid!
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    edited December 2011
    He is a boyfriend. Not a spouse. If he had been her husband he would be on the list. I have only met him once though. The only thing that I was really irritated at was the fact that the reason that she invited the friend was because I had not.
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