Dollar Dance?

Paddamill

Please someone explain this 'dollar dance' thing. How does it work?

gottahavashorti

If you don't know what it is, it is definitely not common or acceptable in your circle.

In my mother's family, the 'money dance' involves pinning cash to the bride and groom's clothing, making crowns, sashes, etc. and dancing with the bride and groom.  I've seen fake money involved before.  Honestly, it's entertaining to watch so I never considered it offensive.

In most cultures/circles though, the 'dollar dance' is a collection of cash by the BM and MOH in baskets in order to dance with the bride and groom.  The norm in some places, but generally considered rude since you are asking your guests to open their wallets.

aerinpegadrak

In many cultures (most prominently Polish and Filipino, but there are others), it's a standard and expected part of the wedding.  In others, it's just greedy.  If you don't know if it's a cultural thing for you, it's probably not, and you shouldn't do it.

danyl87

People do it around here to where the BM and MOH stand to the side and people line up to dance with the bride and groom, and everybody usually pays $1.  Until I came to this website, I never knew it was considered "rude".  It has always been done at every wedding I have been to, and people in my family actually consider it traditional.  So I think it depends on if it is accepted where you are from or how your family does it.  If nobody does it around there, I might not try it...people might think you're trying to scam them for money. Lol.  I've never thought twice about doing it.  I thought it was normal to do...it is around here at least.

ajstrickler

They do it where I grew up, and I cringe every time I go "back" for a wedding. It's just so tacky. They include a "shot" with your dollar before your dance with the bride/groom. I guess it is a personal choice, if that is the atmosphere you want at your wedding. Personally I'm going for more of an elegant feel, and that won't include asking people to pay to dance with me. So I guess it goes beyond the "don't do it if you have never heard of it".  Also, don't do it unless you truly don't care what people are thinking and just not saying to your face...

MyNameIsNot

It's dancing for money. 

Paddamill

Hahaha!! I know WHAT it is, I just wanted to know how it worked! I actually never have seen a dollar dance, but I have heard of it at other weddings. Plus, I have only been to two weddings that I don't remember lol.

If it involved anyone stating it was time for a dollar dance or I walked around and asked for a buck for them to dance with me...I will definitely pass!

greenbean951

It's a tradition in my family and is expected at all our weddings. People don't mind giving a dollar and many people with throw in 20s. Weddings in my family are usually huge and this is a great way to make sure each guest has a chance to have a personal moment with the bride or groom to wish them well. Sometimes it is only done with the bride but with large weddings it works best to do have both the bride and groom do it. People line up behind the maid of honor or the best man who hold a bag for money and each person takes a 30 second turn to dance with the bride or groom. For us it isn't about receiving money, it's about having a chance to have a special moment with everyone.

squirrly

Pretty much the DJ announces it's time for the dollar dance and people line up to pay your MOH and BM a dollar to dance with one of the two of you. 

Bad plan.  Don't do it.

fenwaykate

My fiance is Greek and the dollar dance is a big tradition in his culture, so we'll be doing it.  We'll also have a traditional Greek Orthodox ceremony, so our programs will be on the extensive side since most of our guests will be unfamiliar with the customs.  In the program or maybe on the back of our menus where I list out special songs and things, we're going to include a note about the dance as a Greek tradition.  If people don't want to participate, that's fine, and I'll word it so that our family and friends know it isn't "expected" of them, but that it's there for folks who value it as a tradition.  No one will be denied a dance later if they don't pay up, but it's another fun way to honor his culture so we won't cut it out either!  In our case, anyone who gets offended after our explanation is simply not my problem--they're reading too much into it!

trix1223

In Response to Re: Dollar Dance?:
[QUOTE For us it isn't about receiving money, it's about having a chance to have a special moment with everyone.
Posted by greenbean951[/QUOTE]


So if it isn't about the money, why not take it out of the equation and have a "now it's time to dance with the bride or groom" moment during your wedding?  I wouldn't have a problem with that.

It's the fundraising off the backs of your guests that is distasteful for me.

mlee116

I've been to a wedding where they did the dollar dance.  The groom was from Mexico and it's a tradition in Mexico to do it.  The couple is supposed to use the money on their honeymoon.  With that being said, it was mostly the Mexican guests and very close friends of the bride and groom who participated.  The bride's brother, who is not Mexican, is getting married soon and wants to do it (basically to receive lots of money).  I think his idea is VERY tacky...I think that since most guests have already given a wedding gift and some have given shower gifts/engagement gifts also, to put them on the spot and ask for more money is rude.  I can see if it's part of your culture, but if not, it just looks like you're trying to cash in.

Pvtcjhalo

 I find it rude, and am keeping my guest list to 30 or 40 so that is like 20-30 bucks, not worth it!

brneyes26

wow a lot of the people who have responded on this, are really prejudice/ ethnocentric. A lot of non WASP cultures have the dollar dance, growing up in traditional Mexican community every wedding I went to had the dollar dance. Just because it is not traditional in your culture it does not mean you have to bash other cultures.

MyNameIsNot

It's not the culture being bashed.  It's the act.  Asking for money is rude all over the world.

mgardner418

I think it is ridiculous to say that the dollar dance is rude or greedy.  It is just a fun way to give everyone a chance to dance with the bride and groom.  It is a great way to make sure you have a chance to talk to and thank everyone for coming.  It is only a dollar!

alclover

Wow - I think "rude" and "greedy" are highly charged words! This is standard in Wisconsin and our guests would be shocked if we didn't have the dollar dance. As a child, my parents would give me a dollar at the dinner in anticipation of the dance. It's just fun and if you don't find if fun - don't do it. But please, no reason to deem a tradition as "rude" or "greedy" just because it doesn't mean anything to you. 

mebaker87

My family has always done the "dollar dance" we just add extra incentive such as you pay a dollar to dance with the bride or groom and you get to take a shot. it makes it entertaining to watch your grandparents and other relatives take shots who normally don't drink. Plus it is also a good time to get individual photos with your guests.

aerinpegadrak

Here's my thing with the dollar dance culturally: If it's an expected part of the wedding, then usually people will plan on their contribution at the dollar dance as part of the wedding gift.  It's rude to ask for money, but it can also be rude to turn down gifts.  This is where cultural blending gets tricky, because what is normal in one culture is offensive in another.

We were going to do a wish dance: guests are provided with slips of paper to write down advice or well-wishes for the marriage, and they would bring those to us and dance with us.  If someone chose to slip some cash in there too, entirely up to them.  (We've since cut the dancing, so it's a moot point.)

Personally, I hate the dollar dance at weddings.  I never carry cash normally, and I try not to even bring my purse to weddings, so I always feel awkward and uncomfortable when the dollar dance starts and I'm basically barred from the dance floor for anywhere from 15 minutes to an hour.  I've never seen it done where it didn't stop the party dead.

The worst was my stepsister's wedding, where the spotlight dances were immediately followed by the dollar dance right at the beginning.  At that point, my siblings and I all bailed to see a movie, and had a much better time than we were having at the wedding.

mlee116

If people were only encouraged to do $1 at the wedding I went to, then I wouldn't think it was rude.  I mean, $1 is nothing and in that case, it would be done for the sake of tradition, which is perfectly fine.  At the wedding I went to, people were using $10's and $20's.  Like I said, those guests that did the dance had obviously planned to do that because it's a normal part of their culture and it was interesting for guests to watch.

However, my friend who is not part of that culture and who lives somewhere where the dollar dance is never done is being rude (in my opinion) for doing it just bc she saw how much the other bride and groom made that night.  If it's part of your culture, then by all means, do it the dance bc weddings are a cultural celebration.  If your intention is to cash in instead of embrace traditon/culture, then yes I think it's rude.

ChelsF

I am from PA and every wedding that I have been too has had the dollar dance. With the dollar dances around here and all the weddings that I have been to, you receive a shot when you give the BM or MOH the money. I in no way think it is rude or even greedy, and I can't believe how many people are bashing it.
 
The original post just asked how the dollar dance worked, so keep your opinions to yourself if you don't like the idea. Different places and different families do different things. My two older siblings just got married this past summer, both had dollar dances, not a single person seemed offended by the dance.

Do what you want at your wedding!!!!!!!

banana468

Just  because no one mentions anything does not mean that they found the practice appropriate.

Remember, the reception is FOR your guests - it's not about what YOU want.

fenwaykate

I think that's the key difference, what culture YOU are from...asking for money is not actually considered rude all over the world, and in cases like this where it's a tradition, I think communication is key.  For those who might not understand the tradition, and err on the side of assuming a lot of people might not understand, just explaining it and its cultural significance should be enough to cover your bases so that people know it's not some ploy to rake in extra cash. 

To those who object to the dance or have been offended by it, was the cultural significance explained in a deliberate way at the weddings you attended?

banana468

Fenwaykate, at the two weddings I attended that had a dollar dance, there wasn't any cultural significance.  I know because the weddings were my family members' weddings and there is ZERO cultural symbolism in the dollar dance.  In that case it was to give the newlyweds cash - pure and simple.

aerinpegadrak

My stepdad is Polish, a culture that has a major connection to the dollar dance, so both my sister and stepsister did it at their weddings.  The cultural connection didn't make it any less awkward or boring to me as a guest without cash.

danyl87

I don't think it's rude for people to do the dollar dance as long as it is traditional for your family and culture..etc.  But I do agree that it does get boring for people that don't have the cash or want to participate. 

SebastianAndAshley

Ok those of you who did not read the question it says "how does it work."  In my family the Maid of Honor stands on one side of the room and the Best man stands on the other side with baskets.  Men line up on the side with the MOH and give a dollar to dance with the bride(sometimes people give up to $50 bucks or more) and women line up on the side with the BM and give a dollar to dance with the groom.  We made it into a competition with my hubby and I and counted it up at the end and said who won.  It was just a fun little thing we did but thats not normally how we did it.  To all of those who are saying people dont have the money to do it....its a DOLLAR.  You are providing food, dancing, cake and music for them...I think they can pay a dollar to ensure a dance with you.  If they cant afford it then who cares...they can sit it out.  Hope you found this useful

banana468

The thing is, for many people it's not that it's just a DOLLAR, it's that they shouldn't have to pay money to dance with you in the first place.  They're invited to your reception to be hosted by you and now if they want some one on one time they need to pay more on top of all they've given as a guest?

If it's a huge cultural thing I'll agree that you go with it. 

But if you're just doing it to make a buck, hold a lemonade stand for a few weekends.

brneyes26

I am grateful there are boards for different cultures, because some of the people on here can be ruthless towards people who come from different backgrounds then their own.  My fI is British and I have a mixed group of friends, so I'm not used to having to stick to people of my own culture,  but boards like this one with some very opinionated and hateful  people make me want to stay away.

banana468

I don't think people are bashing the culture.  They're disliking a particular aspect of it.

banana468

Well, many guests may think that they don't want to finance someone else's vacation.   I know that I don't - particularly if I just gave a generous gift. 

And in some weddings, the DJ will harass until you give a dollar.  Therefore, if you just don't want to do it, it's not that easy to get out of it unless you run to the bathroom holding your stomach.