Favors

marryingafootballcoach

Hi! I have a question and need your opinions!  My mother died this past fall with cancer- throughout the wedding planning process, I am constantly reminded of her absence.  We decided that for our wedding, instead of favors, that we would make a donation to our local cancer association in her honor.  My question is, have you ever done this?  How did you make this known to your guests?  I know that I have seen cards placed at every guest's seat... Does anyone know of any good sites that I could order these from OR if you made them, how did you do it?  I want this aspect of the reception to be perfect- it's important to me.  Also, how much did you spend on favors?  I want to match what I would have spent, so I am just getting ideas.  We will have approximately 175 guests.  Thanks  

littleluckypenny

Make a donation in private.  Not everyone likes the "donation in your name" route.

LeiselEB

I'm so sorry about your mom.

I would do a private donation. Even though the cause is near and dear to your heart, and likely to many of your guests, most charitable organizations have political ties that some people don't agree with. So I think it'd be better if you made a private donation.

Could you do something more public to honor your mom during your ceremony? A friend of mine printed something in the program saying "The flowers used during the ceremony are placed in honor of the bride's mother, Sally Smith". You could do the flowers, a special candle, or even play one of her favorite songs. Mention it in the program so that your guests know that it is significant.

littleluckypenny

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_favors-26?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:5Discussion:05cb072d-3b9f-4429-bc99-9c223b5eaccePost:408f675f-564d-4129-951e-f388a9733298">Re: Favors</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm so sorry about your mom. I would do a private donation. Even though the cause is near and dear to your heart, and likely to many of your guests, most charitable organizations have political ties that some people don't agree with. So I think it'd be better if you made a private donation. Could you do something more public to honor your mom during your ceremony? <strong>A friend of mine printed something in the program saying "The flowers used during the ceremony are placed in honor of the bride's mother, Sally Smith".</strong> You could do the flowers, a special candle, or even play one of her favorite songs. Mention it in the program so that your guests know that it is significant.
Posted by LeiselEB[/QUOTE]

I really like that idea. 

Sorry about your mom, OP.

TiffannieF

I'm sorry to hear of your loss.  My mother passed away 3 years ago (just about 3 years before the wedding), it was very difficult so I understand.

I agree to do a private donation and do not do any favors.  If anybody asks if you are doing favors just say "No, instead we donated the money to x organization."  You don't have to have favors, people won't notice they are missing (typically people miss them when they are there and just leave them).

As far as "publicly honoring" your mother I did several different things to honor my mom.  They are in my bio under "In Memory Of".  Message me if you need someone to talk to!

shanliann

Ive seen it done several times! What I saw most recently was something typed up real nice on a nice piece of paper. Like a fancy scrapbook paper in your wedding colors or there?
I saw one couple who bought those cheap plastic stand up picture frames to put the note in, and place in the center of each table.

ive never seen it done where it says that the donation was made in the guests name, usually it reads something like "in leau of centerpieces the bride and groom have chosen to make a donation to cancer fund in memory of brids mom"and then maybe below it like a short simple poem about a lost loved one

I've worked a ton of weddings so i've pretty much seen it all feel free to ask me any more questions if you have em!

JaxInBlue

I have to agree with LeiselB, littlelucky, and Tiffanie.  The trouble with making a donation as a favor is that it's not really for the "benefit" of your guests (as, say, a couple of truffles would be) since most charitable organizations won't take 150 $1 donations so you can do one for each person in attendance.  And whereas with the truffles or koozies or cookie favors guests would have the option to decline if they didn't like or want the favor, if you were to donate in a specific guest's name they wouldn't be able to decline.  Even the most popular charitable organizations aren't above scrutiny - see what happened earlier with Susan G. Komen for the Cure - and some people might prefer you make a donation in their honor somewhere else. 

Better to do what Tiffanie suggested - skip the favors entirely and if someone asks why you don't have them, you can say you and FI choose to donate privately in honor of your mom. Remember her publicly with some flowers, a locket in your bouquet, a candle, or a mention in your program instead.

TiffannieF

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_favors-26?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:05cb072d-3b9f-4429-bc99-9c223b5eaccePost:8c1ec6ff-7b98-4a1f-b54a-e022393aafdc">Re: Favors</a>:
[QUOTE]Ive seen it done several times! What I saw most recently was something typed up real nice on a nice piece of paper. Like a fancy scrapbook paper in your wedding colors or there? I saw one couple who bought those cheap plastic stand up picture frames to put the note in, and place in the center of each table. ive never seen it done where it says that the donation was made in the guests name, usually it reads something like "in leau of centerpieces the bride and groom have chosen to make a donation to cancer fund in memory of brids mom"and then maybe below it like a short simple poem about a lost loved one I've worked a ton of weddings so i've pretty much seen it all feel free to ask me any more questions if you have em!
Posted by shanliann[/QUOTE]

Just because you have seen it and it has been done doesn't make it right.  I have seen cash bar weddings yet it breaks etiquette.

Helsy85

I feel like if i saw that in lieu of favors a donation had been made to honor your mother, i would be moved and touched, far more than if there was a truffle in front of me.You dont have to say which organisation but i think it would actually be a nice touch to let your guests know...

hooks2023

A friend of mine did this several years ago, went to the American Cancer Society branch here and they actually had preprinted cards, that the guests could fill out the card to put with the donation (they made it afterhand).  Even a few guests attached a personal check as well (this was a surprise). Having lost my grandmother to lung cancer this really touched me.  Play with ideas and allow guests to remain anonymus if they want. 

And for the $$ our wedding is small - so we are spending about 4.00 on each favor...

marryingafootballcoach

Thanks everyone!  I appreciate your input!

mholl1030

My Dad passed away 2 years ago and in my town everyone always does a dollar dance or dash for cash.  My brother and his wife donated all that money to our Relay for Life team in honor of my Dad.  The DJ announced it and people thought it was a great idea. 

We're going to put a jar next to our guest book which is an old typewritter that says.  "No dollar dance or dash for cash.  Just a jar going to a good cause."  Then a write up about how we'll be donating all this money to our Relay for Life team in my Dad's memory.  We'll see how it goes hopefully people will throw in a dollar here and there.  I think people like to donate to a good cause.  If you don't donate that's fine too, just a nice way to help support cancer research.

We also have a write up on the back of our programs about all our family memebers who have passed away.  I'll also be wearing his watch that he always wore that day too.  I want my Dad to be included in little ways.  If people are offended by a charity donation, they should probably relax a little!

 

Peavy

We're going to put a jar next to our guest book which is an old typewritter that says.  "No dollar dance or dash for cash.  Just a jar going to a good cause."  Then a write up about how we'll be donating all this money to our Relay for Life team in my Dad's memory.  We'll see how it goes hopefully people will throw in a dollar here and there.  I think people like to donate to a good cause.  If you don't donate that's fine too, just a nice way to help support cancer research.

Please don't turn your wedding reception into a fundraiser for charity.  People are there to celebrate your wedding, not to be asked to donate to your charity.  I think this is in even worse taste than calling a donation to charity a favor to the guests.

mholl1030

I guess I'm not a very classy gal then!  I promise I won't hold any auctions, or reverse raffles. 

Good luck to the original poster I hope you find a way to honor your Mom.  I'm sure whatever you decide will be lovely. 

corriefarley

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_favors-26?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:05cb072d-3b9f-4429-bc99-9c223b5eaccePost:f41f36b4-a7c2-4420-baf8-72ee57bdcdcd">Re: Favors</a>:
[QUOTE]I guess I'm not a very classy gal then!  I promise I won't hold any auctions, or reverse raffles.  :) Good luck to the original poster I hope you find a way to honor your Mom.  I'm sure whatever you decide will be lovely. 
Posted by mholl1030[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>I completely disagree!!!  What better way to honor the memory of someone so important to you than to make a donation in their name.  Leaving a jar by a guestbook and asking for dollar donations instead of doing a dollar dance is a great idea.  If people were going to give a dollar anyways, why not make a donation.  And, it is not MANDATORY for people to make a donation, just a thoughtful gesture.  The focus will still be on the union between you and your fiance, and you will have a nice donation in the memory of your father.  Also, I am sure the charity is something near and dear to both you and your fiance, along with the family members that will be there.  No one will be offended, but rather honored to be conrtibuting to something that had an impact on your family.  And your dad will be remembered in the process.  Sounds like a perfect combo. to me!  Stay classy <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-cool.gif" border="0" alt="Cool" title="Cool" />    </div>