bridesmaid help...where do i start?

katherinewilloughby

Im the first in all my first to get married. I have 2 bridesmaid and the MOH. They have no idea what responsibilitys they should do, or where they can help out and they dont know if there is anything they can do right now. 

Basically my problem is I'm in the beginning stages of planning, they live in 3 different cities so its hard for all of us to get together at once and talk about all the details and such. 

How should I give them an idea of whats going on, whats to come, what their responsibilies are and such?

MyNameIsNot

Their responsibilities are to get dresses and show up.  Anything else they choose to do is optional, and at their discretion, and is a gift to you.  Planning the wedding is up to you and your FI.

To prompt them about the dress, address each one privately and ask her what she's prepared to spend on a BM dress.  When you have a budget, you can start shopping.  Send links to them via email and get opinions, and ask them to go to stores in their area and try things on.  Many brides with long distance BMs find it easier to just select a color and length, and maybe a fabric or a particular line, and ask each girl to choose her own dress from there. 

Other than that, if they want to do anything, they will offer or ask you what they can do. 

brimcleod

I think if you want everyone to get together and talk about stuff, and get their input, and get what they're willing to help with, you should all chat on a webcam. My friends & I do this all the time, and it works out very well. Skype?

banana468

Since you're OVER a year away, don't even do any of this right now.

Remember, they don't have any responsibilities other than buying the BM dress and showing up on the big day.  The rest, while traditionally done by the BMs is not their responsibility.  It's part of their traditional gift to you that may or may not happen.

In the meantime, if you have picked the BP already (if not, please don't until you're under a year away), send out a mass email with their contact info if they're OK with that info being shared.

Then, when you're about 6-7 months or so from the wedding, ask them about their dress budget including alterations (do so individually) and then start shopping for dresses in that price range.


In the meantime, relax about about their so-called expectations and remember that they're your friends first.  Go to them when you need a break from the wedding planning!

jenniferceline

My bridesmaids are spread over three different states - my Maid of Honor and Matron of Honor are even on the opposite side of the country from me.

So, they really don't plan on doing anything... and that is perfectly fine by me. I'm only asking that they get their dresses. Even that proves difficult since I can't shop with all of them. For that reason, I've narrowed some styles (I chose David's Bridal simply because there is one near each of them) and then sent them the styles for their opinions. I'm trying to make this easy on them (and their budgets) since my wedding will be a destination wedding for them.

SarahPLiz

YOu are worrying way too soon. If you expect them to be excited about your wedding for more than a year, you are in for a rude awakening. If you just got engaged, wait a few months, and you'll feel the lull too. There really is nothing you or your wedding party should be doing at this point, so just enjoy being engaged. You are already making this more stressful than it should be, which is a bad sign for times to come.

Vegas_2010_Bride

If your bridesmaids are figiditing for something to do, have them start looking for their dresses. I know it seems really early, but they might be able to find something that you all like on super sale. They could also keep their eyes open for ideas that they would think you would like to incorporate.

The day of, all they're expeced to do is show up and help out when they can. I'm not saying they direct the whole thing, but they can assist you in setting up the reception, helping you get bustled up or just make sure you don't drop your dress in the toilet when you're going to pee.

april22_08

I have several out of town BM's too.  I'm actually planning my wedding out of state, so everything is long distance.  I'm about six months away, and the only thing I'm asking the out of town BM's to do is get their dresses.  I didn't go to David's-and if you're not this may be helpful-instead I found the dresses at a smaller, local retailer.  They were very willing to accomodate me and said my girls only needed to send in their measurements-when they get in town for the wedding, if the dresses aren't quite right, they would do any last minute alterations at a very low cost.
For help planning, my advice is to stick with who you have closest to you, if they're willing to help.  If you want to give the out of town girls something to do, delegate wedding day duties to them, like tipping the ceremony musicians, or let you know when its time to cut the cake, make sure the DJ gets dinner, etc. 
Good luck!

Locust32

I was in a wedding in another state and all the bridesmaids lived in different areas. We ended up ordering our dresses online which worked out well. Although depending on the dress style you take the chance of not getting the correct size. I would suggest you have your bridesmaids email each other and or exchange phone numbers for any plans for your shower and bacholerette party.Hope this helps.