Divorced parents

fairy_diva

My parents are still married after 39 rs but his are divorced. How do you handle seating divorced parents? I really wanted to do a table with bride, groom and parents, but I don't want either of his parents uncomfortable.

Leah&Christian09

Are they uncomfortable around each other?  I would ask FI, and suggest that he talk to them about the possibility.  They may be open to it.  Otherwise, I would recommend each set of parents at their own table, and a sweatheart table for you two.

fairy_diva

They've been divorced over 15 years and seem to "tolerate" each other, but then again they are rarely around one another.  I vetoed the head table, because like a lot of others, I didn't want to separate my BP from their dates. The only couple in the party will be my brother and SIL, he's a groomsman and she's one of my BM.  My BF & MOH has a date not in the BP. I think the best way to keep the peace would be the sweetheart table for us and separate for the parents. My biggest problem will be the tables, the tight bugdet doesn't allow for tables other than what's there, long rectangular tables. I don't want to set a set of parents at 1 by themselves, it would be lonely, odd, and a waste of table space. The area I live in is very small and we don't have a lot of choice for venues that are affordable. I refuse to start my marriage in debt for the wedding.  I'm figuring 20 tables with 6 people each for my reception.I'm using a lot of florals from my brothers wedding, my SIL used white roses as her flowers. I'm getting my bridal bouqets and BP flowers online premade. I won 20 satin Navy table runners and 6'x6' square for the cake table off ebay, and have bought my candle centerpieces from WalMart. I think I can give tight budget a whole other meaning.  My aunt bakes wedding cakes, and mine is her gift, my cousins wife is a professional photographer and her time is her gift, I just pay for the actual prints, plus I get my prints on a flash drive and disk.

C W

Both my parents and H's parents are divorced. My parents are fine - they talk on the phone sometimes and get along great (better now that they are divored, actually!) so it would have worked fine, but H's parents do not get along at all. There are also issues between my dad and my mom's brothers and between MIL and BIL, so to avoid any awkwardness, we just had a sweetheart table with each parent hosting their own table. You really won't be at your table long anyway, so it's nice to have your own table so you don't feel bad leaving it all the time.

trix1223

FWIW:  My DH and I are not divorced, but at both my children's weddings, we hosted our own table with our family and/or closest friends.I don't particularly care for my DD's MIL, and having to sit at her wedding with her MIL would have ruined the day for me.I loved sitting with my family.  Why not have a sweetheart table for the two of you, and let each set of parents host their own table.

I:Heart:Him

I have nearly the same problem! Except, my parents are the ones that are divorced... I too wanted to sit at the table with both sets of parents but we decided on a sweetheart table instead. It will definitely keep the peace.I just put myself in their shoes. Would I be comfortable in that situation? Even if they say they will be fine sitting next to each other, you never really know til it happens...My dad just remarried so I can't very well put my single mother next to my dad and his new wife. I would feel awkward, even if they didn't. Also, my mom is not to fond of FI's mother so that would be a double whammy on my poor mom.I know I'm not much help but I imagine that you and your FH and both sets of parents would be much better off having your own tables.Good luck!

liberatedmist

I agree with all the pp about the sweetheart table.  That is what we are doing.  My parents are still together, FI's parents are divorced and dad is remarried.  They will each get their own table....luckily FI has a million brothers and sisters to fill up both tables.  Good Luck!

StarJay

I agree with pp's.  Either do a sweetheart table, or a bridal party table, and put the parents at separate tables.  My mom will be sitting with her family (my uncle, aunts, etc) at one table while my dad (they are the divorcees in my wedding) will be sitting at a different table with his siblings/families.  FI's parents will be sitting with his mom's siblings as his dad is an only child.

aambiwed

Definitely agree with pp. Sweetheart table is the way to go. If only 6 people to a table, then have 5 other guests that his parents know, they don't have be family, if you don't have enough of them. Look at interests and would they be able to find something to talk about. Also if you think conversation would be an issue, maybe print out little quizzes about yourselves  and fill in the blanks about themselves and do double duty as a placecard or menu list to help with your budget. They could work together and get to know each other.Hope this helps.

srbmvp

We are in the same situation, my parents just celebrated 35 years, his have been divorced since he was in highschool. We also wanted to do a head table with our parents, so what we decided to do was split up both sets of parents, and scatter them across the table. Since my parents are the official "hosts" we thought that would work well, much like how the host and hostess at dinner parties don't typicall sit together. And that way, it won't be so obvious that his parents are sitting together.

iwalktheline

ugh, i feel your pain.  my parents are divorced and can barely stand to be in the same room (let alone at the same table!) and we also didn't want to have a traditional head table... so we've decided what would be best is to have our honor attendants (with their dates) and our siblings and their dates at our table. we're then having parents close by but with their own tables (and my parents on different sides of the room, lol).  good luck deciding!

KrisLP21

My parents aren't uncomfortable with each other, but my Mom and Stepmom don't get along. We're doing a head table, and then having my Dad and Stepmom at a table, my Mom and Stepdad at a table and then my fiance's parents at a table. Seems like alot, but I don't need any more drama!

KarlaisMagpie

Since the table is a rectangle, I would put his mom closest to him, then her husband/date, then his step mom or dad's date, then dad.  Put your dad next to you.  Then it will look intentional and boy/girl.My parents have been divorced for 24 years (I'm 25), but they are tolerant of each other because they see so little of each other and they both know this is their kid's big day, and are adult enough to set that aside.  If you are seating on both sides of the table, I'd say put you and your husband in the middle with his mom next to him, her date across from her, his dad's date, his dad, your mom, and your dad next to you.  If that makes any sense.Have your FH just go to each parent and explain that it is important to both of you that all parents be included at the family table.  They will suck it up for a meal, for their son, if he just lets them know how important it is.Best of luck!

samwilkening

First of all--you go girl!  Good job on keeping it low budget!  I completely agree that paying off wedding debt is a bad way to start out a marriage.  I'm getting married next month and I'm having a similar dilemma.  My mom is on her third husband and his mom is on her fourth--AWKWARD!  I think our head table would end up seating about 15 people and there would be massive amounts of tension the whole time.  I'm not having a seating chart, but instead allowing people to sit wherever they want...parents included.  My fiancee and I will have a table reserved for ourselves, but people are welcome to join us if they'd like.  Realistically--we're only going to be sitting down for about 10 minutes and the rest of the time will be spent visiting and dancing.  We're not doing a receiving line either, so we'll be making the rounds to see everyone during the reception.  Good luck girl, and remember, no matter what the family expectations are, this day IS about you starting your new life with your husband.  All the parents just need to pull it together and let the focus be on you two.

hotchkiss08

For our first daughter's wedding, there was a great deal of animosity from the FOB.  She asked her SF to walk her down the aisle, but he declined because FOB was going to be there...felt it was his duty.  Then she wanted both mom and FOB to walk her down aisle (FOB and his family were just UGLY about this).  To be honest, it was a mess and very stressful to me as the MOB, but once I made it clear that this was HER wedding, and really, we are adults and should be able to make HER DAY special, he sucked it up.  We had 4 family tables and a bridal party table, and numerous other tables.  We all co-mingled and it worked out fine.  Even a compliment on the beautiful arrangements and preparations.  Next wedding in Feb '10, FOB will walk her down the aisle. MOB insists! MOB and SF will host along with FOG and MOG.  Again, 4 separate tables and head table for wedding party.  It is true that the parents and wedding party spend very little time at their own tables...this is the time to get to know who your child will be spending their life getting to know and love.I say, don't stress over it.  Let the parents figure out where they want to sit, and if it isn't at the same table, it isn't.  Open seating works very well in this case, if you don't have a lot of tables!

ifeaneedhelp

Another way to handle it if you really don't want to do a sweetheart table would be to have lets say, his mom, your parents, you, him, then his dad.Also, ask him who he's closer to, so if he was closer to his mom have her sit right next to him and his dad sit to the side of your parents.

fairy_diva

Thank YOU to everyone who have offered their thoughts.  I know it would be awkward and full of tension with both his dad and step mom and his mom and her boyfriend at one table so that's officially out!.....I have decided I am doing a sweetheart table for just us, even if I have to find and drag in 1 single small table to do it. I think I'll just leave the seating open.  Each "man" for himself. You are right about people just mingling around, besides we are not having a formal dinner. Its going to be buffet style food.LOL, one thing he has always told me he liked about me from the beginning was that I stood up for myself. Guess that's what I'll started off doing

imafragglerocker72

i saw your comment about a tight budget... i'm working with one of those too.we have a friend who will do the photography and one who will film it as gifts, too. the wedding and reception are in my mom's yard, with all her pretty gardens. i like finding deals and keeping up with a tight budget. i think it'll come out really nice. i can't wait.also, my parents are divorced but get along fine as friends. maybe his parents can just suck it up and be nice for you on your wedding day.

fairy_diva

I know if I asked, he would handle his parents and basically tell them to suck it up and deal, but I would like to start out without tension and trouble from that corner.I am blown away by prices and money spent for a single wedding.  I am driving to Ky to get my wedding gown, www.bridalonlinestore.com has one of its 2 bricks and mortor stores there. I can get a wonderful gown for around $300. Who needs a fancy designer name I'll never wear again! I wish I was brave enough to even think about an outdoor wedding, much less actually plan one!I plan to spend less than $5000 for every thing! Here's hoping I have success!