Dry reception versus having alcohol???

mayaluig7

Mini dilemma help!! So my fiancé is Korean and he just informed me that no one in his family has ever had alcohol at their wedding receptions which is fine but my family is Mexican and we have never had a reception without alcohol…in fact I distinctly remember my father saying that he would never allow that to happen years ago because culturally it is being a “bad host”…and now I have no clue what to do???? I have been trying to incorporate as much Korean culture as possible into the wedding but I also need to be respectful of my own families culture and views. HELP!!!!!

Lasairiona

Not serving alcohol does not make someone a bad host, so your father is misinformed. There are lots of reasons why someone may choose not to serve it and in each of those situations, they are not being an improper host at all. However having it available only if the guests in question pay for it on their own because you don't want to pay for it yourselves is being a bad host. You and your fiance are going to have to sit down and compromise. Either way, no one is holding a gun to anyone's head forcing them to drink or not drink, which it sounds like your father says is happening which is not. Make sure there are plenty of non-alcoholic beverages for his family to choose from. No matter what you choose, someone will have to step outside of their comfort zone since you won't be able to please both of them.

mayaluig7

Umm thank you for the opinion however I don't think my father is "misinformed". It is just a personal/cultural view. My initial reaction the whole situation is pretty much what you said that if people don't want to drink they absolutely don't have to but as the host we want to make sure that everyone has access to whatever they want. I was planning on having 2 signature cocktails as well as 2 non alcoholic signature cocktails anyway so there would be plenty of non alcoholic tasty options.

tinkerbell.katie81

I think that is a good compromise. Whenever you are combining two different culture, you are going to encounter situations where they don't always mesh perfectly. I think that your idea of having two signature cocktails and two signature non-alcoholic drinks is a nice nod to both cultures. Good luck!

tinkerbell.katie81

*two different cultures* (sorry for the typo!)

[Deleted User]

Blending of different cultures is very difficult. My FI is English and weddings are much smaller here (I live in London). His mom does not understand why we need to have 100 people, which I think is a small wedding. Also cash bars are the norm here and are VERY tacky where I'm from. Anyway on to your problem. I love your idea of virgin cocktails. Will his family be offended to have drinks there or is it just not usually done? I generally have the opinion that if you don't want to drink, don't drink, but don't ruin other people's fun. That said I'm not a huge drinker myself.

mbcdefg

If your FI's family never served alcohol because they consider it offensive or something, then that's where you need to make the compromise. Maybe just serve wine and beer and no hard alcohol. Or the two signature alcoholic drinks, like you said. But if they never served it at their weddings just because it wasn't something their society did, but they do not find alcohol offensive, then you can probably just serve whatever alcohol that you want. For example, I probably wouldn't serve flan or knishes or borscht at my wedding because it's not common to my culture, but my family wouldn't mind if I DID serve it for whatever reason, know what I mean?

[Deleted User]

But if they never served it at their weddings just because it wasn't something their society did, but they do not find alcohol offensive, then you can probably just serve whatever alcohol that you want. For example, I probably wouldn't serve flan or knishes or borscht at my wedding because it's not common to my culture, but my family wouldn't mind if I DID serve it for whatever reason, know what I mean? Good point!

hollieheidi

I think that it is just a "family" tradition that they haven't served alcohol.  I don't think that it's a Korean tradition as there is a ceremony that includes alcohol for the Bride and Groom. With that said, I think that with your idea of both alcoholic and non-alcoholic drinks that should cover it.  If you are willing to respect their family tradition of having alcohol then they should respect yours to have the alcohol.  Afterall, you're blending two cultures with different traditions so if there are any hurt feelings it's not because you didn't try to honor them both, but because it's THEIR problem like pp said. There are alot of customs and traditions that are going to have to be blended in the future, I don't think this one should be a big deal. 

kmmssg

DD's bio mom's family and stepdad's family are uber conservative non-drinking Christians.  She married into an Italian family where wine/alcohol is served for everything and the kids wanted alcohol too.  We just made sure to offer 2 kinds of lemonade, iced tea, iced water all set up in pretty dispenser jars and we took the time to make the nonalcoholic choices a separate station and well set up.  We wanted them to not have to go to the bar for what they wanted.  DD's mom would have preferred no alcohol, but we didn't get much flack at all.  

duckie1905

Unless they find alcohol to be offensive then I see no problem having it.  Just because it isn't something they don't usually encounter doesn't mean it is something that will upset them.  I have a number of friends of Koren descent (with parents born in Korea) and they've all had open bars.  The family did not seem to be offended by the presence of alcohol.And, while I don't necessarily agree with the "bad host" statement in my social circle you would be considered a bad host (for lack of a better term) if there was no open bar at the wedding.  This is because in my family and circle of friends is is unheard of to not provide alcohol.  This isn't the same everywhere, though, so you may not be bound to the same expectations.But, is the lack of alcohol really a Korean cultural tradition or something that just isn't really done all that often?

Leah&Christian09

Your dad is absolutely right. You can be a bad host by not serving alcohol in some contexts. I'm of the opinion that if you (or your parents) are paying and you want to serve alcohol, you should. Those that don't like alcohol or have a problem with it don't have to drink it. If really isn't any of that person's business that you are paying for it for your drinking guests.

mayaluig7

Thank you all!! I really appreciate all the feedback and I really like the suggestion of having the bar completely separate from the non-alcoholic drinks that way people that don't want to drink can avoid going to the bar completely and still have equally as tasty drinks Hopefully everyone goes for that idea as well! Thank you again and good luck to you all with your planning!!!!

kaynix21

I agree about keeping them seperate, and just doing beer and wine with no hard stuff. FI's family won't drink and your family will. My family hardly drinks at all, and half of his family are fairly heavy drinkers, while his other half is Southern Baptists. So we decided to have it, and whoever wants it will drink it. If you are incorporating a lot of Korean culture into it, this won't be a problem unless they really are offended by it.

tayley

My FI and I had a similar situation. His family is very conservative Christian and would be very upset if we had alcohol at our wedding at all. My family, on the other hand, is frustrated at the idea of NOT having alcohol at the wedding. We lucked out by picking a venue that doesn't allow alcohol, so our situation was solved for us. I agree that your idea of having both alcoholic and nonalcoholic options to appease both sets of guests is smart.

jadedecaro

we are doing a dry reception... because we both dont drink. but i dont see why u shouldnt have a few selections.if his family drinks, include some traditional korean alcohol, if not, then dont include any. but make sure only include a few ur family's favorites.one or two selection is good.but, if u two dont drink, why would u include alcohol?if u want to then include 1 or 2.

ejsaeger

I'm facing a similar problem. In my family's circle, it is in poor taste to have a dry reception. However, FMIL is a recovering alcoholic and is somewhat uncomfortable around alcohol. We reached a compromise by having a dry rehearsal dinner, which makes sense since we are hosting it, and an open bar reception to please everyone else.

dojo1

I don't have any strong cultural ties, so perhaps my opinion won't be that helpful, but what you if you just had booze availalbe to those who want it and respect those who don't by having a "dry" area of the party that people can't bring booze into? Alternatively, maybe you could honour your side of the family by providing one signature drink that party-goers can have in a more limited scope rather than full open bar.  (all that being said... I'm looking forward to getting pretty roasty-toasty with my friends at my wedding!)

jenn_t784

My family is the same way as well in wanting alcohol but we're worried about too many of our family members being so plastered that it would cause some "rowdy business" lol So we are only serving 2 signature cocktails, beer and wine and coffee and tea.

ElberethArcamen

I'm having a dry reception. My sister/MOH was hit by a drunk driver on Valentines Day of this year, and the driver of the car my sister was in was killed. My niece and nephew were also in the car, although they are fine. My sister was on life support for 3 days, was in the hospital for almost a month, and was unable to walk for almost 4 months. For me, the dry reception issue is a personal choice for my fiance and I. The thought of people leaving my reception after drinking terrifies me, no matter how little they will be drinking. I wouoldn't be able to stand the thought. Because getting everyone a hotel room for the night isn't allowed in my budget, we've just opted on nixing the alcohol. It will make for peace of mind for me and my family. I have nothing against drinking, as I do it every once in awhile myself... but not everyone can be responsible about it. I hate that, because I would love to have alcohol at my reception.... I'm sure I'll need it by the end of the day! hahaGood luck!

sheila1607

If you do include alcohol, make sure you have several non alcoholic signature drinks for his family.  Both sides should be happy.