Babysitters?????

Kimbie1127

Can anyone tell me the proper etiquette if including children in the invite...should we be offering/providing babysitters at the reception for those with small children?  And if so, can we ask younger famiy members/friends to do it for $5 or $10 per kid to be paid by the parents?  Someone mentioned this to me the other day and I have never heard of it...please advise! Thank you!

danieliza1127

I've never been to a wedding where babysitters were provided, but I have heard of it being done.  In my area, if kids are invited, they are there for the whole thing.  We had kids at our wedding and reception and had a great time.The thing about providing babysitters is that you have to realize that some parents won't want their kids to go with the babysitter especially if the parents don't know the babysitter or the babysitter is just a kid himself/herself.

mbcdefg

That's a personal choice. It is not rude on your part if you do not offer babysitters. Parents who choose to bring their children to your reception need to realize that you are not responsible for them (besides seating and feeding them). If they don't want to watch their kids then they shouldn't be bringing them. I would not tell parents that they need to pay for their own kids, if you are going to arrange for sitting services yourself. Either provide the sitters for free, or don't provide them at all. If your hotel already offers sitting services, though, then I see no problem with telling parents ahead of time as a heads-up about this service. Or, if they're coming from out-of-town and are only bringing the kids because they can't leave them at home, you could always mention that you would be glad to help them locate a sitting service in your area. But don't say, "Oh, I hired some sitters for the reception, but it'll cost you $5 per kid if you want it."I would not ask anyone who's an invited wedding guest to provide babysitting services. Either hire professionals, or hire people who would not otherwise be invited to the wedding (maybe your siblings' friends or something). But like danieliza said, realize that a lot of parents may not want to leave their kids with strangers. Maybe you could poll your guests who have small kids and see if they would use a sitter, then go out and hire one if they overwhelmingly say yes.

danieliza1127

Personally, I think if you want to invite kids you should invite them and expect them to be there for the whole thing.  If you don't want kids there, just don't invite them.  Providing a babysitter doesn't guarantee you a kid-free wedding.

chosen175

If you're inviting kids, that means they are welcome to participate in your wedding/reception, not be shuffled to another room to sit with a babysitter. Usually, people who are doing adults only weddings are the ones who line up sitters. It is a nice gesture, but definitely not necessary. People who have kids generally make that call themselves, whether or not they want to bring their kids to a wedding that the kids have been invited to. As a parent myself, there is a 0% chance of me leaving my dd with a sitter I don't know, much less a young teen who may have 15 other kids to look after. No thanks. I'd set up my own sitter or we'd leave when it was dd's bedtime. There are too many nutjobs out there, and too many irresponsible teens for me to feel comfortable leaving my 2 year old with a stranger.

banana468

I think if you're inviting children then the parents assume they're invited to the reception - not invited to be babysat at the parents' expense.Deciding whether or not to invite children is a personal choice  but it's something you, your FI and your families need to decide.  If you're open to offering babysitting services, it should be something paid for by you if it's on the premisis.  You can't expect the parents to pay for the sitter if the sitter is of your choosing.If you don't want children, don't invite them (don't put their names on the invitation).  Then if the adults ask, you can recommend a few sitters TO them.  If you arrange for it, they'll expect you to finance it.

duckie1905

IMO, if you invite children then they are invited to the entire thing.  Additionally, most of my friends probably wouldn't leave their children with a sitter they didn't know, even if they were only one room away.  They would probably find it offensive that their children were invited only to be confined to another room and not allowed to attend the reception.

mbcdefg

Wait, let's clarify something here:Are you inviting kids to the wedding to participate in everything? And you just want to know if you should make a babysitter available in case the kids get tired of the reception and would rather nap or watch a movie in a side room?Or are you hoping that parents will take advantage of the babysitter because you honestly don't want children there? Are you inviting kids to the ceremony but not to participate in the reception?If it's the former, that's your call. You can certainly make a babysitter available at your own expense, but you cannot force parents to use the sitter. Plus, a lot of kids would rather be with their parents than a stranger (especially when there's a party and music going on). If it's the latter, then you can't list the kids on the invite but then expect them not to participate in both the ceremony and the reception. It's fine if you don't want kids in attendance ... just don't include them on the invite. The invite should be addressed to "Mr. and Mrs. John Smith," not "The Smith Family." And if people RSVP back and say that they're bringing their kids along, call them and politely but firmly explain that no children are invited. This is the point where you can say, "If you can't leave little Stevie with anyone in your hometown, I will look into professional babysitting services in my town if you like, and send you their contact and pricing info."

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

I'd definitely talk to the parents and see if they'd be interested in leaving their children with a sitter later in the night, and then returning to the reception. Some might just leave early or leave the kids with a sitter of their choosing the whole night.If you hire a sitter, get a professional and pay for it yourself, but don't require that the parents of young children use that sitter.

Lasairiona

I have never attended a wedding where babysitters were present or even offered by the couple. At the weddings I have attended, unless the children are babies who would obviously be cared for by their parents, most kids are able to entertain themselves with no problem. That said, if you are offering the service to the parents, they don't pay for it. You are expected to do so as the hosts throwing the party. Think of it as a large dinner party that doesn't quite fit in your home. All the same rules that apply to a party in your home apply to this as well.

Lolyalyssa

I'm providing babysitters.  I'm also having a room adjacent to the ballroom where I'll have DVD's playing.  I'm doing a lot to try and make the wedding child friendly.  The babysitters are not complete strangers just girls home from college that are family of an uncle who married into our family (so removed that they wouldn't expect to be invited to the wedding).  I'm also thinking about hiring a balloon animal maker etc.If you are going to provide anything you need to pay.

Kimbie1127

Thanks for all the info...kids will definately be invited and we would love to have them for all aspects of the wedding (my fiancee has a 4 year old), I had just had someone mention that if we were inviting children we should be providing sitters for them if the parents want it.  This was the first I had ever heard of it at all.  Thanks for all the input!

Lasairiona

Kids love to dance at weddings. If you have them quarantined to a room with babysitters and movies and such, they can't do that. It defeats the purpose of inviting them in the first place.

SarahPLiz

We are inviting children, and I would love for them to participate in every part of the day, but i know that the reality is that they will be tired and cranky be the end of the day. FG's mom will be breastfeeding her new one, and there will be at least 5 other kids under 5. I asked my friends with kids, and they were entirely comfortable having a babysitter watch the kids that wanted to watch TV or sleep in the Groom or Bride's dressing rooms, respectively. My RB has a sensory processing disorder, so he will need somewhere quiet to decompress, and his mom said that it would be fine for someone else to watch him, as long as he isn't alone for too long. I would say that if you are doing it as a service to the kids, it would be fine, but you should pay for the help. You may want to survey your guests to see who would be comfortable with it. Most of my guests are OOT, so I will be taking care of finding the babysitter, but if you have in-town mommy friends, maybe ask them for recommendations.

faith194

We invited close to 14 kids, only 3 young ones showed up. During our outdoor ceremony, two babysitters watched the kids(they were former students of mine, and one of the mothers was invited as well).  During the reception, the babysitters were at the same table as the parents, and the kids really didn't need  a babysitter(we also had a room for them with a DVD player and such, but it wasn't needed).  The babysitters were friends of one of dh's cousins. They had a blast, and we still paid them(they refused the money). I had a cousin refuse to come to the wedding because she had no idea who the babysitters were and didn't trust my judgment(her parents were going to be there, and knew full well what the arrangements were). Oh well. It goes a little deeper than this situation, but she was one who refused to trust my judgment. Everyone else with kids just couldn't make it or arranged their own sitters off the premise.If you provide babysitters, please do not expect your family and friends to pay for them.

whits900

Kimbie - just went through this exact thought process myself (esp bc one of the kids is completely wild) - but what we've decided to do is hire a couple of babysitters, who will actually be IN the reception room with everyone. The babysitters won't be there to specifically watch any kids (parents are still expected to watch their kids mostly), but the babysitters will be there to help keep the kids entertained, be with them on the dance floor, help them with the scavenger hunt etc. We'll pay them and feed them (they'll get the kids meal of chicken fingers too, but they're young so they won't mind) and it seemed to be the best of both worlds.

subdola

We had a baby-sitter and it was great because the kids were all about 2 years old and likely to poop out before their parents wanted to leave.  Since it was an at-home wedding the babysitter was just inside our home with them.  All of the parents took advantage and were able to stay later because of it.  That said, it is up to you, and certainly nobody expects it.