Cocktail hour champange?

emme25

So we are so broke and this wedding is breaking us.  FI is set on a honeymoon out of the states and isnt budging sooooo that means that some wedding aspects will have to be cut or lessened.  So cocktail hour?  Our venue only serves beer and wine but at $4 for beer and $6 for wine open bar can be expensive so I was thinking since they have champange and champange punch can I just serve those and toast with those too.  Is that champange overload? It is a cheaper option since we can control (champange by the bottle $22 and punch by the gallon $25) it.

aerinpegadrak

Quite a lot of people don't like champagne, really.  Some kind of punch would probably work.But it sounds like you need to sit down and have a serious talk about finances with your FI.  He may not have any idea of how much the wedding is actually costing, especially if you've mainly been managing the budget.

mbcdefg

If you want a super-honest opinion, I think it's kinda rude to splurge on a trip for yourselves if that means cutting back on things for your guests (namely the food and bar, because those are really the only things that will matter to them in the long run). I'd take a look at your budget and see if you can cut something to have beer and wine during cocktail hour, because I think more people would want beer and wine over champagne. Can you cut something from the flowers, paper products, limos, decor, attire? Or do beer and wine all night, but close the bar during dinner and 30-60 minutes before the reception ends.

emme25

Oh he knows how much it is costing.  He just doesnt care and refuses to take a local honeymoon.  I was just going to do a dry wedding.  Most of the weddings we have been to family or friends always never have a cocktail hour and we just sit there waiting for them to get there. No food nothing. So I really don't think many of my guest would miss it (our family not sure about friends).  My cousin did a champange toast and almost all of it was left.  Maybe 5 people drank it.  I have only been to one wedding with a cocktail hour so I really just dont know what do.  And I didnt think people liked champange.  From what I remember it is pretty nasty. lol!

aerinpegadrak

If the rest of your wedding is dry, then you could probably just do mocktails for the cocktail hour.  The point of the cocktail hour is mainly to give guests a chance to get some refreshments and mingle while the couple does post-ceremony stuff.  Alcohol-free cocktail hours are just fine.But seriously, you need to have a talk with your FI.  You're opening yourself up to a lot of harsh judgment from your guests if they know that you're going on a really expensive honeymoon, then get to the wedding and find that you've skimped on the hospitality.Plenty of couples do a small, cheap honeymoon immediately following the wedding, then a big trip down the line when they can better afford it.  We were hoping to do a tour of Europe for our honeymoon, but downsized to Vegas, and are shooting for Europe for our five year anniversary.

megk8oz

Ditto the PPs, a dry wedding is not a bad solution ... but your guests will probably be upset when they find out you didn't provide alcohol, but you're leaving the country for the HM.I know you're saying that this is your FI's thing, and he's the one not budging, but you really need to get it through to him that people will find this rude (And they're going to know where you're going, HM plans are impossible to keep "secret").It would be like wearing a Vera Wang original as your gown ... and then serving burgers and hot dogs for the entrees. Dry wedding (Unless for religious reasons) + Foreign HM = Bad Etiquette.Best of Luck!

Mrs.B6302007

Find a way to work in a bit more for beer and wine.  Champagne is fine for toasting but not overly popular for really drinking-not everyone likes it.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

Ditto on the honeymoon stuff. FI and I are getting married in October and delaying our honeymoon until May, when both of our birthdays are. I figure we'll have to take time off for the wedding and we'll be spending enough on that anyway. Though we'll probably go away for 2-3 days somewhere within a few hours of us immediately after the wedding.

gailpete

As PPs have said, to spend money on an expensive HM will skimping on the food & drink for the reception is rude.Figure out what an acceptable reception would cost per person (one that is comparable to others in your circle of friends and family for food and drinks, alcoholic and non alcoholic) and then figure out how many people you can invite given that per person cost.Tell your FI that is how many people you can invite and he has to figure out which of HIS friends and family to cut since he is the one insisting on the expensive HM.Just a thought.

aerinpegadrak

Figure out what an acceptable reception would cost per person (one that is comparable to others in your circle of friends and family for food and drinks, alcoholic and non alcoholic) and then figure out how many people you can invite given that per person cost.Tell your FI that is how many people you can invite and he has to figure out which of HIS friends and family to cut since he is the one insisting on the expensive HM.This is EXCELLENT advice.  That will certainly help put it in perspective.  Someone might have a vague idea of how much the wedding stuff costs, but it isn't until you break it down per head that it really sinks in.

emme25

I was gonna make him cut his side but it was my side that is pushing us over. I cut it down. We are not skimping on FOOD and drink just the drink. These dinner entrees are costing us $25 pp so I dont think that is skimping. I guess I cant understand why my guest would be offended that we didnt serve them alcohol. I should be allowed to take my HM and that is none of their business. I just couldnt imagine "how dare she go on a trip and not pay for us to get drunk. HMPH!" its actually makes me laugh lol! After talking about it with some family and stuff we are just gonna go dry and serve sparkling cider for the toast. Thanks for all the input though guys.

mbcdefg

So basically you just wanted us to say that it's OK to skimp if it means a better honeymoon for you guys, right?

mbcdefg

I think my point is this: people talk when they leave a wedding. And they usually talk about the same basic things: * the food* the drinks* the entertainment* the overall attitude of the couple (were they happy? biitchy or grumpy? gracious? demanding?)You're certainly within your rights to have a dry wedding. Alcohol is absolutely not required. But the fact is that, in some circles, people expect it ... and people talk about it on the car ride home, and behind the couple's back, when they don't get it. I think most sane people would understand if budget limitations or religious/cultural restrictions kept you from serving alcohol or made you cut back on the food, but if you said you couldn't afford alcohol but admitted to taking an overseas honeymoon ... yeah, I think people would talk. But that's your call. I think I would personally rather spend the money on my guests, because while I can always take a nice trip, I (hopefully) only get one shot at throwing a wedding reception. But if your honeymoon is a once-in-a-lifetime trip, then I see where you're coming from.

banana468

I think it all depends on your social custom whether or not to have a dry wedding.Dry weddings just.don't.fly where I am.  It's not about :I just couldnt imagine "how dare she go on a trip and not pay for us to get drunk. HMPH!" its actually makes me laugh lol! It's actually more that when you don't serve alcohol, you're not doing your job as a host in DH's and my social circles and families.  Alcohol is part of what you offer to grown adults - just like you offer more than water to the children.  When you find out that your hosts cut back on their offerings so that they could do something else that's better for them, it can leave a bad taste depending on what is that they did and what it is that they want to do.I remember another poster who commented that she has a sibling who bragged about scrimping and saving for a luxurious item (a nice purse or fur coat) by cutting back over the years.  The fallout is that the person "saved" by being cheap to her friends and family over all those years.So put it in perspective.  Think about what your guests expect at these functions and do your best to offer it to them.And remember, there's no rule that you need to take a honeymoon right away either.  Plenty of couples delay the honeymoon by a few months.  That may also be a way that you can offer your guests alcohol within budget and also go out of the country.

mbcdefg

Stage, I think we all want to say that we don't judge people, but I'd personally be lying if I said that I never have a judgemental thought about someone else. Whether it's about someone's wedding or something else entirely. I agree that it's not the right thing to do and I'm not very proud to admit it, but maybe you're just a more disciplined person than me if you can honestly say that you never judge people. I don't go to a wedding expecting them to spend all their money on me, nor do I think that I "deserve" awesome food and alcohol if I attend someone's wedding. I personally view a wedding as one of, if not THE, the nicest parties you will ever host for your friends and family, and so IMO you should make an effort to make it as nice as you can. Whatever "can" means at that particular [economic or otherwise] standpoint in your life. But you can still be on a budget ... I'm spending FAR less than most of my local board girls but that's because that's what's in my means to do, and yet I still think we're giving them a good party. I think Banana said it best: When you find out that your hosts cut back on their offerings so that they could do something else that's better for them, it can leave a bad taste depending on what is that they did and what it is that they want to do. It's just bothering me that OP is scrimping on something that her guests would enjoy just so she can have something nice that nobody except her and her FI can benefit from. And plus, I just think it's not the right move to cut back on food/drinks if you're on a budget ... if the OP said she wanted to change the location or cut back on flowers or decorations to have a nicer honeymoon, I'd be more supportive of that, because those aren't really things that affect the guests. When it comes to stuff like food, drinks and chairs, then that's when I think it's an unwise move.

mbcdefg

I see what you mean now Sorry if I was insulting in any way. It's so hard to really understand people's viewpoints through a written post. The culture/area thing is also a good point. My circle sounds like Banana's, where a dry reception just wouldn't fly. I think people here would absolutely understand if the reception were just cake and coffee due to budget constraints, or was dry because of religious reasons ... but if someone said, "Eh, we just didn't feel like having alcohol" (especially if the reasoning was "We wanted a fancy honeymoon"), then a lot of guests would probably be pissed. I admit that people in my area can be pretty snobby, though ... heck, even "beer and wine only" receptions sometimes get a Side Eye, because most weddings near me typically have a full open bar for the whole night. My local board has had discussions about how things are often TOO extravagant in our area. I've read a lot of complaints from other NJ girls who said, "I wish I could keep things more simple and cut back more, but our guests would talk about it behind out backs non-stop if we didn't have XYZ." Even to the point where some people feared that guests would take money out of the gift envelopes if they were displeased with the reception (?!?!?!?!?).

banana468

MB, that's sort of how my crowd is.  I think we're both in the greater NYC area (I live in Eastern CT but DH and I were raised in Fairfield County CT - the closest CT county to NYC).I've heard stories of where guests decided to give to the couple after the wedding because they needed to reduce their checks based on their displeasure at the reception.I don't think that's appropriate - but I also know that I need to do what's expected or expect others not to like it.

aerinpegadrak

I don't think it's really right or fair for anyone to judge a person based on how they spend their money on a wedding.  But then, life's not fair.  If alcohol is expected hospitality by her guests and it's not provided, then the OP needs to be prepared for those people to think less of her.For the record, we took a look at our finances and realized that we could probably afford a nicer honeymoon than we'd been planning.  But then I started to feel guilty looking at all these fancy hotels and restaurants when there were things we'd cut out.  So we decided that we'd cover everyone's morning after brunch and pay for the BMs to get their hair done, THEN put the rest of the money into the honeymoon.  My honeymoon experience isn't going to be destroyed by staying in a slightly smaller hotel room, but those little extra perks will definitely improve the experience for my guests.The thing that bothered me, and still bothers me, about this thread is that the OP and her FI seem to be on completely different planets when it comes to finances.  I think that's a much bigger problem than whether or not they serve booze.

mbcdefg

I think we're both in the greater NYC area (I live in Eastern CT but DH and I were raised in Fairfield County CT - the closest CT county to NYC).I'm in New Jersey, about 10 miles from NYC.

jenn.daniel

I vote for a dry reception. Personally, I want my friends to have awesome honeymoons.

banana468

I think that's a bit of a loaded statement.You can have an awesome honeymoon even when you stay in the country or do something on a budget.Just like you can find a way to offer certain things to your guests.  When you're hosting an event though, I don't think it's appropriate to say, "I'd do this but I want a vacation more," when it comes to your guests' refreshment and what you're considering removing is something that's socially expected.

megk8oz

I'm also an NJ girl, and while it's becoming more accetable in my area to do "just beer and wine" (Which that does vary from family to family if that's "ok"), I can vouch for the fact that unless some serious religious convictions are involved, you WILL be crucified for having a dry wedding or a cash bar, no matter what your logic behind it was.

aerinpegadrak

I do think it's largely dependent on social circle.  I haven't been to all that many weddings, but I don't think we ever considered having our wedding be completely dry.  We could afford everything about our first choice venue except the bar, and we chose to move the wedding and drastically downsize rather than just going cash or dry.  The thought literally never crossed our minds.  It definitely wouldn't have flown with our group.

Leah&Christian09

We could afford everything about our first choice venue except the bar, and we chose to move the wedding and drastically downsize rather than just going cash or dry.We had a similar quandry.  The venue coordinator and I were working through a proposal and she couldn't get it under my number.  Her only solution was a cash bar/dry wedding.  If we couldn't afford it with at least beer/wine, we couldn't afford it.Of the few dry weddings I've been to, after we left, people wondered why it was dry, usually venue (church) rules or budget.  If someone invited us to a big wedding and didn't serve alcohol b/c it wasn't in the budget, and then we found out they'd taken an extravagent honeymoon, we'd be hurt.  If they don't care that much about hosting us, they just shouldn't have invited us.

emme25

I live in the Buckle of the Bible Belt. If you don't what that is you should Google. Some of my (older) guests may even be offended if I serve.

banana468

Emme, if you're not serving because that's the social norm that's one thing.  Your OP didn't sound like that was the issue though.

shauni27

just a suggestion, although i am sure people on this board will be opposed to it, why not do a honeymoon registry and then your honeymoon could be paid for by your guests and then you will still have money left from your budget for the cocktail hour?  or, don't do the honeymoon registry and see how much cash you get as gifts and THEN book your honeymoon based on that...there are often lots of great last minute deals.i also agree with some previous posts--i think the wedding is one day, people will remember it and talk about it, but your honeymoon is a week long trip and might be something that you guys can only do once.  we are not doing a dry reception, LOTS of booze will be needed, however, i am cutting corners in other areas (making my own centerpieces, doing the set up and take down of my tables and chairs, making my own favors and invites, etc) so that we can also go on our fantasy honeymoon.  good luck, and regardless of what people say, do what YOU and your fiance are comfortable doing.

K&M2002

You know what emme...it's your wedding. Yes, the people are there to congratulate you and help celebrate but darn...you're already paying for them to eat and drink at the reception. Why do they need champagne during the cocktail hour? My wedding is ON A BUDGET. I am doing a cash bar with the first drink on us. We're going out of the country for our honeymoon and our honeymoon is almost half the cost of the entire wedding...so what? Marriage is about the two of you and if people are going to be upset because they couldn't get drunk at your wedding, then oh well. No one's getting drunk at my wedding and on MY dime.And as far as the cocktail hour, they can get their free drink then if they choose but that's all I'm paying for. Anything else is on them. **This is probably the bridezilla in me talking but oh well!

CabbageCabbage

You can do whatever you want and should only do what you can afford.  All the back and forth regarding expectations and hosting seems well intentioned but I  disagree with the idea that you are obligated to spend your budget hosting guests first and then you're allowed to take a trip on the leftover pennies.  If you and your fiance together want a great lavish honeymoon, do it.  I know tons of couples who plan to wait a few months to take a honeymoon and never do.  They get pregnant or they cannot take time off work or a million other things happen.I also think that you should very carefully budget the wedding money to make sure your guests are taken care of and have fun.  The easiest and quickest way is to cut the list to the people you really want.  A dry reception can be fun but it won't be the same as a reception with alcohol.  It will flow differently and people will be slower to dance.  People will probably also leave earlier.  It's just a fact.  It can still be very good though.  If you are throwing a party that is wildly different from the weddings in your area, spread the word through your families before hand.  It's gracious of you to offer waiting guests something.  Cider and a cheese tray would be nice for fall or lemonade and fruit skewers or something for summer.  It doesn't need to be a certain price as long as your guests have a nibble and a place to mingle.  I would much rather attend a party that has a few things done nicely than one that has everything at the bare minimum, if that helps.

banana468

Please don't equate open bar to paying for people to be drunk.IMO, that one of the rudest ways to say that you don't want to host it.It's one thing if that's not the norm of you don't believe in drinking however for many, an open bar is not about being intoxicated, it's just about being a good host - pure and simple.

emme25

You know what? Cocktail hour is completely new to me. Never ever heard of it and had never experienced it until this year. Only been to one wedding with one. Most weddings here don’t even offer you water while you wait. So I WAS believe it or not trying to have the best intentions in mind when I suggested the champagne. And yes WE do want to take the trip. So if any of my guests don’t like the fact that the alcohol is missing they can suck it. I like the cider and cheese tray idea. I will look into that. On a nonbiased side note I think that whether you choose to serve alcohol or not is completely dependent upon your social circle, venue, region and/or religion. Also I think this post was about to serve champagne only or not and somehow went to finances and open bar and being an ungracious hostess. Maybe I gave too much of a back story. Next time I’ll just stick with one sentence posts. Maybe it should’ve went something like ‘should we have a ‘champagne only’ reception?’ Yeah, it should’ve read like that. Yeah. *yawn*