RECEPTION... to eat or not to eat??

bldenton06

Ok, sooo I am not a catered food fan. I dont want to pay for food and people not show or people show and they didnt rsvp. I would much rather do the bare minimum for the reception. BUT, due to the venue time slots my wedding will be at 6. Would it be awful to not have a meal?

Thanks!

kmmssg

Yes, it would be quite awful not to serve a meal.

You call those who don't RSVP to see if they are coming and turn your numbers in.  Done.

Summer2011Bride

Yes you absolutely need a meal. If people don't RSVP, try contacting them after the due date has passed. Most venues/caterers will make a few extra meals in case they drop one or you have a few extra guests show up who didn't RSVP anyway. If you want to not serve a full meal, the earliest I'd have the ceremony is 730 to avoid a meal time.

QueerFemme

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_reception-to-eat-or-not-to-eat?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:5Discussion:2178b4af-5840-4821-9ee2-925d12a45e1ePost:8e763372-dc96-4771-b042-775d922d5b8e">RECEPTION... to eat or not to eat??</a>:
[QUOTE]Ok, sooo I am not a catered food fan. I dont want to pay for food and people not show or people show and they didnt rsvp. I would much rather do the bare minimum for the reception. BUT, due to the venue time slots my wedding will be at 6. Would it be awful to not have a meal? Thanks!
Posted by bldenton06[/QUOTE]

yes, you need to serve a meal.  If your wedding is at 6, people are leaving their homes between 4:30 and 5:00 to get to your wedding a few minutes early and won't have time to eat.   You need to serve either a full meal or enough heavy appetizers to be considered a meal.

I'm not sure what type of catered food you don't like, but there are tons of options. You could do pasta, salads and bread.  Or BBQ food, Mexican food, or even sandwiches and heavy sides (pasta, potato salads, etc.).   If you are going to do sandwiches, I'd go really heavy on the sides, since its dinner and not lunch time ceremony).

All I'm saying is, it doesn't have to be a plated baked chicken or something.  There are a lot of different ideas you can come up with without making your guests go hungry.

mcskatcat

You need to serve a meal if your wedding is at 6.  Period.  If you don't want to serve a meal, then have your wedding at a nonmeal time - either much later or much earlier than 6.  

lyndausvi

You need to serve a meal.

Even if it's not meal time you should have something to nibble on.

jessicabessica

You need to serve a meal at a 6 pm reception.  As PPs said, there are a lot of options for food--catering by your favorite restaurant, caterers that can make whatever you want and do it well, etc.  You can have a buffet, stations, or a plated meal, it doesn't have to be a traditional chicken and rice plated dinner.  

That said, it sounds like you don't really want to host guests at your wedding.  Why are you inviting them?

martind1

You don't have to offer a full meal but if you are asking people to stay with you for 4-6 hours then you need to offer some food.

You might be able to get away with doing extended apps or maybe even a heavier apps that are more finger sandwiches. There are so many other options that are the typical chicken and beef.

Have some fun with it! Mini-grilled cheeses, assorted chicken fingers (with sauces), sliders!

So much you can do but if you do go with light apps, try to make that obvious otherwise people will leave early to go figure out where they can eat.

good luck!

martind1

And btw, the people saying you NEED to do anything aren't right. You don't NEED to do anything. But as I said before, people will expect certain things, especially right at 6pm. Again, if you aren't going to feed them at all, you should try to set expectations in the invitations so the guests aren't grumpy and hungary!

Remember, people have some set expectations and assumptions and won't be pleased with your choices. That's ok, it's your day.

loca4pook

I agree with everyone. Food is an expectation at a wedding held at that time. I understand it's your day, but I think people will be disappointed and would you really want  yout guests to feel disappointed at your wedding? Also, people expecting food might be forced to leave early to eat i on their own f you don't provide food. since they DO need to eat dinner. I would hate for your event to end prematurely or on a bad note due to this factor. Also, everyone I have talked to  lately about attending weddings always mentions they they give enough cash gifts in anticipation of "covering their plate". If you don't provide food, they may feel "duped" in some way.

HOWEVER..............

I think the most important question that nobody asked is..How do you really feel about hosting a wedding? Are you sure that is what you really want  or are you feeling pressured to host something bigger than you really want with people you don't want there? If you aren't comfortable with the whole evening type of wedding, there is a million different options to still have a beautiful event.......Don't host something out of obligation if you aren' t comfotable...Also, if you can't afford food, host a morning or afternoon wedding with invitation somehow sending out the vibe that it will be casual..Totally fine, but give the guest a heads up that you will just doing it with your own fun twist

DeClue82

I agree with what loca just mentioned. Yes you do need to serve food at a 6pm wedding, it's at dinner time, and if you don't want guests starving and grumpy it's necessary...

I know our venue won't even serve alcohol until food is served, hence cocktail hour happening, just think of people getting sloppy drunk if you're serving booze... not pretty...

But if you aren't the type of person that wants to host a giant wedding with a catered meal, don't do it... have a ceremony, and go out to eat at a restaurant, or something else that is more your style...

Summer2011Bride

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_reception-to-eat-or-not-to-eat?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:2178b4af-5840-4821-9ee2-925d12a45e1ePost:77ef2210-99fa-4aa7-8cad-bbf7091c582f">Re: RECEPTION... to eat or not to eat??</a>:
[QUOTE]And btw, the people saying you NEED to do anything aren't right. You don't NEED to do anything. But as I said before, people will expect certain things, especially right at 6pm. Again, if you aren't going to feed them at all, you should try to set expectations in the invitations so the guests aren't grumpy and hungary! Remember, people have some set expectations and assumptions and won't be pleased with your choices. <strong>That's ok, it's your day.</strong>
Posted by martind1[/QUOTE]

This is such bad advice, esp. the bolded. It stops being all about YOU when you invite guests to the wedding. As a host, you need to be concerned with your guest's comfort. If you don't give a crap about your guests' comfort, then don't invite anybody and THEN you can do what you want.

If you are hosting a reception at a meal time, yes, you NEED to have a meal or enough heavy appetizers that they would equal a meal. That is being a proper host. Not feeding them at all is not an option, and putting on the invitation that you aren't feeding them is really rude. So these people, who are supposedly your nearest and dearest, are going to come see you get married, possibly travel to get there, most likely bring you a gift, and you're just going to say, 'Sorry, not feeding you. It's my day!" Ooook.. Good luck with that then.

martind1

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_reception-to-eat-or-not-to-eat?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:2178b4af-5840-4821-9ee2-925d12a45e1ePost:c8b8483c-5c93-4047-843e-4af285a52bc4">Re: RECEPTION... to eat or not to eat??</a>:
[QUOTE]If you are hosting a reception at a meal time, yes, you NEED to have a meal or enough heavy appetizers that they would equal a meal. <div>Posted by Summer2011Bride[/QUOTE]

</div><div>I routinely eat lunch at 2pm and dinner at 8pm. Should I expect all weddings to cater to me?</div><div>I really feel you are poisoning these message boards with your boarish behavior and demands. People are coming here looking for help and you continue to scold them.</div><div>
</div><div>Please remain friendly and offer helpful advice. Not condescending demands based solely on your views about how weddings should be.</div>

angelsong21

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_reception-to-eat-or-not-to-eat?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:2178b4af-5840-4821-9ee2-925d12a45e1ePost:ec9fd3ed-8040-4c5d-a191-0b5178a797d9">Re: RECEPTION... to eat or not to eat??</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: RECEPTION... to eat or not to eat?? : I routinely eat lunch at 2pm and dinner at 8pm. Should I expect all weddings to cater to me?<strong> I really feel you are <u>poisoning</u> these message boards with your boarish behavior and demands.</strong> People are coming here looking for help and <strong>you continue to scold them</strong>. Please remain friendly and offer helpful advice. Not condescending demands based solely on your views about how weddings should be.
Posted by martind1[/QUOTE]

<div>Don't be such a drama llama. Honestly.
<div>
</div><div>You may not eat until later in the afternoon or evening for your lunches and dinners, but MOST people eat dinner between 5:00-7:00 PM.  And you go off of what most people do.  Of course, you can always choose to disregard that and do your own thing, but guests will likely leave if they are not fed a meal during a meal-time reception because they will be hungry for a meal.  If you don't want to have to worry about serving a meal, don't have a reception during meal-time hours and you're good.</div></div>

martind1

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_reception-to-eat-or-not-to-eat?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:2178b4af-5840-4821-9ee2-925d12a45e1ePost:b025ff59-51d7-4d29-a5d0-ebb09060fca8">Re: RECEPTION... to eat or not to eat??</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: RECEPTION... to eat or not to eat?? : Don't be such a drama llama. Honestly. You may not eat until later in the afternoon or evening for your lunches and dinners, but MOST people eat dinner between 5:00-7:00 PM.  And you go off of what most people do.  Of course, you can always choose to disregard that and do your own thing, but guests will likely leave if they are not fed a meal during a meal-time reception because they will be hungry for a meal.  If you don't want to have to worry about serving a meal, don't have a reception during meal-time hours and you're good.
Posted by angelsong21[/QUOTE]
I was mostly exaggerating to prove a point. When is a reception NOT in meal time hours? A two hour gap between 2 and 4? After 8?<div>
</div><div>Now I generally agree that if you're having a party there should be food, that's just the fat kid in me talking. However if you have a line with "join us for drinks and dancing" or something along those lines you can easily shape the expectations. Sure maybe it'd be better if you moved the start time to 7pm to avoid this but in the end we are all so limited with these venues our hands are tied.</div>

HobokensFury

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_reception-to-eat-or-not-to-eat?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:2178b4af-5840-4821-9ee2-925d12a45e1ePost:ec9fd3ed-8040-4c5d-a191-0b5178a797d9">Re: RECEPTION... to eat or not to eat??</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: RECEPTION... to eat or not to eat?? : I routinely eat lunch at 2pm and dinner at 8pm. Should I expect all weddings to cater to me? I really feel you are poisoning these message boards with your boarish behavior and demands. People are coming here looking for help and you continue to scold them. <strong>Please remain friendly and offer helpful advice. Not condescending demands based solely on your views about how weddings should be.</strong>
Posted by martind1[/QUOTE]

I guess the word etiquette means nothing to you.

aday8

The venue is important when trying to figure out the food. Some places make you use them which can be crazy expensive while others let you do what you want. If you can get away with it I say be untraditional & have a potluck or just have snacks. It all depends on you, your budget, & your reception. If the whole thing is short & to the point, say an hour or two from start to finish, people can eat after they leave. You aren't going to please everyeone no matter what you do, so you might as well please yourself!

QueerFemme

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_reception-to-eat-or-not-to-eat?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:5Discussion:2178b4af-5840-4821-9ee2-925d12a45e1ePost:81072424-f6a2-417e-9650-d0f2f11686ef">Re: RECEPTION... to eat or not to eat??</a>:
[QUOTE]The venue is important when trying to figure out the food. Some places make you use them which can be crazy expensive while others let you do what you want. If you can get away with it I say be untraditional &<strong> <u>have a potluck</u></strong> or just have snacks. It all depends on you, your budget, & your reception. If the whole thing is short & to the point, say an hour or two from start to finish, people can eat after they leave. You aren't going to please everyeone no matter what you do, <strong><u>so you might as well please yourself</u></strong>!
Posted by aday8[/QUOTE]

The bolded and underlined parts of this post are reallllly bad advice.  Of course, you won't please everyone.  Maybe someone has a random food allergy you didn't know about...  maybe someone had their heart set on chocolate cake, and you served red velvet.  BUT, those things are not the same as not properly hosting your guests.

Potlucks are not appropriate for a wedding reception.  the reception is a thank you to your guests for coming to witness your wedding ceremony.  Asking them to cook and provide their own food is a logistical nightmare and very rude.   Haven't you ever gone to a potluck where there are 20 bags of potato chips and three pasta salads and not much else?    And when someone with a main dish is running late?   Potlucks rarely work out perfectly for a regular family gathering, they shouldn't be considered for a major event like a wedding!

As far as pleasing yourself. Yes, of course, please yourself and stay within your budget.  If that means hosting a cake and punch reception only, then that's fine.  But, you can't do a cake and punch reception if your wedding start time is 6pm.  People will likely start getting ready around 4pm or earlier to leave their home by 4:30 or 5:00, depending on the distance to the wedding.  When exactly do you expect people to eat before they attend a 6pm ceremony?     As soon as you invite other people to share in your day, you have to worry about pleasing them also... not just yourself.

[Deleted User]

As a guest at a former reception with no food at dinnertime, I can attest that it IS inconvenient for your guests. It is unlikely that your guests will be able to run out to find food in the time between the ceremony and the reception. They WILL be hungry. Are you having any children at your wedding? That could be a nightmare if the kids are hungry and fussing through your speeches. In our case, we had to order in a pizza since the reception venue was far from the city and there was nowhere nearby. Consider holding a smaller wedding where you can afford to serve food, or maybe you don't actually want a reception at all. That's ok too. 

AdeleDazeem

ohmygod, the poor advice in this thread.

OP - you have to serve food.  Ingore advice that says "It's your wedding, you can do what you want!!!!" (that would be martin) or "If you don't want a reception, don't have one!!!!" (no, trinity... no.) 

Receptions are to thank you guests for witnessing your ceremony.  As host, you are responsible for appropriate food, drink and entertainment.  Part of serving food is acknowledging the time of day.  6pm?  People want dinner.

If you don't want to serve dinner and would rather do cake or light appetizers, move your ceremony time to 8pm and be clear on the invitations what will be served.  Martin, who usually eats at 8pm, will know that dinner will not be served, and the rest will have more time before the event to get a meal.  It's just courteous.

Summer2011Bride

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_reception-to-eat-or-not-to-eat?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:2178b4af-5840-4821-9ee2-925d12a45e1ePost:ec9fd3ed-8040-4c5d-a191-0b5178a797d9">Re: RECEPTION... to eat or not to eat??</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: RECEPTION... to eat or not to eat?? : I routinely eat lunch at 2pm and dinner at 8pm. Should I expect all weddings to cater to me? I really feel you are poisoning these message boards with your boarish behavior and demands. People are coming here looking for help and you continue to scold them. Please remain friendly and offer helpful advice. Not condescending demands based solely on your views about how weddings should be.
Posted by martind1[/QUOTE]

Haha you are so melo-dramatic and still give bad advice. If me following proper etiquette and caring about my guests makes me boarish or condescending, then I would love to be described as those two things.

Pretty much every single other poster here, including one who has been to a wedding with no meal, have explained why you need to give a full meal at what is a normal meal time. If you choose to eat dinner at an odd time, that is you. I doubt you'd be offended if they offered food and you didn't want it, but people will sure be ticked if they are starving at a normal meal time and no food is available.

gurrlballa10

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_reception-to-eat-or-not-to-eat?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:5Discussion:2178b4af-5840-4821-9ee2-925d12a45e1ePost:ec9fd3ed-8040-4c5d-a191-0b5178a797d9">Re: RECEPTION... to eat or not to eat??</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: RECEPTION... to eat or not to eat?? : I routinely eat lunch at 2pm and dinner at 8pm. Should I expect all weddings to cater to me? I really feel you are poisoning these message boards with your boarish behavior and demands. People are coming here looking for help and you continue to scold them. Please remain friendly and offer helpful advice. Not condescending demands based solely on your views about how weddings should be.
Posted by martind1[/QUOTE]

This is as far as I've gotten, but what?  You do need to feed your guests a meal at meal time.  WTF doesn't make sense about that.  My ceremony was at 6:30, cocktail hour from 7-8 and then dinner was served.  I'm so confused how your logic even makes sense to you?

Summer2011Bride

Martind1, you posted this in another thread on this board about having enough seats for people (which you gave bad advice on also).

"You gotta still feed the people! Any wedding without enough food is going to be ruined!"

So why did the bride in the other thread need to have enough food to feed people, but this bride doesn't?

AdeleDazeem

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_reception-to-eat-or-not-to-eat?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:2178b4af-5840-4821-9ee2-925d12a45e1ePost:dd4dcd2e-501f-438f-988f-03d6be9df52c">Re: RECEPTION... to eat or not to eat??</a>:
[QUOTE]Martind1, you posted this in another thread on this board about having enough seats for people (which you gave bad advice on also). "You gotta still feed the people! Any wedding without enough food is going to be ruined!" So why did the bride in the other thread need to have enough food to feed people, but this bride doesn't?
Posted by Summer2011Bride[/QUOTE]

Well... this confirms my theories.  Martin's a troll.  ::sigh::

alithebride

yes you need to serve food.

why on earth would you invite people during dinner time to your reception (which is for the guests to begin iwth) and expect them to stay for hours and not feed them? what makes you think that this would be ok? it's not.

divinemsbee

As another person who has been to a wedding at a meal time with very little food--just don't do that to people. There were a few snacky things, but we weren't allowed to even eat the small sad cheese tray until the bride and groom made their entrance and were done with pictures. Which, because the MOH was also the photographer, meant that we sat in the room with the food for roughly an hour and a half because they had been unable to do any pictures beforehand. Once people saw the food that was available (one cheese tray, Jordan almonds, one bowl of Chex mix, cake) and sat for about 45 minutes, people just started leaving; they were hungry. Someone left and came back with a Wendy's bag. You do not want this at your wedding. 

RamonaFlowers

If you don't want to/can't afford to serve a meal, then don't, BUT you need to move your reception to a non-meal time. 5-7 pm is considered dinner time, so anything that starts during that time needs to include a real dinner.

Serving only appetizers or desserts is fine, if it's an appropriate time of day to be only serving that. So either push everything back so it starts at 8pm, or move everything up to happen at like 2pm. This way, people have time to get dinner on their own before or after your reception.

Lisa50

Yes, it would be awful, in fact downright rude, to host a reception at 6 p.m. and not serve dinner.  With such a strong aversion to paying for unconsumed/wasted food, perhaps you should consider a morning wedding with a cake and punch reception.