Large Wedding Small Reception

brwaters

I am getting married next summer and we have to have a large wedding (my father is the pastor of the church and we have to have an open invitation). We are expecting anywhere from 600-800 people at the wedding. We are hoping to have a light refreshments reception immediately following the wedding and a dinner with dancing after at on off site location. Is this ok? 

teachermegs

Are you not inviting everyone to the reception that is invited to the ceremony?

nidanieh

Congratulations!

Your plan sounds like a lovely way to honor your father's congregation, who may feel a spiritual connection to your family, and still have some private time with your close family and friends. I believe my pastor's daughter did the same thing.

I have been considering to do a similar arrangment for a different reason and clicked on your question to gain some perspective. The place we had picked out for our reception can only hold 130 people. As a result, we have excluded children who are not in the wedding and guests of our unmarried/uncommitted friends. In my quest to possibly please, I've been thinking about inviting everyone to the ceremony and to the cocktail hour that follows, but only our original 130 to the reception. My concerns about this are the added expenses for the ceremony and the possible confusion and hurt feelings at the reception. Any advice?

futurepivko

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_large-wedding-small-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:2fb1d277-bac8-4813-a86f-33f6ccf9124cPost:faddbeb0-2e5c-406c-b2ab-93bf6ec40c29">Large Wedding Small Reception</a>:
[QUOTE]I am getting married next summer and we have to have a large wedding (my father is the pastor of the church and we have to have an open invitation). We are expecting anywhere from 600-800 people at the wedding. We are hoping to have a light refreshments reception immediately following the wedding and a dinner with dancing after at on off site location. Is this ok? 
Posted by brwaters[/QUOTE]

i was kind of in a similiar situation. my parents own a country club (its a HUGE coincidence that my H is a golf pro), and while we love our members, it was no way feasible to invite them ALL to the reception.

so what we did was we had a reception right after the wedding with appetizers, a limited bar (we did beer-draft and bottle-and wine), and a dessert buffet (an Italian tradition...but H and I didnt want it at the 'real reception') and it worked out fine. our members came (they were also invited to the church, but not all of them came) and enjoyed themselves. we stayed for about an hour, our WP got some food and a break, took SOME photos, then we all got back on the party bus for our 'real' photos.

we also specified no gifts, even though some of them DID buy us a gift or give us a check. we let them know about this event via their monthly newsletter, and WOM.


was it something i originally wanted? no, i didnt. in fact, i kind of fought about it for a while, and then finally settled. and i was actually glad we did it. a lot of people came out and enjoyed themselves. and it was good business, and our WP and guests got a snack before the reception and such.

GoodLuckBear14

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_large-wedding-small-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:5Discussion:2fb1d277-bac8-4813-a86f-33f6ccf9124cPost:ea283d39-4dbc-4606-874a-4bfc660b2bdb">Re: Large Wedding Small Reception</a>:

OP, from what I'm understanding, the congregation would not be getting invitations but would be invited via the weekly bulletin.  Do I have that right?  If so, then I think what you are doing is just fine.

[QUOTE]Congratulations! Your plan sounds like a lovely way to honor your father's congregation, who may feel a spiritual connection to your family, and still have some private time with your close family and friends. I believe my pastor's daughter did the same thing. I have been considering to do a similar arrangment for a different reason and clicked on your question to gain some perspective. The place we had picked out for our reception can only hold 130 people. As a result, we have excluded children who are not in the wedding and guests of our unmarried/uncommitted friends. In my quest to possibly please, I've been thinking about inviting everyone to the ceremony and to the cocktail hour that follows, but only our original 130 to the reception. My concerns about this are the added expenses for the ceremony and the possible confusion and hurt feelings at the reception. Any advice?
Posted by nidanieh[/QUOTE]

Yes. Don't do this. It's called a tiered reception and unless you are marrying the heir to the British throne (and the Queen insists on all the crowned heads and countless other people that you've never met attending), this is the rudest thing you can do.  It essentially tells people that they are good enough to come and give you a gift but not good enough for you to invite to the party.  Either limit your guest list or find another reception site.

Mrs.B6302007

Someone else posted the same situation on E yesterday.  Here's the discussion from there.

http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_inviting-church

MyNameIsNot

It is extremely rude to invite people to the ceremony, but not to the full reception.  

However, in the case of a congregation, where the church is open to members at all times, people are welcome to attend the ceremony whether or not they are invited.  In this case, you can get away with it by only inviting the people you want to invite to the whole thing, but having a note in the bulletin about the wedding the week before, and remind parishioners that it is open to the congregation.  This way, you aren't directly inviting them, but they can drop by if they wish, and they won't be expecting anything.  

Of course, if you undertake any sort of reception for the uninvited guests, you are then hosting them, and it once again becomes incredibly rude to exclude them from the real reception.  

If it is really important to your family to invite the whole congregation, you'll need to figure out a way to host them for the whole thing, and mail them invitations.  

trix1223

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_large-wedding-small-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:2fb1d277-bac8-4813-a86f-33f6ccf9124cPost:ea283d39-4dbc-4606-874a-4bfc660b2bdb">Re: Large Wedding Small Reception</a>:
[QUOTE]Congratulations! Your plan sounds like a lovely way to honor your father's congregation, who may feel a spiritual connection to your family, and still have some private time with your close family and friends. I believe my pastor's daughter did the same thing. I have been considering to do a similar arrangment for a different reason and clicked on your question to gain some perspective. The place we had picked out for our reception can only hold 130 people. As a result, we have excluded children who are not in the wedding and guests of our unmarried/uncommitted friends. In my quest to possibly please, I've been thinking about inviting everyone to the ceremony and to the cocktail hour that follows, but only our original 130 to the reception. My concerns about this are the added expenses for the ceremony <strong>and the possible confusion and hurt feelings at the reception. Any advice?</strong>
Posted by nidanieh[/QUOTE]

My adivce is don't do this.  I can promise you that there will be confusion, and there will be hurt feelings.  Try to imagine a couple of scenarios/conversations that are sure to come up.

And are the cocktail hour and the reception at the same venue?  Because then you have a holy mess on your hands.

Conversation #1:
Guest A:  So I'm really looking forward to the rest of the reception.  I hear that the dinners here are great, and we've been to another wedding with the dj they're using tonight.  He's great and really knows how to get a party rocking!

Guest B:  Huh?  Rest of the reception?  I don't know what you're talking about.

Scenario #1:
You've allotted 1 hour for the cocktail hour, and then the A list guests get dinner.  But people aren't leaving the cocktail hour.  If it's in the same venue, do you tell all the second class guests that it's time to leave now, because the "real" reception is starting?  How exactly do you politely word that?

You've allotted a specific amount of time for the cocktail hour, and the top tier reception venue is a 20 minute drive away.  You have to now get to the A-list  reception venue, but guests are still mingling, chatting, talking and enjoying themselves.  Do you walk out on them, taking a number of top shelf guests with you?  Are you late to the "other" reception?

I have to tell you:  I might be disappointed to not be invited to your wedding.  But I'd be really insulted and pissed to be invited to your wedding and a cocktail hour, only to find out that other guests were also being treated to a meal and a party.

Everyone understands that tough choices have to be made regarding a wedding guest list.  Just don't make an insulting choice.

GL

allthingsbeautifulbtq

Hi, I'm new to this forum but just wanted to let all of the brides to be know that I have some great favors, and wedding table decor, as well as bridesmaid gifts, and custom tutu flower girl dresses...I can make any colors that you are looking for with floral accents if you'd like   And I'm local here in Houston!

Please feel free to check it out!!

Thanks, Steph

http://bit.ly/allthingsbbfavors

http://www.etsy.com/shop/AllThingsGrand

zitiqueen

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_large-wedding-small-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:5Discussion:2fb1d277-bac8-4813-a86f-33f6ccf9124cPost:6bbab312-49dc-48f8-a04d-2b938697af3e">Re: Large Wedding Small Reception</a>:
[QUOTE]Hi, I'm new to this forum but just wanted to let all of the brides to be know that I have some great favors, and wedding table decor, as well as bridesmaid gifts, and custom tutu flower girl dresses...I can make any colors that you are looking for with floral accents if you'd like :)  And I'm local here in Houston! Please feel free to check it out!! Thanks, Steph <a href="http://bit.ly/allthingsbbfavors" rel='nofollow'>http://bit.ly/allthingsbbfavors</a> <a href="http://www.etsy.com/shop/AllThingsGrand" rel='nofollow'>http://www.etsy.com/shop/AllThingsGrand</a>
Posted by allthingsbeautifulbtq[/QUOTE]

Reported. Go away, vendor.

MyNameIsNot

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_large-wedding-small-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:2fb1d277-bac8-4813-a86f-33f6ccf9124cPost:6bbab312-49dc-48f8-a04d-2b938697af3e">Re: Large Wedding Small Reception</a>:
[QUOTE]Hi, I'm new to this forum but just wanted to let all of the brides to be know that I have some great favors, and wedding table decor, as well as bridesmaid gifts, and custom tutu flower girl dresses...I can make any colors that you are looking for with floral accents if you'd like :)  And I'm local here in Houston! Please feel free to check it out!! Thanks, Steph <a href="http://bit.ly/allthingsbbfavors" rel='nofollow'>http://bit.ly/allthingsbbfavors</a> <a href="http://www.etsy.com/shop/AllThingsGrand" rel='nofollow'>http://www.etsy.com/shop/AllThingsGrand</a>
Posted by allthingsbeautifulbtq[/QUOTE]

<div>Why would anyone want to buy anything from a company that isn't even competent enough to read and follow forum rules?</div><div>
</div><div>Sorry, but only an idiot would give their credit card number to such an obvious spammer.  You are probably a scam.  </div>

lindenheart

OP, speaking from personal experience, I think your plan is fine. I've been to several of these as a member of a church and never felt put-off by not getting invited to a later reception. Having light refreshments is a nice way for congregation members to congratulate you without you feeling rushed to be some place else. I always appreciated the kind gesture of those that opened up weddings to the congregation and I'm sure your congregation will too. Just as an

FYI, the wedding usually appeared in our monthly newsletter that had the calendar for the month (it was just on the calendar, not an article in the newsletter) with a blip that it was open to the congregation. Then it appeared in the weekly bulletin the week of the wedding. This mention was usually more substantial, but any time anyone got married and let the church know about it, there was aways a substantial mention in the bulletin so that was the norm. HTH and congrats! 

trix1223

ziti and MNIN:  Can you edit your posts so that the website of the vendor is removed?  It doesn't really make sense to report her and have her post deleted if the info is still in your quote. 

Savanna111911

We're doing something like this. I was not happy about it at first becaues I felt like it was a tiered reception and felt it was rude. But basically my parents are very active in the church and gave me no choice. They said I was either going to do it that way or I wasn't getting married in that church. So there. But now I'm kind of excited about it. i think it will be a good way to spend time with some of the church folks, etc.