Reception after destnation wedding

bops812

What are the thoughts on a large reception if the bride and groom are already married? We've been engaged for over 8 months and are thinking about taking some friends and heading out west for a weekend and getting married. There is just so much planning and worrying. What/how is a good way to have a reception without a ceremony so to speak.

trix1223

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_reception-after-destnation-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:5Discussion:3a38cdd3-7d45-4a14-b2f5-aa9fd6eb500bPost:1445ad6c-8078-4f91-a902-c589c8dfb9da">Reception after destnation wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]What are the thoughts on a large reception if the bride and groom are already married? We've been engaged for over 8 months and are thinking about taking some friends and heading out west for a weekend and getting married. There is just so much planning and worrying. What/how is a good way to have a reception without a ceremony so to speak.
Posted by bops812[/QUOTE]

I just don't get this.  The reception is both the big money and the big "detail" part of a wedding.  You're not going to make anything easier or less expensive by leaving out the ceremony.

I am not a fan of what you're proposing.  You're CHOOSING to elope.  That becomes your wedding.  You give up many of the traditional things when you CHOOSE to elope.  But it sounds like you want to elope and have the big wedding too.  IMO, it's one or the other, not both.

Also, I don't know anything about your relationship with your family, but as a mom who's had both a son and daughter married, I would have been heartbroken if they had chosen to take this huge life step without including me and their dad.  It's a moment that parents think about, and I think you need to think about the impact on your families if you don't include them.

One of DH's uncles eloped,and DH's grandmother was still talking, 30 years later about how much it hurt her.

You have a lot to consider.  GL.

Hellokatie0517

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_reception-after-destnation-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:3a38cdd3-7d45-4a14-b2f5-aa9fd6eb500bPost:236497ef-c570-421f-90f0-dfde6dae60e7">Re: Reception after destnation wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Reception after destnation wedding : I just don't get this.  The reception is both the big money and the big "detail" part of a wedding.  You're not going to make anything easier or less expensive by leaving out the ceremony. I am not a fan of what you're proposing.  You're CHOOSING to elope.  That becomes your wedding.  You give up many of the traditional things when you CHOOSE to elope.  But it sounds like you want to elope and have the big wedding too.  IMO, it's one or the other, not both. <strong>Also, I don't know anything about your relationship with your family, but as a mom who's had both a son and daughter married, I would have been heartbroken if they had chosen to take this huge life step without including me and their dad.</strong>  It's a moment that parents think about, and I think you need to think about the impact on your families if you don't include them. One of DH's uncles eloped,and DH's grandmother was still talking, 30 years later about how much it hurt her. You have a lot to consider.  GL.
Posted by trix1223[/QUOTE]

To add to this, whenever I would joke to my mom and dad about eloping, this look of sadness would come over them.  I have a good relationship with my parents, we're not close, but it's a decent relationship.  To see the look on their face made it very clear that it would crush them if I didn't include them on my wedding day.  Have you mentioned this idea to your parents at all? Reactions?

Wiscisbliss

From your post it seems like the planning and worrying are what is getting to you.  What specifically?  The big reception?  If that's it, then having an elopement first and still having the big reception won't change that.  You'll still have to plan a big party and worry about how it will go. 

Maybe a big reception isn't what you want... would scaling back the whole shebang help?

flutgrl1

We had an AHR reception. We got the small intimate wedding we wanted....and our families got the big gathering/reunion/party they wanted.

IslandBeachBride

If this is a 2nd wedding, I think eloping is perfectly fine.  If your a 1st time bride and want to elope reconsider or at least include both parental sides.  

iluvmy0341

We eloped and the only thing I regret is not having my dad there. So if you're families are going to be there, then do it. We're having a vow renewal ceremony this summer because I want to have my whole family there. It was nice and sweet just the two of us, but I def regret not having my dad there. We're not close, but he raised me and 4 other siblings since I was 10 by himself, so he's always there if I need him, and I needed him then and he wasn't there.

HelloSTL

Don't listen to those people. I'm doing the same thing. My FI and I are going to Antigua to get married. Just the two of us. It will be romantic and we don't have to worry about anyone else.   We are having a reception 1 week after we return from the honeymoon.  Not the traditional foo foo reception with father/daughter dance, cake cutting, throw the bouquet.  We are just serving food, booze, and having a dance floor. It's a party.  We are having it at a nice venue but not going to worry about all that foo foo stuff like seating cards, guest book, wedding cake, speeches, centerpieces for tables, toasts, organized dancing, bouquet toss, wedding favors that everyone throws in the trash.  

Not having a traditional wedding is reducing the planning phase a lot. We don't have to make 5 of our friends buy dresses, pay for their hair/makeup, shoes, jewelry.  No tuxedos for all the groomsmen and whatver.  No florist, no photographer, No rehearsal dinner. 

The resort offers free weddings if you stay in an upgraded suite for 7 days.  They plan everything but when you only have 2 people you don't have to plan much.   We'll get married on beach, eat cake, drink champagne, then have a private romantic dinner on beach. 

My parents and his parents would prefer to be at wedding but we want to keep it small, private, romantic. No fuss, no hassle.  We will celebrate with everyone at the reception.

Good luck!

trix1223

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_reception-after-destnation-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:3a38cdd3-7d45-4a14-b2f5-aa9fd6eb500bPost:59e29ae3-9157-4c87-bf4f-f57062f9c458">Re: Reception after destnation wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]Don't listen to those people. I'm doing the same thing. My FI and I are going to Antigua to get married. Just the two of us. It will be romantic and we don't have to worry about anyone else.   We are having a reception 1 week after we return from the honeymoon.  Not the traditional foo foo reception with father/daughter dance, cake cutting, throw the bouquet.  We are just serving food, booze, and having a dance floor. It's a party.  We are having it at a nice venue but not going to worry about all that foo foo stuff like seating cards, guest book, wedding cake, speeches, centerpieces for tables, toasts, organized dancing, bouquet toss, wedding favors that everyone throws in the trash.   Not having a traditional wedding is reducing the planning phase a lot. <strong>We don't have to make 5 of our friends buy dresses, pay for their hair/makeup, shoes, jewelry.  No tuxedos for all the groomsmen and whatver.  No florist, no photographer, No rehearsal dinner.  </strong>The resort offers free weddings if you stay in an upgraded suite for 7 days.  They plan everything but when you only have 2 people you don't have to plan much.   We'll get married on beach, eat cake, drink champagne, then have a private romantic dinner on beach.  <strong>My parents and his parents would prefer to be at wedding</strong> but we want to keep it small, private, romantic. No fuss, no hassle.  We will celebrate with everyone at the reception. Good luck!
Posted by HelloSTL[/QUOTE]

Ummm, you do know that you don't have to have 5 friends in a WP, right?  And that they don't have to buy new dresses.  And that you don't have to pay for hair/makeup.  And that you don't have to require and pay for matching shoes and jewelry.  You can skip all those things and still have a lovely wedding with your family present.

And that GM don't have to be in tuxes for you to have a lovely wedding with your family present.  As for limos, flowers, photographer?  All unneccessary and you can still have a lovely wedding with your family present.

You're making up silly reasons.  If you want to get married with just the two of you, then do it.  But don't pretend it's for any reason other than it's what you want.

Which leads me to the second bolded point.  I think it's sad that although both sets of parents have made it abundantly clear that they would like to be present at your wedding, you're ignoring that.  Again, your choice.  But I can promise you that the disappointment you're causing your parents will not go away.  Ever.

Good luck.

KatyLoveee

My FH and I are doing a bit of both. As his family and friends live in California, and mine live in Florida, we're doing both locations. We're having a small, 25-person get together (where we'll take our actual vows) out in the mountains, and a reception at my parent's place in Florida the next weekend. We're sending invites to those we would like at the actual ceremony, but we're also informing them of the party afterwards, should they not want to trek across the country to witness some words and eat some dinner.

I'll admit, it's been a little stressful planning both. Essentially, we're eloping and throwing a celebration afterwards. However, ultimately, it's about you. It's YOUR day, and it should be everything that YOU want it to be. I agree you should give your parents the opportunity to come if they'd like, but don't feel like you have to tailor your vows and dreams to what others find appropriate or traditional.