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JP wedding this year, Ceremony and Reception NEXT year?? Thoughts??

Were at a loss here, trying to plan a wedding for OCT 5, we have reasons why we whant that date so we are sticking to it, but we were thinking about just going to the JP or whatnot getting hitched NOTHING fancy at all, then do a real wedding with ceremony and reception NEXT year OCT 5- REASONING money is extreamly tight this year, places are already booked for this year, he has amazing health benafits and mine cost me just about $300 a month, what are your thoughts about this idea, i know we could save money and just elope but we both want  a real wedding.

Re: JP wedding this year, Ceremony and Reception NEXT year?? Thoughts??

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    AddieCakeAddieCake member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited January 2013
    Every wedding is a real wedding except the ones you imagine in your head or make Barbies have. 

    If you get married at the JOP, that is your real wedding. 
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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    You get ONE wedding.  Just one.  Be a grown up and pick one or the other.



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    the JOP is your wedding. 

    you dont get 2.

     

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    Agree with PPs.  You get one wedding day.  If the importance of health insurance benefits outweighs saving up for the wedding you envision next year, you need to own that decision.  You only get married once per couple, unless there is a divorce.  And other posters are right, if you adjust your vision of your day, you may be able to have a beautiful wedding this year, even on a small budget.

    DH and I had many conversations in the 4.5 years we were together before we got engaged about getting married to make it easier to get benefits, bank for each other, etc.  But we waited because we knew we wanted the day with the "stuff" and the large group of family and friends.  You and your FI need to decide what is more important to you and your priorities as a couple and embrace what that means for your one wedding day.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_jp-wedding-this-year-ceremony-and-reception-next-year-thoughts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:5Discussion:3fe4dcc1-2e87-41c7-a0e8-daa2e9201f91Post:ab6e3d68-b3d9-49a2-a375-420e9da0ce25">JP wedding this year, Ceremony and Reception NEXT year?? Thoughts??</a>:
    [QUOTE]Were at a loss here, trying to plan a wedding for OCT 5, we have reasons why we whant that date so we are sticking to it, but we were thinking about just going to the JP or whatnot getting hitched NOTHING fancy at all, then do a real wedding with ceremony and reception NEXT year OCT 5- REASONING money is extreamly tight this year, places are already booked for this year, he has amazing health benafits and mine cost me just about $300 a month, what are your thoughts about this idea, i know we could save money and just elope but we both want  a real wedding.
    Posted by Jeepers8505[/QUOTE]

    The JOP ceremony is your real wedding so stop thinking that it won't be.  The "real" wedding that you want to have later is just a charade because you and FI will already be married.

    Doing what you are proposing is incredibly rude.  And basically saying that the JOP ceremony is just so you can have better health benefits is a slap in the face to all brides who chose and loved their JOP and considered it their real and only wedding because, in fact, it was.

    If you want a "real" wedding so badly then I suggest you suck it up, keep paying that $300 a month for health benefits and save up until you can afford to have the wedding you and your FI want.

    You need to realize that you are an adult and as an adult decision need to be made.  In life you can't have your cake and eat it too.  You either get married now and accept that you will never have your PPD or you wait and save, but you cannot have it both ways without looking like complete idiots.

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    NYCMercedesNYCMercedes member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited January 2013
    How many high school graduations did you have? How many times did you walk across the stage? It's the same thing. Either you are married or you or not. The defining moment is the wedding. "just going to the JP or whatnot and getting hitched" Well, believe it or not, your whatnot is your officiant at your wedding! Your hitched is your wedding. "real wedding with a ceremony and reception NEXT year" Well, believe it or not, your ceremony could not be a wedding!
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    Ditto all of the above. You get one wedding. It's the day you get married- either at the JOP or a large wedding. 
     
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    I bet if you thought outside of the box you could pull off a wedding by Oct 5.   Might have to make some compromises, but you can pull it off.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
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    If you go to the JP, then stop making any other "wedding" plans.  What you'll be planning won't be a "wedding" or "wedding reception."  A JP legal marriage ceremony is a "wedding."  Anything that comes after that is a "re-enactment."  And if you keep the JP legal marriage ceremony secret and go ahead with another ceremony and party to celebrate, it is also a "fraud."
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    You can only get married once (to this guy..). A JOP is a "real wedding".

    Someone used this metaphor already, but please think of your wedding as you would any other big event in life. IE - a graduation.

    My family could not afford to have a graduation party for me when I graduated high school. So I didn't have one. Now we all have a little more money. Should I have a high school graduation party now, at age 25, simply because (stomps foot, whiney voice) "well I waaaaaant one! Suzy got a graduation party and I want one too!!" No. That would be ridiculous.

    Another poster here on another thread was not expecting her first child when she got pregnant. It was not the pre-planned "Oh my gosh I'm so happy we're pregnant!" reaction she had fantisized about her whole life. Should she dismiss her first child and call her second, planned child her first baby? Absolutely not!

    Getting married does not give you the excuse to do whatever you want. No one "deserves" a huge wedding. You deserve what you can afford and you deserve to live with your choices.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_jp-wedding-this-year-ceremony-and-reception-next-year-thoughts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:5Discussion:3fe4dcc1-2e87-41c7-a0e8-daa2e9201f91Post:c43a6770-9500-4a3a-a63c-b99724c552a9">Re: JP wedding this year, Ceremony and Reception NEXT year?? Thoughts??</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: JP wedding this year, Ceremony and Reception NEXT year?? Thoughts?? : Yes, yes you should. You should wear your cap and gown, hire an actor to play principal, and strut across the stage to shake with your right and take your diploma with your left, so your family and friends can all see you "graduate" high school and help you celebrate. I'm sure none of them will think you ridiculous, or at least not more ridiculous than a married woman playing bride because she didn't have her "dream" wedding when she actually got married.
    Posted by Liatris2010[/QUOTE]

    :) Hahahaha. I didn't go to prom either. I really think I should do that this year too. No one will find it odd, will they? :)
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    OP: You can have one wedding. So think hard about it and discuss with your FI and choose what you would rather have. Health benefits sooner, which means you'd probably have to marry at the JOP or plan a wedding real quick OR hold off on the health benefits and have a larger wedding later. You're an adult, and adults have to make choices. We don't always get our cake and eat it too.


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    If you get married this year, that will be your real wedding.  If I were you, I would think outside the box as PP suggested and figure out a way to have a wedding you will enjoy this year.

    If you get married this year and have something next year, that ceremony would be a vow renewal.  You can have a vow renewal if you want, but a vow renewal is not a wedding, and it shouldn't try to be one.  It's pretty counterproductive to get married planning to renew your vows that quickly, though.  

    If saving money is the problem, you could always have your JOP or small wedding now, and save the money to throw a blow out first anniversary party next year.  
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    Another thought: If you and your FI live together (not sure if you mentioned this or not), you may qualify as eligible for his benefits. If you do live together, definitely ask him to have that conversation with the benefits coordinator at his place of employment. 
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    If Oct. 5th is that important to you and you can't afford to have your dream wedding this year, have it next year on a Sunday; you save money on Sunday weddings too so it's an option.

    Don't use the health insurance excuse; I lived with H for 8 years before getting married. It would've been nice to be married for tax and insurance purposes but we just sucked it up.
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    I'm actually really confused...I was planning to go to the JOP since I'm not really interested in having a big ceremony and reception, but according to the OP, that wouldn't be real?  Would I even be married afterwards?

    Sarcasm aside, OP do you see how ridiculous that sounds and how insulting it is to people who DO go to the JOP?  PPs are right on-you get one wedding.  Getting married for benefits or money isn't the right reason to do it.
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    beardownbchsbeardownbchs member
    5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    edited January 2013
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_jp-wedding-this-year-ceremony-and-reception-next-year-thoughts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:3fe4dcc1-2e87-41c7-a0e8-daa2e9201f91Post:d3f86d48-12d7-420b-b92e-43e29d781a55">Re: JP wedding this year, Ceremony and Reception NEXT year?? Thoughts??</a>:
    [QUOTE]<strong>I'm actually really confused...I was planning to go to the JOP since I'm not really interested in having a big ceremony and reception, but according to the OP, that wouldn't be real?  Would I even be married afterwards?</strong>Sarcasm aside, OP do you see how ridiculous that sounds and how insulting it is to people who DO go to the JOP?  PPs are right on-you get one wedding.  Getting married for benefits or money isn't the right reason to do it.
    Posted by freebread03[/QUOTE]

    No. You could use your husband's health benefits and file taxes together, but you wouldn't actually be married.

    In order to actually be married, you MUST wear a gigantic dress, spend several weeks (if not months) whining and demanding ridiculous things from everyone around you and use the phrase, "IT'S MY DAY!!!" at least a dozen times. You must demand the complete attention of everyone you know for at least  6-8 hours. Make sure to spend thousands and thousands on flowers and decorations, but it's okay to have a cash bar and hors d'oeuvres only to make up for the cost.

    :)
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    edited January 2013
    Wow, some of yall are hardcore. But I guess they don't want you to regret doing non traditional. I have had more friends say they wish they had just done JOP and not wasted the money or stressed over a big shin dig.

    It's whatever you want it to be. Do what you two want. I am pondering a JOP wedding and then a social after.

    So I can still have my lil bit of fun with decorations and such :)

    My cousin just got married on 12.12.12. JOP then  that following weekend she had a celebration at the place they both met so that family and friends could celebrate too.
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    Coghoot12Coghoot12 member
    5 Love Its First Comment First Anniversary
    edited January 2013
    <div align="left">In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_jp-wedding-this-year-ceremony-and-reception-next-year-thoughts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:5Discussion:3fe4dcc1-2e87-41c7-a0e8-daa2e9201f91Post:a1ec108f-74f4-4587-8374-4d7f884d59b2">Re:
    JP wedding this year, Ceremony and Reception NEXT year??
    Thoughts??</a>:
    [QUOTE]Wow, some of yall are hardcore. But I guess they don't
    want you to regret doing non traditional. I have had more friends say they wish
    they had just done JOP and not wasted the money or stressed over a<strong> big
    shin dig</strong>. It's whatever you want it to be. Do what you two want. I am
    pondering a JOP wedding and then a social after. So I can still have my lil bit
    of fun with decorations and such :) My cousin just got married on 12.12.12. JOP
    then  that following weekend she had a celebration at the place they both
    met so that family and friends could celebrate too.
    Posted by
    jeb&bmp27[/QUOTE]

    That sounds painful.</div>
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    edited January 2013
    I went to 2 proms both my junior and senior years of high school. But!! The guys were all douchbags. It wasn't romantic at all. Therefore, I'm crashing my former high school's next prom. I'm dragging my fiance along so it will be a special night. Maybe I'll rig the voting and be prom queen! I'm only 29.

    Sarcasm aside, what would the ceremony look like at the fake wedding?

    "Do you take this man, to be your husband?" "Yes, I already did."
    "I now announce, (they are still) Mr. and Mrs. Smith!"

    And what would the fake invite look like? "Come celebrate that our marriage has lasted a whole year!"



    Anniversary
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_jp-wedding-this-year-ceremony-and-reception-next-year-thoughts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:5Discussion:3fe4dcc1-2e87-41c7-a0e8-daa2e9201f91Post:a1ec108f-74f4-4587-8374-4d7f884d59b2">Re: JP wedding this year, Ceremony and Reception NEXT year?? Thoughts??</a>:
    [QUOTE]Wow, some of yall are hardcore. But I guess they don't want you to regret doing non traditional. I have had more friends say they wish they had just done JOP and not wasted the money or stressed over a big shin dig. It's whatever you want it to be. Do what you two want. I am pondering a JOP wedding and then a social after. So I can still have my lil bit of fun with decorations and such :) My cousin just got married on 12.12.12. JOP then  that following weekend she had a celebration at the place they both met so that family and friends could celebrate too.
    Posted by jeb&bmp27[/QUOTE]
    You can always do a budget wedding without going to the JOP.  I have a co-worker that said their's was too much money.  But you never hear of these people running off to the JOP to get that courthouse feeling after they've had their big day.  It only happens in the opposite direction.  Most people just grumble and say that because bills start to come due and nobody likes to pay bills but they don't try a simpler re-do and they don't toss those photos or that video or other keepsakes.  I have a coworker who said that who still has her dress from her big wedding from 20 years ago!  So I just roll my eyes like yeah whatever.  They don't get side-eyed for the post-wedding grumble like those who try to do a PPD either.
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    OP - Do what YOU want. Do what makes YOU happy. If you decide to do both, hope they are both equally as special and spectacular and memorable. So many bitter brides around these parts. Sheesh!
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    Wow can not even believe the nastiness! I see the point these brides are making but they are beyond rude and just plain ol nasty. Do what you want. Who cares. Your life.
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    The JOP will MARRY you. A marriage and a wedding are 2 different things.

    I say go for it! If you need to be married now and celebrate later- why not? No one is getting hurt in the process! 

    Plus- if you are catholic- a JOP marriage is not recognized by the church. You'll need to do it again before the eyes of God- and you may as well celebrate that!

    Congratulations and Best Wishes! Ignore all the cattiness above- they're just jealous they didn't do it your way. Wink
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