OPEN BAR CUT OFF'S

genika

We are having an open bar reception how ever there are a couple of BPM who will be cut off after 3 drinks... Do you think im being unfair?

Summer2011Bride

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_open-bar-cut-offs?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:4e32c6fb-6ccf-4914-903a-ffaa17886f9dPost:ced85711-b704-41fe-ad64-b197a62abffc">OPEN BAR CUT OFF'S</a>:
[QUOTE]We are having an open bar reception how ever there are a couple of BPM who will be cut off after 3 drinks... Do you think im being unfair?
Posted by genika[/QUOTE]

Are you cutting them off b/c you think they'll get out of hand? Who is doing the "cutting off"? In any bar situation I've ever heard of, the bartender will usually do the "cutting off" if he/she feels it is necessary. In my contract for our reception, it even stipulates that the venue has the right to refuse alcohol to someone. Leave it to them. PLEASE don't cut someone off yourself. I would find that a bit offensive.

If you are concerned about someone driving home safely, call a taxi for them or find them a sober ride. However, I would find it rude to have someone come up and take a drink out of my hand or tell the bartender "I want you to cut them off." I don't think the bartender would even do that if they were totally fine. There would be no reason to.

genika

I hear you, we just have a couple of friends that party just a lil to hard @ times. and who appear fine but have gone beyond there limit. 
I'll def look into talking with our venue and see what steps they take in a situation like this.

Summer2011Bride

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_open-bar-cut-offs?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:4e32c6fb-6ccf-4914-903a-ffaa17886f9dPost:c0718917-7bd3-415b-a192-88ac0d404db7">Re: OPEN BAR CUT OFF'S</a>:
[QUOTE]I hear you, we just have a couple of friends that party just a lil to hard @ times. and who appear fine but have gone beyond there limit.  I'll def look into talking with our venue and see what steps they take in a situation like this.
Posted by genika[/QUOTE]

I think it's great you're concerned about them, but again, I think it would put YOU in an awkward situation and strain your friendship with them if you stepped in and took their drinks away or caused a scene like that. Make sure they have a safe ride home and like you said, talk to your venue about their policy in a situation like that. If you see someone "getting out of control," what about you or FI just saying "Hey let's go get some fresh air outside" and taking them out of the situation for a few minutes. Offer them some water, etc. Many people get drunk or tipsy at weddings and as long as they're of age and not driving and not causing problems for anyone else, there's not much you can do unless you have a dry reception. It isn't uncommon either (having tipsy guests, that is).

LauraT25

Talk to your venue.  You can even let them know that there are particular people you are concerned about, so that they are more vigilant, if you're really concerned.  I don't know how you can impose a three-drink limit reasonably, without offending people - I had at least five drinks at my wedding (when you include champagne, and wine with dinner) and I was fine because it was over a long period of time and I consumed a ton of food.  I am sure that most of our guests had even more than that, and not a single guest was out of hand.

Edit: As PP mentioned, if driving is your concern, and not rowdiness, then make sue they have transportation and leave them alone.

sister2groom

I would just tell your bartender to cut off ANYONE who's had too much and is getting out of hand. If anyone ever found out they were on "the list," that would be very offensive.

jerseydevil

Agree that is very offensive to dictate how much any of your guests drink. The bartender should cut off any one who is visibly out of control - it's part of their job.

marissa_claire

I think if you have a professional, licensed bartender they should know when to cut people off.  

I had my concerns too at our wedding but no one got out of hand at the reception.  The hotel afterwards... well that's another story.

loop0406

I think that's rude to cut off certain people after 3 drinks. You're the bride, not their mother

Karen's MOH

I understand your concerns-- we have a friend who always get out of hand-- not just drunk and maybe falling on the dance floor, but knocking whole tables over. In this situation, I wouldn't give them a hard a fast limit like 3 drinks, but I would warn the bartender specifically about these three that you are worried about. That way he can keep a closer eye on them than everyone else. I don't think that's unreasonable. The bartender might also make their drinks a little weaker if he knows in advance.

lindenheart

I have a day-of coordinator to handle guests that have reached their limits (she and the bartenders can worry about this - not me) as well as party busses to take our hard-partying guests back to the hotel to sleep it off.

hlq2011

I have some friends who I'd say party too hard on a fairly frequent basis, but I wouldn't dream of damaging my friendship with them by restricting how much they drink aside from simply relying on a trained bartender's good judgment.

And seriously?  Three drinks?  Personally, I think that's a little ridiculous.  I'm not a big drinker and three drinks wouldn't put me over the limit for anything but driving.

Storytime

If driving is even part of it, try to talk to people who are friends with any of the people you're worried about who either live near that person (if they're local), or are staying in the same hotel.  Get someone (who will be a sober driver) to ask that person if they want to car pool.  That way, the person won't even have a car there to be tempted to drive, and it's one fewer thing for you to worry about.

genika

It's not that im trying to regulate or be someone's mother. but when it comes to the saftey of yourself or others i will step in. and im not so much concerned with the wine that will be served during dinner its the TOP SHELF LIQUOR'S that scaring the crap outta me. dont get me wrong i want everybody to have an amazing time and enjoy them selves and we'll be celebrating 14yrs of an exceptional couple and oustanding romance and an amazing love. so i actually am expecting a night to remember.
i thank you all for your advice and will be talking with my venue and coordinator to insure they are on top of this and handle ANY guest accordingly. i think we brides have enough to deal with.

Beachy730

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_open-bar-cut-offs?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:4e32c6fb-6ccf-4914-903a-ffaa17886f9dPost:fb7d63a5-588a-47e4-a629-f2854b1d417c">Re: OPEN BAR CUT OFF'S</a>:
[QUOTE]It's not that im trying to regulate or be someone's mother. but when it comes to the saftey of yourself or others i will step in. and im not so much concerned with the wine that will be served during dinner its the TOP SHELF LIQUOR'S that scaring the crap outta me. dont get me wrong i want everybody to have an amazing time and enjoy them selves and we'll b<strong>e celebrating 14yrs of an exceptional couple and oustanding romance and an amazing love. so i actually am expecting a night to remember.</strong> i thank you all for your advice and will be talking with my venue and coordinator to insure they are on top of this and handle ANY guest accordingly. i think we brides have enough to deal with.
Posted by genika[/QUOTE]

<div>Seriously, who talks about themselves like that?  Conceited much?  And was it really necessary to point out that you're having top shelf liquor?  In case you weren't aware, well and premium brands get you just as drunk.  </div><div>
</div><div>I would be beyond pissed if a friend of mine decided that I could only have 3 drinks at her wedding.  Especially if she considered me close enough to be a BM, but not enough of me to be able to handle myself at an open bar.  And seriously, 3 drinks?  I had 3 drinks during my own cocktail hour.  </div><div>
</div><div>Trust the bartenders to do their job and keep anyone from drinking too much.  If you're that worried, hire security in case people get out of hand.  But please don't treat your guests and your good friends like children and limit what they can drink.</div>

stephasuasu

let them eat, DRINK, and be merry! Our wedding was open bar, and our wedding party was sauced by 10. We are almost 30, and people know how to handle the liquor for the most part, and some nights just warrant a good amount of drinking (like a wedding!). Let your guests enjoy themselves. We had one very drunk groomsman, but some of the pictures he is in are so funny! It was nothing to worry about. 

hlq2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_open-bar-cut-offs?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:4e32c6fb-6ccf-4914-903a-ffaa17886f9dPost:fb7d63a5-588a-47e4-a629-f2854b1d417c">Re: OPEN BAR CUT OFF'S</a>:
[QUOTE]It's not that im trying to regulate or be someone's mother. but when it comes to the saftey of yourself or others i will step in. and im not so much concerned with the wine that will be served during dinner its the TOP SHELF LIQUOR'S that scaring the crap outta me. dont get me wrong i want everybody to have an amazing time and enjoy them selves and we'll be celebrating 14yrs of an exceptional couple and oustanding romance and an amazing love. so i actually am expecting a night to remember. i thank you all for your advice and will be talking with my venue and coordinator to insure they are on top of this and handle ANY guest accordingly. i think we brides have enough to deal with.
Posted by genika[/QUOTE]

Except... you ARE trying to regulate and be someone's mother.  And to think that people can't get just as drunk off of wine as off of liquor (TOP SHELF or otherwise) is incredibly naive.

If you want people to enjoy themselves, let them freakin' drink.

trix1223

Wow.  You're coming across as quite full of yourself.

palegirl146

I'm confused.  What do you mean by BPM?  Someone else thought you meant BM...in which case just ask your bridesmaids not to have more than 3 drinks.  I'm sure they can respect that for 1 night and they can go crazy at the bachelorette party.  If you're concerned about other guests' behavior, you have to trust your bartender, like everyone else said. 

Beachy730

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_open-bar-cut-offs?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:5Discussion:4e32c6fb-6ccf-4914-903a-ffaa17886f9dPost:2a25fe05-184a-4613-8f06-fa4b14523620">Re: OPEN BAR CUT OFF'S</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm confused.  What do you mean by BPM?  Someone else thought you meant BM...in which case just ask your bridesmaids not to have more than 3 drinks.  I'm sure they can respect that for 1 night and they can go crazy at the bachelorette party.  If you're concerned about other guests' behavior, you have to trust your bartender, like everyone else said. 
Posted by palegirl146[/QUOTE]

I'm assuming BPM means bridal party member.  Honestly, you're giving her the advice of asking grown adults to only have 3 drinks at their good friend's wedding?  I would laugh in my friend's face if she asked me that.  It's just absurd to tell an adult how much they are "allowed" to drink at your party.

NatandIsaac

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_open-bar-cut-offs?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:4e32c6fb-6ccf-4914-903a-ffaa17886f9dPost:2a25fe05-184a-4613-8f06-fa4b14523620">Re: OPEN BAR CUT OFF'S</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm confused.  What do you mean by BPM?  Someone else thought you meant BM..<strong>.in which case just ask your bridesmaids not to have more than 3 drinks. </strong> I'm sure they can respect that for 1 night and they can go crazy at the bachelorette party.  If you're concerned about other guests' behavior, you have to trust your bartender, like everyone else said. 
Posted by palegirl146[/QUOTE]

<div>Unless of course your bridesmaids are adults that you have a modicum of respect for. In which case you can trust them to moderate their own consumption.</div>

ootmother2

I really don't care if you're pouring Dom or J Walker Blue.  It doesn't impress anyone.

Don't police your guests drinking.

If you can't afford a full bar, do wine and beer and perhaps one special or signature drink/  NOT rocket science at all