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Wedding Reception Forum
doiexist1987
member
Invitation Wording- for reception food that will be served
I am going to be working on my invitiations soon, and my fiance and I have decided that we are going to only be serving cupcakes, and possibly fruit at our reception and we need to figure out how to word this for the invitations, so people are not expecting something big and extravagent for food.
We are doing this for two major reasons, one is that my family only likes to eat terrible food which is contrary to the dietary norm of my fiance and I. While we are not vegitarian or vegan we often go days without meat and eat minimal processed foods and when we do eat meat we use it more of like a side with our main dishes of plant based foods which is full of seasonings and flavor. My family on the other hand loves their processed foods and meats, starches, and the occasional canned veggie or iceberg lettuce salad, all with minimal seasonings (when it is "fresh" food) because it takes away from the flavor of the meat. Even something as a meatless pasta bar dinner- mutiple pasta sauces and pasta, a few prepared full dishes, salad, and fresh bread, wouldnt go over well because my family would not appreciate the attempt at a meal and expect prime rib.
Also we are hosting an evening wedding, sunset in the summer, so it wont start until like 7ish at night anyways. The only people really traveling for this have family in the area, the rest live within 20 minutes or so of the venue. So people have the opportunity to eat dinner before the ceremony. It will be a small wedding with people we see often anyways so the reception is going to be low key and allow people to just socialize for a while before going home.
We are doing this for two major reasons, one is that my family only likes to eat terrible food which is contrary to the dietary norm of my fiance and I. While we are not vegitarian or vegan we often go days without meat and eat minimal processed foods and when we do eat meat we use it more of like a side with our main dishes of plant based foods which is full of seasonings and flavor. My family on the other hand loves their processed foods and meats, starches, and the occasional canned veggie or iceberg lettuce salad, all with minimal seasonings (when it is "fresh" food) because it takes away from the flavor of the meat. Even something as a meatless pasta bar dinner- mutiple pasta sauces and pasta, a few prepared full dishes, salad, and fresh bread, wouldnt go over well because my family would not appreciate the attempt at a meal and expect prime rib.
Also we are hosting an evening wedding, sunset in the summer, so it wont start until like 7ish at night anyways. The only people really traveling for this have family in the area, the rest live within 20 minutes or so of the venue. So people have the opportunity to eat dinner before the ceremony. It will be a small wedding with people we see often anyways so the reception is going to be low key and allow people to just socialize for a while before going home.
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Re: Invitation Wording- for reception food that will be served
[QUOTE]The time isnt really set, kinda want to do sunset/ early evening which will be 7pm at the earliest. There is no hope of winning them over, i have been cooking for them for years. I have been told by a few that have to be invited that anything less than a prime rib dinner is unacceptable if dinner is served, but they blatantly refuse to provide food at family functions I can even eat. I am not doing it for costs, and there isnt much to getting ready since it will be a casual wedding. My fiance's family and our friends are more in line with what we eat.
Posted by doiexist1987[/QUOTE]
<div>Like I said, you have two options:</div><div>
</div><div>1) Start later and do your dessert-only reception</div><div>
</div><div>2) Feed your guests a meal of your choosing. They are the rude ones if they refuse to eat what you serve (and are even ruder for demanding prime rib).</div>
[QUOTE]So if I do move the time, which I likely will that was just an off the cuff number it probably will be closer to 8 or so with the time of day we want to do it, how do I word it on the invitation? We will not be having inserts with our invitations to list the food choices
Posted by doiexist1987[/QUOTE]
<div>As I said in my first post, I would put "Dessert Reception to Follow." </div>
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Invitation Wording- for reception food that will be served : As I said in my first post, I would put "Dessert Reception to Follow."
Posted by Avion22[/QUOTE]
Thank you for answering, I do not recall seeing that in the first response you posted.
[QUOTE]I am going to be working on my invitiations soon, and my fiance and I have decided that we are going to only be serving cupcakes, and possibly fruit at our reception and we need to figure out how to word this for the invitations, so people are not expecting something big and extravagent for food. We are doing this for two major reasons, one is that my family only likes to eat terrible food which is contrary to the dietary norm of my fiance and I. While we are not vegitarian or vegan we often go days without meat and eat minimal processed foods and when we do eat meat we use it more of like a side with our main dishes of plant based foods which is full of seasonings and flavor. My family on the other hand loves their processed foods and meats, starches, and the occasional canned veggie or iceberg lettuce salad, all with minimal seasonings (when it is "fresh" food) because it takes away from the flavor of the meat. Even something as a meatless pasta bar dinner- mutiple pasta sauces and pasta, a few prepared full dishes, salad, and fresh bread, wouldnt go over well because my family would not appreciate the attempt at a meal and expect prime rib. <u>Also we are hosting an evening wedding, sunset in the summer, so it wont start until like 7ish at night anyways. The only people really traveling for this have family in the area, the rest live within 20 minutes or so of the venue. So people have the opportunity to eat dinner before the ceremony. It will be a small wedding with people we see often anyways so the reception is going to be low key and allow people to just socialize for a while before going home.
</u>Posted by doiexist1987[/QUOTE]
please dont make these into excuses. no one really eats dinner at 5pm and you're hosting a reception for your guests. do it the right way or dont bother.
if you dont want to do a full blown dinner meaning many courses that's fine BUT you need to serve apps that will constitute a meal becuause yes, at 7pm, it's considered meal time.
if you dont want to serve a meal or equivalent (aka cupcakes and fruit) have your reception either very late-9pm START and indicate a dessert reception or at a non-meal time duuring the day-3pm start-for 2 hours.
I would have the start time no earlier than 9PM. I would also probably not expect people to even stick around for a cupcake. Even starting at 8, your going to have some pretty pi$$ed guests. I hope you didn't register for anything over $2.00. I would be even more pi$$ed to come to your wedding, buy you a nice gift, and as a thanks I get a cupcake? Please please step back and really look at how rude this is. Like PP said, you have the responsibility of hosting your guests properly.
[QUOTE]I would have the start time no earlier than 9PM. I would also probably not expect people to even stick around for a cupcake. Even starting at 8, your going to have some pretty pi$$ed guests. I hope you didn't register for anything over $2.00. I would be even more pi$$ed to come to your wedding, buy you a nice gift, and as a thanks I get a cupcake? Please please step back and really look at how rude this is. Like PP said, you have the responsibility of hosting your guests properly.
Posted by antibride2013[/QUOTE]
:) it is a thank you cupcake. Hello......I'm also in the camp that I think a full meal should be served and if not it should start NO EARLIER than 8 pm but 9 might be better. I would include dessert reception to follow and I'd definitely have more than cupcakes and punch. Is alcohol being served??? I can't remember.
June 1, 2013 - finally making it official!
I understand that this may be unreasonable to many of you, and that is fine you all come from your own backgrounds and have your own guest concerns. I am not pulling a "this is my day and I do as I wish" but it is complicated, so I am trying to compromise. If I provide what we eat and/ or attempt to compromise on what we can afford then people will not be happy or even appreciative of the attempt because they expect high end stuff like prime rib (as they clearly expressed to me) which we just cannot afford. People may say, well take money and move it around from other costs, we cant do that because the money just isnt there for it.
For the record the cupcakes that will be provided are gormet cupcakes and probably the best in the state, we have connections with a phenominal dessert baker.
We are not expecting gifts, we know our guests' situations financially enough to know that gifts may be a hardship on them and are even encouraging the few we have spoken with not to get anything. So they really are just meant to be a thank you snack during the post wedding social. This is the best we can provide while trying to appease every guest who attends, and sticking to our beliefs. I am doing a lot more to try and accomodate them than they have ever done for me.
[QUOTE]No alcohol at it, my family does not drink, and the few friends who are invited to it are not adament about there being a need for alcohol, and my fiance's family it isnt a huge deal to them either. I understand that this may be unreasonable to many of you, and that is fine you all come from your own backgrounds and have your own guest concerns. I am not pulling a "this is my day and I do as I wish" but it is complicated, so I am trying to compromise. If I provide what we eat and/ or attempt to compromise on what we can afford then people will not be happy or even appreciative of the attempt because they expect high end stuff like prime rib (as they clearly expressed to me) which we just cannot afford. People may say, well take money and move it around from other costs, we cant do that because the money just isnt there for it. For the record the cupcakes that will be provided are gormet cupcakes and probably the best in the state, we have connections with a phenominal dessert baker. We are not expecting gifts, we know our guests' situations financially enough to know that gifts may be a hardship on them and are even encouraging the few we have spoken with not to get anything. So they really are just meant to be a thank you snack during the post wedding social. This is the best we can provide while trying to appease every guest who attends, and sticking to our beliefs. I <strong>am doing a lot more to try and accomodate them than they have ever done for me.
</strong>Posted by doiexist1987[/QUOTE]
Based on your OP and this quote, you sound like you resent your guests and have zero concern for their needs. All of your posts just reek of bitterness. why even host a reception?
If you are only going to do cupcakes due to money, you might be better off hosting like an afternoon "tea" type of event. People expect much more stuff when it's an evening wedding, even if you decide to start it later.
Also, be prepared that if you only serve cupcakes and no alcohol, you will guests who surely stay at your wedding for only a brief amount of time because what else will fill the time? You realize that, right? You wedding sounds like a major gift grab anyway, so you probably dno't even mind anyhow
OH, and if you stick to this bad plan, you should AT LEAST serve more than one choice of a dessert.......
[QUOTE]I really do think the kind of reception you are describing is far better accepted at say, around 2 pm, rather than 8pm. Cupcakes, fruit, and punch are for afternoon receptions, not evening receptions. While I do pick up the undertones of resentment towards your guests with " I am doing a lot more to try and accomodate them than they have ever done for me", that does not absolve you or excuse you from being a proper host. The reason these are more suited for an afternoon reception is that people don't stay nearly as long at those as they do for an evening reception. I would be fine being served those things at an afternoon "tea type" reception. I would be ticked if I gave up an entire evening to come to your wedding and find you were serving afternoon type refreshments. I have one other thing to share. Please keep in mind that your reception is your thank you TO your guests. I agree with Avion that your reasoning for not feeding them is BS. I also get you have a limited budget. Take your limited budget and have an appropriate afternoon wedding rather than a poorly executed evening reception. Evening receptions call for far more than a cupcake, regardless of how dang good it is.
Posted by kmmssg[/QUOTE]
Consigned.
Have you thought about eloping? It seems like you don't like your guests very much. Why include them at all?
Otherwise I agree with this post---move the wedding to 2. There is nothing wrong with only serving a cupcake and punch but its rude to it at an evening wedding. The invitation's ceremony time should indicate what is being served, but it couldn't hurt to put "Cake to follow" just so guests are completely clear about what's being served after.
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With All the Trimmings
[QUOTE]No alcohol at it, my family does not drink, and the few friends who are invited to it are not adament about there being a need for alcohol, and my fiance's family it isnt a huge deal to them either. I understand that this may be unreasonable to many of you, and that is fine you all come from your own backgrounds and have your own guest concerns. I am not pulling a "this is my day and I do as I wish" but it is complicated, so I am trying to compromise. If I provide what we eat and/ or attempt to compromise on what we can afford then people will not be happy or even appreciative of the attempt because they expect high end stuff like prime rib (as they clearly expressed to me) which we just cannot afford. People may say, well take money and move it around from other costs, we cant do that because the money just isnt there for it. For the record the cupcakes that will be provided are gormet cupcakes and probably the best in the state, we have connections with a phenominal dessert baker. We are not expecting gifts, we know our guests' situations financially enough to know that gifts may be a hardship on them and are even encouraging the few we have spoken with not to get anything. So they really are just meant to be a thank you snack during the post wedding social. This is the best we can provide while trying to appease every guest who attends, and sticking to our beliefs. I am doing a lot more to try and accomodate them than they have ever done for me.
Posted by doiexist1987[/QUOTE]
Sorry, but cupcakes by themselves, or anything that's just a "thank-you snack," is not appropriate for the time of day you are holding your wedding. And whatever accommodations your invited guests did or did not make for you in the past are not relevant to the issue of whether or not it is polite to offer only cupcakes at a time of day when you should be offering a meal.
It really sounds like you don't care about your guests' needs. If that's how you feel, don't invite anyone and just have a private wedding that's just you and your FI. That way you don't have to feed anyone but yourselves.
[QUOTE]We are not expecting gifts, we know our guests' situations financially enough to know that gifts may be a hardship on them and are even encouraging the few we have spoken with not to get anything.
Posted by doiexist1987[/QUOTE]
But, these are the same guests that would demand prime rib at a wedding?
I'm sorry, but I don't buy this. There's too many conflicting notions in here all with a heavy helping of "my fiance and I are better than them," so I'm not sure it's fair to pin all the troubles on "the guests" without taking a look in the mirror.
Have your wedding in the evening at sunset if that is when you and your fiance would like your ceremony. If your budget does not include prime rib or any other meal, then throw a potluck and ask your guests to bring a dish in lieu of a gift. The previous posters are correct that in the evening folks will be hungry, but it is their choice to participate in your celebration. If they do not approve of your choices or the food you can provide them, then they can choose to leave immediately after the ceremony or not attend at all. If you have a good relaionship it should not matter. If they are attending your reception for the food, then you are better off without them there.
Weddings have not always been the over-the-top events some of them are today, costing as much or more than a new car. And yet guests attended, gifts were given, and a good time was had. Lighten up everybody and remember it is about celebrating your marriage with those you care about!!!
[QUOTE]Have your wedding in the evening at sunset if that is when you and your fiance would like your ceremony. If your budget does not include prime rib or any other meal, then throw a potluck and ask your guests to bring a dish in lieu of a gift. The previous posters are correct that in the evening folks will be hungry, but it is their choice to participate in your celebration. If they do not approve of your choices or the food you can provide them, then they can choose to leave immediately after the ceremony or not attend at all. If you have a good relaionship it should not matter. If they are attending your reception for the food, then you are better off without them there. Weddings have not always been the over-the-top events some of them are today, costing as much or more than a new car. And yet guests attended, gifts were given, and a good time was had. Lighten up everybody and remember it is about celebrating your marriage with those you care about!!!
Posted by dragonridermom[/QUOTE]
A potluck is even worse than OP cupcake only wedding. You can't expect your guests to provide food for your wedding.
[QUOTE]Have your wedding in the evening at sunset if that is when you and your fiance would like your ceremony. If your budget does not include prime rib or any other meal, then throw a potluck and ask your guests to bring a dish in lieu of a gift. The previous posters are correct that in the evening folks will be hungry, but it is their choice to participate in your celebration. If they do not approve of your choices or the food you can provide them, then they can choose to leave immediately after the ceremony or not attend at all. If you have a good relaionship it should not matter. If they are attending your reception for the food, then you are better off without them there. Weddings have not always been the over-the-top events some of them are today, costing as much or more than a new car. And yet guests attended, gifts were given, and a good time was had. Lighten up everybody and remember it is about celebrating your marriage with those you care about!!!
Posted by dragonridermom[/QUOTE]
Bad advice.
[QUOTE] Lighten up everybody and remember it is about celebrating your marriage with those you care about!!!
Posted by dragonridermom[/QUOTE]
Nothing says "I care about you a lot" like "I don't want to pay to feed you, so please, bring your own meal to this party that I'm throwing!"
[QUOTE]I really do think the kind of reception you are describing is far better accepted at say, around 2 pm, rather than 8pm. Cupcakes, fruit, and punch are for afternoon receptions, not evening receptions. While I do pick up the undertones of resentment towards your guests with " I am doing a lot more to try and accomodate them than they have ever done for me", that does not absolve you or excuse you from being a proper host. The reason these are more suited for an afternoon reception is that people don't stay nearly as long at those as they do for an evening reception. I would be fine being served those things at an afternoon "tea type" reception. I would be ticked if I gave up an entire evening to come to your wedding and find you were serving afternoon type refreshments. I have one other thing to share. Please keep in mind that your reception is your thank you TO your guests. I agree with Avion that your reasoning for not feeding them is BS. I also get you have a limited budget. Take your limited budget and have an appropriate afternoon wedding rather than a poorly executed evening reception. Evening receptions call for far more than a cupcake, regardless of how dang good it is.
Posted by kmmssg[/QUOTE]
I absolutely agree with this.
Either don't host anything if you feel that resentful toward them OR if you are just purely on a limited budget, do a morning or afternoon "tea"
You will just be horribly disappointed if you follow this plan as your guests will be pissed at you for being a poor host...and they won't stay long because they will be STARVING
[QUOTE]I am probably going to get flamed, but I've been wanting to say this for a while. I am SO not a fan of this trend of serving only dessert at a wedding. I can't think of one time of day where I wouldn't be disappointed to not at least have the option of some hot apps or finger foods. In fact, if given the choice of one or the other, I'd choose a cheap meal over a gourmet cupcake. Also there is no good way to let your guests know there will be no real food, and if I came to a reception after not eating and was served a cupcake, I'd leave pretty early. I watched an episode of 4 Weddings where a woman did a dessert-only reception, and people ordered a pizza and ate it outside. I usually speak out for people wanting vegetarian, vegan, or ethnic food weddings because I feel that it is just one night and people will have something to eat even if it isn't their favorite, but serving just dessert is just insufficient. I'd advise you to do a buffet so you can serve the type of food you like, and some more of the food your family is used to. ETA: You mentioned your guests would be disappointed if you served healthy food because they preferred prime rib. They wouldn't be disappointed if you served cupcakes instead of prime rib? I'm not sure I get the logic.
Posted by AndreaJulia[/QUOTE]
I'm not going to flame you because I feel exactly the same way but then again weddings are a different beast in NJ so there may not be many others that agree with us. If I went to someone's wedding and got served only a cupcake you better believe I'm leaving with my card and check.
[QUOTE]ETA: You mentioned your guests would be disappointed if you served healthy food because they preferred prime rib. They wouldn't be disappointed if you served cupcakes instead of prime rib? I'm not sure I get the logic.
Posted by AndreaJulia[/QUOTE]
This, exactly. They won't be satisfied with any meal beside prime rib, so you think you will appease them with an evening cupcake-only "reception"? Yeah, no. That makes zero sense.
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Invitation Wording- for reception food that will be served : <strong>I'm not going to flame you because I feel exactly the same way but then again weddings are a different beast in NJ so there may not be many others that agree with us</strong>. If I went to someone's wedding and got served only a cupcake you better believe I'm leaving with my card and check.
Posted by HobokenBride2012[/QUOTE]
I continue to be sick of this generalization. Is there a subset of people in the Northern NJ/NYC area that feel this way? Absolutely. Is every. single. wedding in that area the same mentality? No. And, I'm speaking as someone who lives and has attended weddings there.