After party that is far away from reception (long)

monkeysip

Ok, so I'm in the early early stages of planning my wedding.  Nothing is set at all, I'm just throwing ideas around.  I wanted to throw one past all of you ladies.

I know already that I will be having a relatively early Saturday wedding ceremony (ending around 3 or 4).  I'll be having some kind of cocktail hour (probably at the reception venue which is close to the Church) and then dinner around 5:30 or 6, and I'd like to have dinner and dancing for at least a few hours at the venue (maybe end at 9).  But I want the celebration to go late, and I know most of my family and friends would be down with partying until 11 or 12.  

I *could* just have a really long reception at the reception venue (4 until 11 or 12).  But there's a couple problems with that.  They charge extra money per hour, they don't allow outside vendors (so I'd have to pay a lot to have any late-night snacks, which I think are necessary for such a long reception), and finally, most of my guests either live or will be staying 45 minutes away from the reception venue.  

I also could have an after-party at another location close to the reception.  But that would still require some money, some limitations, and at least a short driving distance.

So, here's my idea.  End the reception around 9pm at the venue, then invite everyone back to my fiance's parent's house for an after party (9:45-midnite-ish).  That way, it'd be way cheaper, I could provide whatever booze/midnight snacks I wanted to, and MOST of the guests would then only be about 15 minutes away from their homes or their hotels.  Since his parents have 3 spare bedrooms, a few of the guests could even stay the night if they couldn't drive home.

Now, I KNOW my fiance's parents would be okay with this, because all of their other children had their wedding receptions at home anyway.  Going to a nice reception venue for dinner and dancing will be a big change of pace anyway.  I'm sure they'd be okay with a late night party.

But, there's two potential problems.  

1.  Some of the guests don't live near my fiance's parents house.  They would probably opt to just go home, right?

2.  People would be driving somewhat intoxicated from reception to after party, and its a 45 minute drive.  

As for problem 1, I guess I'll just have to think about how many guests might opt out, and whether I want to change my plans to accomodate them.  As for problem 2, I was thinking it might be better to have them make the long drive home earlier in the night, before they got REALLY intoxicated, than to have them drive 45 minutes home around 11pm.

Also, of course, I'll probably cut off alcohol service an hour before the reception ends to help sober people up (so around 8pm?).  And I'll try and arrange possible DDs.  Not all of my family/friends drink.  Heck, my fiance and I don't drink much, so we could even drive a car if needed.

All in all... my fiance and I want a formal wedding reception... but the whole thing doesn't have to be formal.  We'd be fine with having an informal after party.

Sorry this is so long... I was just thinking about this and wondering if anyone saw any more potential problems or thought most people would opt out?  Would you be bummed to be invited to a reception set up like this?

BTW... I'll be having around 80 guests.

aegrish

Why can't you just end the reception at 9pm?  No one says you HAVE to have a 4 or 5 hour reception.  Sending your guests to 2 different reception venues and then trying to host the 2nd one yourself seems like more trouble than it's worth.  And I agree with you, how do you expect people to drive to your parents if they're drinking at reception #1?  Either extend the reception following the wedding, or end it at 9pm.  If the wedding part and family wants to keep the party going at your parents house, that's fine, but inviting all the guests seems impractical.

trix1223

I think you're making this more complicated than you need to by adding a second reception 45 minutes away from the first one.  At night.  After people have been drinking.  For several hours.

Frankly, if I were a guest, I'd just go home at the end of the first reception.  By 9 pm, I've already been "involved" in your wedding for at least 6-7 hours, depending on my travel time to the ceremony.  That's really more than enough time.

I say either have the entire reception at your FILs and go as late as you want, or have the reception at the current venue, and at 9 pm, head off for a lovely wedding night with your new husband.  But don't combine the two.

Good luck.

trix1223

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_after-party-far-away-reception-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:581bed4f-f22e-458a-976f-b1e9e97bfceaPost:36b3e1b4-7891-469f-bb8f-e918e6aa7b6e">After party that is far away from reception (long)</a>:
[QUOTE]Ok, so I'm in the early early stages of planning my wedding.  Nothing is set at all, I'm just throwing ideas around.  I wanted to throw one past all of you ladies. I know already that I will be having a relatively early Saturday wedding ceremony (ending around 3 or 4).  I'll be having some kind of cocktail hour (probably at the reception venue which is close to the Church) and then dinner around 5:30 or 6, and I'd like to have dinner and dancing for at least a few hours at the venue (maybe end at 9).  But I want the celebration to go late, and I know most of my family and friends would be down with partying until 11 or 12.   I *could* just have a really long reception at the reception venue (4 until 11 or 12).  But there's a couple problems with that.  They charge extra money per hour, they don't allow outside vendors (so I'd have to pay a lot to have any late-night snacks, which I think are necessary for such a long reception), and finally, most of my guests either live or will be staying 45 minutes away from the reception venue.   I also could have an after-party at another location close to the reception.  But that would still require some money, some limitations, and at least a short driving distance. So, here's my idea.  End the reception around 9pm at the venue, then invite everyone back to my fiance's parent's house for an after party (9:45-midnite-ish).  That way, it'd be way cheaper, I could provide whatever booze/midnight snacks I wanted to, and MOST of the guests would then only be about 15 minutes away from their homes or their hotels.  Since his parents have 3 spare bedrooms, a few of the guests could even stay the night if they couldn't drive home. Now, I KNOW my fiance's parents would be okay with this, because all of their other children had their wedding receptions at home anyway.  Going to a nice reception venue for dinner and dancing will be a big change of pace anyway.  I'm sure they'd be okay with a late night party. But, there's two potential problems.   1.  Some of the guests don't live near my fiance's parents house.  They would probably opt to just go home, right? 2.  People would be driving somewhat intoxicated from reception to after party, and its a 45 minute drive.   As for problem 1, I guess I'll just have to think about how many guests might opt out, and whether I want to change my plans to accomodate them.  As for problem 2, I was thinking it might be better to have them make the long drive home earlier in the night, before they got REALLY intoxicated, than to have them drive 45 minutes home around 11pm. Also, of course, I'll probably cut off alcohol service an hour before the reception ends to help sober people up (so around 8pm?).  And I'll try and arrange possible DDs.  Not all of my family/friends drink.  Heck, my fiance and I don't drink much, so we could even drive a car if needed. All in all... my fiance and I want a formal wedding reception... but the whole thing doesn't have to be formal.  We'd be fine with having an informal after party. Sorry this is so long... I was just thinking about this and wondering if anyone saw any more potential problems or thought most people would opt out?  Would you be bummed to be invited to a reception set up like this? BTW... I'll be having around 80 guests.
Posted by monkeysip[/QUOTE]

JIC

tenofcups4me

I don't think you're making anything complicated. I didn't have an after-party, but it's not unusual to have one, especially with a wedding that's ending so early. It's fine to do it at your FIL's house (assuming they're ok with that!) and anyone who doesn't want to come doesn't have to. You might consider limiting how many people you invite -- it certainly doesn't have to be everyone -- but that really depends on your crowd. As for the ride there, anyone who lives in that area is going to have to make that drive whether you have a party or not.

achiduck

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_after-party-far-away-reception-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:581bed4f-f22e-458a-976f-b1e9e97bfceaPost:36b3e1b4-7891-469f-bb8f-e918e6aa7b6e">After party that is far away from reception (long)</a>:
[QUOTE]Ok, so I'm in the early early stages of planning my wedding.  Nothing is set at all, I'm just throwing ideas around.  I wanted to throw one past all of you ladies. I know already that I will be having a relatively early Saturday wedding ceremony (ending around 3 or 4).  I'll be having some kind of cocktail hour (probably at the reception venue which is close to the Church) and then dinner around 5:30 or 6, and I'd like to have dinner and dancing for at least a few hours at the venue (maybe end at 9).  But I want the celebration to go late, and I know most of my family and friends would be down with partying until 11 or 12.   I *could* just have a really long reception at the reception venue (4 until 11 or 12).  But there's a couple problems with that.  They charge extra money per hour, they don't allow outside vendors (so I'd have to pay a lot to have any late-night snacks, which I think are necessary for such a long reception), and finally, most of my guests either live or will be staying 45 minutes away from the reception venue.   I also could have an after-party at another location close to the reception.  But that would still require some money, some limitations, and at least a short driving distance. So, here's my idea.  End the reception around 9pm at the venue, then invite everyone back to my fiance's parent's house for an after party (9:45-midnite-ish).  That way, it'd be way cheaper, I could provide whatever booze/midnight snacks I wanted to, and MOST of the guests would then only be about 15 minutes away from their homes or their hotels.  Since his parents have 3 spare bedrooms, a few of the guests could even stay the night if they couldn't drive home. Now, I KNOW my fiance's parents would be okay with this, because all of their other children had their wedding receptions at home anyway.  Going to a nice reception venue for dinner and dancing will be a big change of pace anyway.  I'm sure they'd be okay with a late night party. But, there's two potential problems.   1.  Some of the guests don't live near my fiance's parents house.  They would probably opt to just go home, right? 2.  People would be driving somewhat intoxicated from reception to after party, and its a 45 minute drive.   As for problem 1, I guess I'll just have to think about how many guests might opt out, and whether I want to change my plans to accomodate them.  <strong>As for problem 2, I was thinking it might be better to have them make the long drive home earlier in the night, before they got REALLY intoxicated, than to have them drive 45 minutes home around 11pm. Also, of course, I'll probably cut off alcohol service an hour before the reception ends to help sober people up (so around 8pm?).</strong>  And I'll try and arrange possible DDs.  Not all of my family/friends drink.  Heck, my fiance and I don't drink much, so we could even drive a car if needed. All in all... my fiance and I want a formal wedding reception... but the whole thing doesn't have to be formal.  We'd be fine with having an informal after party. Sorry this is so long... I was just thinking about this and wondering if anyone saw any more potential problems or thought most people would opt out?  Would you be bummed to be invited to a reception set up like this? BTW... I'll be having around 80 guests.
Posted by monkeysip[/QUOTE]
So it's ok to have your guests drive to your after party when they're just *a little* drunk as opposed to totally smashed? Am I the only one who sees a problem with this? You don't know how long it takes people to "sober up" and if they get caught you might be held responsible since it's your wedding.<div>
</div><div>The way I see it you have a few options here:</div><div>
</div><div>1) Skip the after party and just fork over the money</div><div>2) Provide a shuttle service to your guest from the reception to the after party</div><div>3) Don't serve alcohol at the reception so that no one is driving after drinking</div>

ajroark

I think having an after-party would be fine at your FIL's house. I would keep the guest list short and maybe be mindful of the age group you invite back, etc. I agree that most people will probably not come because of the 45 minutes drive and being at your wedding for most of the afternoon/evening anyway. You could always arrange for taxis if you were concerned about drunk driving, but that is an additional expense.

If you want to maximize the number of people that would be involved, I would just pay for the extra hours at the venue. Everyone will already be there anyway. Also, if the reception ends at 9 and your FIL's house is 45 minutes away, people won't get there till 10 and then leave by midnight? It does kind of seem like more trouble than it's worth, IMHO.

monkeysip

Ok, my point was that the alcohol is going to be an issue no matter what I do. Whether I have one long reception at one location or a shorter reception and an after party, most of the guests are going to have to make a 45 drive after consuming some alcohol.  

Whichever option I choose, I will try and help the issue by closing the bar early, and arranging DDs (or possibly taxis, as someone mentioned).  But ultimately, with any wedding, you can't force people to use your transportation or ride with someone else, so I think there's always going to be a few people who drive intoxicated.  Not saying I like that, but it is unavoidable unless you either have a dry wedding or have a reception venue right next to everybody's house.  In some ways, I was suggesting that having the later partying at the parents house might help the alcohol issue.

As for why I want it to go past 9, I personally just find that too early, and I think a lot of my guests would rather party a little later as well.  It doesn't get dark in the summertime until around 8:30 anyways... so I'd like to have some nighttime partying.  

I agree that it would be easier just to keep the reception in one location, so I guess I just need to weigh the costs.  I'm not sure how much it would cost me total yet.  And it is probably a good idea not to invite all of the guests, or at least the ones I know wouldn't want to drive there.  But like I said, most of them live around fiance's parents house anyway, so they have to head that direction that night anyways.  

Thanks for the opinions, ladies!