We need a debate mediator

realtimereporter2

We're having our wedding at home in our sizeable backyard.  We have 120 people invited, and I'm thinking we'll probably get a sizeable turnout.  My fiance and I are discussing the reception and what that will involve.  Due to the cost involved, I'm not so sure we should do a formal sit-down dinner.  It's at 7:00 in the evening, and my thought is if our Web site says something like "A wine and hors d'oeuvres reception will follow the ceremony," that that will put people on notice that they should have dinner before they come.  I'm thinking a generous selection of hors d'oeuvres, buffet-style, with a nice wine selection would be perfectly acceptable and far more affordable.  My fiance says he thinks we come off looking "cheap" if we do that.  I would LOVE to have other opinions. 

Thank you!

Diane

noodle_oo

I agree, for just apps you need to start later, I'd say 8 PM earliest.  If it was at 7 PM, I woudl still expect dinner. 

aerinpegadrak

Remember that people will need to eat dinner 2-3 hours before the start time of your ceremony if they want to eat beforehand, go home, get ready, and get there on time.  So for a 7:00 ceremony, you're asking guests to eat dinner as early as 4:00pm!  I'd push it back later, or beef up the food options. 

Jamilynn627

Ditto all pp. If the apps won't add up to a full meal, move the ceremony to 8pm. There's nothing wrong with an hors d' oeuvres reception... just with people missing dinner for one and still being hungry.  Most people eat dinner between 5pm and 7pm. If your wedding starts at 7pm, guests will likely get there 20 minutes early, and need to leave by 6pm to arrive on schedule. That means they'll be showering and getting ready between 5:15 and 6pm. That leaves them 15 minutes to eat. Definitely move it to 8pm, then serve what you want.

aerinpegadrak

And remember, if people are hungry at your wedding, they WILL leave and go get fast food.  It happens all the time.

Nick Star

On our invites I simply said "cocktail party celebration to follow in the same location".
Honestly, we're getting married in a location whrere there are plenty of places to eat a sit down meal (off location) so if the appitizers aren't enough they can go somewhere else. We can't afford much and they are adults. they will figure it out. You don't need to change the time. This is about your "day". We're dealing with a bunch of other things in our life right now. All I'm saying is try not to worry about the guests so much.
My backup plan is to have pizza delivered.

aerinpegadrak

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_need-debate-mediator?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:60e2e042-7e7d-474a-ab3c-c0d910368479Post:b284f83a-50f2-4b2b-94cd-3b9d4d00e496">Re: We need a debate mediator</a>:
[QUOTE]We can't afford much and they are adults. they will figure it out. You don't need to change the time. This is about your "day". We're dealing with a bunch of other things in our life right now. All I'm saying is try not to worry about the guests so much. My backup plan is to have pizza delivered.
Posted by Nick Star[/QUOTE]
That's terrible advice, and a great way to have your wedding talked about for decades after as the worst wedding people have ever attended.  Seriously, all your guests will remember is what kind of hosts the bride and groom were.  If you don't want to have to worry about guests, don't invite anyone.

Jamilynn627

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_need-debate-mediator?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:60e2e042-7e7d-474a-ab3c-c0d910368479Post:b284f83a-50f2-4b2b-94cd-3b9d4d00e496">Re: We need a debate mediator</a>:
[QUOTE]On our invites I simply said "cocktail party celebration to follow in the same location". Honestly, we're getting married in a location whrere there are plenty of places to eat a sit down meal (off location) so if the appitizers aren't enough they can go somewhere else. We can't afford much and they are adults. they will figure it out. You don't need to change the time. This is about your "day". We're dealing with a bunch of other things in our life right now. All I'm saying is try not to worry about the guests so much. My backup plan is to have pizza delivered.
Posted by Nick Star[/QUOTE]

This is terrible advice that you shouldn't listen to. Brides who have philosphies of "its MY day!" are the same selfish brides people complain about saying they're bridezillas. The reception IS about your guests. It's called a reception because it's a time you "receive' your guests to thank them for taking time out of their day to be at your wedding. I assume you also want them to remember enjoying themselves when they think back to your wedding. The least you can do is provide them with refreshments appropriate to the time of day. It's ridiculous to provide only a few appetizers, forcing them to go to a restaurant to eat a real meal. Reception food doesn't have to be fancy or a sit down meal to qualify as dinner. Pizza, sandiwches, or BBQ is fine. If you're not going to do that, it's only polite to your guests to have it on an off-meal time rather than make them uncomfortable on your special princess day. 

ResiW

Oh, I don't think you would come off as cheap if you do that. Sounds rather chic to me, and in fact, I do believe you gave me an idea for my reception!

Either way, I think what's more important is that people enjoy themselves. Congratulations, by the way!

banana468

FWIW, you should never take advice from someone who uses the excuse, " It's YOUR day," in the body of their reasoning.  That smacks of "This is the time you can be rude to people".

aprovencher21

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_need-debate-mediator?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:5Discussion:60e2e042-7e7d-474a-ab3c-c0d910368479Post:b284f83a-50f2-4b2b-94cd-3b9d4d00e496">Re: We need a debate mediator</a>:
[QUOTE]On our invites I simply said "cocktail party celebration to follow in the same location". Honestly, we're getting married in a location whrere there are plenty of places to eat a sit down meal (off location) so if the appitizers aren't enough they can go somewhere else. We can't afford much and they are adults. they will figure it out. You don't need to change the time. This is about your "day". We're dealing with a bunch of other things in our life right now. All I'm saying is try not to worry about the guests so much. My backup plan is to have pizza delivered.
Posted by Nick Star[/QUOTE]

This has to be a troll or a joke.  Not worry about your guests?? Do you even understand the concept of what a guest is?? You are a hostess....that means you are responsible for ensuring they (the guests) are fed and have a good time.  The excuse of we have too much going on, it's our day, blah blah blah just sounds like a 2 year old whining.  If that's really how you feel about your wedding just elope or go to the JP.  If you cannot afford to take care of your guests don't have any and be an adult......

MyNameIsNot

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_need-debate-mediator?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:60e2e042-7e7d-474a-ab3c-c0d910368479Post:b284f83a-50f2-4b2b-94cd-3b9d4d00e496">Re: We need a debate mediator</a>:
[QUOTE]On our invites I simply said "cocktail party celebration to follow in the same location". Honestly, we're getting married in a location whrere there are plenty of places to eat a sit down meal (off location) so if the appitizers aren't enough they can go somewhere else. We can't afford much and they are adults. they will figure it out. You don't need to change the time. This is about your "day". We're dealing with a bunch of other things in our life right now. All I'm saying is try not to worry about the guests so much. My backup plan is to have pizza delivered.
Posted by Nick Star[/QUOTE]

<div>Oh, you can be sure all of your guests will head off sight quickly when they see what a rude and selfish host you are.   </div><div>
</div><div>OP, if you actually want people to enjoy and stay at your wedding, you need to feed them.  Light apps are fine, but only if you do it during a non-meal time.  Either beef up the apps to enough food to make a meal, or move it to a non-meal time.  2ish in the afternoon, or 8 pm at the absolute earliest.  A late evening dessert reception really should follow a 9 pm ceremony.  </div>