Follow my dream or be pulled into something I'm not sure of?

AlisonIngeK

My original idea was to have my ceremony outside a rustic heritage museum in a tent/just with chairs, and then the wedding party would take off and boat a small 8 seated boat up in Northern Ontario. (location not really that important but had a specific place in mind). Afterwards we would board a boat and celebrate the reception for 5 hours but the boat turned out to be way to expensive and only help 85 people if it was a sit down dinner or 120 if it was a cocktail buffet but had capacity for 200. 

Anyways since my dream is out of the picture because of money,

should I still try to aim to have an outdoor style wedding, or compromise because my fiance wants to save and his sister has some connections to a banquet hall which is really not my style.

I've seen a few places such as a resort & spa which had almost everything included but the downfall it was 1 1/2 away. (I'm compromising in some way because the original place was about a 2 1/2 hour drive).

Then there's another place that is outdoor style but I've no idea what it costs yet.

I just got engaged, and I aim to find a place asap so that I we can get married in '13. Summer is ideal.

The thing is I'm from Ontario, Canada and there aren't very many Ontario venue picks on here.

My budget max is about 25k but really I'm about having a fun time but my fiance wants to save. I understand his reasons and usually I am the more frugal one but really when it comes to this I'm feeling bridezilla ish... 

It's my party and I'll have it where I want to?

Help....

Feeling prodded...

Avion22

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_follow-my-dream-or-be-pulled-into-something-im-not-sure-of?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:63c7c9fb-dd1c-45e5-bb58-aeadf3d5c95fPost:29884c66-fb0f-49aa-ad9e-32cafbb8c4c6">Follow my dream or be pulled into something I'm not sure of?</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>My</strong> original idea was to have <strong>my</strong> ceremony outside a rustic heritage museum in a tent/just with chairs, and then the wedding party would take off and boat a small 8 seated boat up in Northern Ontario. (location not really that important but had a specific place in mind). Afterwards we would board a boat and celebrate the reception for 5 hours but the boat turned out to be way to expensive and only help 85 people if it was a sit down dinner or 120 if it was a cocktail buffet but had capacity for 200.  Anyways since <strong>my</strong> dream is out of the picture because of money, should<strong> I</strong> still try to aim to have an outdoor style wedding, or compromise because my fiance wants to save and his sister has some connections to a banquet hall which is really not <strong>my</strong> style. <strong>I've</strong> seen a few places such as a resort & spa which had almost everything included but the downfall it was 1 1/2 away. (<strong>I'm</strong> compromising in some way because the original place was about a 2 1/2 hour drive). Then there's another place that is outdoor style but <strong>I've</strong> no idea what it costs yet. <strong>I</strong> just got engaged, and<strong> I</strong> aim to find a place asap so that <strong>I</strong> we can get married in '13. Summer is ideal. The thing is <strong>I'm</strong> from Ontario, Canada and there aren't very many Ontario venue picks on here. <strong>My</strong> budget max is about 25k but really <strong>I'm</strong> about having a fun time but my fiance wants to save. I understand his reasons and usually I am the more frugal one but really when it comes to this I'm feeling bridezilla ish...  <strong>It's my party and I'll have it where I want to?</strong> Help.... Feeling prodded...
Posted by AlisonIngeK[/QUOTE]

<div>You mention your fiance and his desires a few times, but for the most part your post makes it seem like you only care about YOUR idea, YOUR vision, YOUR party, YOUR budget....</div><div>
</div><div>You and your fiance need to sit down and decide what the two of you want, and what your priorities are.  It sounds like it's really important to your fiance to have a secure financial future, and he might object to such a large wedding budget.  You need to decide TOGETHER how much money both of you feel comfortable spending, and then figure out how to have the wedding that BOTH of you want in that budget.   Does your fiance want to get married outside or take a boat trip?  Do you even know?</div>

unchatenfrance

Honey, my dream wedding would have been in Tuscany or Provence in a Pnina Tornai gown, and there was no way that was going to happen because of budget and logistics, so I guess you can say we "settled" on a venue outside the GTA and a dress from Davids Bridal. It still ended up being beautiful and amazing and what made me happiest was not how much fun *I* had, but to see how much fun our friends and family were having. We don't all get our "dream" wedding, even if the dream is local. You (plural) need to factor in both the budget and your guests' comfort and convenience. You mentioned the wedding party boarding a boat - what about the rest of the guests?

Where in Ontario are you? Where does the majority of your guests live? I would not want to drive 5 hours to get into a boat in cocktail attire. In the middle of an Ontario summer. 

jessicabessica

I definitely think you need to talk to your FI about this and make decisions together.  Also, this is just one day, and then you will be married, which is the really important part - try to keep everything in perspective.

Have you tried posting on your local board (to the left) to see if anyone has suggestions for venues?  The Knot may not have many Ontario vendors that pay for advertising here, but other knotties may be able to give you more info about venues they have personally visited.  Good luck!

SCD1126

The most important part of your wedding is that you and your fiance will be married. The rest is just gravy. It's not easy finding that common ground at times, but you may as well start trying now. Your wedding will be perfect because it was yours. Talk to your fiance and figure out what's do-able, what's affordable, and what you can both be happy with. Good luck!

AlisonIngeK

I just got engaged Dec 15th. I've used this site in the past for inspiration for wedding flowers. (I guess you could call me a talented florist) (lol)

My pleasure would be seeing everyone having a good time. It would be about the celebration itself.

Future hubby and I both love the outdoors as in hiking and cottage country. But Muskoka is a 2 & 1/2 hour drive for most which is why I looked for some which were more local (sort of). They were still 1 and 1/2 hours away... 

Then I found a conservation area which accomidates weddings and based on price I could either have the whole thing there or have the ceremony there and then follow up the reception at the place that future SIL suggested where they could get a price for around 70/person.

Compare that to 125/person, 70/person is awesome but at the same time I'm not into the whole banquet hall theme where there are 500 people that I don't even know.

So far he has only about 30 people he wants to invite on his side as far as family goes, my parents want to invite about 60 and I haven't even included my friends yet.  So it may be at max. 140.

My other concern is that if we want to plan to have it this year, we are behind in the plans. I have a lot of ideas and I am a dreamer/unique person who doesn't like things like everyone else.

If anything I like to go by the beat of my own drum or compare me to a balloon floating in the wind but my fiance is the one who brings me back down to earth and is the anchor and stability in my life... He reallly is...

Also money to me isn't as much of an issue because we already have everything that we need. We already know that we're probably not having kids. I have a house, car and stable job. So far everything is going swimmingly. Of course what goes along with those responsibilities are lease and mortgage but we also want to live within our means....

Thanks for all your input ladies... Your honesty is great.

unchatenfrance

You can have a reception at a banquet hall without inviting "500 people you don't even know." You say you don't like the "banquet hall theme" but you know what guests hate? When the couple bends over backwards to create a "theme" that is "unique" and "encapsulates their personality." I don't need a schematic to interpret the significance of the table names. There is no such thing as a truly "unique" wedding idea - somebody, somewhere, will have done it. You can make your wedding memorable, certainly, but there's no reason to go insane trying to make it unique. All your guests will remember are the food and the good time, wherever it happens to be. Your guests will know you and your personality - there is no need to splash it onto every aspect of the wedding.

 I still don't hear what your FI wants, apart from keeping the budget in check. You say money isn't an issue to you, but it clearly is to him. You need to sort out your priorities out before you get married, even if you're not planning on having children.

Barbiiieee

I like the idea of having the ceremony outside, and then having your reception at a banquet hall. It may save you money, and it sounds like if that is the case you will both be able to invite everyone you want. I'm not a huge fan of banquet halls, but I think inside reception venues are a little easier logistically. In my area many banquet halls include the use of tables, chairs, linens and things like that in their price. If you have the reception outdoors, you'll probably have to budget for rentals of tents, tables, chairs, a dance floor, etc. All of those things are money you can budget to make your guests more comfortable, or you can save for non wedding related things in the future. If using a banquet hall for your reception means being able to serve your guests better, I would consider it. We really wanted an outdoor ceremony, and we saved money by choosing a venue that has indoor and outdoor spaces we can use for both the ceremony and the reception.

Also, keep in mind the reception isn't just your party. It is where you receive your guests, and you give them a good time to thank them for attending your ceremony. Generally, as a guest, I don't care about themes, or anything like that. I care about good food, good music and good company. I can't even recall what a single centerpiece from any wedding I've ever attended looks like off the top of my head, to be honest. 

I think for 25k you can plan a very nice wedding most places. We are spending less than half of that, and I could be biased, but I think we are planning a nice time for our guests.

OwningAHome1981

Glad you're nixxing the boat idea. Some people get seasick and would not be comfortable on a boat. Plus, the logistics of this could just be a disaster.

You can still have an outdoor wedding yet have it be affordable. It doesn;t have to be at a traditional banquet hall- are there any nice parks where you can set up a tent?

Avion22

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_follow-my-dream-or-be-pulled-into-something-im-not-sure-of?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:63c7c9fb-dd1c-45e5-bb58-aeadf3d5c95fPost:74418c8a-a6b3-4c2c-aeab-2badd4df31e7">Re: Follow my dream or be pulled into something I'm not sure of?</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>I</strong> just got engaged Dec 15th. I've used this site in the past for inspiration for wedding flowers. (I guess you could call me a talented florist) (lol) <strong>My</strong> pleasure would be seeing everyone having a good time. It would be about the celebration itself. Future hubby and I both love the outdoors as in hiking and cottage country. But Muskoka is a 2 & 1/2 hour drive for most which is why<strong> I</strong> looked for some which were more local (sort of). They were still 1 and 1/2 hours away...  Then<strong> I</strong> found a conservation area which accomidates weddings and based on price <strong>I</strong> could either have the whole thing there or have the ceremony there and then follow up the reception at the place that future SIL suggested where they could get a price for around 70/person. Compare that to 125/person, 70/person is awesome but at the same time <strong>I'm not into</strong> the whole banquet hall theme where there are 500 people that<strong> I</strong> don't even know. So far he has only about 30 people he wants to invite on his side as far as family goes, my parents want to invite about 60 and I haven't even included my friends yet.  So it may be at max. 140. <strong>My</strong> other concern is that if we want to plan to have it this year, we are behind in the plans.<strong> I</strong> have a lot of ideas and<strong> I</strong> am a dreamer/unique person who doesn't like things like everyone else. If anything <strong>I</strong> like to go by the beat of <strong>my</strong> own drum or compare <strong>me</strong> to a balloon floating in the wind but my fiance is the one who brings me back down to earth and is the anchor and stability in my life... He reallly is... Also money to me isn't as much of an issue because we already have everything that we need. We already know that we're probably not having kids.<strong> I </strong>have a house, car and stable job<strong>.</strong> So far everything is going swimmingly. Of course what goes along with those responsibilities are lease and mortgage but we also want to live within our means.... Thanks for all your input ladies... Your honesty is great.
Posted by AlisonIngeK[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>I'm still hearing a lot of <strong>"I"</strong> blah blah blah <strong>"me"</strong> blah blah <strong>"my wedding"</strong> blah.    See how this is concerning?    
<div>
</div><div>I think other posters have given you some really good ideas on possible ways to compromise. But WE cannot tell you what your fiance wants, and his opinion matters way more.   </div><div>

</div></div>

AlisonIngeK

Sorry Avion22 but "we" find your posts to be not very helpful. Stop picking words apart.

The good news is we both agree to a budget of 20-25k.

Outdoor venue is something we both like...

Avion22

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_follow-my-dream-or-be-pulled-into-something-im-not-sure-of?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:63c7c9fb-dd1c-45e5-bb58-aeadf3d5c95fPost:1242c8aa-f5d6-4441-979f-cd8ad6ffa6ee">Re: Follow my dream or be pulled into something I'm not sure of?</a>:
[QUOTE]Sorry Avion22 but "we" find your posts to be not very helpful.
Posted by AlisonIngeK[/QUOTE]

<div>Hey, as long as you've talked about my posts and agree on it, then hey, I guess that's a win:-)  Seriously, other than giving you options (which a lot of people have done, and they have been some good options), then there's not much more we can do without A) knowing your local area (which I wish I did, but I don't), and B) knowing what your fiance wants (which you are really pretty vague on).</div><div>
</div><div>Now, if he has told you that he really doesn't care about wedding specifics and wants you to plan the whole thing, then I get that.  But you didn't say so, so I assumed this wasn't the case.  Is it?</div>

miranda holly

Growing up in the country just north of Toronto, I can think of some great places.  Where abouts are you, and most of the guests located? 

Also, the local boards are great, but for Canada, specifically a province, not a huge amount of help in regards to vendors, etc!  Keep trying, and happy wedding planning!