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I'm having second thoughts

NOT about marrying my fiance. About having a normal wedding. 

I just can't seem to justify spending thousands of dollars on a party to satisfy everyone else. I'm all for eloping and throwing a party afterwards but my fiance isn't sold on the idea and I don't want him to regret anything since it's OUR day, not just mine. 

So instead we were thinking of having a small, intimate ceremony with immediate family (mom, dad, siblings, grandparents) and best friends. Then have a party for everyone and have food, open bar, DJ etc. and just spend maybe $5k on that and a couple hundred for ceremony. 

We already have a deposit down on a venue ($850) but can get 1/2 back as long as they can re-book it, which I'm sure they would. Then instead of the place we were going to have it at just rent a hall or something at an Elks club/VFW and just decorate it however we want. 

Advice please!!!! I just want to marry my fiance and then party afterwards. 

Re: I'm having second thoughts

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    Vintagelove4Vintagelove4 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    edited January 2013
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_im-having-second-thoughts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:6c1f81bc-3cb7-4b6f-9ec8-2187755c3fbaPost:f1fd8f1c-de54-41f6-a822-a216e91a10bf">I'm having second thoughts</a>:
    [QUOTE]NOT about marrying my fiance. About having a normal wedding. <strong> I just can't seem to justify spending thousands of dollars on a party to satisfy everyone else. I'm all for eloping and throwing a party afterwards but my fiance isn't sold on the idea and I don't want him to regret anything since it's OUR day, not just mine.  </strong>So instead we were thinking of having a small, intimate ceremony with immediate family (mom, dad, siblings, grandparents) and best friends. Then have a party for everyone and have food, open bar, DJ etc. and just spend maybe $5k on that and a couple hundred for ceremony.  We already have a deposit down on a venue ($850) but can get 1/2 back as long as they can re-book it, which I'm sure they would. Then instead of the place we were going to have it at just rent a hall or something at an Elks club/VFW and just decorate it however we want.  Advice please!!!! I just want to marry my fiance and then party afterwards. 
    Posted by kfritz36[/QUOTE]

    Same here! I was, and still am, all for eloping but FI wants to do the traditional wedding and such. We're having an intimate ceremony and small reception. Everyone is being invited to both. I agree with PP, big receptions after a small ceremony only seem to go well if it's an all out deal.
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    you dont pay per person for the ceremony. you pay for the reception.
    am i missing the point of this post? i see no reason why you wouldn't invite everyone who's going to celebrate your marriage to the actual marriage ceremony-that just seems gift grabby to me 'no you can't come watch us get married but come to the party later and bring a gift'.

     

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    I'm missing something here.  Why do you think it saves money to have a private ceremony and a big reception?  The reception is the expensive part.

    May 2013 February Siggy: Invitations

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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_im-having-second-thoughts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:5Discussion:6c1f81bc-3cb7-4b6f-9ec8-2187755c3fbaPost:f1fd8f1c-de54-41f6-a822-a216e91a10bf">I'm having second thoughts</a>:
    [QUOTE]NOT about marrying my fiance. About having a normal wedding.  I<strong> just can't seem to justify spending thousands of dollars on a party to satisfy everyone else</strong>. <strong>I'm all for eloping and throwing a party afterwards</strong> but my fiance isn't sold on the idea and I don't want him to regret anything since it's OUR day, not just mine.  <strong>So instead we were thinking of having a small, intimate ceremony with immediate family (mom, dad, siblings, grandparents) and best friends. Then have a party for everyone and have food, open bar, DJ etc. and just spend maybe $5k on that and a couple hundred for ceremony</strong>.  We already have a deposit down on a venue ($850) but can get 1/2 back as long as they can re-book it, which I'm sure they would. Then instead of the place we were going to have it at just rent a hall or something at an Elks club/VFW and just decorate it however we want.  Advice please!!!! I just want to marry my fiance and then party afterwards. 
    Posted by kfritz36[/QUOTE]

    How does having a smaller ceremony cut down on the expenses?  A ceremony really doesn't cost much.....it's the reception.
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    I guess I'm just having major anxiety over being in front of 100+ people and all eyes on us. That freaks me out so bad. My fiancé and I are very private people so we had originally thought to do personal vows because we want everything to be unique and a reflection of our personality but that idea quickly got turned down because we aren't comfortable having everyone listening in on our personal feelings. We aren't doing a traditional sit down meal as it is. We're having a pizza truck "cater" and my dad can get alcohol from a distributor and we know a licensed and insured bartender. It's not so much that it will cut down on costs, just make it less formal? Not that it's traditional or formal to begin. I pretty much just want to marry the love of my life then party and have fun. Almost like throwing a Halloween party since we love Haloween.
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    I think we will just move the reception to the Elks club. it will be more convenient for our family since most are in the area anyway, especially for my Meme who has a rough time getting around as it is, she doesn't like that it will be about 45 minutes away for her currently. I just want to find an outdoor ceremony site that will allow my dogs now. For us, it's super important that the ceremony is outdoors and not religious in any way shape or form.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_im-having-second-thoughts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:5Discussion:6c1f81bc-3cb7-4b6f-9ec8-2187755c3fbaPost:01bc9aa1-7a18-4ec8-a7d3-dd8c801f9292">Re: I'm having second thoughts</a>:
    [QUOTE]I guess <strong>I'm just having major anxiety over being in front of 100+ people and all eyes on us. That freaks me out so bad</strong>. My fiancé and I are very private people so we had originally thought to do personal vows because we want everything to be unique and a reflection of our personality but that idea quickly got turned down because we aren't comfortable having everyone listening in on our personal feelings. We aren't doing a traditional sit down meal as it is. We're having a pizza truck "cater" and my dad can get alcohol from a distributor and we know a licensed and insured bartender. It's not so much that it will cut down on costs, just make it less formal? Not that it's traditional or formal to begin. I pretty much just want to marry the love of my life then party and have fun. Almost like throwing a Halloween party since we love Haloween.
    Posted by kfritz36[/QUOTE]

    I am the same way.  And when I walked down the aisle, I didn't even notice one guest sitting there. Only when I looked at photos did I see where everyone was sitting!  All my attention was on my H and making it down the aisle.  It was as if it was just the two of us. You won't even realize you have 100 pairs of eyes on you.  I'm serious. 
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_im-having-second-thoughts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:6c1f81bc-3cb7-4b6f-9ec8-2187755c3fbaPost:01bc9aa1-7a18-4ec8-a7d3-dd8c801f9292">Re: I'm having second thoughts</a>:
    [QUOTE]I guess I'm just having major anxiety over being in front of 100+ people and all eyes on us. That freaks me out so bad. My fiancé and I are very private people so we had originally thought to do personal vows because we want everything to be unique and a reflection of our personality but that idea quickly got turned down because we aren't comfortable having everyone listening in on our personal feelings. We aren't doing a traditional sit down meal as it is. We're having a pizza truck "cater" and my dad can get alcohol from a distributor and we know a licensed and insured bartender. It's not so much that it will cut down on costs, just make it less formal? Not that it's traditional or formal to begin. I pretty much just want to marry the love of my life then party and have fun. Almost like throwing a Halloween party since we love Haloween.
    Posted by kfritz36[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>I get what you're saying.  I see nothing wrong with having a private ceremony and a celebration after.  We seriously considered getting married in a court house and having a party at a restaurant afterward because my FI's family is upset with our non-religious ceremony.  As a guest, I would see nothing wrong with simply being invited to the party.  My parents had a private ceremony and had a party to celebrate their marriage three months later- my aunt did the same thing for both her marriages.  If it's what works for you and your FI, go for it.  

    </div>

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