Unruly Kids

mlesleev

Hi ladies!

I'm trying to figure out what I should do about all the kids potentially coming to my wedding.  It seems that I am the only one in my circle of friends and cousins that has not had any children yet. I'm 25. A few of my closest friends and cousins already have 2 &3 children each.  I'm worried about having to many children at the wedding and all the possible tantrums that could arrise...like during my vows...

Here's my problem...About 90% of my guests will be traveling from out of town to get here.  Adding these guests WITH all their children will add about 20 people to the guest list...all children under the age of 9.  Since most of my guest will be traveling from out of town I dont feel like its a good idea to make it an adult only party...cuz then its likely that a lot of people wont come because they cant find a sitter.  I dont know what to do.  If I do include all the children on the invites what do I add at the reception to keep them entertained?  I will definitely have to have a room dedicated to children's activities.  Any ideas? thoughts?

Beachy730

What about just countnig on the parents to keep their kids under control?  I have 5 kids under the age of 5 at my wedding, and then 3 more who were 11 years old and you never would have known they were there. 

Some of the friends who live locally may choose to get a babysitter anyways.  I know that once H and I have kids, we will most likely get a babysitter for every wedding we attend so that we can enjoy ourselves and have a night out.  Some of your friends probably feel the same.

If you really wanted to though, you could invite only the kids of the OOT people.  Never call it an adult reception, just don't invite all the kids.  You also could choose not to invite any kids and just accept that some people will decline because of it. 

mlesleev

All the OOT guests are the ones with all the kids.  I've heard from numerous people that there is a good chance that those people will try and find a sitter so they can have a little break from the kids. Gah!! I just dont know what I wanna do.  I feel bad and slightly prejudice that I think I might just invite the kids who I trust will behave.  But then again, ya never know.

aleighk1

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_unruly-kids?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:7330aaaa-0a8c-4aec-8bd6-6d1e1be3d1d4Post:d417aede-136c-4cc5-a028-fdd75be4a933">Unruly Kids</a>:
[QUOTE]Adding these guests WITH all their children will add about 20 people to the guest list...all children under the age of 9
Posted by mlesleev[/QUOTE]

<div>Usually when you do your guest list you don't count the younger children. </div>

Summer2011Bride

Once you decide if you are inviting children or not, you mentioned having a separate room for them. I don't think you HAVE to do this and some children will just rather stay with their parents.
BUT if you wanted to and you think the kids would enjoy it (you'd have to hire someone to watch them in a separate room), you could order pizza for them, have board games, maybe play a movie, etc. However, if you want them to be a PART of your wedding, I would probably not have a separate room, but I have seen it done before.

murphb

I went to a wedding recently where there were lots of children and the reception was a one room place. The bride and groom had a kids table set up cupcakes and icing/sprinkles/other various toppings so the kids could decorate them. It was very cute!

mnp13

I'm with you on this. And am having a nightmare of  a time with it.

More than one place has specifically said that children DO count for the reception. There is about a 25% discount, but that's it. I'm looking at 23 kids if they all come.

Personally, I do NOT want them there. I can not be sure that the parents will take care of their behavior - sure I'd like to think they will, but there is no way to be sure. And the horror stories of misbehaving children are endless. I am a wedding photographer, and I've seen a lot first hand.

I also balk at the idea that I have to find a way to entertain them. The simple fact that I would need to set up a special room, special food, or make other special arrangements so that they are "sure not to be a problem" just indicates to me that they don't belong there in the first place.

I was thinking of getting a list of responsible high school age kids from my aunt who is a teacher, so that OOT people could arrange for baby sitters in their hotel rooms if they would like to.

goetzr19

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_unruly-kids?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:5Discussion:7330aaaa-0a8c-4aec-8bd6-6d1e1be3d1d4Post:23706f01-52d1-480c-8386-fe414d6d74bc">Re: Unruly Kids</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm with you on this. And am having a nightmare of  a time with it. More than one place has specifically said that children DO count for the reception. There is about a 25% discount, but that's it. I'm looking at 23 kids if they all come. Personally, I do NOT want them there. I can not be sure that the parents will take care of their behavior - sure I'd like to think they will, but there is no way to be sure. And the horror stories of misbehaving children are endless. I am a wedding photographer, and I've seen a lot first hand. I also balk at the idea that I have to find a way to entertain them. The simple fact that I would need to set up a special room, special food, or make other special arrangements so that they are "sure not to be a problem" just indicates to me that they don't belong there in the first place. <strong><em><u>I was thinking of getting a list of responsible high school age kids from my aunt who is a teacher, so that OOT people could arrange for baby sitters in their hotel rooms if they would like to.
</u></em></strong>Posted by mnp13[/QUOTE]

Personally, I would never leave my child with some high school student at a hotel, no matter how responsible.  If I couldn't take my child, then I wouldn't attend.

It's not super hard to have anything "special" set up.  Have a table with some coloring books, crayons, a few canisters of playdoh, etc.  It doesn't have to be elaborate, just a few things for kids. 

ckonidak

My venue specifically states in the contract that children 12 and under must be very carefully supervised or they (and their parents) may be asked to leave. I have no arguments, as I am addressing all stationary and invites just to the parents, and only having a few teenagers (one in the wedding party and 2 OOT'ers) in attendance.

As for what to do with the kids at your reception, I'd follow the advice of PP's. Set up a smaller area (not necessarily a seperate room) with colorbooks, arts and crafts, games, etc. Good luck!

SD3194

My FI has about 25 young kids on his side so we decided to hire a babysitter that will entertain these kids in a separate room at our venue. This way if the parents want to they can stop in a check on their child. We are hiring a couple ladies from a local daycare, I would think twice about asking a highschooler to do it. You don't want to be responsible if something happens.

Our invitations are addressed to the adults only and it also says "Adult Only Reception" on our reception cards. I'm relying on word of mouth to let people know that there are babysitters available, free of charge, my FMIL will probably be in charge of that.

Some people will be offended if their child is not welcome and will probably not come...so be it. They should respect your day, my mom never drug me to weddings when I was little out of respect for the bride and groom. My FI aunt is mad that she can't bring her 2 year old and has threatened not to come. I politely told her it was her choice not to come but we would rather not have small children there.

I went to a wedding last year and a little boy stuck his hand in the cake lol. That was my deciding factor. Good luck!

mnp13

"Personally, I would never leave my child with some high school student at a hotel, no matter how responsible.  If I couldn't take my child, then I wouldn't attend."

I babysat all through high school, so I have a hard time assuming that every high school student is not trust worthy.

I think it's unfortunate that people attach the value of an event to their children. Do you have that same rule for a cocktail party? A work holiday party? If someone invites you out for dinner and dancing, do you bring your child then? I'm guessing that the answer is no. Why is a wedding different?

I'm not trying to be rude, just truly curious as to why weddings are different.

mlesleev

I agree with you mnp13. I am looking at 20 kids if their parents bring them.  I'm not so much worried about the reception as I am about the ceremony.  I just dont want to hear a child screaming or baby crying as the fiance and I are exchanging our vows. And I would like to think that the parents would have the sense to take their unruly child out...but you can never really be sure.

Our caterer will not charge less for children. They are the same as the adults.

The other thing is that I sent my STDs out a whole YEAR in advance so people can make travel arrangements ahead of time.  So its another reason why I'm thinking maybe I should just invite the children in the wedding party along with their siblings.  My little flower girl  is an only child but then both my junior BM and ring bearer have one brother.  So only inviting those whole families and then from there on just the adults.  That way the guest who have kids but dont bring them dont get their feelings hurt when they see other children at the wedding when I chose not to invite their particular child.

Rockerchick842

My Fiance and I have a large number of children that will be participating and attending the wedding. We are setting up an activity table with coloring books (color wonder) and some small, noiseless toys for the kids to stay entertained. This way, the parents can enjoy themselves without chasing their children around all evening, and the children won't complain of boredom the whole evening.

Beachy730

if you don't want kids, just don't invite them.  Don't try to justify it by saying they'll cry and ruin the ceremony, or anything else.  We had kids at our ceremony and not one of them cried.  And if they did, I didn't notice.  My RB fell asleep on his dad's lap throughout the whole ceremony.  Too many brides think that they will be fully aware of everything going on around them and hear every noise, but you won't.  There could have been a fire in the back of the church during our ceremony and I would have been clueless.  I can't imagine that there would be parents who would let their child scream and cry during your ceremony.  And since you said these kids would be coming from OOT how would you know how they behave?  

If you decide not to invite the kids then just deal with the fact that some people may decline the invite.  But please don't tell parents that you aren't inviting their kids because you're afraid they will cry and ruin your ceremony.  Even though I don't have kids yet, I would be insulted if you would assume I wouldn't remove them if they were crying.

trix1223

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_unruly-kids?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:7330aaaa-0a8c-4aec-8bd6-6d1e1be3d1d4Post:faacaa4f-1d5a-4ebb-8d2b-5ac5f297f311">Re: Unruly Kids</a>:
[QUOTE]"Personally, I would never leave my child with some high school student at a hotel, no matter how responsible.  If I couldn't take my child, then I wouldn't attend." I babysat all through high school, so I have a hard time assuming that every high school student is not trust worthy. I think it's unfortunate that people attach the value of an event to their children. Do you have that same rule for a cocktail party? A work holiday party? If someone invites you out for dinner and dancing, do you bring your child then? I'm guessing that the answer is no. Why is a wedding different? I'm not trying to be rude, just truly curious as to why weddings are different.
Posted by mnp13[/QUOTE]

mnp:  I had a couple of high school kids who babysat my kids when they were small, and they were great.  I had known them and their families for years, so I was comfortable having them sit for the kids in our home.

But leaving my kids in a public venue like a hotel room, and with someone who I've never met......don't know their families.....is a whole different story.

It's not the wedding that makes it different.  It's the location and the fact that I wouldn't know the kids caring for my children.