Assigned seating or not?

LeLi6812

We are having about 80 guests at our wedding/reception. I really want to let everyone sit where ever they'd like. Is this brilliant or a potential disaster?? Our venue will have plenty of room but it's a casual wedding and I like the idea of the guests being as comfortable as possible. Am I crazy?

sister2groom

Does everyone know everyone or are there quite a few people who don't know very many people? If it's the former, assigned seating (assigning particular seats is never necessary but assigned tables are helpful) is not as necessary. But make sure you have tons of extra room because there will be groups of 6 who want to sit at an 8 person table.

bellebride116

I would assign tables, not seats. We had about 80 guests at our destination wedding and did assigned tables, it was still just too much people to have them sit wherever.

trix1223

Doing table assignments is actually a courtesy to your guests. It ensures that people who don't get along won't end up stuck with each other because they're the only open seats left.

It ensures that couples or families won't be split up because there are not enough seats left at any given table when they arrive.

It ensures that Great Aunt Hilda won't be seated with your FIs college frat brothers, or that Grandpa Al won't end up sitting right next to the dj's speakers.

It ensures that your college roommate, who doesn't know anyone but you at the wedding, won't wander the room hoping that she can sit somewhere. (Remember the cafeteria in Jr. High?)

It ensures that you won't have 11 people jammed into a table that seats 8 comfortably because people decided to pull up chairs so they could all sit together.

It also saves you $$, because when you don't have assigned tables, you need to have extras because you WILL end with tables of 4 where you intended to have 8.

I've only been to one wedding without table assignments, and it was a holy mess as people wandered around trying to figure out where they were supposed to sit.

Do table assignments.

Summer2011Bride

I ditto PP's in that I would do table assignments. They can choose the actual seats themselves. You don't want a couple showing up last and having to be separated; same goes for a family. You don't want people rearranging chairs to fit everyone together, etc.

I think unless your wedding was SUPER small (like maybe under 20) it would be a huge hassle to NOT have assigned tables.

[Deleted User]

We assigned tables, not seats. It worked out well for us that way.

Juliet212

Potential disaster. It's easier for all involved (guests) to be told what table to sit at. They are allowed to sit next to whomever but it ensures that most of the people know each other. You wouldn't want a neighbor sitting at the head table with your parents, people need some direction. Also, you don't want others to pull chairs to other tables to sit together. Then you have 15 people at one table and 5 at another. You know what I mean?

Soon2BeMrsTing

We also assigned tables, not seats.

As a guest, I prefer to have an assigned table.  Whether I know tons of people there or I'm there alone and know no one but the bride, I like to have that choice made for me.

ehathewa

I would assign tables.  You know your guests (hopefully) and can seat them with people they know or have things in common with. 

[Deleted User]

We had about 40 people at my wedding, and I did not assign seating or tables.  Everyone seemed to find seats and even made a couple of love connections before the evening was over so I'm a big believer in allowing adults to decide where they sit unless the wedding is really big.  Since the seating was very tight (a tented garden behind a 300 year old house), people were forced to sit at one of the five available tables and make friends quickly, and I have received thank you notes from guests expressing what a beautiful wedding it was.  I paid a lot of attention to some details (food, music and setting), but seating was strictly, "You're on your own."

vannymuse

We originally intended on doing table assignments for the very reasons PPs mentioned, but due to some last minute problems, we did not have assigned seating or assigned tables for our wedding. We had about 120 guests, and it ended up working out better than I thought it would.

We did have out extra tables, and had reserved tables for family to make the process of finding a seat easier.

lyndausvi

I prefer assigned tables.  

A free-for-all is fine if it's the standard for your social circle.

 Since mine is use to assigned tables it would be a disaster because it would be at the last minute before they realized they were suppose to be saving seats.

Blueyed228

I would advise assigning at least tables if you dont want to do seats.

If you are dead set against it, then make sure you have plenty of extra seats.

marksle84

I am doing assigned seating. I am having about 100 guests, but I am having a seated dinner, so it will be easier for the caterer to give each guest was they previously ordered. I chose this because I am mixing it up and trying to put someone from the bridal party at each table so they can make sure all the guests are having fun. And a lot of the people don't know each other so I'm putting people together that I think will get along or maybe make a "love connection"

trix1223

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_assigned-seating-not-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:7b240d6f-6d78-4d89-b7a3-6dd67f1f3595Post:1fd54420-e874-48d0-b24a-eda5cf5b615a">Re: Assigned seating or not?</a>:
[QUOTE]I am doing assigned seating. I am having about 100 guests, but I am having a seated dinner, so it will be easier for the caterer to give each guest was they previously ordered.<strong> I chose this because I am mixing it up and trying to put someone from the bridal party at each table so they can make sure all the guests are having fun.</strong> And a lot of the people don't know each other so I'm putting people together that I think will get along or maybe make a "love connection" ;)
Posted by marksle84[/QUOTE]

No, please don't do this.  Your WP is not responsible for making sure your guests "have fun" at your wedding.  Their job is done once the ceremony is over.

If you have good food, good drinks, and good entertainment  your guests will have a good time.

Also, if by "mixing it up" you mean putting some of your relatives at a table with some of your FI's relatives, please don't.  When I go to a family wedding, I want to catch up with cousins, aunts, uncles, relatives that I don't get to see often.

I'm not there to socialize with the other family relatives who I'll likely rarely, if ever, see again.  Example:  I have the absolute BEST BIL in the world.  In the world.  I met his sisters when BIL and my sister were married 30 years ago.  The next time I saw them was at our niece's wedding, 28 years later.

It's not that I was unable to be cordial to them at sister and BIL's wedding.  I was.  But I wanted to see my cousins from S.D. who I only saw every other year.

"Mixing it up" is not a great idea, and making your WP be "hostesses" for a table is just awful.  Let them sit with their friends/family and have fun at the party.

marksle84

Trix- I'm definitely putting families together. But most of our friends don't know each other so I am mixing them up. And putting them with other friends that they have in common. And is it that bad of an idea to have BP just check in on guests? I can't check on guests the whole night! I was just thinking it would be nice during dinner and everything because they can share with guests and answer questions like "so where are they going on their honeymoon?", "How did they meet again?", "Now which one's the groom's sister" just things I always end up asking a BM when I go to weddings. But if thats a bad idea I will really rethink it. Of course they can go dance and have fun, but aren't they there to help too? Ive only been a BM once, so I'm totally new at this! 

aerinpegadrak

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_assigned-seating-not-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:7b240d6f-6d78-4d89-b7a3-6dd67f1f3595Post:d6fc6e1f-b45a-469d-a096-79225a29a522">Re: Assigned seating or not?</a>:
[QUOTE]Trix- I'm definitely putting families together. But most of our friends don't know each other so I am mixing them up. And putting them with other friends that they have in common. And is it that bad of an idea to have BP just check in on guests? I can't check on guests the whole night! I was just thinking it would be nice during dinner and everything because they can share with guests and answer questions like "so where are they going on their honeymoon?", "How did they meet again?", "Now which one's the groom's sister" just things I always end up asking a BM when I go to weddings. But if thats a bad idea I will really rethink it. Of course they can go dance and have fun, but <strong>aren't they there to help too?</strong> Ive only been a BM once, so I'm totally new at this! 
Posted by marksle84[/QUOTE]
Not really.  BMs aren't co-hostesses, and it's not really all that great of you to pester the BMs with questions like that at the weddings you've attended.  It's fine to scatter them around and seat them where you'd have put them if they weren't in the wedding, but once the ceremony is done, they're just regular guests.  It's not their job to make sure that people are having fun, it's your job to set things up so there's no question of that.  As long as the food is good, the booze is free, and the music is good, people will enjoy the party, neither you nor anyone else needs to babysit.

trix1223

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_assigned-seating-not-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:7b240d6f-6d78-4d89-b7a3-6dd67f1f3595Post:d6fc6e1f-b45a-469d-a096-79225a29a522">Re: Assigned seating or not?</a>:
[QUOTE]Trix- I'm definitely putting families together. But most of our friends don't know each other so I am mixing them up. And putting them with other friends that they have in common. And is it that bad of an idea to have BP just check in on guests? I can't check on guests the whole night! I was just thinking it would be nice during dinner and everything because they can share with guests and answer questions like "so where are they going on their honeymoon?", "How did they meet again?", "Now which one's the groom's sister" just things I always end up asking a BM when I go to weddings. But if thats a bad idea I will really rethink it. Of course they can go dance and have fun, but aren't they there to help too? Ive only been a BM once, so I'm totally new at this! 
Posted by marksle84[/QUOTE]

No, your WP are not meant to be "hosting" tables.  And you don't have to check on tables all night long either.  Treat your guests like the adults they are.  They know how to socialize, mingle, chat, and behave at a wedding. 

Don't overestimate how much your guests will care about which BM is the groom's sister, or where you're headed on your HM.  The day celebrates your marriage, but it's not ALL about you and your FI.

Please let your WP sit with their own friends/family.  You'll make them much happier than splitting them up with instructions to keep their table "happy".

iver4156

I really dislike the idea of assigned seats, and to be honest, assigned tables in general. I'm having a catered bbq dinner, and I want it to feel more like a family party (which is really what a wedding is!), so I'm not assigning anything. There will be tables for people to sit and eat at for dinner, but after that, they're free to roam. If they don't feel like sitting around and talking, they can dance. If they don't feel like dancing, I'm having lawn games set up. Bocce ball, croquet, whatever. The venue also has a swingset/playground for the kids, so everyone will have something to do!

But, again, do whatever you want! It's your wedding and you and your fiance are the only people that are in charge of the decisions! If you're still on the fence on doing something, take a step back and come back to it later.

BCWAY85

I have been to 2 weddings with no assigned seating and in both weddings only knew the bride and groom and some members of the wedding party. It took me 30 min to find a seat because people were saving seats for other people and it seemed like all of the seats had been taken. I would have rather had an assigned table or seat so I wouldn't have had to wander around for half an hour looking for a seat. Needless to say I will be doing assigned tables at my wedding to avoid anyone wandering around trying to find a seat. 

PenelopeSnuz

For all of you ladies who said you did not have assigned seating and it was not a problem....you probably did not get honest responses from your guests. 

I have been to a couple weddings of college friends from a different area than where I am from, and there was an overwhelming negative response from guests about seating.

Elderly people were sitting with frat boys fresh out of college, and my FI and I sat with a bunch of people we didn't know.  It was awful.

No one is going to tell the bride and groom the gripes about the wedding, but people are STILL talking about these weddngs that started out on a bad note because of seating.

Spend an hour assigning tables, and please please PLEASE don't have a cocktail reception without enough chairs for everyone to have a seat because people will "mingle" and eat at different times.  This is even worse!

BluValkyrie

friends of ours had open seating at their wedding a few months ago.  There ended up being a number of people sitting by themselves at tables, including the groom's mother and his younger siblings, because the rest of the guests just took the chairs and squeezed about 20 people into a table meant for 12.

While yes, your guests are adults, but even adults will revert to the "cafeteria" mentality when presented with open seating.

In the end, keep in mind it will work for some, but not all.

deb84

I have been to what I consider a lot of weddings in my 26 years and have never once been to a wedding with assigned seating or tables.  I honestly had no idea people did this until cominig to the knot.  Is this a regional thing or is it just my family/circle of friends?!  

trix1223

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_assigned-seating-not-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:7b240d6f-6d78-4d89-b7a3-6dd67f1f3595Post:85896d09-bcc9-4587-8bce-cd3015d42a71">Re: Assigned seating or not?</a>:
[QUOTE]I have been to what I consider a lot of weddings in my 26 years and have never once been to a wedding with assigned seating or tables.  I honestly had no idea people did this until cominig to the knot.  Is this a regional thing or is it just my family/circle of friends?! :/ 
Posted by deb84[/QUOTE]

Funny, Deb:  I've been to a lot of weddings in my (quite a bit more) than 26 years, and have seen exactly ONE wedding that didn't have assigned tables.  And it was awkward as the dickens.

There were a couple of tables marked "reserved for families", but there was far more "family" in attendance that there were seats at the tables for.  So everyone kind of stood around until MOG came in and started telling people where to sit.

Kate61487

I would definitely say assign tables.  I have only been to one wedding where they didn't and it was extremely awkward.  I was there with FI and two friends from college, the four of us knew no one outside of the bride/groom and wedding party.  The four of us ended up at a table for 12 by ourselves at the very back of the room because people were saving seats (which never ended up filled) and we felt very uncomfortable.

As PPs have said this may be a regional thing - so if all of your family weddings and all of your FIs family weddings have free for all seating then I suppose it would be okay, but as a guest I'd much prefer an assigned table.