Can't afford open bar... Help!

fishieballerina

Ok, I really hate the whole open bar debate. Personally I don't care what someone says is bad etiquette around that topic. Here's the deal: I can't afford open bar. I do not want to close the bar and tell friends and family they can't drink because I am poor. I would, however, like to offer my guests something. Part of the reception fee includes a champagne toast (I think they all have that). I was thinking about offering my guests wine/beer during dinner. I do have to meet a set amount of beverage sales (either booze or soda) for the site or else I have to pay more (kind of defeats the purpose of trying to save). Would it be alright to have wine/beer at dinner and cash bar for anyone who wants liquor? I can't provide for the whole night, but perhaps just for a bit. I know that almost all of my guests (except for maybe a few of my family from the south) would be alright with paying for their drinks  (that's the way weddings are done where I come from). What do you think? (Please don't write me off as cheap or a bad human being for this, I just really cannot afford the whole thing and am looking for alternatives that will keep everyone generally satisfied).

felicia220

I understand not being able to afford an open bar, however it would be nice to be able to offer beer and wine all night.  Have you considered asking your venue if they allow you to bring your own?  I know they usually charge a corking fee for this but I think it is typically $1 pp.  I don't know if they would work for your budget but just food for thought.  If not, I think you have a fine idea for what works for your budget.

I have only been to one cash bar wedding and most people really didn't mind too much. I don't think people are going to flip out and walk out or anything....haha

I have also heard of dry weddings were they didn't serve drinks at all because of religion, alcoholism in bride or groom's family, etc.  

 

SaraAndrew2010

If you can't afford a full open bar, just serve beer and wine.  Is there anything you can cut in order to serve beer and wine the whole night?
Personally, I think it is less tacky to just serve beer and wine with no option to buy liquor than to charge guests for some drinks but not others. 

trix1223

Just do the wine/beer and skip the cash bar for other alcohol.  I agree that it's odd to allow some guests to drink for free but to make others pay for theirs.

In addition, you might want to negotiate about the champagne part.  In my experience more people DON'T like champagne than do like it.  My DD was able to get $3 pp off the cost of her reception by not having the champagne toast.

Everyone just raised their glasses with whatever they happened to be drinking at the time.

dsouldiva

Could you switch the Champagne toast to Sparkling wine and put the savings towards more beer and wine for your guests?

I think it's fine not to offer hard liquor if you can't afford it.

suze68

I think having beer and wine is fine. If you want to offer liquor for a fee, just make a nice sign in a frame to place at the bar with the price of liquor. If you can only afford X amount of beer & wine, then do that. I am sure people will be fine. Another option that is fairly common in my area is to do drink tickets. That way you pay for X amount of drinks per person and have the tickets at the place settings for each person. I have seen people make really nice looking drink tickets on their computers. And those that dont drink give them to people that do. Works out just fine.
Regardless of what you do or how you handle this, the people that love and support you will do s regardless of how you handle this issue. Just enjoy your day, spend time with your guests and let them know how much you appreciate their presence (not presents)

~Suze

mbcdefg

I would ask if you can skip the champagne toast for an additional hour, or even an additional half-hour, of the free beer and wine. People will appreciate a little more beer and wine more than they would the champagne toast.

gottahavashorti

Wine and beer during dinner service is fine.  Close the bar afterward, and see if the wait staff can offer the wine and beer table to table so there's less confusion when the bar closes since people won't have been going up to get drinks on their own.  Just serve what you can afford.

You may be able to save some money by negotiating away the champagne fee as trix said.

Sue-n-Kevin

Trust me, most people understand your predicament.

We are only serving beer & wine. Period. Most people can choose between those and be fine with it. Provide a nice selection of 2-3 beers, 2-3 wines, and that's done. Also offer bottled water or pitchers of ice water, and some sodas.

I wouldn't offer the option of separate alcoholic drinks for a price. But, if your friends or family have younger adults, ie 21-25, make sure they don't bring in any small bottles of booze if they find out none is served. That can get the venue in trouble.

Good luck. Don't apologize.

MyNameIsNot

Beer and wine only is fine.  Only serve what you can afford.

You know that it is rude to switch and suddenly ask your guests to start paying for drinks, so I don't have to tell you that.

Try to work it out so that you can serve beer/wine the whole night.  Like PP said, you can probably drop the champagne toast and put that toward the bar.  Try to make some other cuts elsewhere to add to this.  It's so much better to serve beer/wine all night than to expect your guests to pay for it themselves after a certain point.

aerinpegadrak

We're doing beer and wine only; if that's all you can afford, it's fine.  I would definitely see if you can make cuts elsewhere to your budget to be able to do it for the entire night, though, or at least up until the last hour or half-hour of the reception (when many venues close the bar anyway).

The things that your guests will remember about your wedding are the food, the booze, and the entertainment, so that's where you should be focusing your budget.

pischkepear

I think beer and wine is a fine option.  Another idea is a Toonie bar, or having drink tickets, where you have helped fund the bar, so people can drink at a lower cost, but you aren't responsible for the entire cost of the bar.  People may be turned off of paying $8 a drink, but paying $2 or $3 would be completely reasonable.

dndboda

Wine is so much better. Wine can be elgant and classy.

Let it be. -Follow your heart.

lyn_mello

Hello,

I like what you are doing as well.  I am from Massachusetts,  and have mostly been to weddings with cash bars or open bar for cocktail hour only.

I cannot drink beer myself - it makes me sick and bloated.  Wine is awesome - but it makes some people sleepy (I love wine).  I think offering full liquor as a cash bar option is fine.  You are offering a free drink option - and I think that guests will appreciate it.  No need for you to be paying for people to get wasted.  And they will get wasted (especially if open bars are not common for your area).

We are having open bar for the cocktail hour only.  After that, it is cash bar.  This is very common where I live, and I know my guests will be very happy with that.  Some Knotties think its tacky,  but that is ok.  I think the dollar dance is tacky!

Whatever you decide - it is your wedding!!!

Julie Sitthixay

Having an open bar is expensive.  You don't have to have it open for the entire wedding time, have it open a few hours or so and for the rest of the remaining time, the guest can pay.  Or you can give your guest a certain amount of  "coins" or "tickets" and they can use it to get free drinks and once they're all used, they can pay for their own drinks.  That's what I was thinking of doing since I'm paying for the whole entire wedding.  It's something to look into.  It's your day, so what if they would think your "poor." Honestly, weddings are not cheap. PERIOD.  So don't worry what people will think of you if you don't have an open bar, it's your one big day, and you will do what you please despite what everyone thinks or needs.

cutout_star

Please. You're not cheap. You're smart! Why pay for people to get wasted at your wedding? I think the wine, beer, and toast is fine. Another option, which I didn't see mentioned but may have missed, is doing a signature cocktail (or two), maybe instead of beer or wine. It's a popular idea these days that lets you serve liquor, but not a lot! You pick a cocktail that matches your theme/color, and that's a different option for the guests.

Personally, we're not doing any alcohol at all, for religious and financial reasons. (And no one seems angry yet; they joke about bringing flasks.) Instead, we are having agua frescas and other fun, fruity, summery drinks that are kid AND adult friendly.

amagwire

Your idea is fine.  Most people don't go to weddings expecting to get free drinks unless they already are aware of an open bar.  The only thing I would suggest is having wine bottles at the tables for the whole night if you feel like you want your guests to have something, then have cash bar for beer and liquor. 

I'm providing my own beer and wine for my reception, so I will be having open bar.  It's ending up being much more affordable for me than even providing drinks for some of the night...Thank you, Trader Joe's - $36 for a case of wine!

ashbash10

were serving beer and wine all night, and a strawberry margarita as our signiture drink. Maybe you could save like my fiance and I and do this as well?

eloved

I think beer/wine paid for is absolutely fine!  We will be doing the same except we will be having it all night, not just during dinner.  This is possible for us because our venue is allowing us to purchase kegs and bottles of wine from them (they do not allow alcohol to be brought in by us) which is MUCH cheaper than doing drinks by the hour.  I would definitely recommend that you atleast ask them if they offer this option. 

jenswim

We are doing beer and wine all night and having a cash bar.  We have a lot of people coming to the wedding and about half drink hard alcohol.....we are already paying a huge amount for everything else....we don't need to provide the hard alcohol.  Plus if you have an open bar you are now responsible for making sure all those drunk people get back safely!!!
    I don't think it is rude and tacky to have a cash bar.  Imagine if a group of friends are going out for the night and want to drink, well I wouldn't expect the person inviting me to pay for my drinks all night.  Guests are already getting a free night of dinner, dancing and fun...if they want to drink that is their option!

Future Mrs. Lindstrom

My reception site only offered a cash bar. But my family doesn't drink and his understood our financial situation. They were happy with champagne for the toast & the cash bar.

I do think a few people snuck flasks into the place though!

imeltice

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_cant-afford-open-bar-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:5Discussion:7d11b4ea-a34f-4143-99a7-5ec02c5bf013Post:3a978198-82d5-44d6-b787-ac8c5b459103">Re: Can't afford open bar... Help!</a>:
[QUOTE]I agree with the idea of seeing if you can negotiate away the champagne toast in order to have beer/wine available for longer.  (I assume soda is available all night, yes?)  As for the liquor, I'm in the same spot. I recently asked a similar question, and most of the brides here seemed to prefer offering no liquor at all, versus having it available for purchase.  In my family/geographic area, though, the norm really is free beer/soda and cash bar for liquor.  I've been to maybe 20 weddings, and all of them were like that. 

Just wanted to second, that also being from WI this is how all the weddings are, I have been to very few where the liquor is free flowing all night...our wedding is going to have free beer and liquor will be available for purchase.  I agree with the PP, you don't need people to take advantage of the free liquor and make fools of themselves all nihgt, most people will drink what is offered and not complain too much. 

Also, I would definitely have a cash bar during the cocktail hour and offer the free stuff after dinner...at least that is also how it is usually done in our area.

lena0320

i definitly dont consider you cheap, i am in the same situation its outrageous the prices for an open bar. what my fiance and i came up with is just 2hrs, being a reception is usually 4 hrs long, so were doing the first 2hrs, after that everyone will have to pay for there own alcohol.....its your wedding and you have to do what you can afford and of course what you want to do, dont stress the small stuff!! congrats and good luck!!

tommyandy

A signature drink during the cocktail hour would be fun & does not have to have booze in it.  It could be raspberry lemonade, an Arnold Palmer, fake sangria - red or white (white fruit juices & sprite), etc.  If you or your FI really really really want a full bar, a part time job will do wonders for your budget. If not, don't sweat it.

tommyandy

Also, if you stop the beer & wine say 2 hours before the reception ends, you could do a coffee & chocolate bar for the last 2 hours

NatGeo

First let me say that your aren't being cheap. We have all seen what happens when guests drink too much. Embarassment and hangovers. Not fun..

Skip the champagne toast, skip the cash bar. Stick with beer, wine, and maybe non-alcoholic fun drinks or a signature cocktail.

I have never been to a wedding without an open bar, but not every open bar is the same.

Some different options..
1. Can you purchase your own beer and wine?
2. Can your venue do tableside service during dinner? This is a nice one. Guests get to stay in their seats and enjoy the food instead of waiting in line at the bar.
3. For the cocktail hour..if the venue is willing have "passed" cocktails and wine along with the passed hor dourves.
4. Set a dollar limit on the open bar after which service. Lots of venues have variations on this.

Consider combining options 2 and 3. Guests get to mingle during cocktail hour and enjoy the food at dinner. No one will notice that the bar isn't open because they are being waited on for everything. This will give a classy feel at any style of wedding from casual to formal. Then open the bar after dinner (everyone will be full).

everythingblue

I think it's perfectly fine to host wine and beer only.  For budget reasons, we've decided to host wine, beer, and one signature cocktail appropriate for the time of the reception, our location, venue, guests, etc.  We're opting not to offer any other alcoholic beverages. 

lindseroo

What my FBIL and his wife did (that we will probably also do) is this:  They, too, only provided beer and wine and had a cash bar for whatever else you would want.  Her parents disapproved of alcohol at all, though, so they had to pay for it themselves.  SO, in order to save somewhat, they only paid for a set amount of beer and wine, and whatever people consumed over that amount they had to buy.  I think they spent $1000 on kegs and wine (they could bring their own for a corkage fee), and that was plenty for everyone to get two or so glasses each.  After that, it was cash.  Everyone had a nice buzz, but it actually prevented a lot of sloppiness.  No one got trashed, which was nice!

Courtnay Stanke

I think you don't do a cash bar for liquor and only offer beer and wine at dinner.  It's your wedding and you do what you need to do.  I went to a wedding that was cash bar for everything and it sucked b/c we did not know ahead of time.. and they only took cash.  However if you talk to most of your guests ahead of time, you will get a feel for them-- after all if they are your guests, you know them best and they would understand any budget restrictions you have.
Another idea would be to do a lunch or brunch wedding whcih would save you money and could prevent you from feeling like you need to have an open bar and could serve one signature cocktail and the rest non-alchoholic beverages.

Angelicteardrops

I went to a wedding that had wine bottles on the table and when those were gone that was it.  I didnt' mind at all.  I was going to do the same thing for my wedding, but our venue does not allow alchohal at all, but it all works out since I am having a morning wedding.....and the reception should be wrapping up around 3 or 4.  I am just going to let my guests know that it is a dry reception and if they want to go drink they can go to a local tavern afterwards. 

It is your day, not everyone elses, so do what is going to make you happy, Those who mind don't matter, those who matter don't mind. 

lwogsland

in my area, nobody has cash bars...let me tell you why... i like in wisconsin..where there are many binge drinkers..and people here drink heavily..it would cose a fortune to have open bar.. what is common around here is having open soda/beer..and cashbar for liquor..it's completely normal to go to a wedding with that. i expect to pay for liquor if thats what i am drinking.