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Rushed Wedding

My then-fiance and I got engaged March 1st and had planned to marry October of next year.  Due to extenuating circumstances, we had to push the wedding up to last week, and opted for a private ceremony with just our parents.  We still would like to plan a renewal ceremony, but I'm not sure how to go about doing so.  Do I still have attendants?  Do we register?  Should it be set up as a typical wedding?

Re: Rushed Wedding

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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_rushed-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:7e3a5251-d686-47a4-80b2-757f81457de1Post:4963e1bf-0be6-469e-81e4-18f058a12bb0">Rushed Wedding</a>:
    [QUOTE]My then-fiance and I got engaged March 1st and had planned to marry October of next year.  Due to extenuating circumstances, we had to push the wedding up to last week, and opted for a private ceremony with just our parents.  We still would like to plan a renewal ceremony, but I'm not sure how to go about doing so.  <strong>Do I still have attendants?</strong> No
    <strong> Do we register? </strong>No
    <strong> Should it be set up as a typical wedding? </strong>No.
    Posted by stessiej[/QUOTE]
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    trix1223trix1223 member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited May 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_rushed-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:7e3a5251-d686-47a4-80b2-757f81457de1Post:4963e1bf-0be6-469e-81e4-18f058a12bb0">Rushed Wedding</a>:
    [QUOTE]My then-fiance and I got engaged March 1st and had planned to marry October of next year.  Due to extenuating circumstances, we had to push the wedding up to last week, and opted for a private ceremony with just our parents.  We still would like to plan a renewal ceremony, but I'm not sure how to go about doing so.  Do I still have attendants?  Do we register?  Should it be set up as a typical wedding?
    Posted by stessiej[/QUOTE]

    It can't be "set up as a typical wedding" because it's not a wedding.  You're married.

    And frankly, I think a "vow renewal" after only months is just silly.  You, by your own words, "Opted for a private ceremony with just your parents".  That WAS your wedding.  You're married.  I think you move on now to married life.

    If you insist on the "vow renewal", you don't have showers (or a registry), bachelorette parties (you're no longer a bachelorette), attendants, first dances, big wedding dress, etc.

    A vow renewal is NOT a do-over wedding.  It's a low key reaffirmation of vows, typically done after many years of marriage, and in a low key manner.

    Good luck in your new marriage.  Married life is very wonderful.
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
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    Instead of a vow renewal, why not just have a big party to celebrate?  No attendants, no registering (or a super small one), no vows ... just good food and drink at a nice venue?

    For what it's worth: my husband and I married privately (only parents/siblings - ten guests total).  In a few weeks, we're having a large 100 person cocktail party.  We're not doing anything wedding reception-y except for having cake (because cake is freaking awesome).  It's really just a big celebratory party.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_rushed-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:5Discussion:7e3a5251-d686-47a4-80b2-757f81457de1Post:58a1b66e-2115-4aa0-b29d-b1ef48777e23">Re: Rushed Wedding</a>:
    [QUOTE]Instead of a vow renewal, why not just have a big party to celebrate?  No attendants, no registering (or a super small one), no vows ... just good food and drink at a nice venue? For what it's worth: my husband and I married privately (only parents/siblings - ten guests total).  In a few weeks, we're having a large 100 person cocktail party.  We're not doing anything wedding reception-y except for having cake (because cake is freaking awesome).  It's really just a big celebratory party.
    Posted by Joy2611[/QUOTE]

    This. You already had your wedding so it would be inapporpriate to have another "wedding". You chose to have the small, intimate wedding and you do not get a do-over. Just have a celebration if you want to, but you should not call it a wedding reception.

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    sjshanksjshank member
    First Comment
    WOW!  People are kind of being really mean here.  You all do not know the circumstances as to why they had to rush the actual ceremony.  Maybe someone is in the military?  Maybe someone has severe health problems? 

    I say do whatever you like.  If I were in that situation, I would throw a reception with cake, food, favors, gifts etc...  Several people do private ceremonies or even beach destination weddings and then have the reception when they get back.  Weddings are about your pledging your love to your future spouse and celebrating with friends and family.  Doing a vow renewal in front of those who weren't able to attend the actual wedding is a nice idea.  If my family member wasn't able to invite me to the first one or just ran out of time, I would appreciate a chance to celebrate with them.  Those who have a problem with it, shouldn't attend.    

    Trix1223, you sound like a bitter old married woman who has nothing better to do that to post on theknot.com.  Get off your couch, brush off the McDonalds crumbs and get a life.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_rushed-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:5Discussion:7e3a5251-d686-47a4-80b2-757f81457de1Post:f406f4c2-3624-46c7-a965-2d40461e06a0">Re: Rushed Wedding</a>:
    [QUOTE]WOW!  People are kind of being really mean here.  You all do not know the circumstances as to why they had to rush the actual ceremony.  Maybe someone is in the military?  Maybe someone has severe health problems?  I say do whatever you like.  If I were in that situation, I would throw a reception with cake, food, favors, gifts etc...  Several people do private ceremonies or even beach destination weddings and then have the reception when they get back.  Weddings are about your pledging your love to your future spouse and celebrating with friends and family.  Doing a vow renewal in front of those who weren't able to attend the actual wedding is a nice idea.  If my family member wasn't able to invite me to the first one or just ran out of time, I would appreciate a chance to celebrate with them.  Those who have a problem with it, shouldn't attend.     Trix1223, you sound like a bitter old married woman who has nothing better to do that to post on theknot.com.  Get off your couch, brush off the McDonalds crumbs and get a life.
    Posted by sjshank[/QUOTE]

    no one's intention is to be cruel.  the original poster asked a question on an <strong>etiquette</strong> messag board and recieved answers in keeping with etiquette (not arbitrary either-based on actual rules).

    of course she can do whatever she wants.  no one polices you.  people are offering what is<em>  correct </em>in terms of etiquette.  "do whatever you want" is the advice that children give.  i believe that the OP can have a lovely party to celebrate with thsoe she loves who couldn't be there.  she just can't call it a wedding and have wedding accoutrements and still follow etiquette.
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    retracted about the etiquette board-i'm tired.  but point remains.
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    edited May 2011
    All of the at home receptions I've been to have just been a party. They did not re-create their wedding by having attendants and wearing their wedding dress or registering for gifts. Etiquette-wise it is improper to get married than have another "wedding" just so that you can have people there to "witness" it. 
    Your guests should know that you're already married, so it would just be for theatrics, which in my opinion is just plain silly.

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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_rushed-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:7e3a5251-d686-47a4-80b2-757f81457de1Post:f406f4c2-3624-46c7-a965-2d40461e06a0">Re: Rushed Wedding</a>:
    [QUOTE]WOW!  People are kind of being really mean here.  You all do not know the circumstances as to why they had to rush the actual ceremony.  Maybe someone is in the military?  Maybe someone has severe health problems?  I say do whatever you like.  If I were in that situation, I would throw a reception with cake, food, favors, gifts etc...  Several people do private ceremonies or even beach destination weddings and then have the reception when they get back.  Weddings are about your pledging your love to your future spouse and celebrating with friends and family.  Doing a vow renewal in front of those who weren't able to attend the actual wedding is a nice idea.  If my family member wasn't able to invite me to the first one or just ran out of time, I would appreciate a chance to celebrate with them.  Those who have a problem with it, shouldn't attend.     Trix1223, you sound like a bitter old married woman who has nothing better to do that to post on theknot.com.  Get off your couch, brush off the McDonalds crumbs and get a life.
    Posted by sjshank[/QUOTE]

    No one is entitled to some big wedding and no one is any less married for not having one (or having one).  I don't think it matters why the OP had a private ceremony earlier than originally planned. 

    I don't get having a vow renewal a few months after getting married and saying your vows the first time.  I thought Joy's suggestion about how she's having her at home reception was really good for what the OP wants to have. To me, a vow renewal is most appropriate when the couple has been married a while (10-year anniversary?  25?  50?) or has some reason that they need to renew their vows. 
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    MattNCarolMattNCarol member
    First Comment
    edited May 2011
    Who cares for ettiquete? If their family wants to do that, they will. Of course now she won't be a ''bride''.. she's married already, but if she still wants to do whatever a ''bride'' does... she will. And thats it. 

    I'd say, do it.. of course, it'd be wise to do not act like a ''bride'', so I think some things you could skip, like bridal shower, etc.. but you could focus on the reception, focus on celebrate and I bet it'll look great. 

    For an example, I'll marry in U.S because I HAVE TO, I'm going for a fianceé visa, so once I get there, I have to get married, we'll have a small ceremony/reception to celebrate with my in-laws and american friends. BUT as soon as I get back in Brazil for a vacation, (where I come from), I'll have a vow renewal (like people here call it, but for us there it still a wedding), with everything for my family and friends there to celebrate with us. F*** etiquette, that doesn't pay for your joy, happiness of sharing that moment, even though it'll be a little late, with your loved ones.
     In my country, I don't know about U.S or wherever... a couple that lives together for years, and never had a legal marriage (they're even considered married after living together for 2 years), if they decide to LEGALLY marry .. and the ''bride'' and ''groom'' wants to have a wedding, with everything, they will.. white dress, etc.. even if they have kids, it'll be like they want and thats it. 

    Go for it, if your and his family supports this idea and would love to be part of it, forget etiquette, and the ones who are concerned about it, well... screw them.  Good luck with it and congratulations on your wedding!
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    We are doing a small (8 person) ceramony as well. 3 months after engagement. We are not registering as I dont feel it's fair to ask for gifts from people we are not inviting to the wedding.
    We are having a party afterward.
    We are also doing a renewal but In his home country and in january. There we are just doing a  beach deal, no fancy wedding stuff there either, no registry or anything either.
    In our case the wedding here is for avoiding the ropes we have to jump to get married overseas and because we are paying for it ourselves it would be small wither we did it in 3 months or 2 years. we are saving every penny for the honeymoon/ renewal trip. The renewl is for his family there and will be simple and just clubbing afterward just like here.

    I think the basic rule is there is only one wedding day. So when it is and how it will be is totally up to you. But the renewal is just that. I personally would concider it tacky if i got a renewal registry list or was expected to treat it as their first wedding. That is just my honest opinion.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_rushed-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:5Discussion:7e3a5251-d686-47a4-80b2-757f81457de1Post:f406f4c2-3624-46c7-a965-2d40461e06a0">Re: Rushed Wedding</a>:
    [QUOTE]WOW!  People are kind of being really mean here.  You all do not know the circumstances as to why they had to rush the actual ceremony.  Maybe someone is in the military?  Maybe someone has severe health problems?  I say do whatever you like.  If I were in that situation, I would throw a reception with cake, food, favors, gifts etc...  Several people do private ceremonies or even beach destination weddings and then have the reception when they get back.  Weddings are about your pledging your love to your future spouse and celebrating with friends and family.  Doing a vow renewal in front of those who weren't able to attend the actual wedding is a nice idea.  If my family member wasn't able to invite me to the first one or just ran out of time, I would appreciate a chance to celebrate with them.  Those who have a problem with it, shouldn't attend.     Trix1223, you sound like a bitter old married woman who has nothing better to do that to post on theknot.com.<strong>  Get off your couch, brush off the McDonalds crumbs and get a life.
    </strong>Posted by sjshank[/QUOTE]

    Sorry, you were calling other posters here mean?  Trix has a lot of posts.  That means she's been around a long time.  You might want to try listening to her.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_rushed-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:5Discussion:7e3a5251-d686-47a4-80b2-757f81457de1Post:9afe32e7-957c-4884-a828-a03879e35f9c">Re: Rushed Wedding</a>:
    [QUOTE]Who cares for ettiquete? If their family wants to do that, they will. Of course now she won't be a ''bride''.. she's married already, but if she still wants to do whatever a ''bride'' does... she will. And thats it.  I'd say, do it.. of course, it'd be wise to do not act like a ''bride'', so I think some things you could skip, like bridal shower, etc.. but you could focus on the reception, focus on celebrate and I bet it'll look great.  For an example, I'll marry in U.S because I HAVE TO, I'm going for a fianceé visa, so once I get there, I have to get married, we'll have a small ceremony/reception to celebrate with my in-laws and american friends. BUT as soon as I get back in Brazil for a vacation, (where I come from), I'll have a vow renewal (like people here call it, but for us there it still a wedding), with everything for my family and friends there to celebrate with us. F*** etiquette, that doesn't pay for your joy, happiness of sharing that moment, even though it'll be a little late, with your loved ones.  In my country, I don't know about U.S or wherever... a couple that lives together for years, and never had a legal marriage (they're even considered married after living together for 2 years), if they decide to LEGALLY marry .. and the ''bride'' and ''groom'' wants to have a wedding, with everything, they will.. white dress, etc.. even if they have kids, it'll be like they want and thats it.  Go for it, if your and his family supports this idea and would love to be part of it, forget etiquette, and the ones who are concerned about it, well... screw them.  Good luck with it and congratulations on your wedding!
    Posted by MattNCarol[/QUOTE]

    if you want to f*** etiquette then you clearly don't care what a bunch of internet strangers have to say about it.  but the OP asked and people responded accordingly.  she sounds lovely.   you sound entitled.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_rushed-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:7e3a5251-d686-47a4-80b2-757f81457de1Post:f406f4c2-3624-46c7-a965-2d40461e06a0">Re: Rushed Wedding</a>:
    [QUOTE]WOW!  People are kind of being really mean here.  You all do not know the circumstances as to why they had to rush the actual ceremony.  Maybe someone is in the military?  Maybe someone has severe health problems?  I say do whatever you like.  If I were in that situation, I would throw a reception with cake, food, favors, gifts etc...  Several people do private ceremonies or even beach destination weddings and then have the reception when they get back.  Weddings are about your pledging your love to your future spouse and celebrating with friends and family.  Doing a vow renewal in front of those who weren't able to attend the actual wedding is a nice idea.  If my family member wasn't able to invite me to the first one or just ran out of time, I would appreciate a chance to celebrate with them.  Those who have a problem with it, shouldn't attend.     Trix1223, you sound like a bitter old married woman who has nothing better to do that to post on theknot.com.  Get off your couch, brush off the McDonalds crumbs and get a life.
    Posted by sjshank[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>Wow!</div><div>
    </div><div>That is one of the nastiest, most aggressive personal attacks I've ever seen on this board.  You should be ashamed of yourself.  I've reported you, and I hope others do the same.  This level of attack has no place on these boards, and you should be banned for it.  At the very least, you owe Trix an apology.  That is not acceptable behavior.</div><div>
    </div><div>But to answer the OP, you're already married.  No one is entitled to a big fancy wedding.  Part of being an adult, and old enough to be married, means dealing with the fact that adulthood comes with hard decisions.  Getting married last week meant that your wedding had to be parents only, and it meant that you have forgone the large wedding.  If you want to have a party, that's fine.  You should be able to put something nice together in a month, and it will make perfect sense.  But there is no do over when things didn't go your way.  If you try to have a fake wedding or a "vow renewal" next year, you are going to look like a spoiled child, and you are going to make your friends and family think less of you.  Don't be that girl.  
    </div>
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_rushed-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:7e3a5251-d686-47a4-80b2-757f81457de1Post:9afe32e7-957c-4884-a828-a03879e35f9c">Re: Rushed Wedding</a>:
    [QUOTE]Who cares for ettiquete? If their family wants to do that, they will. Of course now she won't be a ''bride''.. she's married already, but if she still wants to do whatever a ''bride'' does... she will. And thats it.  I'd say, do it.. of course, it'd be wise to do not act like a ''bride'', so I think some things you could skip, like bridal shower, etc.. but you could focus on the reception, focus on celebrate and I bet it'll look great.  <strong>For an example, I'll marry in U.S because I HAVE TO, I'm going for a fianceé visa, so once I get there, I have to get married, we'll have a small ceremony/reception to celebrate with my in-laws and american friends</strong>. BUT as soon as I get back in Brazil for a vacation, (where I come from), I'll have a vow renewal (like people here call it, but for us there it still a wedding), with everything for my family and friends there to celebrate with us. F*** etiquette, that doesn't pay for your joy, happiness of sharing that moment, even though it'll be a little late, with your loved ones.  In my country, I don't know about U.S or wherever... a couple that lives together for years, and never had a legal marriage (they're even considered married after living together for 2 years), if they decide to LEGALLY marry .. and the ''bride'' and ''groom'' wants to have a wedding, with everything, they will.. white dress, etc.. even if they have kids, it'll be like they want and thats it.  Go for it, if your and his family supports this idea and would love to be part of it, forget etiquette, and the ones who are concerned about it, well... screw them.  Good luck with it and congratulations on your wedding!
    Posted by MattNCarol[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>Wow, admitting immigration fraud on an international message board is a GREAT idea. </div><div>
    </div><div>Do us Americans a favor and stay in Brazil if you're hell-bent on "F***ing etiquette."  We prefer polite people around here. Good luck to you. </div><div>
    </div>
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    jrkjpfjrkjpf member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    Anyone make the call to immigration?

    Who are you to judge the life I live? I know I'm not perfect and I don't live to be. But, before you start pointing fingers, make sure your hands are clean. -Bob Marley

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    It's amazing how people can be rude. I didn't type my previous post talking about any of you. And who said I'm admitting immigration fraud here? I'm far from that, and was explaning why I have to get married in the U.S, if who said that this is an immigration fraud read a little more about visas, about the process instead of going nuts because of one post, in ''an international board'' would understand what I meant and what MILLIONS of couples goes through to be finally together in your ''lovely'' country, I don't have to explain all of that because I don't work for USCIS, I'll make you a favor yes.. and ignore rude comments direct to me, especially because I didn't offend/insult anybody, different that others, so I don't think getting into an argument over internet is something smart... But sorry if somebody out there got all ''insulted''... 

     What I meant with my post was, nobody here will tell her what to do, she asked for opinion but she may not use that. And if she's not even reading ours replies and already decided to make a big ''vow renewal''?.. all of this for nothing. And yes, f*** etiquette.. if you're in love and HAS to marry, whatever is your reason to rush, I bet most of you'd still want the same.. a beautiful ceremony and reception, your family and friends with you to celebrate, a white dress... if you want to marry, of course we dream about all of that. Since when say my opinion - when everybody does the same-  turned into immigration fraud, or into a personal insult? Think before you decide to go crazy on somebody. And the person who wants to call immigration, do me a favor.. request them to expedite our petition because I miss my honey so bad, so they'll approve it and I'll be able to marry my best friend. 

    Anyway, good luck to you all. 


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    pinklo9pinklo9 member
    First Comment
    I think it depends on your preferences- I went to my friend's reception and she had a "private ceremony" the night before with only family and a couple local friends.  The next day she wore her dress, registered, gave favors, everything. I did not feel bad buying her gifts.  I am getting married in Italy and wanted to throw "a party" when I got back for people and they all said it is an "at home reception" and we were eventually talked into doing a second ceremony for people. They asked if we were doing a registry and we said no that most people that get married privately don't do this it is bad etiquette. ALL family, and suprisingly ALL friends said that they very much wanted to get us presents, treat this like a "normal" wedding and would prefer a registry so they know we want stuff.  We tried to decline again feeling bad and we already own our house and have most of our stuff- they argued that we bought the house 2 years ago same month I graduated grad school and was 23- and have basic things.  They said we should request things that are extra nice and want upgraded.  They also know we do home renovations all the time so GCs to Home Depot are appreciated. The biggest difference in my situation is that our "at home reception" would be immediately coming back from Italy (will probably still be jetlagged lol)
    I guess my advice is for this person to bounce it around her family and know that many people are doing things differently now and to not feel bad about it- if it doesn't make them uncomfortable then don't feel bad. FSIL is copying us and getting married in Costa Rica then having an at home event in NJ.  I say the best policy is never to EXPECT gifts and some people may not care to attend because they view you are already married but whatever.  I feel a registry is probably inappropriate in this situation as it will be much later from when you get married so you won't want to feel like your doing it for gifts- but expect many people may want to get you something (they may already have or in the process of shopping right now).  Good luck!
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    AllisaurusRexAllisaurusRex member
    First Comment
    edited May 2011
    IIn Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_rushed-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:5Discussion:7e3a5251-d686-47a4-80b2-757f81457de1Post:6ba72e4b-a9b1-4c89-87da-60aaa687f45e">Re: Rushed Wedding</a>:
    [QUOTE]I think it depends on your preferences- I went to my friend's reception and she had a "private ceremony" the night before with only family and a couple local friends.  The next day she wore her dress, registered, gave favors, everything. I did not feel bad buying her gifts.  I am getting married in Italy and wanted to throw "a party" when I got back for people and they all said it is an "at home reception" and we were eventually talked into doing a second ceremony for people. They asked if we were doing a registry and we said no that most people that get married privately don't do this it is bad etiquette. ALL family, and suprisingly ALL friends said that they very much wanted to get us presents, treat this like a "normal" wedding and would prefer a registry so they know we want stuff.  We tried to decline again feeling bad and we already own our house and have most of our stuff- they argued that we bought the house 2 years ago same month I graduated grad school and was 23- and have basic things.  They said we should request things that are extra nice and want upgraded.  They also know we do home renovations all the time so GCs to Home Depot are appreciated. The biggest difference in my situation is that our "at home reception" would be immediately coming back from Italy (will probably still be jetlagged lol) I guess my advice is for this person to bounce it around her family and know that many people are doing things differently now and to not feel bad about it- if it doesn't make them uncomfortable then don't feel bad. FSIL is copying us and getting married in Costa Rica then having an at home event in NJ.  I say the best policy is never to EXPECT gifts and some people may not care to attend because they view you are already married but whatever.  I feel a registry is probably inappropriate in this situation as it will be much later from when you get married so you won't want to feel like your doing it for gifts- but expect many people may want to get you something (they may already have or in the process of shopping right now).  Good luck!
    Posted by pinklo9[/QUOTE]

    Agreed. I am doing a vow renewal and reception on what will be our 1 year anniversay (it will actually be 2 days after because our anniversary does not fall on a weekend). We weren't going to at all, but our families have insisted. I think as long as it is kept small and everyone is aware that it is in fact a vow renewal, and certain wedding traditions are omitted, it can be done tastefully.

    OP, to answer your questions, it is not proper etiquette to have attendants. However, we are having a best man and matron of honor because they were witnesses at our actual wedding so we feel that it is fitting. There sould be no showers or bachelorette party, however you may have some kind of get-together instead of a shower as long as it is made clear that it not a shower and gifts are not expected. In PP's case I would not be offended by her registering for gifts. However, if there is any length of time between the wedding and the celebration, I would not register even if people say they want to give you gifts. If they insist on giving a gift and don't know what to get you, they will give cash or a gift card. I agree that registering for gifts looks too grabby in this situation. I think the reception can be wedding-like, but I would omit the bouquet toss and garter toss. I see no problem with the cake cutting, but I know some people do. And instead of a first dance, you can do a "showccase" dance using the song that you would have chosen as your first dance, so long as it is appropriate (as in not blatantly about getting married, being newlyweds, etc.). And do not refer to yourself as bride and groom. H and I are using "the Mr. and Mrs." instead of "the bride and groom". There are tons of great vow renewal resources on the web if you just google it, including how to word your invitations and things like that.

    ETA: If you do choose to have attendants, do not expect them to pay for their own dress or tux. You should foot the bill for that.

    And for what it's worth, I don't think any of your family or friends will think that you're silly for having a vow renewal. My guess is that they would all love to take part in something like that, especially those who were unable to witness the real thing. And if there is anyone in your life who would side-eye you for doing what makes you happy, then they don't deserve to be there simple as that. Those who truly care for you and your H will be nothing but happy for you. Good luck and happy planning!
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