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Wedding Reception Forum
ammorgan111487
member
Elopement Reception
My husband and I eloped January 2nd. We sent announcements out the same day and people received them days later. We put, Reception to come.... On the announcements. Our reception or I guess party is going to be June 22nd. We decided to wait until then because weather in Indiana is pretty unpredictable and we are planning an backyard bbq. Im not sure how to word our invites to our reception? Or how the etiquette should be? Do we have a cake? Help
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Elopement Reception
I have to say most events like b-day parties, anniversaries, office retirement parties, whatever the guest of honor "cuts the cake" in a ceremonial-picture-taking way. I don't see why this should be any different.
just my 2 cents
[QUOTE]Lyndausvi, I don't mean just cutting the cake, There is the little ceremony of the "bride" feeding the "groom" a bite of cake, and then visa-versa. It is supposed to be symbolic of their new shared life together. This isn't for people who have been married for some time. Serving cake, or just cutting it isn't a problem. The cake shouldn't have a bride and groom on top of it, or be an obvious wedding cake, though. It's all about the symbolism - just like the big white dress is symbolic of a bride. <strong>Personally, I would rather have New York Cheesecake</strong> or chocolate mousse!
Posted by CMGr[/QUOTE]
My wedding cake is going to be cheesecake for sure. Cheesecake is one of the best things that has ever happened to me.
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Elopement Reception : My wedding cake is going to be cheesecake for sure. Cheesecake is one of the best things that has ever happened to me.
Posted by beardownbchs[/QUOTE]
A friend of mine had cheesecake at her wedding. I was there with my mom because my FI at the time wasn't invited and it was a plane ride away. I somehow got roped into attending the guest book and cutting and serving the cake. The cheesecakes were warm. It took me and the brides sister a couple hours to cut it and serve it. It was so obnoxious.
I guess my point is if you have cheesecake, have the caterer or someone cut it and make sure it's really cold.
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Elopement Reception : A friend of mine had cheesecake at her wedding. I was there with my mom because my FI at the time wasn't invited and it was a plane ride away. I somehow got roped into attending the guest book and cutting and serving the cake. The cheesecakes were warm. It took me and the brides sister a couple hours to cut it and serve it. It was so obnoxious. I guess my point is if you have cheesecake, have the caterer or someone cut it and make sure it's really cold.
Posted by misshart00[/QUOTE]
Good point - thanks!
And I will FOR SURE not give anyone a job! :)
you eloped. you lose the 'reception' right.
you can haave a party but it's not awedding reception. and come on-most of the country has crap weather in january and the rest of fall/winter/spring and people still have weddings all the time. that's no excuse.
you do not get gifts. you do not do a registry. you do not wear a white dress or your DH a tux, you do not hav ea wedding cake or favors.
otherwise, to make it FAR less gift-grabby, throw a 1 year anniversary party.
I think you should be able to do whatever you want it shouldn’t matter how you got married if you want a wedding reception you should have one and you should be able to do a registry and have a wedding cake. It is your reception and your life not anyone else’s, I wouldn’t let peoples opinions on here sway you do what you want.
[QUOTE]I think you should be able to do whatever you want it shouldn’t matter how you got married if you want a wedding reception you should have one and you should be able to do a registry and have a wedding cake. It is your reception and your life not anyone else’s, I wouldn’t let peoples opinions on here sway you do what you want.
Posted by kimsola90[/QUOTE]
This is the most ridiculous advice ever. No one is trying to rain on OP's parade and play etiquette police just for the fun of it. They are trying to HELP OP so that she A) doesn't piss off her guests and B) doesn't look stupid.
Registering for a party to celebrate a marriage you had 6 months before SCREAMS "I didn't want you to see me get married, but I want your gifts!"
If I can throw a wedding reception anytime I want, without it being on my wedding day, doesn't that kind of diminish the importance of a wedding reception? In theory, couldn't anyone, married or not, whatever, throw a "wedding reception", because hey, it's my life and I can do what I want?
The point is... OP is already married. She already had a wedding. There's nothing wrong with having a kicka** party to celebrate her marriage, but it's not a wedding reception anymore because the wedding is long over. And she's not a BRIDE anymore!
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If someone wants to buy you a gift, there's nothing wrong with accepting it. That's fine. We just said don't register.
And everything else you said sounds fine. Like all the pps said, there's nothing wrong with celebrating with a party, you just don't call it a "Reception". A wedding reception is called such because it is when the bride and groom "receive" their guests after the ceremony.
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[QUOTE]Wow is all I have to say. A bunch of our soon to be guests have already asked where we are registered and if we are going to register. I dont plan on registering any where but im not going to snub away gifts. I know I had a wedding and we chose to elope. I did this because of anxiety issues and the fact that we both didnt see the point in a huge wedding. Our parents agreed that our elpoment was okay as long as they could be present and could throw us a wedding receptiion. Im not dumb enough to wear a wedding dress if I wanted to do that I would have had a traditonal wedding. But my family would like to celebrate our marriage. And yes weather is pretty much crappy anywhere in January. But to have a reception outside in january would be ridicoulus. We didnt want to rent anything, if we were gonna rent something then we would have just had guests and the ceremony there. So we decided to have a reception in the summer outside, so it would be little cost. And cake i dont even know if we will have cake it was just a question. We are more than likely going to have a smore's bar. Thanks for the "advice" if thats what you want to call it.
Posted by ammorgan111487[/QUOTE]
You can have a wonderful party to celebrate your marriage. If your family and friends are asking where you are registered, then register.
[QUOTE]Wow is all I have to say. A bunch of our soon to be guests have already asked where we are registered and if we are going to register. I dont plan on registering any where but im not going to snub away gifts. I know I had a wedding and we chose to elope. I did this because of anxiety issues and the fact that we both didnt see the point in a huge wedding. Our parents agreed that our elpoment was okay as long as they could be present and could throw us a wedding receptiion. Im not dumb enough to wear a wedding dress if I wanted to do that I would have had a traditonal wedding. But my family would like to celebrate our marriage. And yes weather is pretty much crappy anywhere in January. But to have a reception outside in january would be ridicoulus. We didnt want to rent anything, if we were gonna rent something then we would have just had guests and the ceremony there. So we decided to have a reception in the summer outside, so it would be little cost. And cake i dont even know if we will have cake it was just a question. We are more than likely going to have a smore's bar<strong>. Thanks for the "advice" if thats what you want to call it.
</strong>Posted by ammorgan111487[/QUOTE]
It was advice, honest advice. You don't get a reception, you don't register, you don't get a shower. None, na da. You eloped, your wedding day is O-V-E-R! You can have the big "celebrate our marriage" party, but like everyone said it is NOT a reception!
You asked for advice, you asked for help. You got proper advice and help. Because it is not what YOU wanted to hear, your now going to be rude to people? Grow up.</div>
[QUOTE]I do not get the "no cake cutting" ceremony. I have to say most events like b-day parties, anniversaries, office retirement parties, whatever the guest of honor "cuts the cake" in a ceremonial-picture-taking way. I don't see why this should be any different. just my 2 cents
Posted by lyndausvi[/QUOTE]
This 100% and I agree that this is a silly thing to focus on. The victim in this crime is whom? The people who have to eat the cake? How exactly is anyone hurt or insulted if the couple feeds each other? Really? Sometimes this stuff just gets taken too far. I would be HOPING there would be a wedding cake but I happen to love the stuff.
It happened to me the other day, caused me to feel like I had to defend myself (which I did) and it took me overnight to be able to get past that and process fully what people were trying to tell me. I believe the advice was sound and that my initial position on the topic was wrong so I'm thankful for the commentary. I'm not sure that anyone is rude, it's just the delivery and assumptions that were made that made it hard to appreciate the content of the message.
In this case, OP was asking how to word the invites, whether she should have a cake, and what the etiquette is concerning the event....I don't think she realized how open-ended a question about "etiquette" is or how much commentary she was inviting with it....but a comment like "don't you dare wear a wedding dress" comes across negatively and I think people got hung up on her misuse of the word "reception" which is not what she's having.
I echo most of what people say regarding verbage and etiquette, but I think it is okay to accept gifts and I think it is also okay to do the cake you want and feed it to each other if you feel it is appropriate with your family and friends. I went to a fantastic BBQ Marriage Celebration in the summer once and they had a cake and fed each other. It may not always be appropriate but we applauded it at our gathering.
You'll never be subject to a cash bar, gap, potluck wedding, or b-list if you marry a Muppet Overlord.
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Elopement Reception : This is the most ridiculous advice ever. No one is trying to rain on OP's parade and play etiquette police just for the fun of it. They are trying to HELP OP so that she A) doesn't piss off her guests and B) doesn't look stupid. Registering for a party to celebrate a marriage you had 6 months before SCREAMS "I didn't want you to see me get married, but I want your gifts!" If I can throw a wedding reception anytime I want, without it being on my wedding day, doesn't that kind of diminish the importance of a wedding reception? In theory, couldn't anyone, married or not, whatever, throw a "wedding reception", because hey, it's my life and I can do what I want? The point is... OP is already married. She already had a wedding. There's nothing wrong with having a kicka** party to celebrate her marriage, but it's not a wedding reception anymore because the wedding is long over. And she's not a BRIDE anymore!
Posted by monkeysip[/QUOTE]<div> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:11pt;font-family:Arial;color:#181818;"> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><font color="#000000"><span style="font-size:11pt;font-family:Arial;">It doesn’t necessarily mean that you don’t want them at the wedding; maybe there isn’t enough time for a formal wedding. For example my fiancé is a Marine being deployed to Afghanistan in October 2013 until May 2014 so we are not going to have time to have a formal wedding. It's not that we don’t want people there its just we don’t have time to plan out a formal wedding and we do not want to wait to get Married until after his deployment. We are not having a wedding reception just a party to celebrate our marriage but I think that if OP wants to cut the cake or do a first dance, or accept gifts people offer her etc. Then she should be able to that is all I'm saying. It is just my opinion/ advice, there is no reason to attack me and call it stupid. </span><span style="font-size:11pt;font-family:Verdana;"></span></font></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:11pt;font-family:Verdana;"> </span></p> </div><div>
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[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Elopement Reception: Be sure and come back in a few years to let us know how the "do whatever you want and screw everyone else" method works in the rest of your life.
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]
<div>I am just saying that to do whatever she wishes to do, that is how I live my life and so far it has worked out pretty well. I'm sorry that you don't like this advice and choose to live your life on how other people think you should but there is no reason to be rude.</div>
[QUOTE]In the few days I've been posting again on the Knot, my overall feeling is that a lot of posts are written in a such a way that can make a poster feel very defensive. People ask a question and get a lot of feedback that is seemingly heavy in assumption and opinion. When others provide contrasting thoughts, they seem to be attacked for it. It happened to me the other day, caused me to feel like I had to defend myself (which I did) and it took me overnight to be able to get past that and process fully what people were trying to tell me. I believe the advice was sound and that my initial position on the topic was wrong so I'm thankful for the commentary. I'm not sure that anyone is rude, it's just the delivery and assumptions that were made that made it hard to appreciate the content of the message. In this case, OP was asking how to word the invites, whether she should have a cake, and what the etiquette is concerning the event....I don't think she realized how open-ended a question about "etiquette" is or how much commentary she was inviting with it....but a comment like " don't you dare wear a wedding dress" comes across negatively and I think people got hung up on her misuse of the word "reception" which is not what she's having. I echo most of what people say regarding verbage and etiquette, but I think it is okay to accept gifts and I think it is also okay to do the cake you want and feed it to each other if you feel it is appropriate with your family and friends. I went to a fantastic BBQ Marriage Celebration in the summer once and they had a cake and fed each other. It may not always be appropriate but we applauded it at our gathering.
Posted by BritniLeigh[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:11pt;font-family:Arial;color:#181818;">I agree with you. I just began posting on this website too like CMGr pointed out. I'm not sure I want to continue posting. My first post was on this form and people attacked me for stating my opinion and I also feel like I have to defend myself. People do come across rude even if that is not their intent, the way they word things like "don’t you dare wear a dress" seems very rude. I think there are ways to give someone advice without sounding rude like "maybe it is not a good idea to wear a dress."</span></p>
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I do hope that people welcome a variety of opinions and comments and can be respectful of them, even if in disagreement.
With that said, i meant to disagree with the comment about not having favors. I'm a big favor person...I have favors for my all of my parties from Christmas to Murder Mystery to Housewarming... I see no reason not to have favors for wedding celebrations.
You'll never be subject to a cash bar, gap, potluck wedding, or b-list if you marry a Muppet Overlord.
Posts that are cruel, rather than very blunt, are extremely rare. There are sometimes posts from BBs screaming that they feel sorry for our FIs before they GBCK, but I don't think people take those seriously.
And for the point I was going to make, I understand having party in June so it could be outside. It would seem weird and confusing to me to go to one year anniversary party in a rented indoor space, like the couple was trying to make it in to something more than an outdoor BBQ would be.
My point was to give insight regarding how responders come across and why posters react defensively.
You'll never be subject to a cash bar, gap, potluck wedding, or b-list if you marry a Muppet Overlord.
You'll never be subject to a cash bar, gap, potluck wedding, or b-list if you marry a Muppet Overlord.
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Elopement Reception : It doesn’t necessarily mean that you don’t want them at the wedding; maybe there isn’t enough time for a formal wedding. For example my fiancé is a Marine being deployed to Afghanistan in October 2013 until May 2014 so we are not going to have time to have a formal wedding. It's not that we don’t want people there its just we don’t have time to plan out a formal wedding and we do not want to wait to get Married until after his deployment. We are not having a wedding reception just a party to celebrate our marriage but I think that if OP wants to cut the cake or do a first dance, or accept gifts people offer her etc. Then she should be able to that is all I'm saying. It is just my opinion/ advice, there is no reason to attack me and call it stupid.
Posted by kimsola90[/QUOTE]
Seriously time is not a valid reason. When my fiancées niece got pregnant her family thru together a very nice ceremony and reception in 3 weeks. Lots of brides have ton it in a couple months or less.
You'll never be subject to a cash bar, gap, potluck wedding, or b-list if you marry a Muppet Overlord.
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Elopement Reception : Seriously time is not a valid reason. When my fiancées niece got pregnant her family thru together a very nice ceremony and reception in 3 weeks. Lots of brides have ton it in a couple months or less.
Posted by MsYeck[/QUOTE]
<div>Time is not a valid reason? I didnt realize I needed a valid reason lol. BUT in my defense im graduating college and getting married in the next few monthes on top of that my fiance is deploying plus we would like to live together for a few monthes before he leaves and that is not possible unless we are married according to the Marine Corps. Not that I should have to defend myself. We want to have a courthouse wedding and save money for other necessities. It would be us planning it all out not our families of course they would help but still it would be mostly us planning.</div>