Afterparty?

em01092

FI really wants an afterparty, but I never envisioned us having one. He insists that he had more fun at all the afterparties he attended as a GM than the reception, since it was mostly just the WP (brides and grooms included) and no kids, parents, etc. It was always low-key, in someone's hotel room, hanging over the balcony... 
Also most of the WP were close friends, an important element missing with our BMs and GMs, as none of them are friends. Not that we couldn't get along, but  I just don't think it would be the same.
 Another reason I am opposed to this is it would mean we'd have to stay at the same hotel as the WP and our OOT family, whereas we planned on staying at a bed and breakfast, just something a little more classy than the EconoLodge and away from my immature relatives that would bang on our door and make animal sounds in the middle of the night (it happened at my cousin's wedding). The B&B has a midnight "curfew" since it is someone's house, and our reception ends at 10, leaving us 2 hours to get in, but this would mean someone would have to stay sober and drive us back to the B&B, because there is no taxi service in the small town we are getting married in. I have considered driving us, because I don't plan on drinking much at the reception anyway, and could just not drink at the afterparty so FI can have his fun. 
I just feel bad saying no because he is not opinionated about anything wedding related and this one thing seems to mean a lot to him, but it just is not what I had in mind. 
So what do you think? Yay or nay?

aegrish

I would definitely express my dis-interest in an after party if I felt strongly about it.  Plus hanging over the balcony does not sound safe!  You don't feel comfortable telling you FI to save the after party for someone else's wedding?  After all it is YOUR wedding night too.

SD3194

If you're not a big partier then I wouldn't really worry too much about having an after party. If people want to keep the party going they will most likely keep drinking at their hotel or hit up a local bar.

The only after parties I've been to have been at a bar or a hotel lobby. The bride and groom always attended because they WANTED to. If you don't want to party past 10pm, you don't have to.

The most fun weddings I've been to are the ones where everyone is still partying late into the night, so I'm with your FI on this one. A lot of people are just getting started at 10pm.

cschuma2

We didn't do any sort of afterparty and I'm quite glad.  It was nice to get back to our hotel room and enjoy some time together before we were both too exhausted to enjoy it.  It was really the first time all day that we were able to really just sit down and enjoy being married and talk about anything that day.

I know it's his wedding too and I do think you should listen to his opinion.  However, it doesn't hurt to try and persurade!  I don't know how your FI is, but if I asked DH if he wanted to spend time with friends or have alone time in the bedroom... the bedroom wins everytime.  Has your FI thought this through? 

em01092

@aegrish: Oh yes, I expressed my disinterest! We have already discussed it but really didn't come to a decision. He wants me to give it some thought, so I thought I'd ask around on here and see. I told him not to get his hopes up, but that I would mull it over. Like cschuma said, its his wedding too, so I am trying to respect his wants, but not to the point where I'm doing something I really won't have fun doing. 

@SD: Its not that I'm not a big partier, because 9 times out of 10 I have to drag FI anywhere or be the one inviting people over to throw down, but I guess I just thought of my wedding being different. I only plan on drinking one, maybe 2 drinks and then going back to the B&B to do our thing and finally be alone. 

@cschuma: Hahaha yes, I mentioned this to him but says we'd have plenty of time for that after we got back around midnight. =D I guess he is right, but I'm with you on having some down time and being able to unwind. 

NOLAbridealmost

I wouldn't do one if this is how you feel about it. 

Out of curiosity, why aren't your close friends in the WP?  Is it all family?  You could always have an after-party with just close friends and not the WP....just keep it on the down low. 

minkeuwedding

If this is the only thing he feels strongly about, I'd try to make it happen.  My FI REALLY wants an after party.  Our wedding ends at 12, but he's African and in his culture, they have weddings until 6 or 7 a.m.  Actually, their regular parties last this long as well..eh. 

I could really care less about having one, but I know that's the one thing that he REALLY wants, so I'm game.  The only catch is, I told him I refuse to plan it. :-) 

gnome292

Does your venue offer any option to stay open late? Our vendor let us stay until 1am, so we just kept the bar open and had the after party there. It was really great...I totally recommend it. We had a midnight mashed potato bar and got to spend more time with all of our friends from out of town.

One thing I learned from my wedding was the day will ABSOLUTELY FLY BY! I couldn't believe how quickly it was all over. That extra time was so important to us! And we had a lot more fun at the after party.

Also, for me an after party meant...another dress! Short, white, strapless and chiffon (and an a-line, all lace, sweetheart neckline w/ cap sleeves and back cut out for the wedding).

Anyway, an after party may not be for you, but it's definitely worth considering!

em01092

@NOLAbride: They are our close friends, but what I meant was they are not close with each other. I am 8 years younger than my FI, so we sort of have different circles. None of them have ever met, just because all of my friends are younger and in college where as most of his friends are married with kids. 

@Stagemanager: I think we will do that, just stay for a little while and be back before midnight. 

em01092

@gnome: We have our reception venue all day (we are not paying by the hour), so til midnight I assume, but that isn't really the issue.  Its getting in the B&B by midnight since it is someone's home. We were planning on the reception ending at 10, since that is when the DJ will leave, and most of our guests will want to head out before then anyway since a lot of them have a drive and won't be staying the night. I guess I could talk to him about doing something at the bar at the venue, but I also sort of wanted to do the send off with sparklers. =/

 FI just wants to have something small, like WP and close friends only, back at the EconoLodge where some of the WP will be staying, and then we'd go back to the B&B. However, 2 of his GMs have small children and probably won't even be staying in town that night since they only live about 30 mins away. One of my BMs has a child, my RB, and will not want to be up late partying. My other BMs and MOH have said they will all probably be exhausted from the busy day and want bed. Its mainly just 2 of FIs GMs who want to throw down. So it would be us, the two GMs without kids, maybe a few of my BMs, and maybe one or two other couples who were not in the WP but who might be game to party. 

em01092

He says he likes the bar idea. I don't have to have a send off. So maybe we will just welcome anyone still hanging around at 10 into the bar area and then leave by 11:30-45 so we're in by 12. Crisis averted. Thanks ladies!