My fiance has hideous taste!

Barbiiieee

Obviously, I love my fiance beyond words. He is the most amazing person I have ever known and he 100 percent completes me. That said, we are polar opposites. I am very feminine and traditional while he is wild and crass and heavy metal. Those are things I love about him every day, and I am absolutely thrilled to be marrying him.

That being said, I genuinely thought he would be a hands off kind of groom. Like, I would just let him know when and where to show up. Of course I am well aware it is his wedding day as well as mine, and I want him to have an amazing day, but he has really come up with ideas that I really can not handle. I try to be polite and hear him out and then come up with ways to tone his ideas down, but I just don't know how to mesh my very traditional white wedding style with his wild ideas that fall somewhere between a metal fest, a frat party and a renaissance fair.

Some of his ideas have been like this:
Him wearing some kind of outfit including a cape that looks like the The Phantom of the Opera and Jack the Ripper had a vampire baby.
His death metal band playing the reception which as much as I support him playing music, his mother alone would not sit through it
A keg party type reception
His groomsmen in chain mail, etc..

I absolutely do not want to sound like a bridezilla, but there's just no way! I do want him to have a good time, and we have many younger friends that I would also like to have a good time, but I would also like our parents and grandparents and everyone to have good time as well.

Do you girls have any suggestions on how to rein his ideas in without making him feel like our wedding will be all about just me?

jessicabessica

Some of his ideas do sound a little out there, I will agree with you on that.  Can you think of ways to include him and incorporate his tastes?  For example, when you are introduced, let him pick the song, and if he wants death metal, go with it for the intro music (or maybe he could walk down the aisle to it).  Think about how he can incorporate his tastes into a suit or tux--a tie, a creative boutonniere, etc.  

On some othe aspects of it, I think you just need to talk to him about your guests--what will make them comfortable, since the reception is really to thank them for witnessing the ceremony.  I think that it would be AWish to play at his own reception, just my opinion, nevermind the other issues.  Has he thought about the logistics of having a keg party with your older relatives around?  

ETA: Also, have you checked out off-beat bride (a blog/message board community)?  You might want to take a look at that site, and maybe even have him join, too, since it sounds like he is pretty into planning.  You may find some good examples of people who have tastefully incorporated ideas like his into their weddings.  

angelsong21

I think jessicabessica gave you some great ideas here.  I think incorporating his tastes in more subtle ways is perfect -- bouts, groom's cake (if you're having one), some awesome cufflinks that suit his style, the song he walks down the aisle to, etc.  All really good choices.  I agree that a wedding reception typically is not the most appropriate place for a metal band.  Chainmail... first thing that stuck out to me is, "DANG, that would be heavy," lol.

gmcr78

Get on over to the Offbeat Brides board, under Wedding Theme Boards on the left of this page.  Lots of the ladies over there can give you some ideas of how you can incorporate his ideas in a more subtle and tasteful way. 
For instance, let him go crazy with the cake, or incorporate something into the favors. 
There are definitely ways you guys can compromise without it being too heavy handed in either direction.
Good luck!

TKzilla

If possible, maybe throw a metal/kegger AFTER party. Once the older relatives have gone to bed, let the boys break out into chain mail (I mean really? That made me giggle!) and do some keg stands. His band can even do a short set at the party.

I'm also a member of Offbeat Brides and they have some pretty fantastic ideas. Let him wear a cool tie and a "metal" bout, and surprise him with an awesome groom's cake. The cape? Maybe nix that idea!

Magdala9

The trick is to channel his ideas:  

One friend recessed (exited) to a metal version of Pachelbel's Canon in D.  Classic wedding music in a metal version that totally reflected her groom but still was wedding appropriate.

Another friend used metal mini swords mixed with flowers as the boutineres for her groom and groomemen.  Her groom fences in his free time.

One groom I know wanted a steampunk top hat for the wedding.  The bride said to pick one that goes with your tux.  They looked great together.

Another (guy) friend wanted to add touches of anime to the centerpieces.  His bride channelled that idea to a grooms cake. Very cool groom's cake in his favorite peanut butter and chocolate flavors that tasted amazing. 

kaos16

Compromise . . . . . .have the groomsmen wear chainmail ties!

http://bleudragon.deviantart.com/art/Chainmail-Tie-131221369

chalfacre

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_my-fianc-has-hideous-taste?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:9e5d3b9c-5c00-4026-a1a5-8b86a088b42bPost:ff43fbe1-20fe-4eff-8f79-d36c44d0a305">Re: My fiance has hideous taste!</a>:
[QUOTE]Compromise . . . . . .have the groomsmen wear chainmail ties! <a href="http://bleudragon.deviantart.com/art/Chainmail-Tie-131221369" rel="nofollow">http://bleudragon.deviantart.com/art/Chainmail-Tie-131221369</a>
Posted by kaos16[/QUOTE]<div>
this is a perfect idea!

</div>

Barbiiieee

You guys all had such great suggestions! We talked about it, and I think I managed not to hurt his feelings too much. I think he was looking at it as an excuse to throw a really expensive party. I think I got the point across that it is more a celebration of our love and a party to that people for coming, many of which are travelling hundreds (or thousands) of miles to see us. I generally dislike the idea of having a theme, but I think our compromise was to have a slight enchanted forest thing. I'm hoping to have it still look super elegant with just little hints of a theme. Like, lots of twinkle lights and our colors are going to be foresty green, deep purple and gold tones. We'll see how it turns out.

As for music... I think we both agreed there probably won't be a compromise and we are going to plan a metal afterparty.