Separate Ceremony & Reception Guest Invitations

maggielovesryan

I have a dilemma and need some help! For our wedding, my fiance and I are having only close family & friends for our ceremony and dinner, and inviting everyone else on our guest list to the reception and dance after. That means two separate sets of invitations for those invited to the whole thing (ceremony, dinner, reception) and those invited only to the reception. We are having trouble figuring out how to word the invitations for those invited only to the reception: we want to make it clear that they are invited to the reception only, but we also really don't want to offend anyone. Any suggestions?!

HobokensFury

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_separate-ceremony-reception-guest-invitations?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:bf17c986-06aa-4957-a599-f8bc561d9155Post:b07dd3fa-9cc1-4db0-849d-f44e1ffd89d8">Separate Ceremony & Reception Guest Invitations</a>:
[QUOTE]I have a dilemma and need some help! For our wedding, my fiance and I are having only close family & friends for our ceremony and dinner, and inviting everyone else on our guest list to the reception and dance after. That means two separate sets of invitations for those invited to the whole thing (ceremony, dinner, reception) and those invited only to the reception. We are having trouble figuring out how to word the invitations for those invited only to the reception: we want to make it clear that they are invited to the reception only, but we also really don't want to offend anyone. Any suggestions?!
Posted by maggielovesryan[/QUOTE]

Sorry but this is called a tiered reception and is an etiquette no no.  You can't find the right words because they don't exist. Essentially you're saying "hey you're good enough to give us a gift but not important enough to watch our ceremony or eat our food".  Seriously reconsider your plans.  You are going to hurt a lot of people's feelings.

Jen4948

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_separate-ceremony-reception-guest-invitations?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:bf17c986-06aa-4957-a599-f8bc561d9155Post:1c35d5cb-f380-4580-9413-7fa34767dd7d">Re: Separate Ceremony & Reception Guest Invitations</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Separate Ceremony & Reception Guest Invitations : Sorry but this is called a tiered reception and is an etiquette no no.  You can't find the right words because they don't exist. Essentially you're saying "hey you're good enough to give us a gift but not important enough to watch our ceremony or eat our food".  Seriously reconsider your plans.  You are going to hurt a lot of people's feelings.
Posted by HobokenBride2012[/QUOTE]

Actually, it is okay per etiquette to invite people to the reception who won't be invited to the ceremony-just not the other way around.

As long as everyone invited to the reception is invited to the <em>whole</em> reception-the meal, dancing, all of it-and no one is expected to leave and come back later, or some come only for dessert while others get a meal, you're still within the bounds of etiquette.

AddieCake

Define "close friends and family."  If you are having, let's say, 15-20 people attend the ceremony, well, ok. But if you're having more than that, it's kind of rude to basically say, "50 of our friends and family got to watch us actually get married,but YOU can come have dinner with us and hopefully bring us a gift." 

Also, you say the "whole thing" is  ceremony, dinner, reception,and then mention some are only invited to the reception. Do you mean those people are not invited to the dinner portion of the reception?  Because that would be rude. 

ETA: Went back and read your OP again, and yeah, it specifically says the close friends and family get dinner but the others don't. I missed the certainty of that on my first read. Nope. Not ok. 

HobokensFury

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_separate-ceremony-reception-guest-invitations?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:bf17c986-06aa-4957-a599-f8bc561d9155Post:7d4c98fd-509f-4d82-bb49-a220e42ff8c3">Re: Separate Ceremony & Reception Guest Invitations</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Separate Ceremony & Reception Guest Invitations : Actually, it is okay per etiquette to invite people to the reception who won't be invited to the ceremony-just not the other way around. As long as everyone invited to the reception is invited to the whole reception-the meal, dancing, all of it-and no one is expected to leave and come back later, or some come only for dessert while others get a meal, you're still within the bounds of etiquette.
Posted by Jen4948[/QUOTE]

From the OP it looks as though she's not planning on feeding all of the guests. She is counting dinner separately from the "reception" which is not ok.

beardownbchs

If you can only afford to properly host family and close friends, only invite those people.

You really should not (I'd like to say "cannot" but you can do whatever you want - however rude it may be) have a tiered wedding. This is tacky and extremely rude.

As PPs have said, if you're only having very close friends and family for the ceremony and then EVERYONE else later for the ENTIRE reception (including dinner), this is okay. But you cannot invite people to give you a gift and dance but not dinner.

I would rather not be invited to a wedding at all than only be invited to a fraction of it. Think about how this looks to your "guests".

Please, PLEASE reconsider this.

lyndausvi

tiered receptions are not okay.

Just have the close family and friends and call it a day.     People understand not everyone can be invited to a wedding.  Sure they might be disappointed, but they will quickly get over it.

AdeleDazeem

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_separate-ceremony-reception-guest-invitations?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:bf17c986-06aa-4957-a599-f8bc561d9155Post:7d4c98fd-509f-4d82-bb49-a220e42ff8c3">Re: Separate Ceremony & Reception Guest Invitations</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Separate Ceremony & Reception Guest Invitations : Actually, it is okay per etiquette to invite people to the reception who won't be invited to the ceremony-just not the other way around. As long as everyone invited to the reception is invited to the whole reception-the meal, dancing, all of it-and no one is expected to leave and come back later, or some come only for dessert while others get a meal, you're still within the bounds of etiquette.
Posted by Jen4948[/QUOTE]

Nope.  I disagree completely.

It is okay to have a SMALL ceremony of <15 people followed by a larger reception of 150 people where everyone is fed.  From the sounds of it, this isn't what the OP is planning.

Maggie0829

The reason you are having trouble figuring out the wording is because what you are planning is rude.

It is perfectly fine to have a small, intimate ceremony (meaning immediate family and spouses) and then have a larger reception where everyone else (including those at the ceremony) come and are fed dinner (or apps depedning upon your timing).

It is not ok, however, to invite only a handful of people to the ceremony and dinner and then invite even more to the dancing portion of the reception.

If you do not have the budget to feed all of your guests then I suggest you either cut your guest list or have a cake and punch reception.

Jen4948

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_separate-ceremony-reception-guest-invitations?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:bf17c986-06aa-4957-a599-f8bc561d9155Post:a8c9d2e3-798a-4073-9b7c-7bbc1abc6a35">Re: Separate Ceremony & Reception Guest Invitations</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Separate Ceremony & Reception Guest Invitations : From the OP it looks as though she's not planning on feeding all of the guests. She is counting dinner separately from the "reception" which is not ok.
Posted by HobokenBride2012[/QUOTE]

I agree that that's not okay.

Jen4948

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_separate-ceremony-reception-guest-invitations?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:bf17c986-06aa-4957-a599-f8bc561d9155Post:273506d3-dbc6-46d2-8b34-d1630bb95de1">Re: Separate Ceremony & Reception Guest Invitations</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Separate Ceremony & Reception Guest Invitations : Nope.  I disagree completely. It is okay to have a SMALL ceremony of <15 people followed by a larger reception of 150 people where everyone is fed.  From the sounds of it, this isn't what the OP is planning.
Posted by Joy2611[/QUOTE]

No, it isn't, which isn't okay.  But I disagree that it is rude in general to invite anyone to the reception who isn't invited to the ceremony. For example, sealing ceremonies in the Mormon Church can only be attended by members of the church with temple recommends, so anyone else is invited only to a reception.  Or in other instances, where the ceremony takes place in a judge's office or somewhere and only the couple and immediate families are present, but there is still some kind of reception.

It's the other way around, when guests are invited to the ceremony but not to the reception at all, or where guests are only invited to part of the reception, that is rude.

alithebride

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_separate-ceremony-reception-guest-invitations?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:5Discussion:bf17c986-06aa-4957-a599-f8bc561d9155Post:b07dd3fa-9cc1-4db0-849d-f44e1ffd89d8">Separate Ceremony & Reception Guest Invitations</a>:
[QUOTE]I have a dilemma and need some help! For our wedding, my fiance and I are having only close family & friends for our ceremony and dinner, and inviting everyone else on our guest list to the reception and dance after. That means two separate sets of invitations for those invited to the whole thing (ceremony, dinner, reception) and those invited only to the reception. We are having trouble figuring out how to word the invitations for those invited only to the reception: we want to make it clear that they are invited to the reception only, but we also really don't want to offend anyone. Any suggestions?!
Posted by maggielovesryan[/QUOTE]

my suggestion is to not do this. hold off on getting married until you can afford to throw a reception that everyone can attend. or elope.

AdeleDazeem

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_separate-ceremony-reception-guest-invitations?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:bf17c986-06aa-4957-a599-f8bc561d9155Post:b76e5fce-4a92-4798-81ed-d2e1212540b2">Re: Separate Ceremony & Reception Guest Invitations</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Separate Ceremony & Reception Guest Invitations : No, it isn't, which isn't okay.  But I disagree that it is rude in general to invite anyone to the reception who isn't invited to the ceremony. For example, sealing ceremonies in the Mormon Church can only be attended by members of the church with temple recommends, so anyone else is invited only to a reception.  Or in other instances, where the ceremony takes place in a judge's office or somewhere and only the couple and immediate families are present, but there is still some kind of reception. It's the other way around, when guests are invited to the ceremony but not to the reception at all, or where guests are only invited to part of the reception, that is rude.
Posted by Jen4948[/QUOTE]

We're kinda saying the same thing.  It's fine to have a private ceremony.  Private can be defined by who is allowed in the Mormon Church OR by immediate families.  However, private can't be defined as 50 people when the total number invited to the reception is 75.  The latter is where I'm having a problem with the OP.

reppunzel

Consider having the private ceremony at 7:30 or 8 pm and then go directly to a dessert reception for all of your guests (no dinner in between for those attending the ceremony).  That way you can have the intimate ceremony and larger reception without creating a tiered event.  Because you won't be crossing a mealtime, you won't need to serve everyone dinner, although I'd suggest having some non-sweet items (fruit, veggies, cheese and crackers, munchie mix).  Also, seriously consider a protein-rich "snack" (sliders, deli trays, sub sandwiches) served later in the evening if you're wanting an all-night dance party with alcohol.

In this case, the invitations for the ceremony would read "... request the honor of your presence as we join together in marriage ... " or "... at the marriage of their children ..." and "dessert reception to follow" (or put the reception info on a separate card).
Reception invitations would say "Please join us at a dessert reception to celebrate our marriage ..." or something similar.

MyNameIsNot

The reason you can't come up with wording is because what you are planning is both rude and hurtful.  There is not a nice way to invite people to half of a party.  

You need to make a decision.  Either you expand the reception so that you can invite everyone to the entire reception, meal included.  Or, you just cut the guestlist down to the VIP guests that you intend to invite to the whole thing.  The third option is to have a cake and punch reception and invite everyone, but it would be pretty odd to invite a large group to that sort of reception when they aren't invited to the wedding.  

Jen4948

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_separate-ceremony-reception-guest-invitations?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:bf17c986-06aa-4957-a599-f8bc561d9155Post:2cb3c1f5-270a-46c0-81d5-199317b70da7">Re: Separate Ceremony & Reception Guest Invitations</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Separate Ceremony & Reception Guest Invitations : We're kinda saying the same thing.  It's fine to have a private ceremony.  Private can be defined by who is allowed in the Mormon Church OR by immediate families.  However, private can't be defined as 50 people when the total number invited to the reception is 75.  The latter is where I'm having a problem with the OP.
Posted by Joy2611[/QUOTE]

I don't think that what the OP is doing is acceptable either. 

But I do think that there's a distinction between that and the general rule on whether or not it is acceptable to invite guests to the reception but not the ceremony.