How to seperate reception and dance guests?

jjsmit1981

So, my fiance and I are in a pickle...we are trying to stay within our budget for the reception. We have initially about 40 people that we would like just for the ceremony and the reception, but then we have another 60 people that we would like to just come for the dance part of the reception. We are planning on serving late night appetizers to the guests; but the question is...how do I seperate these invitations? Will people understand that they are just invited to the reception dance or is that something that I will need to make clear?

Any advice would help, we are just starting the process and want to do it correctly.

Thanks everyone

elldee333

Sorry, there is no way to do it correctly. Either all of the guests are invited to the entire thing (ceremony and reception), or you only have the original 40 at both. It would be really rude to only invite people to come dance and have a few snacks at the end of your wedding day.

aragx6

Tiered weddings are considered very rude. Just invite those you can afford -- there's nothing wrong with having a small wedding.

Or you can scale back your plans and offer only cake and punch at a non-meal time and be able to celebrate with everyone.

HobokensFury

You don't. It's rude and tacky to have a tiered reception.

JessicaPop

I'm sorry, but I can't believe I just read that... I don't think you thought this through. I would be so offended if I was invited to just part of a wedding. I think you should consider just inviting the people who you really want there and can afford to host. 

Maggie0829

In the words of Stephanie Tanner..."How rude!"

What you are planning is a tiered reception.  They are extremely rude to the guests that you do not deem worthy enough to witness your ceremony.  They also are seen as very gift grabby.  You either invite all 100 people to your whole event or you keep it to the small group of 40.  You cannot have your cake and eat it too without being seen as a pig.

GoodLuckBear14

This is one of the rudest things you can do.

"Hi.  We don't care enough about you to invite you to our wedding ceremony or the dinner reception but feel free to stop by to dance and bring us a gift."

Even if this isn't what you intend, this is how it is going to come off to your guests.

jemmini6

As PP's stated, your current plan is actually pretty rude.  It appears you can afford to invite 40 people, but have 100 on your total list.  You have a couple options to do this in a way that won't offend anyone:

#1:  Just invite the 40 people to the entire event, and leave it at that.  It sucks that you'd like more people, but trust me, people understand weddings have a budget and won't be offended to not be invited at all, but they WILL be offended to only be invited to a part of it.

#2:  Change your plans to be able to include all 100.  The best option would be to change the time of day (around 1 - 2 PM or 7 - 8 PM), so you won't need to provide a full meal, just appetizers and cake.

The budget board is also very helpful and help you cut costs in other ways to be able to accomodate more guests.  HTH.

kmmssg

Agree with the others.  There isn't a couple on the planet who hasn't had to make some painful cuts to their guest list.  Invite the number of guests you can afford to host for everything.  Do not have a tiered reception, they are very rude.

Summer2011Bride

This is a no go. Guests get invited to the whole shebang, or none of it. Did you send out STDs? If not, you can still cut down your guest list so you can afford to host everyone for ALL of your wedding.

If this isn't possible, you will need to cut down your budget somewhere--flowers, photos, decor, etc., so that you can accommodate everybody for all of it.

MyNameIsNot

You could give VIP bracelets to the good guests, and then take a sharpie and write on the hands of the crappy guests.  You'd need to make sure they can't wash it off and try to mix with the good guests.  

lb1212

You could look at having a Ceremony and Reception for the initial 40 guests, and look at having a dance party a few weeks later for the other 60? 

shanliann

to everyone on this website, this is rude, tacky, etc.
to everyone in the real world, this goes on all the time

I'll pm you with some suggestions!!

RebeccaB88

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_how-to-seperate-reception-and-dance-guests?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:5Discussion:cdd41802-825d-4549-8c6a-1a6a6853319aPost:6e3f458e-ffcb-4d9d-a2ea-92913675e12c">Re: How to seperate reception and dance guests?</a>:
[QUOTE]to everyone on this website, this is rude, tacky, etc. to everyone in the real world, this goes on all the time. Posted by shanliann[/QUOTE]

It may go on all the time, but that doesn't change the fact that it's hella rude and likely to destroy your relationships with the second-tier crowd.  I know I wouldn't want to be your friend anymore.

GoodLuckBear14

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_how-to-seperate-reception-and-dance-guests?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:5Discussion:cdd41802-825d-4549-8c6a-1a6a6853319aPost:6e3f458e-ffcb-4d9d-a2ea-92913675e12c">Re: How to seperate reception and dance guests?</a>:
[QUOTE]to everyone on this website, this is rude, tacky, etc. to everyone in the real world, this goes on all the time I'll pm you with some suggestions!!
Posted by shanliann[/QUOTE]

Farting in elevators goes on all the time in the real world also.  This does not magically make it not rude,

shannyb41

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_how-to-seperate-reception-and-dance-guests?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:5Discussion:cdd41802-825d-4549-8c6a-1a6a6853319aPost:426dd645-ea76-4a7b-899f-dd2700912967">Re: How to seperate reception and dance guests?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: How to seperate reception and dance guests? : Farting in elevators goes on all the time in the real world also.  This does not magically make it not rude,
Posted by GoodLuckBear14[/QUOTE]


Literally laughed out loud at this hahahaha

RamonaFlowers

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_how-to-seperate-reception-and-dance-guests?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:5Discussion:cdd41802-825d-4549-8c6a-1a6a6853319aPost:25d4c7b6-439c-4f51-8b27-f281e8c5fbbc">How to seperate reception and dance guests?</a>:
[QUOTE]So, my fiance and I are in a pickle...we are trying to stay within our budget for the reception. We have initially about 40 people that we would like just for the ceremony and the reception, but then we have another 60 people that we would like to just come for the dance part of the reception. We are planning on serving late night appetizers to the guests; but the question is...how do I seperate these invitations? Will people understand that they are just invited to the reception dance or is that something that I will need to make clear? Any advice would help, <strong>we are just starting the process and want to do it correctly.</strong> Thanks everyone
Posted by jjsmit1981[/QUOTE]

There's no "correct" way to do what you're asking, because it's not the "correct" thing to do.

Either cut the 60 people entirely, or find a way to make your budget work to squeeze them in for the entire reception (Changing to a less expensive venue, having the reception during a non-meal time so you don't have to serve a full dinner, etc).

Regardless of which you decide to do, <strong>all</strong> of your guests need to be treated equally. Anything less is incredibly rude.

welikebikes

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_how-to-seperate-reception-and-dance-guests?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:cdd41802-825d-4549-8c6a-1a6a6853319aPost:25d4c7b6-439c-4f51-8b27-f281e8c5fbbc">How to seperate reception and dance guests?</a>:
[QUOTE]So, my fiance and I are in a pickle...we are trying to stay within our budget for the reception. We have initially about 40 people that we would like just for the ceremony and the reception, but then we have another 60 people that we would like to just come for the dance part of the reception. We are planning on serving late night appetizers to the guests; but the question is...how do I seperate these invitations? Will people understand that they are just invited to the reception dance or is that something that I will need to make clear? Any advice would help, we are just starting the process and want to do it correctly. Thanks everyone
Posted by jjsmit1981[/QUOTE]

I think everyones responses to this are rude. I'm sorry, but your the bride, do WHATEVER the F you want. I don't think it's rude. I think it would be complicated. Unless they are at two different venues, and you could have two completely different invites, I don't know how it would work.

Could you have a later party with the second group? Like days later or after honeymoon?

My brother and his wife had a party a few days after their wedding to get rid of all the extra alcohol, it was so much more fun than the wedding!
just a thought.
Good luck planning!

QueerFemme

The whole "you're the bride, do whatever you want" crap is ridiculous. Just because you are getting married, it doesn't give you a license to be a jerk.  And inviting 40 people for the ceremony and dinner and then bringing in another 60 just to dance, is rude and beyond tacky. 

Cut your guest list.  Or, do a later ceremony and serve appetizers/cake & punch and dance with all 100 of your guests.

I know someone else said this stuff happens in the real world all of the time. I'm sure it does.  And, everyone who has ever done it is talked about behind their backs for years to come.  If you think otherwise, you are kidding yourself.   

Host a reception you can afford. 

kmmssg

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_how-to-seperate-reception-and-dance-guests?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:cdd41802-825d-4549-8c6a-1a6a6853319aPost:6e3f458e-ffcb-4d9d-a2ea-92913675e12c">Re: How to seperate reception and dance guests?</a>:
[QUOTE]to everyone on this website, this is rude, tacky, etc. to everyone in the real world, this goes on all the time I'll pm you with some suggestions!!
Posted by shanliann[/QUOTE]

<div>This does not go on "all the time" in the polite, well-mannered world and she asked how to do this correctly which means she really cares about her guests.  Unfortunately she can't because it can't be done in a manner that treats her guests properly and doesn't offend them.  Does YOUR reception happen to be in two different rooms?</div>

kmmssg

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_how-to-seperate-reception-and-dance-guests?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:cdd41802-825d-4549-8c6a-1a6a6853319aPost:f6f0d0d2-3b60-411d-8df3-a380b5b0aed4">Re: How to seperate reception and dance guests?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to How to seperate reception and dance guests? : I think everyones responses to this are rude. I'm sorry, but your the bride, <strong>do WHATEVER the F you want</strong>. I don't think it's rude. I think it would be complicated. Unless they are at two different venues, and you could have two completely different invites, I don't know how it would work. Could you have a later party with the second group? Like days later or after honeymoon? My brother and his wife had a party a few days after their wedding to get rid of all the extra alcohol, it was so much more fun than the wedding! just a thought. Good luck planning!
Posted by welikebikes[/QUOTE]

<div>welikebikes - just wanted to say thank you .  Your post just reminded me of how well mannered my 4 girls are.  3 are married and knew if they ever played the "<strong>do WHATEVER the F you want" card, </strong>my checkbook would have disappeared and they would have paid for their own weddings.  My girls all put their guests comfort as a top priority, not an inconvenience or second priority.  They would never just do whatever the F they wanted at their guests expense because it is rude and bratty.</div><div>
</div><div>Thanks for the reminder that our girls aren't rude and bratty.  Must remind them all today how proud we are of them.</div>